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Blogs, random musings and general thoughts submitted by our readers since 1997.

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Bat’s the way I like it, Aha Aha
Thursday, 8th June 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''I have to feel a certain amount of sympathy for the wife. I know she doesn’t enjoy me constantly discussing football, she’s Scottish. ..''

Don’t fry for me, Argentina
Thursday, 1st June 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''There is only one activity in life that can be considered preferable to watching a World Cup match with an ice cold lager, and that’s when you look in to the eyes of your loved one, and whisper those three little words, “I was on,” as you gently caress a winning betting slip while watching a World Cup match with an ice cold lager. The following guide will transform that utopian dream into a reality. ..''

Da Liverpool Code - conspiracy theory
Monday, 29th May 2006
by Paul Stanley
''It happened right before our very eyes!..''

Don’t you, forget about Lee
Thursday, 25th May 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''I am not an unsympathetic person. When the wife enquired if she’d recently added a little weight, I compassionately replied, “No, you’ve always been quite fat.” ..''

KUMB Special Merit Award 2006
Sunday, 21st May 2006
by Gordon Thrower
''This season KUMB is introducing a new award, the KUMB Special Merit Award. This will be awarded from time to time to the person or persons who, in the opinion of the KUMB management team, have made an outstanding contribution to the club or its supporters over the course of the previous season. This award will not necessarily be awarded every year, only if and when the management feels that there has been a deserving case...''

KUMB Writers’ Player Of The Season 2006
Sunday, 21st May 2006
by Gordon Thrower
''Over the past few years the writers’ award has evolved from a simple average of the player marks awarded by our match reporters to a complex series of calculations designed to take into account appearances. Consistency over a long period is therefore rewarded at the expense of the one-off spectacular performance. ..''

Amir formality for the King
Thursday, 18th May 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''For out and out drama, you’ve got to love the Championship play-off final. Who could forget Charlton’s pulsating victory over Sunderland in the classic final of ‘98? Well sadly, my old man. In fact, if you see a small befuddled pensioner roaming the streets, you’ll be better off avoiding football trivia altogether, senility is no picnic...''

FA Cup final: post match thoughts
Tuesday, 16th May 2006
by East Stand Martin
''Many ancient religions dictate a period of mourning after great loss. I have shaved my hair off, donned a sack and covered my scalp with ashes. ..''

Proud of you
Sunday, 14th May 2006
by Peter Hamersley
''It’s over. The waiting, the adrenalin flow, the buzz, the feeling of knowing you are in the Cup Final – and, the game. But what a game. Pat yourselves on the back West Ham. From everyone who was involved in this one event. From the club, the players and the supporters. Pat yourselves on the back for we showed the watching world what West Ham are all about...''

Marlon, Hammer Reds and Pool Wails
Thursday, 11th May 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''In the majority of cases, there is no truth in a supposed national stereotype. The Germans are not all methodical robots; the French are not all obnoxious and the Americans are certainly not all overweight, self important, unintelligent, tambourine banging losers who you’d rather cross the street from rather than risk the possibility of any form of social interaction. ..''

Liverpool vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 11th May 2006
by Matthew Coker
“It may be far fetched but with a bit of luck with the draws and a few good performances, a third trip to the Stade de Taff in three years is not totally out of the question. It would be fantastic to be sitting in the Centenary stand on 7th May 2006, having avoided relegation the week before and being able to sing “We’re all going on a European tour” to the deluded North London muppets as they do their usual trick of just missing out on a UEFA cup spot to Middlesbrough or someone. A bit of a dream, I know, but which bit of this season so far hasn’t been?” Prophet, Matthew Coker on 19th September 2005 (http://www.kumb.com/0506_article.php?id=2093)

Reasons to be cheerful
Saturday, 6th May 2006
by Peter Hamersley
''What a fantastic season it has been for us all. For the first time in our history we have reached the Cup Final AND been in the top ten of the league at the same time. Added to this the fact that we have also qualified for Europe – and all in our first season back in the Premier League. Considering where we were in March 2005, it is incredible, simply incredible...''

A nappy ending
Friday, 5th May 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''I’ve never really understood the fascination with babies; they’re small, they’re ugly and they make absolutely no effort to participate in a coherent conversation. ..''

West Ham United vs Tottenham Hotspur: match preview
Thursday, 4th May 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Right, I’ve been working my fingerprints to the bone this season, putting together these pearls of wisdom so that you can enter the ground, home or away, armed with information about the opposition. For the last game of the season, I’m going to indulge myself a little and be bold enough to write about my own team, partly as a small reward for spending too much time over the last nine months thinking about men in shorts and partly because the opposition are so inconsequential, they don’t warrant a mention...''

West Bromwich Albion vs West Ham United: match preview
Sunday, 30th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Ladies and Gentlemen, the end is in sight as we make our final Premiership road trip of the season. Monday night we are under the lights and in front of the cameras as we travel to the Hawthorns to play West Bromwich Albion as they bid farewell to the top flight...''

Only tools and horses
Thursday, 27th April 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''Looking back on it, marriage was probably a mistake. It’s not the compulsory reduction in alcohol consumption that I object to, or the fact that I have to endure television programmes with the word ‘vampire’ in the title, it’s the awful inane football related comments that plague my very existence. ..''

Lyall's legacy unfit for silence
Monday, 24th April 2006
by Chris Scull
''Without question yesterday's thrilling semi-final win over Middlesbrough was a fitting tribute to the recently departed 4th and 5th managers of West Ham United; Ron Greenwood and John Lyall. As Pardew rightfully suggested, perhaps the victory was "our destiny", and perhaps there was a hint of divine intervention from above in the way Chris Riggott fluffed his last minute opportunity from 6 yards...''

Alan Pardew and British football
Monday, 24th April 2006
by John Simkin
''When I went to Wembley to see West Ham defeat TSV Munchen in the European Cup Winners Cup in 1965, ten of the team had been born in London - and most had come from the academy (the 11th had been born in Worcester). ..''

West Ham United vs Liverpool: match preview
Monday, 24th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''I have tried hard for the whole of this season to abstain from too many stereotypes as it just amounts to not bothering to find out the truth about our opponents. ..''

KUMB Writers' Player of the Month: March 2006
Friday, 21st April 2006
by Gordon Thrower
''Okay - I know we’re halfway through April, but our cup run and catching up with the postponed game at Old Trafford meant that there were no fewer than seven matches to take into consideration during March so adding up the figures took a little longer than usual!..''

Johnny Lyall's Greatest Hits
Thursday, 20th April 2006
by Graeme Howlett
''Former Hammers boss John Lyall sadly passed away earlier this week - but not before leaving supporters of West Ham United with many fantastic memories. Join us as we take a look at (arguably) the ten best Hammers games under Lyall ... ..''

She’s got one hand in my pocket
Thursday, 20th April 2006
by Gerry McDonnell
''Even a blind squirrel occasionally finds an acorn. I permed my five strongest fancies in doubles and upwards last week, in what proved to be the tastiest Canadian since Alanis Morissette. ..''

Obituary: John Lyall
Wednesday, 19th April 2006
by Graeme Howlett
''John Lyall was arguably West Ham United's most successful manager, and one of the Club's longest-serving employees. In a career which spanned 34 years at Upton Park, Lyall - the manager - won two FA Cups, achieved the Club's highest ever top-flight finish and reached finals in both the League Cup and the European Cup Winners Cup...''

Middlesbrough vs West Ham United: match preview/s
Monday, 17th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Middlesbrough vs West Ham (Premier League)
West Ham vs Middlesbrough (FA Cup Semi Final)

West Ham United v Manchester City: KUMB match preview
Saturday, 15th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Normal service is resumed this week as we face an Easter Saturday 3pm kick off in the Premiership away from the glare of the TV cameras. We welcome Manchester City to the Boleyn in what we all hope will be a repeat of the scoreline that took place in the FA Cup three weeks ago...''

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