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Articles by Matthew Coker

Blogs, random musings and general thoughts submitted by our readers since 1997.


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The time is now
Friday, 5th September 2008
by Matthew Coker
''So here we are, West Ham United with a Friday night feel about it. We have all the key ingredients for a mad cap evening, starting with a newly single party, freed from the shackles of a rather drab marriage of convenience being given the chance to see what genuine talent is out there. ..''


West Ham Utd v Aston Villa
Friday, 9th May 2008
by Matthew Coker
''As the season draws to a close, we tie up matters with a claret and blue clash involving the Brummie outfit, Aston Villa. As per Premier League tradition, all games kick off at the same time so it is a three o’clock start at the Boleyn for the mighty Irons...''


Manchester United v West Ham United
Thursday, 1st May 2008
by Matthew Coker
''After a lengthy mid table spell with little to play for, we suddenly find ourselves smack bang in the middle of the title race...''


West Ham Utd v Newcastle Utd
Thursday, 24th April 2008
by Matthew Coker
''After making hard work of last weekend’s victory, we enjoy a second successive home game at the Boleyn as we welcome Newcastle United down from the North East for a 3pm Saturday kick off...''


West Ham Utd v Derby County
Thursday, 17th April 2008
by Matthew Coker
''As we amble in a half arsed way to the end of a less than memorable Premier League campaign, our next set of opponents turn up to remind us what true suffering is. ..''


Bolton Wanderers v West Ham Utd
Friday, 11th April 2008
by Matthew Coker
''The penultimate road trip of the season sees us off to the North West for what could be our last trip to the Reebok for a little while. We look forward to a 3pm Saturday kick off against a struggling Bolton Wanderers outfit in a Premier League fixture...''


West Ham Utd v Portsmouth
Tuesday, 8th April 2008
by Matthew Coker
''After last weekend’s clash with Sunderland that saw us pick up even more work for George Cooper, we return to the Boleyn for the hastily re-arranged game with Portsmouth. ..''


Everton v West Ham Utd
Thursday, 20th March 2008
by Matthew Coker
''We embark on a mini tour of the North in the next few weeks with successive weekend trips to play Everton, Sunderland and Bolton, only being disrupted by the re-arranged tie with Portsmouth at the Boleyn...''


West Ham Utd v Blackburn
Friday, 14th March 2008
by Matthew Coker
''I am sure that you have all suffered in the last week or so as much as I have, a week of grief from the spuds that I am unfortunate to have to live amongst to the point where I no longer wish to hear the number four ever again. It is a time to regroup, get back to the Boleyn and hopefully get back on track as we face Blackburn Rovers in a 3pm, Saturday afternoon kick off...''


Tottenham v West Ham Utd
Friday, 7th March 2008
by Matthew Coker
''After what has been a bloody hard week for the supporters so far, we cap it all with a short jaunt North to White Hart Lane to take on Tottenham Hotspur in a 3pm, Sunday afternoon kick off...''


Liverpool v West Ham Utd
Tuesday, 4th March 2008
by Matthew Coker
''We, at last, make our way to Anfield after the game in hand that was originally scheduled to take place back in August, finally kicks off on Wednesday night at 8pm. ..''


West Ham Utd v Chelsea
Friday, 29th February 2008
by Matthew Coker
''The roller coaster returns to the Boleyn this weekend as we welcome old enemies, Chelsea to our gaff. The game is scheduled for a 3pm Saturday kick off as we face off against the Carling Cup runners up...''


West Ham Utd v Fulham
Wednesday, 20th February 2008
by Matthew Coker
''It’s time to shuffle off down the District Line, as we head west to take on Fulham in our next Premier League fixture in a traditional Saturday, 3pm kick off...''


Wigan Athletic v West Ham Utd
Friday, 1st February 2008
by Matthew Coker
''With what looks to be a mouth-watering February for racking up points, we start the month at the JJB for the annual beano to Wigan. ..''


West Ham Utd v Liverpool
Tuesday, 29th January 2008
by Matthew Coker
''After a weekend’s grace from any West Ham activity, we return to action, fully focused on the Premier League. To that end, the fixture list lines us up with Liverpool, in a Wednesday night game under the Boleyn lights, kick off time being 7.45pm...''


Manchester City v West Ham Utd
Wednesday, 16th January 2008
by Matthew Coker
''Our next two fixtures are going to fuel the arguments about there being too many repeats on telly, as we face off in front of the cameras at the City of Manchester stadium, twice, in a space of five days...''


West Ham Utd v Fulham
Friday, 11th January 2008
by Matthew Coker
''We are back on the Premier League trail this week as we welcome West London rivals, Fulham, to the Boleyn for a 3pm Saturday kick off...''


West Ham Utd v Manchester City
Friday, 4th January 2008
by Matthew Coker
''I’ll kick off this FA Cup Preview with an apology for the lack of previews for the last two games. I was a victim of the excesses of Christmas, where the speed of games and the impossibility of trying to keep up with opponent’s results, form and injury lists during the busy period was just beyond me. ..''


West Ham Utd v Reading
Monday, 24th December 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Welcome everyone to the Boxing Day fixture, a game seeped in British tradition as we all don our Christmas sweaters and drag our hangovers out of the front door after spending the previous day overindulging and loafing to excessive levels...''


Middlesbrough v West Ham Utd
Friday, 21st December 2007
by Matthew Coker
''I guess we are now into the official Christmas period as we look to churn through four league fixtures in ten days, the first of which is the only one that takes us out of London. It does take us quite a way out of London though, as we venture to the North East to take on Middlesbrough in a traditional, 3pm, Saturday kick off...''


West Ham Utd v Everton
Wednesday, 12th December 2007
by Matthew Coker
''This week at the Boleyn sees us welcome Everton, then Everton as we face them in quick succession. Wednesday night has seen the two sides drawn out the hat together for a Carling Cup quarter final and we meet again just three days later in a Premier League fixture. ..''


Blackburn Rovers vs West Ham United
Saturday, 8th December 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After last week’s trip to Stamford Bridge, the Premier League fixture list hands us a second successive weekend on the road. It’s time to don your thermal Georgie Best and pack up your hip flask and laser pen as we head to Lancashire to take on Blackburn Rovers in the weekend’s 4pm Super Sunday fixture. ..''


Chelsea v West Ham United
Friday, 30th November 2007
by Matthew Coker
''We continue at the weekend with a little run of games that have seen us get more TV time of late than Vernon Kaye. This week, we travel to Stamford Bridge to take on arch enemies, Chelsea, in a 12.45pm, Saturday lunchtime kick off. ..''


West Ham Utd v Tottenham Hotspur
Thursday, 22nd November 2007
by Matthew Coker
''We reserve an extra special, East London welcome this Sunday for Tottenham Hotspur, as we face off in a 1.30pm kick off in front of the Sky cameras...''


Aston Villa v West Ham Utd
Thursday, 4th October 2007
by Matthew Coker
''We head off to the Midlands this weekend as we take on Aston Villa in a 3pm Saturday afternoon kick off. ..''


West Ham United vs Arsenal
Friday, 28th September 2007
by Matthew Coker
''This week, we are up against MFI self assembly furniture instruction manual of the Premier League (ie you'll recognise something from your country no matter which part of the world you come from, unless of course, you're English). We welcome the richest club in Britain and the current Premier League leaders, Arsenal, who arrive for a 3pm, Saturday afternoon, London derby. ..''


Newcastle Utd vs West Ham Utd
Thursday, 20th September 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Now, this particular game is a test of devotion on a number of different levels. The 600 mile round trip is one thing to contend with but doing it for a Sunday lunchtime kick off at the expense of your roast dinner or causing your pub football team to miss their midfield maestro adds to the required commitment...''


West Ham Utd v Middlesbrough
Friday, 14th September 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After a second successive away victory, which coincided with a second successive away clean sheet, we find ourselves in the towering league position of seventh going into the weekend’s game. Our opponents are the side in eighth place, Middlesbrough, and once again, we are privy to a 3pm, Saturday afternoon kick off...''


Reading v West Ham Utd: match preview
Friday, 31st August 2007
by Matthew Coker
''This week’s fixture list spins us off around the M25 to Berkshire to take on Reading. After our TV appearance on Tuesday night, we are back out of the limelight and therefore enjoy a traditional 3pm kick off on a Saturday afternoon...''


West Ham Utd v Wigan: match preview
Friday, 24th August 2007
by Matthew Coker
''We return, triumphant and with points in the bag, from Birmingham in time to take on our old foes, Wigan Athletic. The lack of any Sky interference means that it is a Saturday, 3pm start in the next leg of our 2007/08 Premier League adventure...''


Birmingham City vs West Ham Utd: match preview
Thursday, 16th August 2007
by Matthew Coker
''The 2007/08 claret and blue tour of duty starts this Saturday. After our sojourn to Liverpool was cancelled due to their Champions League qualifying commitments, we head to St Andrews to take on Birmingham City in a 3pm, Saturday afternoon kick off...''


West Ham Utd vs Man City: match preview
Friday, 10th August 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After all the excitement of repelling the Roman invasion last week, the real deal of league football starts on Saturday. The fixture computer has favoured us this year as we end the season at home, get Boxing Day at home and more importantly, start the season at home. The visitors are Manchester City, the kick off is at 3pm and due to the miraculous end to last season, the competition we are entering is the Premier League. ..''


West Ham Utd vs Roma: match preview
Thursday, 2nd August 2007
by Matthew Coker
''At long last, the waiting is nearly over. After three months of what has laughably been called a summer, we are just week away from a return to some proper football. ..''


Man Utd v West Ham Utd: preview
Thursday, 10th May 2007
by Matthew Coker
''As my Newcastle supporting mate keeps reminding me, at least we have something to play for at this stage of the season. No danger of mid table obscurity finished off by half a dozen games where the players just go through the motions awaiting the onset of their beano to Magaluf. For us, it is do or die right up to the end of what has been one of the most undulant of seasons, even by claret and blue standards...''


West Ham Utd v Bolton: preview
Thursday, 3rd May 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Well, this week sees close of play at the Boleyn for another season as we get near to some well deserved r&r over the summer. However, there will be no easygoing end of term feel to this one as the Hammers fight for their very survival in what promises to be an emotional afternoon in the East End of London. ..''


Wigan Athletic vs West Ham United: preview
Thursday, 26th April 2007
by Matthew Coker
''We are entering the final straight of the Premiership season and as I write this on a Wednesday night, we still have a shot at survival. This week it is an epic, an almighty six pointer relegation play off as we troop off to the JJB to take on Wigan Athletic in a Saturday, 3pm kick off...''


West Ham Utd v Everton: preview
Friday, 20th April 2007
by Matthew Coker
''In what is shaping up to be a week for the Blues, we have reached the penultimate home Premiership fixture of the season and at this stage it appears we won’t be seeing another until, at least, August 2008. This week’s visitors are Everton and the game kicks off at 3pm on Saturday...''


West Ham Utd v Chelsea: preview
Wednesday, 18th April 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After cancelling the original date on Easter Monday, due to Chelsea’s Champions League commitments, we are on for a hastily re-arranged Wednesday night Premiership showdown. The kick off time is 8pm and we’re live on Sky Sports 1 as we welcome the Champions to the Boleyn. ..''


Sheff Utd vs West Ham Utd: preview
Thursday, 12th April 2007
by Matthew Coker
''What a difference three wins makes! This Saturday, we head by bus, train and car to Brammall Lane for a true relegation six pointer. The fact that we added “First team to win at the Emirates” to “Last team to win at Highbury” last weekend means that it is all back on again as we face off with Sheffield United on Saturday afternoon’s biggest 3pm kick off. ..''


Arsenal v West Ham United: preview
Thursday, 5th April 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Carlsberg don’t design weekends but if they did, they would probably make them all like the Easter one. Four days long, with (hopefully) enough hint of sunshine to encourage legs into shorts, plus you should be guaranteed a big slab of chocolate somewhere along the line and if Chelsea hadn’t been getting knocked out of the Champions League (fingers crossed) by Valencia, it would have been double helpings of the West Ham...''


West Ham United v Middlesbrough: preview
Friday, 30th March 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After snoozing through the soulless goalless affair in Israel, I’ve ducked out of watching England vs some country with a population half the size of that of the Borough of Barking and Dagenham’s, to take a look at what we’ve all got coming at the weekend...''


Blackburn Rovers v West Ham United
Thursday, 15th March 2007
by Matthew Coker
''March continues to be a bit of an on/off sort of month with cup commitments (other team’s, obviously) keeping us away from the league programme. However, it’s time to stock up with a sufficient quantity of pick 'n mix to get us all the way to Lancashire as we face Blackburn Rovers on Saturday, 5.15pm kick off...''


West Ham United vs Tottenham Hotspur
Thursday, 1st March 2007
by Matthew Coker
''The relegation bus swings back home again this weekend as we welcome Tottenham Hotspur to the Boleyn. With Sky clearly deciding that our recent horrific performances are acceptable to show before the watershed, it is a Sunday, 4pm kick off against our North London adversaries...''


Charlton Athletic v West Ham United
Thursday, 22nd February 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After a week’s sabbatical due to non involvement in the FA Cup (in which West Ham have F A interest), it is back to the league programme. In theory, this is last chance saloon, a game against Charlton Athletic, who have only managed to obtain as many points as us so far, but I’ll go further into my ideas on just how important this game at the end, when I predict the score...''


West Ham United v Watford
Thursday, 8th February 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Some people have rightly made the point that there were turkeys in Suffolk at the beginning of the week with a better chance of survival than West Ham United. You could also say that there is a greater likelihood of Jade Goody and Ron Atkinson being wheeled out as the new ambassadors for the Commission of Racial Equality than of us playing top flight football next August. ..''


Aston Villa vs West Ham United
Friday, 2nd February 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After the Liverpool defeat on Tuesday night, it’s all aboard the bus for a trip to the Midlands. The last time we visited Villa Park, it was for the FA Cup semi final that saw Marlon’s goal put paid to Middlesbrough’s cup run. This time, it is the plain old scrap for league survival as we take on Aston Villa in a 3pm Saturday kick off. ..''


West Ham United v Liverpool
Tuesday, 30th January 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After all of the fun of the cup exit on Saturday afternoon, we get a quick chance to re-group and head back to East London’s footballing Mecca. The fixture list has paired us with Liverpool for a Tuesday night, live on Sky, 7.45pm kick off in the next round of the Premiership. ..''


West Ham United vs Watford
Thursday, 25th January 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Saturday's fixture gives us a welcome distraction from the weekly grind of league football to focus on the only competition that we can, at least in theory, still win. ..''


Newcastle United vs West Ham United
Friday, 19th January 2007
by Matthew Coker
''After having endured yet another farcical episode of the Graham Poll show last week, we are now into a situation where every game is a vital one...''


West Ham United v Fulham
Wednesday, 10th January 2007
by Matthew Coker
''Having taken an extended Christmas break, it is something of a relief to retrieve the quill and get back to some scribing. The destination of the Christmas Quality Street tin is currently testing the elasticity of Auntie Maud’s hand knitted festive offering and it will be a pleasant change to focus on athletic pursuits, even if I am only observing them from a seated position. ..''


Fulham v West Ham United
Thursday, 21st December 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After the euphoria of last Sunday, West Ham have a chance to build on our success and put together that hard sought first away victory of the season. Our 10th Premiership excursion this season takes us West to Craven Cottage as we take on Fulham in a 12.45pm Saturday lunch time kick off. ..''


West Ham United vs Manchester United
Thursday, 14th December 2006
by Matthew Coker
''As per last season we line up on a dark December winter’s afternoon to join the robocops in welcoming Man Yoo to East London. The kick off time is 4pm, Sky TV are providing the beam back to the public house as a newly installed Alan Curbishley attempts to stop the rot by clawing points from the league leaders. ..''


Bolton Wanderers vs West Ham United
Thursday, 7th December 2006
by Matthew Coker
''The games are starting to come thick and fast, no sooner have we got back to East London, then we are required to head on the hated M6 as we begin a televised footballing trilogy. This time it is destination Reebok as we take on our old foes, Bolton Wanderers, in the quest for that all elusive three point road trip. The 5.15pm kick off at least ensures that we can have a bit of a Saturday morning lie in. ..''


West Ham United vs Wigan Athletic
Tuesday, 5th December 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Well, after the disappointment at Everton, we all head back to the Boleyn for the first midweek home fixture in a very long while. The visitors are Wigan Athletic and on Wednesday night at 7.45pm we kick off as we aim to improve our league position...''


Everton vs West Ham United
Thursday, 30th November 2006
by Matthew Coker
''This week we get the opportunity to join the Sunday drivers as we head to the North West to take on Everton in the next step in our quest for survival in the big league. We are scheduled for a 4pm, Super Sky Sunday kick off with the cameras live at Goodison Park. ..''


West Ham United vs Sheffield United
Thursday, 23rd November 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After league defeats 7 & 8 on the road, we return to the Boleyn for a relegation six pointer as we welcome Sheffield United to East London. ..''


Chelsea vs West Ham United
Thursday, 16th November 2006
by Matthew Coker
''We return to London this weekend for our second consecutive Saturday 3pm kick as we travel West, to Stamford Bridge, to take on the Champions, Chelsea on a quest for Premiership survival. ..''


Middlesbrough v West Ham United
Thursday, 9th November 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After a league programme that has kept up predominantly in the South East of the country of late, we are suddenly spat as far North as can be as we head to the Riverside to take on Middlesbrough in an old fashioned 3pm on a Saturday kick off. ..''


West Ham United vs Arsenal
Thursday, 2nd November 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Having enjoyed more airtime on Sky than Bart Simpson over the last few weeks, West Ham again grace the nation’s screens this weekend. Once again we suffer a Sunday kick off, though this time it is at the still hungover time of 1.30pm and the way that things are going, I am sure that we will eventually kick off a game at 2.39pm or something to accommodate the peak time adverts...''


West Ham United vs Blackburn Rovers
Thursday, 26th October 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After a month on the road, a considerable overuse of the expression, “goal drought” and the end of our League Cup run, we return to the Boleyn. Our opponents are Blackburn Rovers, the competition is our bread and butter Premiership and we play on our usual day, this week providing the Sunday dinner entertainment in a 4pm Sky televised match...''


Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham United
Thursday, 19th October 2006
by Matthew Coker
''It’s time to whip out the Oyster card and head north as our second successive away fixture sends us to White Hart Lane for a Premiership encounter with local rivals, Tottenham Hotspur. Common sense has granted this a 3pm kick off, though our opponent’s continuing interest in the UEFA Cup has meant it is yet another week of Sunday football...''


Portsmouth vs West Ham Utd: match preview
Wednesday, 11th October 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Following our week’s sabbatical to allow for the national team to live down to all expectations, the Irons and the Premiership are back on our radars. We take a short jaunt to the South coast to take on Portsmouth on a Saturday afternoon 3pm show down. ..''


Palermo v West Ham Utd: match preview
Wednesday, 27th September 2006
by Matthew Coker
''“It’s a very difficult job and the only way to get through it is we all work as a team. And that means you do everything I say” - Charlie Croker, The Italian Job. You're welcome to borrow it, Pards...''


Manchester City vs West Ham United
Friday, 22nd September 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After the disappointments of our last three games, it will make a change to get out of town especially for the rare treat of a 3 o’clock on a Saturday kick off as we travel to the City of Manchester stadium to take on Citeh in a Premiership clash...''


West Ham v Newcastle United: match preview
Friday, 15th September 2006
by Matthew Coker
''If you thought that Thursday’s opposition fans were indecipherable, wait until Sunday. This weekend we open the doors to the Toon army for a Premiership match with Newcastle United. The game takes place on Sunday afternoon at 3pm, this time our respective UEFA cup runs are the reason for the 24 hour postponement rather than the television schedules. ..''


West Ham v Palermo: match preview
Wednesday, 13th September 2006
by Matthew Coker
''“There’s a song going round at the moment ‘We’re All Going on a European Tour’ which I’m very fond of” - Alan Pardew in his programme notes vs Tottenham Hotsquirts at the end of last season. ..''


KUMB match preview: West Ham United v Aston Villa
Wednesday, 6th September 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Once again, the mighty Irons are involved in a game so desirable that Sky felt that they just had to beam it into the nation’s living rooms. After a Saturday lunchtime defeat at Anfield and the break afforded by West Ham v Brazil at the Corporates Stadium and West Ham v Brazil at Shite Hart Lane, we return to the Boleyn to face the Villans of Aston in a 4pm Super Sunday show down. ..''


KUMB match preview: 'Pool v West Ham Utd
Thursday, 24th August 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Now, I am going to try very hard not to use this preview as an excuse to go over old ground and to harp on about last year’s FA Cup Final. However, it is inevitable that a gap of just three months and three competitive games will mean that it is hard not to re-open old wounds...''


KUMB match preview: Watford v West Ham Utd
Monday, 21st August 2006
by Matthew Coker
''A little travel log from East London’s finest, on the way home from Villa Park in the late seventies which shows that not much has changed really:..''


West Ham United v Charlton Athletic: match preview
Thursday, 17th August 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Following what seems like an eternity, we finally get back to some competitive football. ..''


Liverpool vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 11th May 2006
by Matthew Coker
''
“It may be far fetched but with a bit of luck with the draws and a few good performances, a third trip to the Stade de Taff in three years is not totally out of the question. It would be fantastic to be sitting in the Centenary stand on 7th May 2006, having avoided relegation the week before and being able to sing “We’re all going on a European tour” to the deluded North London muppets as they do their usual trick of just missing out on a UEFA cup spot to Middlesbrough or someone. A bit of a dream, I know, but which bit of this season so far hasn’t been?” Prophet, Matthew Coker on 19th September 2005 (http://www.kumb.com/0506_article.php?id=2093)
..''


West Ham United vs Tottenham Hotspur: match preview
Thursday, 4th May 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Right, I’ve been working my fingerprints to the bone this season, putting together these pearls of wisdom so that you can enter the ground, home or away, armed with information about the opposition. For the last game of the season, I’m going to indulge myself a little and be bold enough to write about my own team, partly as a small reward for spending too much time over the last nine months thinking about men in shorts and partly because the opposition are so inconsequential, they don’t warrant a mention...''


West Bromwich Albion vs West Ham United: match preview
Sunday, 30th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Ladies and Gentlemen, the end is in sight as we make our final Premiership road trip of the season. Monday night we are under the lights and in front of the cameras as we travel to the Hawthorns to play West Bromwich Albion as they bid farewell to the top flight...''


West Ham United vs Liverpool: match preview
Monday, 24th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''I have tried hard for the whole of this season to abstain from too many stereotypes as it just amounts to not bothering to find out the truth about our opponents. ..''


Middlesbrough vs West Ham United: match preview/s
Monday, 17th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Middlesbrough vs West Ham (Premier League)
West Ham vs Middlesbrough (FA Cup Semi Final)
..''


West Ham United v Manchester City: KUMB match preview
Saturday, 15th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Normal service is resumed this week as we face an Easter Saturday 3pm kick off in the Premiership away from the glare of the TV cameras. We welcome Manchester City to the Boleyn in what we all hope will be a repeat of the scoreline that took place in the FA Cup three weeks ago...''


Chelsea vs West Ham United: match preview
Saturday, 8th April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''On Sunday lunchtime we forfeit the right to laze about in bed with the missus (or Mr) and a big newspaper and instead jump on the District line as we head West to Stamford Bridge. A 12pm, alcohol free start awaits as we take on Spartak Chelsea. ..''


West Ham United vs Charlton Athletic: match preview
Saturday, 1st April 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Sunday afternoon, it is back on our manor for a Sky Sports dictated feast of football, a Super Sunday Special as we take on our closest neighbours, Charlton Athletic. A 4pm kick off awaits in what could well turn out to be a FA Cup Semi Final rehearsal...''


Manchester United vs West Ham United: match preview
Tuesday, 28th March 2006
by Matthew Coker
''It almost hasn’t seemed worthwhile coming home over the last few weeks because as soon as you get back in, it’s time for yet another trip to the North West. Following our excursions to Bolton, Man Ciddy and Wigan in recent weeks, we make the final trip of the seasons to that corner of the country with a jaunt to Old Trafford to take on Man Yoo on Wednesday night. ..''


Manchester City vs West Ham United: match preview
Monday, 20th March 2006
by Matthew Coker
''It hardly seems like yesterday since we were playing our FA Cup Fifth round replay with Fat Sam’s mob, the game still fresh in the memory. That particular night taught us a few lessons, firstly that Fat Sam is probably not the people’s choice to succeed Sven, that the West Ham academy footballing policy is so ingrained within the club that even the ballboys can play a bit when you need them to and it also appears that flares are back. It also re-affirmed a fact that I often repeat, Marlon quite likes scoring on the telly, (though goal number 50 in a West Ham shirt suggests that he likes scoring full stop)...''


West Ham United vs Portsmouth: match preview
Friday, 17th March 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After the cup exertions of midweek, we are back to the Boleyn for a Premiership clash with one of the few clubs in the country that can get away with calling us, “Dirty, Northern Bastards” (though I’m sure there won’t be the need). The visitors are Harry Redknapp’s Portsmouth and Saturday 3pm is show time...''


Bolton Wanderers vs West Ham United: match preview(s)
Friday, 10th March 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Our opponents for our next two games need no introduction as we make a trip to the North West for our next Premiership game and return to the Boleyn for an FA Cup fifth round replay in front of the BBC cameras...''


West Ham United v Everton: match preview
Thursday, 2nd March 2006
by Matthew Coker
''After our week’s sabbatical, we return to life in the top flight with a 3pm Saturday kick off against Everton. Our opponents currently lie four places and five points below us in the league, in 12th place...''


Bolton Wanderers vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 16th February 2006
by Matthew Coker
''We can relax this weekend and forget about the rigours of scrapping for survival in the big league as a newly promoted club and enjoy the Fifth Round of the FA Challenge Cup. I say enjoy but we do have one of the hardest ties, away to the Wanderers of T’Bolton...''


West Ham United vs Birmingham City: match preview
Monday, 13th February 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Another Super Monday night under the lights (if they work) and in front of the nation’s armchair sportsfans beckons as we welcome our visitors from Birmingham City for a Premiership encounter. I recall Frank Skinner mentioning that one of our opponents chants was “Sh*t on the Villa”, which meant he would not really fancy going on holiday with them. ..''


West Ham v Sunderland: match preview
Friday, 3rd February 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Believe it or not, this is the biggest game of the week. Last Saturday was the distraction of the cup and I told you last week that we might as well write off the game at Highbury as a non starter and focus on the all important six pointer, home to bottom of the league, Sunderland. ..''


Arsenal v West Ham United: match preview
Tuesday, 31st January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''On Wednesday night, we head North for a chance to take on one of the big three in a London derby, under the lights and in front of the cameras. Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s Arsenal away. ..''


West Ham United vs Blackburn Rovers: match preview
Thursday, 26th January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Following Monday night’s demonstration of precision finishing, we take a short break from the rigours of Premiership survival and welcome the Rovers of Blackburn to the Boleyn for an FA Cup Fourth Round tie. ..''


West Ham United vs Fulham: match preview
Sunday, 22nd January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Monday night it’s all back to the Boleyn for our next Premiership London derby. It’s been a three week absence since the defeat by the Russian Mafia and now we get chance to try our luck against their West London neighbours, Fulham...''


Aston Villa vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 12th January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''With Michael Barrymore back in the headlines, it seems fitting to ask the famous question, “Top, middle or bottom?” This week we play the middle of all middle teams, middle of the country, middle of the table (not just at the moment but throughout the recent past, they have finished between 6th and 16th in the last eight seasons) as we travel to play the Villain's of Aston. ..''


Norwich City vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 5th January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''Before we get on to the business of Saturday’s opponents, may I just take a moment to declare my admiration for the FA Cup competition. The 3rd round of the cup comes in the most depressing month of the year and it is a welcome distraction from returning to work, the miserable weather and the post Christmas credit card bill declaring that you are going to be polo for about the next three months. ..''


West Ham United vs Chelsea: match preview
Monday, 2nd January 2006
by Matthew Coker
''With all the festivities out of the way, we can resume the hostilities as we welcome that small team from Fulham to the East End of London. In front of a packed house and the Sky cameras, West Ham take on Chelsea for a 12.45pm kick off. ..''


Charlton Athletic vs West Ham United: match preview
Friday, 30th December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''By now, no doubt, a number of Premiership managers and players will be bemoaning the Christmas fixture chaos. Whilst they have, to a certain extent, my sympathy, please consider that the football writing fraternity and the overdrive that we are under. I am at risk of developing RSI, all of my stats are out of date and I am in danger of losing sight of the opposing team let alone who is playing for them. To the Valley then, for New Year’s Eve...''


West Ham United vs Wigan Athletic: match preview
Wednesday, 28th December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Wednesday 28th December sees us meet up with old adversaries, Wigan Athletic, for the next leg of our Premiership adventure. Many people predicted that Wigan and ourselves would be in similar league positions this year but perhaps 10 places lower in the league. However, both clubs have been an advert for gung ho attacking football and have been winning plaudits (and a few games) all season...''


Portsmouth vs West Ham United: match preview
Friday, 23rd December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''For the first time since 1999, the fixture list has given us a Boxing Day away from the Boleyn as we travel to Fratton Park to take on Pompey. It will be the perfect chance to give your new Christmas cds a spin on the journey south...''


West Ham United vs Newcastle United: match preview
Thursday, 15th December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''After 20 days on the road, we get back to the Boleyn this week for the official game before Christmas. We welcome our visitors for the afternoon, Newcastle United, for the return match after our goalless draw in the North East in August...''


Everton vs West Ham United: match preview
Tuesday, 13th December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''After Wednesday night we can stop crowing about our game in hand as we would have played it; the fixture against Everton was supposed to take place in August but was re-arranged due to their short lived European adventure. Therefore, we get an away fixture at Goodison Park midweek in December...''


Blackburn Rovers vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 8th December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''We are midway through our Northern trilogy, so once again we dust off the winter coats, fire up the sat nav and be prepared to travel. At that ridiculous kick off time of 3pm on a Saturday we face Blackburn Rovers at Ewood Park...''


Birmingham City vs West Ham United: match preview
Thursday, 1st December 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Rupert Murdoch has decreed that this weekend that all West Ham supporters should be given the weekend off. It is of course the perfect opportunity to get down to Lakeside and get those Christmas presents, perhaps a knitted loo roll holder for your Great Aunt or a nasal hair plucker for the mother-in-law. Once that is out of the way, its Monday night football as Birmingham City await us at St Andrews...''


West Ham United vs Manchester United: match preview
Thursday, 24th November 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Its all back to the Boleyn at the weekend for our second successive Sunday game, Teddy’s second game in a row against one of his old teams and a fair chance that the name Ferdinand will appear in the Monday headlines again. It’s a four o’ clock kick off in front of a full house and the Sky cameras as we continue our Premiership adventure...''


Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham United: match preview
Wednesday, 16th November 2005
by Matthew Coker
''With less than 40 days to Christmas, the officers of the Metropolitan Police have worked out this would be a good weekend for a bit of Sabbath overtime. Therefore, on Sunday lunchtime, West Ham and a few hundred robocops head to N17, where the Irons seek their 15th competitive victory at White Hart Lane...''


West Ham vs West Bromwich Albion: match preview
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005
by Matthew Coker
''You know that the opposition is pretty poor when you get allocated a 3pm kick off on a Saturday afternoon. This week we welcome the Baggies, West Brom to the Boleyn for our next stage of our Premier League adventure. ..''


Liverpool vs West Ham United: match preview
Friday, 28th October 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Here we go again, Saturday means back in the minibus for a trip to Liverpool as we take on the Champions of Europe in the Premier League. Our inability to win at Anfield has been well documented, I am sure that you are all aware that the last time we won there was in 1963. To put the length of time into perspective, in 1963, Stevie Wonder released his first album and the Great Train Robbery took place...''


Bolton Wanderers vs West Ham United: match preview
Tuesday, 25th October 2005
by Matthew Coker
''After defeating Wednesday on a Tuesday, we face the Trotters on a Wednesday, a midweek trip to the Reebok stadium for the third round of the weak lager cup. We have arrived here by virtue of defeating Sheffield Wednesday in the second round, 4-2. Most people will remember Zamora’s second goal, a 30 yard lob converted with apparent ease but Dailly also converted a bullet header and Bellion a cool finish for a good attacking performance. ..''


West Ham United vs Middlesbrough: match preview
Thursday, 20th October 2005
by Matthew Coker
''After a month on international duty and on the road, we all get to bundle back to the Boleyn this weekend to play hosts to Middlesbrough. As we are trying hard to avoid an unfashionable Saturday 3pm kick off, this game takes place on a Sunday, though as a consequence of our guests UEFA cup game rather than because of a Sky executive decision...''


Manchester City v West Ham United: match preview
Wednesday, 12th October 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Whilst the rest of the nation are settling down to a Sunday roast, we resume our quest for Premiership survival with our first ever trip to the City of Manchester Stadium. ..''


Sunderland v West Ham United: match preview
Tuesday, 27th September 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Any West Ham supporter attending all the games this season could be forgiven for thinking that Premier League is based exclusively in the North East or in London as we thumb a lift to the Stadium of Lightfor Saturday teatime. ..''


West Ham United vs Arsenal: match preview
Wednesday, 21st September 2005
by Matthew Coker
''The City of London covers 617 square miles and has a population of nearly 7 million people. It is a vibrant and multicultural metropolis where people from all over the world settle to live, to trade to work and to discover the attractions of the city...''


Sheffield Weds v West Ham: match preview
Monday, 19th September 2005
by Matthew Coker
''So the first cup tie of the season sees us at Wednesday on a Tuesday for the second round of the Carling Cup. ..''


Fulham v West Ham United: match preview
Wednesday, 14th September 2005
by Matthew Coker
''This Saturday sees the first of two back to back Lahndan derbies as we travel to Craven Cottage to play the Cottagers. ..''


West Ham v Aston Villa: match preview
Sunday, 11th September 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Monday 12th September is the date for our first home fixture under the lights, as we play host to the Villa, live on Sky Sports...''


West Ham v Bolton Wanderers - match preview
Wednesday, 24th August 2005
by Matthew Coker
''This week sees us back at the Boleyn for the visit of Bolton Wanderers for our next Premier League encounter. ..''


Newcastle v West Ham - match preview
Tuesday, 16th August 2005
by Matthew Coker
''The Premiership computer has thrown up our first ha’way game of the season up the road at St James Park for an afternoon of entertainment with Newcastle United. ..''


West Ham v Blackburn - match preview
Wednesday, 10th August 2005
by Matthew Coker
''Saturday 13th August sees a visit to the Boleyn ground of T’Rovers of Blackburn for the opening day of the Premiership campaign. ..''


Laptop, Laptop on the desk, will we succeed in our promotion quest?
Monday, 27th December 2004
by Matthew Coker
''The following article is intended to add a little statistical analysis to the recent fortunes of West Ham United’s footballing performances and try to establish the likelihood of the team returning to the Premiership in May 2005. ..''


 
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