This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada.
After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.
After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.
He asks the barman, "What the f*ck is that?"
The barman says, "It's a Moose."
The Scottish chap says, "F*ck me! How big are the cats?"
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Such an unfair world.
When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).
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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then.
God, I love my new Taser!
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If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it.
It's Spam.
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They say that sex is the best form of exercise.
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
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I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops.
Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it!
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When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head.
Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
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My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my c*ck out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!
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I dont understand all the hype around Carlsberg lager supposedly being the best lager in the world.
I found half a can on the wall outside my house this morning & it tasted like pish!!
