The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Rocketron on Sun Aug 05, 2018 7:22 pm

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?

[quote="Eggs'n'nuts"
You're not alone o1p. The joke is in there somewhere, I think I'm just a bit too dense to see it.[/quote]
Even my wife got that
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Mon Aug 06, 2018 4:17 pm

I think I might have been seen nicking a load of Lego.
I've been bricking it, ever since..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Mega Ron on Mon Aug 06, 2018 5:32 pm

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?


:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Mon Aug 06, 2018 5:50 pm

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?


I told it in the pub and one of the women there didn't get it. She's really thick, though.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Mon Aug 06, 2018 5:59 pm

I got it but I'll pretend not to have to try to embarrass MB with aloof unimpressedness. :|
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Mon Aug 06, 2018 8:55 pm

vietnammer wrote:I got it but I'll pretend not to have to try to embarrass MB with aloof unimpressedness. :|


I've become immune to that over the years.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby carnage on Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:20 pm

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?


I believe so
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Mon Aug 06, 2018 11:48 pm

only1post wrote:Am I the only one who doesn't get MB's Di Caprio joke?


Nope. (My dog took a while )
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Tue Aug 07, 2018 10:25 am

A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tarte Encore on Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:40 pm

Paddy and Seamus have just sat down in a swanky French bistro when a very attractive Mademoiselle approaches their table......

"Bonsoir Monsieurs, what can I...err....interest you in tonight?"

"How about a quicky?" suggests Paddy

The visibly upset waitress throws a pitcher of Evian in Paddy's face, gives him a right hander and storms off through the swing doors into the kitchen.

"Paddy!" says Seamus " It's pronounced 'Quiche' you ****ing eejit!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby York Ham(mer) on Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:57 pm

People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2017 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:18 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"



even though i have heard this before it still made me laugh !!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Chicken Run Supreme on Wed Aug 08, 2018 2:00 pm

Sinead O'Connor will be singing at Barry Chuckle's funeral..................Nothing Compares 2 you 2 me
Last edited by Chicken Run Supreme on Thu Aug 09, 2018 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:37 pm

A girl comes home from school and tells her grandma that a boy has asked her out for a date. This being her first date, her grandma gives her some rules. "If he tries to come near you or hug you, its fine. If he tries to kiss you, well thats fine too but if he tries to lay you down and get on top of you, just push him and get out of there." The innocent girl was confused and asked, "Why grandma?" Grandma replied, "Because then he will disgrace our family."
The girl having learned the lesson goes on her date. When she returns, her grandma asked her what happened. She replied, "Everything went well. First he hugged me, then kissed me. But then he tried to lay me down. So instead I got on top of him and disgraced his family."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby szola on Wed Aug 08, 2018 7:31 pm

Where do poor Italians live?

In the spaghetto...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:38 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:A woman goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The prices are all around the £100 mark, except for one on the end that is priced at only £10.
"Why so cheap?" asks the lady pointing at the end one.
The shop assistant replies "Well he was rescued from a Brothel after a police raid, And his language can be a bit fruity"
The lady grins & says "Sounds like it could be a laugh, so I'll take it."

She gets it home & sets the cage down in the lounge. "The parrot looks around & squawks "F... me! a new knocking shop!"
The lady laughs & thinks how funny her new pet could be.

Her daughters come in from school & immediately go to see the new house guest. "F... me! New prostitutes too!" says the parrot. Like their mother, they find it highly amusing.

The husband walks through the door at 6pm. The parrot squawks "F...me Keith, long time no see!!"



:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:39 pm

Chicken Run Supreme wrote:Sinead O'Connor will be singing at Barry Chuckle's funeral..................Nothing Compares 2 me 2 you


That would work much better if she was alive.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:53 pm

Cockneyboy311 wrote:That would work much better if she was alive.


That ghostly look is just for her video's.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:16 pm

Cockneyboy311 wrote:That would work much better if she was alive.


errr ... she is alive :think:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Chicken Run Supreme on Thu Aug 09, 2018 5:41 pm

Indeed. A wee bit fragile perhaps, but very much alive.
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