The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu May 16, 2019 5:20 pm

An undercover cop called at a farm...
“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.
“By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, the farmer replied.
The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the f..k I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this f...ing badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever I want, have I made myself clear?”
The farmer nodded politely, apologised, and went about his chores. A short while later, he heard loud screams and looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by an angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.
The farmer threw down his tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of his lungs,

“Your badge, show him your f...ing badge!”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu May 16, 2019 5:21 pm

I just called my local Chinese restaurant and ordered a 34 and 23.

I asked the guy “do you do takeaway?”

He replied “11”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Thu May 16, 2019 8:22 pm

Hammer.CA wrote:I just called my local Chinese restaurant and ordered a 34 and 23.

I asked the guy “do you do takeaway?”

He replied “11”

Took me a while but :lol:


Transgender weightlifter Mary Gregory has vowed to come back after being stripped of 4 titles.

When asked to comment, the athlete stated "I just need more work done on my snatch".

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Mary Gregory
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Fri May 17, 2019 12:18 am

A man is driving through the countryside when he catches sight of something highly unusual, it’s a three legged chicken and it’s running faster than the car! Intrigued, the man puts pedal to the metal and chases the chicken. Eventually, just as it’s about to disappear over the horizon, he traces the chicken to a farm.
The man gets out of his car, scratching his head, there are other animals around but no chickens and certainly not one with three legs.
At length, the farmer notices the man and asks if he can help at all.
“This will sound strange,” says the man, “but I swear I just saw a chicken with three legs run around here.”
“Oh yar,” says the farmer. “Well, Oi breed ‘em that way, see. Cos when it comes to Sunday dinner, Oi likes a leg, and me wife likes a leg, and me son, he also likes a leg.”
“Fascinating,” says the man. “What do they taste like?”
“I dunno,” says the farmer, “Oi’ve never caught one!”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Sat May 18, 2019 11:50 am

Phoned the wife from work.
I asked her. "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding very puzzled, she replied “No”
I said to her “How about now ...?"
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