The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:45 pm

^^^ Clement Freud made that joke famous ... :lol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHx8y1rFjdk
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby JerseyHammer on Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:43 pm

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:^^^ Clement Freud made that joke famous ... :lol:


That's literally the soundbite I was sent the other day, his voice makes it all the more funny :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ak-47 on Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:07 pm

I see there's been a big downturn in the sale of Advent Calendars this year.
I always said their days were numbered..................
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:18 pm

**** unfunny joke deleted by moderator as OP is an insensitive, lacking common sense, helmet
Last edited by -DL- on Wed Dec 20, 2017 1:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: See above.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby West Ham Dave on Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:46 am

A teacher decided to encourage the class of 4 year olds to use "Adult" instead of baby words.
She asked Johnny for a sentence using an Adult word. He said "My daddy took me to see a choo-choo". No that's not right said the teacher.
My Daddy took me to see a train.
Next she asked Mary. Mummy took me to see the gee-gees at the farm said the little girl. No, You should say "we went to see the horses"
Then she asked Ashley. "I've just been given a new book Miss" Oh, says the teacher thinking this is a good thing. Yes says Ashley proudly it's called
"Winnie the.........SH*T"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Thu Dec 21, 2017 11:57 am

When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Thu Dec 21, 2017 6:41 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.

Genius :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Bamber Gascoigne on Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:23 pm

This bloke has a blazing row with his wife and in the ensuing fight pushes her and she bangs her head and is killed stone dead.

In his panic, he decides to dismember her body and dispose of her, by bagging the parts up and putting them out for the bin men.

Later, he sees the dustcart arrive, and his bins are emptied. He thinks its all sorted when one of the bin men knocks at the door holding one of the bags he had used.

"Sorry to trouble you Guv" said the bin man, "You wouldn't have a spare black bag would you? - the arse has just fallen out of this one!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Fri Dec 22, 2017 10:04 am

A young boy catches his mum riding his dad ' what you doing mummy? ' he asks

' well daddys tummy is too big so i am trying to flattening it out ' his mum said

' i woudnt bother' the boy replies ' cos when youre out the lady next door comes round and gets on her knees and blows it back up again '
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:16 pm

DL wrote:**** unfunny joke deleted by moderator as OP is an insensitive, lacking common sense, helmet


Image

Magic Helmet?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Fri Dec 22, 2017 4:01 pm

I farted on the bus yesterday and the four people in front of me turned around....which reminds me, When does the new series of The Voice start?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby JerseyHammer on Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:19 pm

Naked man walks into a fancy dress party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a tortoise" he says

"Who's that on your back?" someone asks

"that's Michelle"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Ferret on Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:20 pm

How does Father Christmas like his Pizza?.

Deep Pan, Crisp and Even.......
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Fri Dec 22, 2017 10:25 pm

Virgin Mary: "Now you've sorted out the hotel haven't you?"

Joseph: "Yes yes yes, woman! Don't keep going on about it. It'll be fine!".
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Blow Bubbles on Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:12 pm

Ferret wrote:How does Father Christmas like his Pizza?.

Deep Pan, Crisp and Even.......


I’ve read this so many times and still don’t get it... :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby wilf on Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:28 pm

Ferret wrote:How does Father Christmas like his Pizza?.

Deep Pan, Crisp and Even.......



Very good , praps best sung
Yep
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Sat Dec 23, 2017 9:17 pm

Deep pan crisp and even on an open fire......Jack frost biting on your nose..


I don't get it either! Pardon?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby hammerdivone on Sun Dec 24, 2017 10:16 am

Good King Wenceslas bubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby don't burst my bubble on Thu Dec 28, 2017 8:24 pm

I was the only first aider in the office today so when I cut my hand I asked my manager what I should do. He said, "you'll have to treat yourself". So I went and bought a new pair of shoes and a new jacket. :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:09 pm

Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar
Demerara
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