The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:53 pm

I am broken :(
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Jan 31, 2018 4:56 pm

It's not good, but it is funny.

Which is what Mrs MB says about sexy time.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby hammer etc on Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:07 pm

vietnammer wrote:What did the big football books sing to the little football book?

"You're supposed to be a tome"

(I made that up. Is it any good?)


It would be if it were the other way around!!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:39 pm

"What was sung to the little football book by the big football books?"

I dunno. The passive voice seems to rob it of the unique spontenaiety and impact which forms part of my comic genius.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby hammerdivone on Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:14 pm

Viet, I think he means it should go

What did the little football book sing to the big football book?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:25 pm

Just didn't see it that way. Flattered it started a dicscussion though!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby CMNinja on Wed Jan 31, 2018 9:59 pm

Locked my keys in the car earlier but it wasn't a problem ... luckily I was wearing my khaki trousers.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:24 pm

vietnammer wrote:Just didn't see it that way. Flattered it started a dicscussion though!


That 'joke' was always going to start a dickscussion.

Having said I that,I thought 'Benedictus' was funny.......
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby uptonparkhurst on Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:38 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:It's not good, but it is funny.

Which is what Mrs MB says about sexy time.


:)

My wife has great sex - she's always phoning me up straight afterwards to tell me about it..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Thu Feb 01, 2018 1:08 pm

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Little book"

"Little book who?"

"You're a tome"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:21 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:"You're a tome"

Reminds me....
A Yorkshireman walks into vets & says "My cat's a bit poorly"
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "No, in a box in car"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby swisstony on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:55 am

My favourite Yorkshire joke...

Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"

The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"

"Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Eggs'n'nuts on Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:32 am

swisstony wrote:My favourite Yorkshire joke...

Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmiths and asks, "Can tha mek us a gold statue o'me whippet?"

The goldsmith says he can, then asks, "Do you want it eighteen carat?"

"Nay lad, gnawin' a bone'll do fine."


That's tickled me! I'm using that if you don't mind.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby brownout on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:07 pm

A Mancunian and a Scouser go to a pastry shop.
The scouser whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The scouser says to the mancunian: "You see how clever I am..? You'll never beat that..!"
...
The mancunian says to the scouser: "Watch this, a mancunian is always cleverer than an scouser."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick..!" The baker gives him the cookie which the mancunian promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie... "
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The mancunian eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"
The mancunian says: "Look in the scouser's pocket"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby cambridge hammer on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:40 pm

A bit later on,after he'd been to the vets and the goldsmiths (see above ) the very same Yorkshire man walked into the chemist and said" Now,then chemist, I'm having trouble with me farmers,have you any arse cream ?"
"Aye" replied the chemist "Which does tha want, strawberry or vanilla"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:49 pm

Why did the little book cross the road?

To get to the big book. A tome.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby hammerdivone on Sat Feb 03, 2018 3:39 pm

What did the big book say to the Chuckle Brothers?

Tome to you
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:01 pm

Midge Ure was asked to identify the location of the capital of Austria. After looking at it for 10mins he replied "This means nothing tome".
Last edited by Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:21 pm

I've got a new job at a factory that makes chess sets.
I'm on knights next week!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:21 pm

Image

Tome on the range.
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