The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby pablo jaye on Thu Mar 29, 2018 4:35 pm

Australian Cricket.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Thu Mar 29, 2018 9:56 pm

Chromosomes.:
XX...Women
XY...Men
YYY..Delilah
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Fri Mar 30, 2018 11:48 am

A snail walks in to a pub, the landlord says "Get out, we don't serve snails in here" and goes round the bar and throws him out.
2 weeks later the snail goes back in to the pub and says to the landlord "What did you do that for?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:00 am

Son: Dad, why did you and Mum call my sister Teresa?
Dad: Because it’s an anagram of Easter and your mum loves Easter
Son: Thanks dad
Dad: You’re welcome Alan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:23 am

ereford ammer wrote:You can now get insurance for sex in the UK !



You forgot:

Sex with a desperate emaciated smackhead - Hastings Direct
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Lincolnhammer92 on Tue Apr 03, 2018 9:24 pm

Courtesy of Bob Mortimer/Peter Beardsley

I went into a video shop and said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
The chap said "No, you've got to bring it back tomorrow"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Apr 04, 2018 8:14 am

I went to see my doctor, & he told me I had a dose of the clap.
I Asked, "What's the cure?"
He replied "An 80's band fronted by Robert Smith, but lets stay on subject here"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Apr 04, 2018 9:19 pm

I saw on the news that Prince Philip is having a hip operation.
Is this to be followed by groovy bed rest?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Made In Leyton 1974 on Thu Apr 05, 2018 1:06 pm

I haven't seen a scouser this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby jevs on Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:21 pm

Two Wigan Lads walking down the street in Manchester and they both see a sign in a Shop Window that say's...
Suits from £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers & Dresses £5.00.
One say's to the other '' Look at those prices'' ''We could buy a boatload and take them home to Wigan and treble our money''
They both go into the shop and say to the Assistant....
''I would like Twenty Suits, Thirty Jackets, Fifty pairs of Trousers and Twenty five dresses please''
The Assistant say's ''Are you two from Wigan?''
''Yes'' they say, ''How do you know that?''
The Assistant says...
''This is a Dry Cleaners''
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Bamber Gascoigne on Thu Apr 05, 2018 10:20 pm

:D Jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Blow Bubbles on Fri Apr 06, 2018 5:51 pm

I went to the local pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if they sold Benylin?

'For cough?' he said

'Alright mate I only asked!'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Sat Apr 07, 2018 12:49 am

I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Eggs'n'nuts on Sat Apr 07, 2018 10:49 pm

Samba wrote:I don't care about Jews & Muslims believing in circumcision.
It's no skin off my nose.


Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Sun Apr 08, 2018 9:37 pm

I refereed a women's cup final today.

Four red cards. Two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and sent the other one of without any explaination leaving her wondering what she'd done wrong!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Smonnie on Wed Apr 11, 2018 1:00 pm

Eggs'n'nuts wrote:Reminded me of the one where a bloke who had a circumcision and kept the off cut in his wallet. Whenever he met a woman he'd pass it to her and say "Try this. If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"


It wouldn't be a whole one though.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:46 pm

The man who invented the double entendre has died.

His wife is taking it hard.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Thu Apr 12, 2018 2:18 am

My doctor told me that I had acute angina.

:? I've never had a sex change...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:18 am

Sauce! wrote:The man who invented the double entendre has died.

His wife is taking it hard.


:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:10 pm

A woman is sitting in the pew at her husband's funeral when a man behind her leans over and asks "Do you mind if I get up and say a word?" "No, not at all" she says. So the bloke stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora" and sits down again.
The woman turns to him "You know" she says "that means a lot".
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