The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Oct 31, 2017 9:03 pm

orbital wrote:I was recently on safari in the Serengeti and witnessed two male lions shagging.

I thought blimey, have they got no pride?


Sounds like they've got too much P R I D E.

(not that there's anything wrong with that)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby orbital on Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:07 am

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby orbital on Thu Nov 02, 2017 11:11 am

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

***

I found a wallet today, and as a good Christian I thought...
'What would Jesus do?'
So I turned it into wine.

***

I bought my wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween, nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick.

***

I went into a sex shop today.
I was really shocked to find out how much all my wife's vibrators cost!
She's been sitting on a small fortune!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sun Nov 05, 2017 9:18 pm

The Mother in Law’s drowning, I’ve informed Emergency Services. I hope they save her or it’s a waste of a first class stamp.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Mon Nov 06, 2017 5:48 pm

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a cup of tea?
Because he drank it before it was cool.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:00 pm

I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Tue Nov 07, 2017 8:24 pm

An Irish electrician has been sacked by the US prison service for refusing to repair an electric chair.

He said in his opinion it was a bloody death trap.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Nov 07, 2017 8:27 pm

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

Ten pints.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:42 pm

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic.

Paramedics said he could have done with another coat.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:09 pm

Why is Kevin Spacey so bad at Hide and Seek?

He comes out at the wrong time.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:57 pm

^^ :D ^^
Nicked!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Thu Nov 09, 2017 11:03 pm

Mods if not appropriate please delete.

Did you hear about the blonde terrorist.

She got mixed up between Semtex and Tampax and blew up the wrong kunt
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Sat Nov 11, 2017 10:31 am

The first rule of Alzheimers Club is...err... :?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:49 pm

I went out and had ten pints of yogurt last night.

I was well Mullered.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:13 pm

You know you're masturbating too much when you drop your w@nk sock and the missus shouts from the next room "I hope that wasn't one of my good china plates!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:53 am

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:You know you're masturbating too much when you drop your w@nk sock and the missus shouts from the next room "I hope that wasn't one of my good china plates!"



Cum a crocker? :)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Tue Nov 14, 2017 7:49 pm

I didn’t think my new orthopaedic shoes were doing me any good but I stand corrected.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby only1post on Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:24 pm

How does a Muslim close a door?

Islams it
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Nov 16, 2017 9:33 am

I was chatting to the tasty Chinese bird next door, & she told me she wanted a Rogerin'.
I was about to drop my trousers when I thought 'I wonder if she wants to rent out her spare room?'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Thu Nov 16, 2017 6:41 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:I was chatting to the tasty Chinese bird next door, & she told me she wanted a Rogerin'.
I was about to drop my trousers when I thought 'I wonder if she wants to rent out her spare room?'


Is she looking to expand her weaving business?
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