The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby pablo jaye on Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:37 pm

Yes, excellent .... has brightened up a Sunday evening!!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sun Oct 01, 2017 9:05 pm

My uncle was jailed for his beliefs.

He believed you could w@nk on the bus.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:27 pm

When I read they had found a cure for dyslexia it was music to my arse :P
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:49 pm

A chicken goes up the James Bond and asks..What's your name
Bond James Bond, he replies..and may I ask what your name is
The bird replies:
Ken Chic Ken
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:34 pm

A bus load of nuns was hit by a train while on a level crossing. There were no survivors.

At the gates of heaven, St Peter tells the nuns “Before I can let you into the Kingdom of Heaven you must truthfully answer one question: have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

The first nun giggles and says she once touched the tip of one with her finger. St Peter asks her to dip her finger into the holy water.

The next nun says she once fondled one. St Peter asks her to put her whole hand into the holy water.

Suddenly there is a commotion and one nun pushes to the front. 'What is the rush my child?'
asks St Peter. 'I want to gargle that holy water before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it!'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:14 pm

:lol:

Two pregnant nuns walking down the road singing Benedictus.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:15 pm

Double post..wasn't funny the first time.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:01 pm

Tenbury wrote:Double post..wasn't funny the first time.


Nun the wiser then :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:00 pm

I've just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman.

It's very rewarding but, as you can imagine, there are a number of challenges..

The biggest challenge is getting her husband’s voice right..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Etonhammer on Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:48 am

Sauce! wrote:I've just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman.

It's very rewarding but, as you can imagine, there are a number of challenges..

The biggest challenge is getting her husband’s voice right..



It maybe late but even that, telling Mrs EH at this stage made us both laugh....... :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:04 am

Sauce! wrote:I've just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman.

It's very rewarding but, as you can imagine, there are a number of challenges..

The biggest challenge is getting her husband’s voice right..




You have to hand it to her then :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Oct 05, 2017 10:51 am

A Dyslexic friend of mine has taken up poetry classes to help his condition.
I haven't seen any poems yet, but he has made some lovely vases & jugs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Fri Oct 06, 2017 10:05 am

A young girl starts her first day as a flight attendant. Halfway through the flight, she goes into the cockpit to talk to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have someone doing human trafficking on board"
The pilot replies "What makes you say that?"
"Well sir, back there is a pretty young Eastern European girl in a short skirt looking very frightened & not saying a word. Sitting next to her is a fat sweating old slob who looks like a grubby paedophile.
The captain smiles & asks "First day?"
"Yes sir, how did you know?"

"You are on Air Force one"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Fri Oct 06, 2017 9:09 pm

Which spice girl can hold the most petrol?

Geri can.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby DasNutNock on Sun Oct 08, 2017 6:41 pm

What do the Spanish call Chesney Hawkes?

Juan Anonli.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:29 pm

My physics teacher used to say my understanding of forces was the worst he'd ever known.

Personally I think he was pushing my leg.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:23 am

I had my leg X-rayed today.

The doctor said: 'Your patella measures exactly 2.54cm'.

I said: 'Wow, inch high knees'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:44 am

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby claretandblue82 on Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:20 am

Monkeybubbles wrote:I had my leg X-rayed today.

The doctor said: 'Your patella measures exactly 2.54cm'.

I said: 'Wow, inch high knees'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'


Took a few seconds to get that! :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:46 am

My wife had to have her feet amputated. I had no time for the stupid woman after that
Turns out I'm Lactose intolerant
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