The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby somerset-hammer on Thu Apr 06, 2017 8:04 am

West Ham's season..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Thu Apr 06, 2017 9:00 am

somerset-hammer wrote:West Ham's season..


That's not a joke, it's a tragedy.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby cambridge hammer on Thu Apr 06, 2017 9:04 am

somerset-hammer wrote:West Ham's season..


Thats a very old joke,by the way.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:27 am

Going to have a flutter today on Dirty Carpet

Apparently it's never been beaten
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby cambridge hammer on Sat Apr 08, 2017 10:41 am

I was going to do holy sweater but its a poor jumper
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby cambridge hammer on Sat Apr 08, 2017 10:42 am

Which just leaves Birdsh*t,but that always sticks to the rails. 8-)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Sat Apr 08, 2017 11:37 am

Which leads us neatly to..

Derek & Clive - At he Races :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Sat Apr 08, 2017 1:30 pm

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:07 pm

My wife came into the lounge and asked why our two year old son was screaming.

"He kicked me in the balls," I snarled.

"He doesn't understand that it hurts," she said.

"He ****ing does now," I replied
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:08 pm

"Warning: May cause stress, impotence, poverty, adultery, murderous impulses and any other number of ailments. " I said.

"That's a serious warning, what's it on?" Replied my wife.

"Wedding rings. " I answered.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:13 pm

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.Johnny"s mother says, "Let"s not be too harsh on them... they"re bound to be curious about sex at that age.""Curious about sex?" replies Mary"s mother. "He"s taken her f***king appendix out!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Apr 11, 2017 2:00 pm

Q: How many NRA members does it take to change a lightbulb?


A: More guns.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby IABATAC on Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:49 pm

I've been to see the doctor​ and he's told me I'm a hypochondriac. I said, "Oh no, I've not got that as well have I?"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:21 pm

A woman says to her doctor I've got a problem 'down below' my fanny really stinks.
Lie over there on the couch, says the doctor, take off your panties and let me have a look.
This she does and the doctor examines her closely.
He then goes to the corner of the surgery and gets a pole with a hook on the end.
'Blimey doctor' she says 'what are you going to do with that?'
'Open some feckin windows' says the doctor
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Mon Apr 17, 2017 2:56 pm

I don't check my grammar every time I write, just noun again
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Tue Apr 18, 2017 7:54 pm

Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall.
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking the wall with her walking stick looking for help...

I feel a little bit guilty about the w@nk I had now.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby freelander on Tue Apr 18, 2017 8:24 pm

The teacher was asking the kids how they had enjoyed Bonfire night

Sally pops up and says 'It was great we had sparklers, catherine wheels, toffee apples and a nice big fire'

'Ooh that sounds lovely' says the teacher 'and how about you Johnny'

'Yes miss it was great we caught a cat, stuck a banger up it's a*** and lit it'

Teacher 'Rectum you mean Johnny'?

Johnny 'Oh yes miss, blew it to fookin pieces' !
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:44 pm

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:47 am

chelmsfordhammer91 wrote:If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.


OMG :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby swisstony on Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:26 am

Disney have bought the naming rights for the London Eye. Its going to be a Mary Poppins themed attraction.They're calling it The London Umdiddle Umdiddle Umdiddle Eye.
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