The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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eejay
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Anyway ...........................;
3 kids walking home from school ;
Indian kid says , "Know something? my dad's knob must be about 7" .."
Weat Indian kid says ,"That's nothin' , my ol' man's must be 9" anyway !!"
Catholic kid says " My dad's is only 5" ..................but it still fuckin hurts..........."
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west ham15
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by west ham15 »

Boy comes home grinning and tells parents he's had sex for the first time. proud dad says '' I will buy you that bike to celebrate'' Boy Smiles and says '' Thats Okay dad my arss is to sore to ride it at the moment anyway''
2&8
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by 2&8 »

Why did the fetishist cross the road?



He couldn't get his cock out of the chicken!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by 2&8 »

What's the difference between Jordan and a Kit-Kat?

You only get four fingers in a Kit-kat!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

You c**** killed my thread :(
eejay
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

No , we just put it out of it's misery !!! :twisted:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to co me out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom co me s walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that wo me n have teeth down there?"
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all wo me n have teeth between their legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you me an?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"HELL NO," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all wo me n have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Just on the news- Gary Glitter has had sex with an 85 year old !!!

No, no , wait a minute - it was a Haiti 5 year old !!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Louis and Joyce were making passionate love in Louis's mini van when suddenly Joyce, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"

Louis, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Joyce until they both collapses in ecstasy.

About a week later, Joyce notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Joyce, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Louis (let alone that she allowed the kinky b*stard to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Donald Duck on a dirty weekend rings reception asking for condoms.

Receptionist says. "Shall I put them on your bill?"

"Don't be thukin thupid I'd thuffocate!"......
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

My wife has just told me that Gavin from 'Autoglass' came round and injected his special resin into her crack - I'm not normally suspicious, but she hasn't even got a car.
eejay
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

A man is watching football on TV and flicks through the other channels at half-time and finds a porn film with a couple enjoying really good sex.

He says to his wife " I don't know whether to watch this or the game"

She says " For god's sake watch this..........you already know how to play football"....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

What's the difference between Basil Brush and a suicide bomber? A suicide bomber only goes BOOM once.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b!tch tonight, Dave."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

A dwarf walked into my pub yesterday with a tshirt which said - i hate CENSORED
I thought, that's a little racist !!!!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Capello has phoned Wayne Bridges and told him Terry has lost the captains armband...............


.........could he have a look an see if it's underneath his bed !!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by eejay »

Patient ; how many calories in sperm ?
Doc; Honey , if you're swallowing , no ones bothered how fat you are !!!!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by screech »

a bloke in work had a stroke last night,
his face dropped when he found out!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Royston: Republic d'Essex »

eejay wrote:Donald Duck on a dirty weekend rings reception asking for condoms.

Receptionist says. "Shall I put them on your bill?"

"Don't be thukin thupid I'd thuffocate!"......
You're thinking of Daffy Duck... and frankly that spoilt my entire enjoyment of the joke. Oh why, oh why can't people make a simple check on the details of the cartoon ducks they use in their jokes? For the record, Donald sounds like a scouser with throat cancer (but without the Anfield whip-round) and Daffy is the one with the thpeech impediment. And another thing, if it was Daffy he can breath perfectly well without a bill. The other day I saw one of his adventures when he accidentally blew his beak off while looking down the barrels of a shotgun after it had failed to go off. Following the injury, Daffy Duck (same surname but no relation to Donald) was incensed and stomped around a bit before picking up his bill and walking out of the room - which he would have been unable to do if he could not breathe. What do you think of that? Hmm? Hmm?

You've ruined my day sir. You think on that the next time you post a joke you haven't had the decency to proof-read.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by shammy »

:lol:
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