The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by jevs »

A man had to have the ends of both feet amputated. Soon after the operation he sadly died. Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Why was the pole vaulter buried at the top of the hill?

Because he was dead.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

I got the world's worst Thesaurus for Christmas.

Not only is it rubbish, it's rubbish.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by pablo jaye »

OFT ... brilliant!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

OFT wrote:Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar
Demerara
Tarte Encore wrote:There's quite a few jokes doing the rounds about white sugar but ones about brown sugar..... Demerara.
:shock:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

Fri Feb 26, 2016

Tarte Encore...is that You MB, what with you being a performer n'evrfin?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" She said "it was absolutely incredible, and it is our anniversary tomorrow."

"F&ck it" I thought. I'll treat her.

So I walked her past it again.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

The grand-kids are round for Christmas.
They keep laughing at my Altzeimers.
They won't be laughing on Christmas Day when I don't leave any chocolate eggs under the bonfire.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Sauce! wrote:My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" She said "it was absolutely incredible, and it is our anniversary tomorrow."

"F&ck it" I thought. I'll treat her.

So I walked her past it again.
:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tarte Encore »

OFT wrote:Fri Feb 26, 2016

Tarte Encore...is that You MB, what with you being a performer n'evrfin?
Nah....I'm a member in my own right.....so.....like OFT but with original material. :wink:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

Tarte Encore wrote:
Nah....I'm a member in my own right.....so.....like OFT but with original material.
Image

Well, they do say imitation is the greatest form of flattery :wink:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by hudds town hammer »

today is officially the warmest day of the year so far
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by orbital »

The wife said my cock reminded her of a supermarket.

I said "because it's well stocked and supplies your every need?"

She replied "No because its Lidl"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by orbital »

I got a Monopoly set for Christmas without any instructions.

What are the chances?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by orbital »

My Mrs complained that I'm always trying to be someone I'm not.

I'm wondering how the f*ck she got into the Batcave.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

Why did the vegan cross the road?

To tell someone that he was a vegan.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So he wouldn’t have to listen to the vegan.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

I'm in hospital. I ate what I thought was an onion, but it was a daffodil bulb.

Doctors reckon I will be out in the Spring
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

What do the film 'Sixth Sense' & the Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Sauce! »

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city.
After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope.
Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say.
He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns.
"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?" Grumpy asks.
"No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall," smiles the Pope.
"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that are, say, about my height? Maybe a little shorter?"
"I'm afraid not. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," replies Grumpy.
"But you're positive? Nobody in a habit that's about three feet tall, maybe two-and-a-half feet tall?"
"I'm sure, my vertically-challenged son," says the Pope, trying not show his curiosity.
"Okay," moans Grumpy.
So the Pope listens to the dwarves as they leave the building.
"What'd he say? What'd he say?" chant the other six dwarves.
Grumpy mutters, "He said they don't have any."
And the other six start chanting, "Grumpy f&ck£d a penguin! Grumpy f&ck£d a penguin!"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

PSML :D
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