The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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-DL-
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

I decided I would make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning.

She's now banned Sharpies from the house.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

Apparently Marie Fredrickson of the Swedish band Roxette has replaced her deodorant for butter to keep sweat at bay.

It must of been dove, but it's clover now.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

I looked out of my window in horror last night as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through."

A woman at the front said, "Thank God for that, are you a Doctor?"

I said, "No, that's my bloody pizza."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

WCS :lol:
Did you know, that if you boil two pounds of Hamsters with sugar, and put them on your allotment, you will get Roses galore .......... This was a big surprise to me, as I thought you got Tulips from Hamster Jam .t
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

I had a row with a colleague at work yesterday afternoon. One of the perks of working near a boating lake.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Barking Boy »

I was at the gym last night when I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger in.

Obviously she's made a complaint and I'm now banned for life
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by smuts »

-DL- wrote:Apparently Marie Fredrickson of the Swedish band Roxette has replaced her deodorant for butter to keep sweat at bay.

It must of been dove, but it's clover now.
:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Toulouse_Iron »

Westcliffspur wrote:I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
Nicking that. :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Clacton-ammer »

Monkeybubbles wrote:I had a row with a colleague at work yesterday afternoon. One of the perks of working near a boating lake.
f*** me, I'm slower than normal today, I had to read that 3 times to get it :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

So my pals girlfriend was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when she told him, he proposed to her on the spot.

So see ladies, we guys can be spontaneous and romantic. We just don't like long term commitments.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hummer_I_mean_Hammer »

-DL- wrote:So my pals girlfriend was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when she told him, he proposed to her on the spot.

So see ladies, we guys can be spontaneous and romantic. We just don't like long term commitments.

:lol: funny, but just a little bit sick..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by vietnammer »

My Dry January was a huge success: 35 bottles of dry white! I'm now going for a Dry February.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

Monday - Greg
Tuesday - Ian
Wednesday - Greg
Thursday - Ian
Friday - Greg
Saturday - Ian
Sunday - Greg



The Gregorian Calendar.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Tenbury »

Told that to the kid's mother. Says she's never f**king heard of it.....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

Because of the snow and ice earlier here in Kent, I knocked on my 98 year old next door neighbour's door and asked her if she needed anything from The Co-Op. She said she did, so I gave her my list. No point us both going in this weather.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

I was in the loft yesterday when I found my grandfather's old wig-making machine..

It's a family hair loom.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

How embarrassing. I just tripped over and accidentally pulled some woman's top & bra down as I reached out to break my fall.

I felt a right tit.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

The wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. She hates my marker pens.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

-DL- wrote:I decided I would make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning.

She's now banned Sharpies from the house.
Westcliffspur wrote:The wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. She hates my marker pens.
Bit late to the party with that one dude 8-)
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