The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[orpingtonhammer]

The England team visited an orphanage in Poland today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Igor, aged 6.

Brilliant

[ageing hammer]

Best flag I have seen so far in the Euros


http://euro2012.irishexaminer.com/analy ... 96788.html

[studenthammer]

Best flag I have seen so far in the Euros


http://euro2012.irishexaminer.com/analy ... 96788.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Was gonna post this in the funny jpg/gif thread but here's my favourite:

[west ham15]

I just burned 1200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.

[The Difference]

i asked my girlfriend to suck my cheesy cock today.
she said, 'that's not very mature is it'
so I'm going to ask her again in 2 weeks.

[ageing hammer]

What's the difference between a JCB and a Giraffe?


One has hydraulics the other has high bollicks

[RyanWHUFC]

What's the difference between a JCB and a Giraffe?


One has hydraulics the other has high bollicks

So what are you saying?

[pablo jaye]

What's the difference between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your c**k up your girlfriend's a**e!

boom-tish!

[ak-47]

An ordinary house can be easily converted to a mock Tudor one by spray painting 'Henry VIII is a fat b*stard' across the front.

My girlfriend has left me for playing too many stupid word games. As far as I'm concerned, she can _____ her ______ up her _____

[ak-47]

Way back in Glasgow they had outside toilettes at the bottom of the garden overhanging the Clyde.
They were commonly known as “the cludgie”
At the dinner table Dad said to his children “who pushed the cludgie into the river”
There was dead silence.
Dad said “I am going to tell you a little story about a famous American called George Washington.
He was playing in the garden when he found an axe.
I’m going to be a lumberjack he thought and had great fun chopping down a cherry tree.
His Father saw the tree and was very angry.
Who chopped down my cherry tree he shouted.
I cannot lie said little George it was I who chopped down your cherry tree.
His father’s anger turned to a smile and he told little George that because he was so honest and owned up he would not punish him.
Little George grew up and became the president of America”.
Wee Jimmy stood up and said “I Canna lie Dad, it was me who pushed the cludgie in the river”.
His father went over and gave him a wallop that nearly took his head off.
Screaming his head off wee Jimmy said “George Washington’s dad didnae hit him”
His Dad replied
“George Washington’s dad wasn’t up the ****ing tree when he chopped it down”.

[cookshop]

Way back in Glasgow they had outside toilettes at the bottom of the garden overhanging the Clyde.
They were commonly known as “the cludgie”
At the dinner table Dad said to his children “who pushed the cludgie into the river”
There was dead silence.
Dad said “I am going to tell you a little story about a famous American called George Washington.
He was playing in the garden when he found an axe.
I’m going to be a lumberjack he thought and had great fun chopping down a cherry tree.
His Father saw the tree and was very angry.
Who chopped down my cherry tree he shouted.
I cannot lie said little George it was I who chopped down your cherry tree.
His father’s anger turned to a smile and he told little George that because he was so honest and owned up he would not punish him.
Little George grew up and became the president of America”.
Wee Jimmy stood up and said “I Canna lie Dad, it was me who pushed the cludgie in the river”.
His father went over and gave him a wallop that nearly took his head off.
Screaming his head off wee Jimmy said “George Washington’s dad didnae hit him”
His Dad replied
“George Washington’s dad wasn’t up the ****ing tree when he chopped it down”.

i did not see that coming... quality.

[ageing hammer]

A bloke approached me and asked me if I could direct him to the nearest boozer,

I said " your speaking to him "

[philipavard159]

The neighbors had two more kids and
we didn't even know until today!

They all look so much like their Mother!

[JoeyL]

The neighbors had two more kids and
we didn't even know until today!

They all look so much like their Mother!

The suspense is killing me here

[orbital]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because, he's married.

[Georgee Paris]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because, he's married.

I won't steal that one...if I put it on facebook my Mrs would kill me.

[trick88]

Why does Chad Evans' eyes water during sex??

Pepper Spray.

[Czech Hammer]

Did you read in the newspaper that the new England centre forward has a brother who is a bomb disposal expert?

His name......? Stan Wellbeck

x100

[trick88]

Did you read in the newspaper that the new England centre forward has a brother who is a bomb disposal expert?

His name......? Stan Wellbeck

I actually laughed out loud!

[tartanammer]

Women constantly carry on about how they can fake an orgasm for the sake of the relationship but we all know the real heroes are men, they can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm