The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Thu Nov 16, 2017 9:20 pm

In Spacey's, no-one can hear you scream...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-42009596

Image
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:58 am

A young man walks in to his mum's house and says to his mum "Great news mum, I'm getting married" his mum says "well I'm pleased for you, who to?" So the son says "I'm going to bring home 3 beautiful young women and I'd like you to try and guess which one is going to be my wife" so his mother agrees.
The next day he brings the 3 lovely ladies to the house and they all sit down and his mother talks to them for a while and then the son says "ok mum, which one do you think I'm going to marry?" and his mum says "the redhead in the middle". He says "that's right, how did you know it was her?" His mum says "I don't like her"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hammer.CA on Sat Nov 18, 2017 6:08 pm

The problem with porn for young people today is that it gives them an unrealistic idea of how quick you can get a plumber to come to your house.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby swisstony on Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:47 pm

Got approached by a street magician claiming to be a mind reader today, he said "Think of any card, and focus on it, focus intently, picture yourself holding it and repeat it in your mind". After the usual stage show, fingers on the temple and intense staring, he glares at me and says "Three of Clubs!!", I answer "Sorry, you're wrong". A few seconds later he says "Nine of Hearts!!!", I reply "Nope, wrong again". So he asks "Well what card are you thinking of?"..... Congratulation on the birth of your new son
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Made In Leyton 1974 on Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:31 pm

There will be a national charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm....
If you can't come, just let them know :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:29 pm

I saw my friend stood outside the Doctor's today. He looked really worried and upset so I asked him, "What's the matter?"
He replied, "I've got the big C."

I was shocked. "What, cancer?" I asked.

"No, dyslexia."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby OFT on Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:23 am

Teacher asks her junior class,
What do Hens give us?
The Class replies ...Eggs Miss

What do sheep give us?
Wool Miss

What do fat pigs give us?
Bacon Miss

What do fat cows give us?
Homework Miss
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Haarlemammer on Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:01 pm

Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:

Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:34 pm

Haarlemammer wrote:Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:

Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)

:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Welling on Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:04 pm

In a recent NHS survey about constipation, 9 out of 10 people said that they couldn't give a s***.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Made In Leyton 1974 on Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:21 pm

I went to a Kinky Fetish Restaurant last night.
I got toed in the hole!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:23 pm

Last night an insect flew into our living room and exploded.

I think it must have been a Jihaddy Long Legs.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Joyeux Marteau on Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:42 pm

not sure if this has been done before

Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .


(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Nap on Mon Nov 27, 2017 5:37 pm

Joyeux Marteau wrote:not sure if this has been done before

Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .


(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)


You need to stick an s on the end of that.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Haarlemammer on Mon Nov 27, 2017 7:11 pm

Walked past the bookies, earlier and there's a sign in the window, saying,

Open Sunday 11 - 4

I thought, it's been open the last 3 Sundays.

I'm going to have a tenner on that.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby S-H on Mon Nov 27, 2017 8:49 pm

Joyeux Marteau wrote:not sure if this has been done before

Type gob s h i t e (2nd part needs to be all one word no spaces) into Google maps - see where it takes you . . .


(apologies for the swear word but it needs it otherwise it will not work)


That's glorious :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby pablo jaye on Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:50 pm

^^^^^

Agreed, it is hilarious.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Tue Nov 28, 2017 2:22 pm

Haarlemammer wrote:Tough set of fixtures coming up for Enya rugby club:

Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)



Took me a second, but once i got it :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Nov 30, 2017 9:57 am

A dress of Amy Winehouse sold for £43,200 today. That sounds excessive, but you have to remember a lot of needlework went into it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:14 pm

On I'm a celebrity last night, someone got bitten by an aggressive ant.
Apparently, he was foaming at the mouth & suffering withdrawal symptoms.
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