The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:23 pm

Label on my cassette tape said remove tabs to prevent Erasure. It worked I never heard a little respect ever again.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:25 pm

What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:34 pm

Ummmm..........What lives on the South coast and sounds like Spunky Troubles .....?....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:37 pm

I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.


It also came with a free sat nav.

The first time I used it I got lost in France.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Wed Mar 20, 2019 7:14 pm

Sauce! wrote:I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.


Could you turn around though ?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Wed Mar 20, 2019 7:16 pm

What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Wed Mar 20, 2019 7:56 pm

Sauce! wrote:I bought a car from Bonnie Tyler the other day. It’s not very reliable though.

Every now and then it falls apart.


Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Could you turn around though ?


Yes, but the other day all the lights went out.

I don’t know what to do I’m always in the dark.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:06 pm

jevs wrote:Far too clever for me

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Chemical element for sodium is "Na".

I knew that but only just got it..thanks :oops:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Wed Mar 20, 2019 8:47 pm

I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

First I was afraid then I was petrified,
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Wed Mar 20, 2019 9:11 pm

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.


What 's brown and green, has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A billiard table
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Wed Mar 20, 2019 10:31 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:Music-related one liners required please, what have you got?




When I heard they had found a cure for dyslexia it was music to my arse.............
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Thu Mar 21, 2019 9:57 am

I picked up a Dalek hitchhiking on the A303 the other week.

When I asked him where he was headed , he said 'Exeter mate, Exeter mate'

I said i could take him as far as Taunton but that was it . . .
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:01 am

I smashed up 2 of my Queen CDs yesterday.
I wasn't stopping there though, I thought I want to break three.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby pablo jaye on Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:41 pm

My mate said he didn't understand cloning.

I said, that makes two of us.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby V-M on Sun Mar 24, 2019 5:04 pm

I got offered a job at the new factory making chess pieces.

Decided to turn it down though, they said it would be knights for the first month.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Sun Mar 24, 2019 6:12 pm

I used to go out with a girl who had a lazy eye but it didn’t last.

She had been seeing someone else the whole time.

Image
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Sun Mar 24, 2019 9:48 pm

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:What's blue and if it fell out a tree it would kill you?



A fridge with a denim jacket on.



This really tickled me. Love it :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Barking Boy on Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:36 pm

Did you know the original Police siren was invented in Neenargh, County Tipperary?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Sun Mar 24, 2019 11:39 pm

I have a conspiracy theory :o

Anyone on here old enough to remember that old Imperial Leather soap advert.

The one where they were wealthy and all in bathtubs on their jet.

The wife browsing a magazine says " Bermuda looks nice " and the hubby telephones the pilot and says "Simon Bermuda" and the pilot says roger that and turns the plane to go to Bermuda.

Strangely they were never seen again :hush:



Edit: I only found it :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLibirXsrkg
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Sun Mar 24, 2019 11:58 pm

ageing hammer wrote:I have a conspiracy theory :o



Strangely they were never seen again :hush:






Maybe the silly fecker mistook the Domestos for the Imperial Leather, washed his nuts, then jumped out the plane.
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