The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Thu Dec 20, 2018 8:15 pm

It's what I said out loud when I read it!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Rocketron on Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:25 pm

A friend of mine needed a bone marrow transfusion. The search for a suitable donor went world-wide.He eventually got a match from someone in Argentina. Now every year he sends a Christmas Card to Diego Marrowdonor.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby IABATAC on Thu Dec 20, 2018 10:29 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:Some guy on Facebook called Buster, keeps sending me videos of ‘70’s glam rock band Sweet. Getting really annoying now, tried everything to stop this, but no success....... does anyone know the way? There has to be a way........ to block Buster .



Me and my missus would love to help but......... we just haven't got a clue what to do.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Fri Dec 21, 2018 3:51 pm

My Wife said "come into the bedroom and I'll put on that black lace number"



I said "No thanks, I can't stand agadoo...."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Fri Dec 21, 2018 4:04 pm

You **** off as well!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:39 pm

Vietnammer :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:16 am

Just read a sign on a Transit van saying "No lottery tickets kept in here overnight."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ereford ammer on Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:27 pm

Westcliffspur wrote:Just read a sign on a Transit van saying "No lottery tickets kept in here overnight."

:D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Thu Dec 27, 2018 5:51 pm

I just asked a homeless woman if I could take her home.

She smiled and said yes.

The look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Thu Dec 27, 2018 5:52 pm

A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster tales for a fifty pence on the menu.

He asks the waiter: "Why they are available so cheap? What's wrong with them?"

The waiter says, "Nothing, actually they've been bought here just today."

So the man orders some.

The waiter returns with a book, sits down and says, "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Dec 27, 2018 10:56 pm

The homeless gag :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Sauce! on Fri Dec 28, 2018 12:00 pm

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Puff Daddy on Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:06 pm

At an open day at a public school which was looking for new intakes, every parent must first of all meet with the headmaster. A couple walk in with their son and the father introduces himself, his wife and son. The father says to the headmaster. "Oh good afternoon, my name's Bates, my wife, Mrs Bates, my son, Master Bates" The headmaster replies, "Oh does he, well, we'll soon cure him of that here"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Sun Dec 30, 2018 4:19 pm

Harry Kane just got an MBE. Which is ironic, because that's how he pronounces their current home ground.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby S-H on Sun Dec 30, 2018 5:25 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:Harry Kane just got an MBE. Which is ironic, because that's how he pronounces their current home ground.


That's ****ing brilliant!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Sun Dec 30, 2018 6:18 pm

I'm much older but I still have the body of a 25 year old.
I must dig a hole in the garden, it's beginning to get a bit whiffy...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby York Ham(mer) on Sun Dec 30, 2018 7:45 pm

I got the new fitness app by the Proclaimers. Not very good, it just says “walk 500 miles and then walk 500 more”.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Puff Daddy on Tue Jan 01, 2019 4:58 pm

At dinner recently at family members, they spent virtually the entire time talking about their cruise vacation. When the conversation turned to the entertainment on board, somebody said this wasn't done by Billy Ocean was it ? Sorry, but it sent me into histerics
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Tue Jan 01, 2019 6:20 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:Harry Kane just got an MBE. Which is ironic, because that's how he pronounces their current home ground.


I heard he was speechless when he found out ...
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby IABATAC on Sat Jan 05, 2019 1:35 pm

A bloke goes to the dentist and says:

"I keep feeling like a moth."

The dentist replies:

"That sounds like a mental health problem. I'm a dentist."

The bloke says:

"I know you're a dentist."

The dentists says:

"Well why did you come in here then?"

The bloke replies:

"The light was on."
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