The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Tue Jan 29, 2019 1:28 pm

I decided I would make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning.

She's now banned Sharpies from the house.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Tue Jan 29, 2019 7:02 pm

Apparently Marie Fredrickson of the Swedish band Roxette has replaced her deodorant for butter to keep sweat at bay.

It must of been dove, but it's clover now.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:02 am

I looked out of my window in horror last night as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed outside yelling, "Let me through, let me through."

A woman at the front said, "Thank God for that, are you a Doctor?"

I said, "No, that's my bloody pizza."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:34 pm

WCS :lol:
Did you know, that if you boil two pounds of Hamsters with sugar, and put them on your allotment, you will get Roses galore .......... This was a big surprise to me, as I thought you got Tulips from Hamster Jam .t
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:41 pm

I had a row with a colleague at work yesterday afternoon. One of the perks of working near a boating lake.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Barking Boy on Wed Jan 30, 2019 9:04 pm

I was at the gym last night when I noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to get my finger in.

Obviously she's made a complaint and I'm now banned for life
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:50 pm

I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby smuts on Thu Jan 31, 2019 10:58 pm

-DL- wrote:Apparently Marie Fredrickson of the Swedish band Roxette has replaced her deodorant for butter to keep sweat at bay.

It must of been dove, but it's clover now.


:lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Toulouse_Iron on Fri Feb 01, 2019 11:13 am

Westcliffspur wrote:I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.

Nicking that. :D
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Clacton-ammer on Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:13 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:I had a row with a colleague at work yesterday afternoon. One of the perks of working near a boating lake.


**** me, I'm slower than normal today, I had to read that 3 times to get it :lol:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:12 pm

So my pals girlfriend was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when she told him, he proposed to her on the spot.

So see ladies, we guys can be spontaneous and romantic. We just don't like long term commitments.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hummer_I_mean_Hammer on Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:00 pm

-DL- wrote:So my pals girlfriend was recently diagnosed with cancer, and when she told him, he proposed to her on the spot.

So see ladies, we guys can be spontaneous and romantic. We just don't like long term commitments.



:lol: funny, but just a little bit sick..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby vietnammer on Fri Feb 01, 2019 8:13 pm

My Dry January was a huge success: 35 bottles of dry white! I'm now going for a Dry February.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:30 am

Monday - Greg
Tuesday - Ian
Wednesday - Greg
Thursday - Ian
Friday - Greg
Saturday - Ian
Sunday - Greg



The Gregorian Calendar.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Tenbury on Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:05 pm

Told that to the kid's mother. Says she's never f**king heard of it.....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Sat Feb 02, 2019 9:39 pm

Because of the snow and ice earlier here in Kent, I knocked on my 98 year old next door neighbour's door and asked her if she needed anything from The Co-Op. She said she did, so I gave her my list. No point us both going in this weather.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Sun Feb 03, 2019 5:27 pm

I was in the loft yesterday when I found my grandfather's old wig-making machine..

It's a family hair loom.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Sun Feb 03, 2019 8:33 pm

How embarrassing. I just tripped over and accidentally pulled some woman's top & bra down as I reached out to break my fall.

I felt a right tit.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:54 am

The wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. She hates my marker pens.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby -DL- on Mon Feb 04, 2019 11:28 am

-DL- wrote:I decided I would make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning.

She's now banned Sharpies from the house.


Westcliffspur wrote:The wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning. She hates my marker pens.


Bit late to the party with that one dude 8-)
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