The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby woodford on Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:15 am

S-H wrote:

It's ok I don't think Monkeybubbles has clocked in yet.



seems to work on Edge but not chrome. i will persevere
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby psychoscoredthelot on Thu Feb 07, 2019 1:42 pm

V-M wrote:
I just split up with my girlfriend Lorraine, ive been having an affair with an older woman called Deirdre.

Anyway all's good because ...

I can see Deirdrie now Lorraine has gone...

:oops:


works better with clara and lorraine
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Thu Feb 07, 2019 2:30 pm

V-M wrote:I just split up with my girlfriend Lorraine, ive been having an affair with an older woman called Deirdre.
Anyway all's good because ...
I can see Deirdrie now Lorraine has gone... :oops:

psychoscoredthelot wrote:works better with clara and lorraine

Monkeybubbles will be the judge of that..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Monkeybubbles on Thu Feb 07, 2019 3:11 pm

Aha!

Samba wrote:Monkeybubbles will be the judge of that..


Monkeybubbles wrote:07/02/19
Cock off Samba
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Samba on Thu Feb 07, 2019 7:11 pm

Samba wrote:Monkeybubbles will be the judge of that..

Monkeybubbles wrote:Aha!

Monkeybubbles wrote:07/02/19
Cock off Samba

Up yer bum!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:10 am

Just walked past my local bookmakers and there was a sign on the door saying Open Sunday 11-4. I thought I would have twenty quid on that, it was open last Sunday
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Sat Feb 09, 2019 1:33 pm

A Humberside city faces a serial killer who's stabbed and devoured three men, each called 'Alan'.

Police are profiling highly religious cannibals who will only eat Hull Al meat.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby pablo jaye on Sat Feb 09, 2019 4:57 pm

A couple of crackers there Westcliffspur!!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby The Collector on Sat Feb 09, 2019 6:45 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:The Non racist crap joke thread.
Catering for Alzheimer's since 2010


You’re not kidding. I just laughed out loud at all three of those.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:58 pm

As a parent myself I can appreciate how proud Mum Heung-min and Dad Heung-min are of Son Heung-min. What player.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:52 pm

The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.

I asked how she was.

They said "critical"

I said "what's she complaining about now?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:25 pm

Probably been on before. I'm sure I will be told.
Went home early as its Valentines day. The wife was stood at the top of the stairs virtually naked.
"Look!" She said I found a pair of my old crutchless knickers, and they still fit!"

I didn't have the heart to tell her they were actually one of my old vests.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ballantine on Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:52 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:The Non racist crap joke thread.
Catering for Alzheimer's since 2010

How many Alzheimer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?














To get to the other side.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby crankyhammer on Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:11 am

My wife came into my shed yesterday.

"You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!'' she said.
it was at this point that the slap a twat auto 3000 proved her wrong.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Hummer_I_mean_Hammer on Fri Feb 15, 2019 11:11 am

woodford wrote:sorry posted a link thats not working, as you were


Sorry but I don't get it. :?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby scobie on Fri Feb 15, 2019 11:34 am

Stolen from the Times today:-

Viagra: It might not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Fri Feb 15, 2019 5:38 pm

crankyhammer wrote:My wife came into my shed yesterday.

"You're wasting your time and money on all these inventions!'' she said.
it was at this point that the slap a twat auto 3000 proved her wrong.



Lol. Very good.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Westcliffspur on Fri Feb 15, 2019 5:58 pm

My Mother in Law is always complaining about the price of stuff. '£2.50 for a cup of tea and £1 for a biscuit! That's ridiculous!'

'Look' I said, 'I didn't invite you round here, you just turned up'.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby ageing hammer on Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:18 pm

scobie wrote:Stolen from the Times today:-

Viagra: It might not make you James Bond, but it will make you Roger Moore.



:D :thup:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:04 pm

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door. Before I could speak he tipped a bucket of dogshit over my carpet and said, "If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it I'll personally eat what's left"...

I replied, "I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electricity this morning"
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