New father parenting tips!

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New father parenting tips!

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Sun Oct 23, 2016 10:59 am

Morning fellow kumb'ers.

I found out yesterday my wife is five weeks pregnant and would like to know your baby/toddler parenting tips for a first time dad.

Fortunately, my wife is a primary school teacher going into head teaching so she knows how to deal with kids, and had a stint helping look after a new born baby cousin full time for a summer for an ill relative.

I have a niece and nephews and have done the whole nappy changing and feeding malarky, but what are your best tips for the first year or so.

I am dreading the sleepless nights as I am an 8 hour a night guy.

Lastly, my side are all hammers, hers are all spuds! They are bound to do their best to get it to the dark side.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby warp on Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:05 am

chelmsfordhammer91 wrote:Lastly, my side are all hammers, hers are all spuds!

falcon punch?




:)
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:08 am

If it gets cocky I can steal a few of your 'your mum's quotes :thup:
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby jevs on Sun Oct 23, 2016 12:42 pm

Best advice i can give you is to enjoy every minute of it mate, they grow up very quickly.

I was a firm but fair dad with my daughter, who's now 18 and a very good lass. I like to think i taught her good manners, respect of others, especially her elders and to be nice to people. Start with the basics and the rest will follow.

Good luck, best time ever but im enjoying the freedom now she's an adult
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Jennings on Sun Oct 23, 2016 1:15 pm

Same as above, cherish every moment. It's over in a flash.

Be firm, be fair & above all be consistent.

Be generous with your heart and your time. That's all children want & need. Throwing "stuff" at them and spoiling them is not good parenting, it's a substitute for good parenting.

Give them boundaries and keep to them. Children will push against those boundaries, that's part of growing up.

Lastly & apologies for throwing cold water on your joyous news, maybe just save the hoorays and the football forum posts and shouting from the rooftops for another seven weeks mate. Sometimes life has a habit of kicking you in the goolies.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Sun Oct 23, 2016 2:57 pm

Jennings wrote:Same as above, cherish every moment. It's over in a flash.

Be firm, be fair & above all be consistent.

Be generous with your heart and your time. That's all children want & need. Throwing "stuff" at them and spoiling them is not good parenting, it's a substitute for good parenting.

Give them boundaries and keep to them. Children will push against those boundaries, that's part of growing up.

Lastly & apologies for throwing cold water on your joyous news, maybe just save the hoorays and the football forum posts and shouting from the rooftops for another seven weeks mate. Sometimes life has a habit of kicking you in the goolies.


Cheers mate. Yes we have only told her parents for now as she wanted to be able to talk to her mum about it the whole way as she is a worrier. We are leaving everyone else until we know things are a lot more certain.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Clucking Bell on Sun Oct 23, 2016 3:07 pm

I wouldn't worry about the sleepless nights bit. It doesn't last very long. Also, if you really want to accumulate a vast number of brownie points with the missus, make sure that you're the one who gets up and changes the nappy. Once you've done that and the missus has got the little bugger on the tit, then you can go back to sleep again :D
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby pablo jaye on Sun Oct 23, 2016 3:25 pm

1. Get the sleep-tokens sorted in advance.
2. Get your work-life balance right so you can enjoy them growing up - I work near home and have a relatively straightforward 9-5 job. Could have moved on career wise and earned a ruck more .... but would have sacrified seeing the kids growing up,
3. Get them into a routine as soon as possible, most importantly bedtime .... bath, milk and story and then bed ... all done by 7-7.30 so you and the missus can have time for yourselves - sometimes overlooked in parenting but v important as you'll still be with her long after the kids have flown the nest.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Burningaham on Sun Oct 23, 2016 5:53 pm

Get a nappy bin with a twisty lid, so you can get rid with one hand.
This is solid gold.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Sun Oct 23, 2016 6:29 pm

Cheers all, pablo, what you say is what the mrs has always said is important to do so that will be a priority!.

In terms of gadgets etc what would you say is worth it? My brother in law mentioned this kit that makes your bottles ready etc so during the night if a feed is needed you aren't mucking about waiting for the kettle to boil etc. Things like that I would pay the £50-70 or whatever it was!.

The twisty bin is a good shout, anything that makes life that little bit easier is worth it. Over the last couple of years i shifted from buying cheap/better value stuff and paying out more if it just makes things easier or is going to last longer.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Johnny Byrne's Boots on Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:20 pm

Time spent with them is never wasted, your time is all they really want. Well, that and food.

There aren't many old blokes on their deathbed saying "I wish I'd spent less time with my children".
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:41 pm

Best advice I can give is don't listen to any advice. And ignore all the horror stories. You are entering the best phase of your life. ENJOY. Pardon?
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby aboycalleddave on Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:44 am

There is no rule book.
Best advice I was given was to ignore all advice and do what you think is best.

As others have already said, relish every single minute.....it wont last long.

NOTHING, NOTHING is as rewarding as being a parent.
Its also tiring, frustrating, worrying, costly.............but well worth it.

congratulations to you both and the very best of luck
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Crouchend_Hammer on Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:07 am

7 weeks in now with my daughter
Enjoying every minute of it

A couple of observations:

After birth
- take some time off after birth if you can, i had four weeks off work which i wouldn't swap anything for
- get used to less sleep but if your wife is breastfeeding then it is ok as not much you can do in the night anyway. I usually rack up about 6-7 hours, and a couple of nights a week I go in the spare room
- decide early on if you want your baby to take a bottle. We want to give her expressed breast milk now and again (mainly to give my wife a break), but she won't take the bottle at all. i think you need to do this fairly early before she gets to used to the real thing!
- get out as a new family as much as you can in the early weeks. We try and have a meal out once or twice a week, or a trip to the pub and my wife takes her out for a walk every day

During Pregnancy
- sounds like a load of mumbo jumbo but consider going on a Hynobirthing course. Two days of your weekend you won't get back but my wife had a very quick, completely natural birth and I think the hypnobirthing certainly helped
- go to NCT. i was dead against it and went against my wishes but my wife now has a solid circle of other new mums to keep her busy in the day time
- i spent nine months stressed, but that was because my wife had had four early miscarriages prior to this birth so I was always on high alert (am am a natural cynic). Try and enjoy the pregnancy if you can
- i dont know where you live but consider Homerton Hospital if local to you. Was really very good indeed
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Kludgehammer on Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:52 am

Don't fall into the trap of waiting for them to be falling asleep before you put them to bed at night - they can fall asleep at a moment's notice, but not when you want them to and crucially, you'll be so exhausted in the late evening that you'll be more tired than they are.

Best thing I even did with my little one was to pick a bed time and insist she went to bed then - took several days of holding her and softly singing (deliberately) monotonous songs (like Wheels on the bus) over and over and over again while she wriggled and wailed until she was ready to drop off, but eventually she got the idea that it was bed time when we went up into her room around then and would be happy to go to bed at that time.

Other than that, all the general "enjoy them, they grow up so quick" stuff.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby CMNinja on Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:17 am

Very happy for you.

I asked a similar thing on here when I found out my wife was pregnant and all the advice was excellent.

NCT was really useful for us and, as said, you do end up with some decent friends in the same position.

During pregnancy, your wife is going to get bombarded with information, questions and whatnot. While the pregnancy is a very personal thing between the two of you, don't let others' well-intentioned comments and attentions annoy her or make her feel like she's just a baby carrier.

If there's anything you haven't done in terms of DIY, you still have time to do it but you won't in 35 weeks' time. Also, any films/box sets - now is your chance, especially when your wife starts nodding off at 8pm.

Unlike Crouchend (lucky man), I don't know anyone who found the birth went according to plan. Prepare yourself for complications, worry and waiting - and be prepared to feel like the limp dick at an orgy while you stand around powerless letting those more qualified do their thing. What you can do is listen to your wife and support her and if you can see she's in pain, it's your job to push the midwife to get something done about it - mostly that involves getting her more and better drugs.

As for the rest, when the baby arrives it only needs four things: feeding, sleeping, changing and loving. God willing, when it cries it's either because it needs feeding, changing or winding. Once you get the hang of those basics, you're well on your way.

Bottle things: some people swear by them. We quickly ended up doing what you're not supposed to do, boiled a load of water each morning, filled bottles and stored it in the fridge. When one was needed, we shoved it in the microwave, dumped some powder in and gave it a shake. Takes no time.

Nappy bins: a brilliant buy, I think. However, it is amazing how quickly you become inured to sick, piss and ****.

Mobiles: we didn't get a mobile (got some other music playing, soothing thing) but lots of people do - if you do, get one with batteries not a wind up one - a wind up one will give you five minutes of soothing, a battery one will give you 20.

Nappies: some nappies have a wetness indicator - I found that invaluable for the first few months as newborns wee a lot but in small volumes so it's quite hard to tell if the nappy is wet just by feeling the outside.

It will utterly change your life for the better - as has already been said, there is no way that spending time with your baby will ever be wasted.

Finally, ignore all advice, pick and choose what works for you and your wife or make it up as you go along. It's a mad adventure and you will find your way.
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Crouchend_Hammer on Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:41 am

CMNinja wrote:
Unlike Crouchend (lucky man), I don't know anyone who found the birth went according to plan. Prepare yourself for complications, worry and waiting - and be prepared to feel like the limp dick at an orgy while you stand around powerless letting those more qualified do their thing. What you can do is listen to your wife and support her and if you can see she's in pain, it's your job to push the midwife to get something done about it - mostly that involves getting her more and better drugs.



Not totally according to plan, as the baby was 2 weeks early, but we went from eating out in a restaurant on the Thursday night to birth of the baby Friday morning.
Had only been in the hospital 2 hours when the baby popped out with not even a paracetomol used for pain relief.
It wasn't all plain sailing, wife had blood pressure issues which were a little scary, but yes i know how lucky i was compared to other fathers

All about the Hynobirthing though....
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Balhamite on Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:48 am

Lots of good advice here already.

Best advice for the early years for bedtimes is ROUTINE. Same process, at the same time, every time.

We have 4 kids, including a set of twins.

The other best advice, as others have said, is to enjoy it, and take lots of photos. They get big so quickly............
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Crouchend_Hammer on Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:01 pm

Balhamite wrote:Lots of good advice here already.

Best advice for the early years for bedtimes is ROUTINE. Same process, at the same time, every time.

We have 4 kids, including a set of twins.

The other best advice, as others have said, is to enjoy it, and take lots of photos. They get big so quickly............


Out of interest, when did you start trying to implement a routine? My daughter is 7 weeks and we haven't really started yet, but don't want to leave it too late...
The consensus seems to be to start giving it a go from 8 weeks, but not really go balls and all to about 4 months
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Re: New father parenting tips!

Postby Denbighammer on Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:50 pm

Lots of good advice on here.

Routine, routine, routine - they love it and you will too (although don't even bother trying for the first 3-4 weeks).

Often people will tell you, "when you get 5mins to rest, take it". Good advice, as long as you are prepared for the next drama - i.e. dirty nappy, feeding time, change of clothes etc. so I would say be organised. Always make sure there is a sterilised bottle ready, a stocked change bag for when you go out, make sure you have an area that is exclusively to change nappies and that is big enough to have stocks of wetwipe, nappies, spare clothes to hand at all times.

They are all different and it is brilliant. I gave up work to look after mine and I absolutely love it (most of the time!). Good luck!
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