Bang to Rights.

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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby Estuary on Tue May 09, 2017 1:53 pm

Great story Ron.

T
he day after they got back from their holiday my dad came home from work and I swear I came very close to him kicking the living **** out of me. My aunt hadn't grassed me up but the guy from Adrians Record Store saw me and he told my dad.


And you know who worked in Adrian's dont you? Our very own, Up The Junction!! 8-)

Personally, I have a long rap sheet going back to pre-teen until I was in my twenties. I wasn't fussed about getting caught and even the convictions didn't really bother me, what made the change in my life when was meeting the right girl.
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby ballantine on Tue May 09, 2017 6:00 pm

the celestial insect wrote:I was caught by a nosey policeman doing stuff with my then girlfriend in her Fiat Panda

Felt really bad for you until i realized the copper hadn't actually both nicked you and shagged your girlfriend :lol:
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby ballantine on Tue May 09, 2017 6:26 pm

At 16, I 'borrowed' my parents car to drive to my girlfriend when they were out of town. Didn't really now how to handle a vehicle, but got to her place without much ado. Picked her up and headed back home to my parents house. Something wasn't right about the car going home, and got increasingly frustrated as I couldn't get it to go as fast as I thought it should. The burning smell was also an indication something was not right. Anyway, i kept going, and tried to act cool for my girlfriend. Made it as far as only 500 meters from home when the car broke down and black smoke gushed out of the bonnet. I had been driving with the handbrake on...

Never got caught, though. I called an older friend who actually knew how to drive, and he towed the car to my parents. Got some suspicious questions from my dad when he complained about that bloody car needing to get fixed again, but I denied and denied and got away with it.
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby Monkeybubbles on Tue May 09, 2017 8:02 pm

How Cinderella got his nickname.....

My mate Cindy is an enormous rockabilly feller who tends to live life by his own rules a little. I was round his place watching football and drinking beer a couple of years ago, and sometime after midnight he was telling me about the run in he'd had with a family of chavs down the road about who can park where. "Right", he said, "let's do something".

The chav's house backed onto some garages, so we shinned over the wall with mischief in mind. We didn't really know what we were up to, but Cindy decided the best thing to do was have a dump in their birdbath.

As soon as he dropped his kecks and manouevered into position, there was a furious banging on the windows, the lights went on, the dogs started barking........ I was over the wall like an East German hooker, but Cindy isn't much of an athlete (and, in fairness, had his pants round his ankles), so he struggled a little. Took three attempts to jump up, lost his footing on the trellis, just about made it over before their staffie ripped his arse apart, but lost his left shoe in flight.

The bloke from the house popped round to see Cindy the next evening, and explained what had happened. They hadn't seen who it was, but they had a shoe as evidence. A lime green size 12 brothel creeper. "Any idea who it might belong to.......??".
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby FreeWheeling on Wed May 10, 2017 10:20 am

:lol:
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby 1875Hammer on Wed May 10, 2017 10:49 am

Once got caught short in the early hours in central Edinburgh. This was a long long time ago before late opening and night buses. Walked up off Princes Street and started pissing in a shop doorway. I'd had a few and it seemed to go on forever. Next thing a torch shone in my direction and 2 police officers stood at my shoulder. The stream had travelled about 40 yards downhill and alerted plod. I was STILL pissing and was given the option of putting it away midstream or getting nicked. That was an uncomfortable walk home.
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby ironilunga on Wed May 10, 2017 11:13 am

In my adolescence my brother and I raided the drinks cabinet when my parents went out for the day. We poured a couple of scotches which I instantly disliked (things have changed). I tipped my glass out of my ground floor bedroom window on to a patio. Upon my Fathers return he went out for a smoke in his usual place on said patio. I suddenly became concerned that the combination of my fathers cigarette and the flammable scotch I had poured on the patio would result in him going up like a Roman candle. On reflection I think this was the early onset of what in adulthood has become a generalised anxiety disorder.

My story is different in that I grassed both myself and my brother up for the scotch to save my Father from the flames. My brother was banned from staying over at a friends house that night and instead he gave me several dead arms and kicked me in the testicles for narking. Fair play.
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Wed May 10, 2017 1:41 pm

ballantine wrote:At 16, I 'borrowed' my parents car to drive to my girlfriend when they were out of town. .


I did exactly the same thing .

My parents had gone to bingo one summer's night and I took my mates out in their old A30 which they just kept lying there out of nostalgia , it didn't have an MOT and I certainly hadn't passed my test by then so no insurance or anything - I took 3 of my mates for a spin to Benllech and back , a round trip of around 20 miles - I was lucky the old banger actually made it back .

I'm not really a bad person either , honest .
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby Westcliffspur on Wed May 10, 2017 8:05 pm

In my late teens, I swam out quite far off Southend by boat hoping with my friend. We would swim out to one moored boat and then another until we must have been a quarter of a mile out. When we reached the farthest boat from shore we climbed up into it for a rest, before beginning our swim back to the crowded beach.

We hadn't been sitting up in it for too long when we saw a small trawler heading for us. As they drew near they told us in no uncertain terms to bloody well get off the boat. We told them we were knackered and as soon as we were rested we would get off. This was not good enough and one of the blokes threatened to come aboard and smack our heads in. Come away, says I. They were bobbing about near us and he was trying to board but as they were higher up it was not an easy process for him as when he kicked out at me I'd punch back at him. He and his mates then started to chuck objects at us like bottles and pieces of wood. My mate and I were lobbing them back with interest. In the end, they were getting more and more iraite and were lobbing chunks of metal at me. I started to pull the wooden duckboards up off the boat we were on and was hurling them at them with vengeance. Eventually, we saw the police launch in the distance heading towards us so we dived off and started to swim like bloody Johnny Weismuller back to the beach. We were well pleased with reaching the beach before the police launch could get us. We gathered up our clothing and towels and legged it across the road and started to make our escape up the cliff gardens only to be apprehended by half a dozen coppers who seemed to be coming from all directions. We were carted off to Southend police station and threatened with all manner of charges including rather ludicrously something along the lines of Piracy on the High Seas. It turned out when the boat owner was finally contacted he was not interested in pressing any charges.
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby Robbie on Wed May 10, 2017 8:54 pm

Hammer.CA wrote:
An unusual form of punishment, are you Catholic?


Hahahaha.....brilliant..! :lol:
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby JerseyHammer on Wed May 10, 2017 9:48 pm

When I was 18, I got caught having a piss in public whilst absolutely steaming drunk. I had to go to court and explain myself (this was only 12 years ago but Jersey is ridiculously OTT with stuff like this).

They read out the police report. "You were seen stumbling across the road. You unzipped your trousers to remove your penis, and then commenced urinating. You saw the officers and made no attempt to stop urinating...."

£90 fine.

Then a year to the day later, went out and was absolutely smashed. Woke up in a prison cell. At this point I was still hammered but having slept on bench with my clothes on, and no recollection of how I'd got there, I was s******g myself big time. I went to the door and started asking calling for someone. A lady arrived and said I had been put in there for my own safety as I was unable to properly speak when found, passed out, outside a nightclub. "You're free to go whenever you wish...." so I scarpered. I walked home and opened the front door. My dad was standing there having seen me stumble up the drive at 8.30am. "So, what was her name then?" I didn't quite understand him and assumed he must have been talking about the lady working at the drunk tank. "No idea, I only spoke to her for a second.....oh.....you mean......er......"
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Re: Bang to Rights.

Postby PF. on Mon May 15, 2017 10:34 pm

delbert wrote:I also got caught sniffing the drivers seat of a bus that was very recently vacated by a female driver of the brassy milf type. I was only about 19 at the time and a trainee bus mechanic, the saucy look she gave me when she came back for her ticket machine and caught me was sheer filth.
In hindsight I should have started with that one instead of the bike on the pavement effort......


Thats ****ing killed me. :lol:
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