The Snug Accident Log

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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Bend it like Repka on Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:31 pm

Rocketron wrote:Stilll nothing from Jennings.
Has he finally managed to kill himself?


Since starting this thread I'm trying to replace him. I very rarely have have accidents but after the 2 at the weekend I thought I was done.

However a few days ago our outside drain was blocked so I sorted it out with a metal rod and suddenly the level dropped. I decided to fish out all the dried gunk round the edges picking out loads of string, hair and congealed gunk wearing thin rubber gloves. One last rummage around I thought and I gently pushed my hand under the sludgy water.

Sharp pain as I stabbed the end of my finger on **** knows what. Glove off, lots of blood. Can't believe it. Washed repeatedly, slapped on Savlon. It's must have been full of every germ known to man. God knows when I last had a Tetanus.

2 days later and still standing. No sign of eebe jeebies yet.

I'm locking myself indoors for the next week.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Kennet on Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:20 pm

Last night camping at the SPA GP and whilst tearing apart a pallet whilst sober, compared to the rest of the weekend, I tear the palm of my hand with the rustiest screw you have ever seen....Claret everywhere!


Washed and a bit of sav and all seems well...

Still getting a tetanus done though, been well over a decade :o
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby MooreHurst on Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:51 pm

Doing some pull ups in the gym, pulled up to high and headbutted the ceiling! ****ing basement gyms
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Monkeybubbles on Tue Sep 05, 2017 10:52 pm

The expanse of skin between your ****hole and nutsack is called your gooch, apparently.

I generally like to keep it all tidy downstairs, because you never know, but the ever fragrant Mrs MB recently made me aware that I'd been missing out the gooch of late. Reminded me of the "I've got badgers in my backyard" thread.

We were going to see her parents on Sunday, and so I steeled myself with a Big Drink before having a shower, and another Big Drink when I got out of the shower and was trimming my beard. Because I'd had two Big Drinks, I thought it would be a good idea to use the beard trimmer to Agent Orange the gooch patch. Because I'd had two Big Drinks, the inevitable happened and I managed to nick the outer rim: 8 perfectly parallel tramlines, about 4mm long. It stung like the papercuts from hell, but I like to finish a job properly (ask your mum} so I carried on hacking away and then somehow managed to deeply lacerate my lateral banjo string. There was blood, and lots of blood. All night.

There's more.

So, Tuesday night now. Played in a football tournament yesterday and the gusset on those nylon shorts is very unforgiving. Today, I've just driven all the way to the wrong end of Somerset for work and booked into a nice-ish hotel. 4 hour drive; unrelenting, sweaty, grinding. The gooch is giving me serious gip, can't sit, can't stand, can't walk. I've gotta check this out, could be serious....

So I clamber up onto the chair so that I can get a good look at the gooch in the mirror above the dressing table. *** me. There are some mad colours going on there, and the slash across the gonad string looks like it's puckered up for a goodnight kiss. Because I'm a bloke, I thought the right medical procedure would be to have a prod around with a finger to see how much it hurt. The answer is that it hurt an absolute ****load, it hurt so much that my leg kind of jumped a little and I nosedived off the shitty chair like a giant spastic hawk, pulled the shitty blind off the wall as I went down, and cracked my shitty head on the shitty radiator with a great big KERTHUNK.

There was blood. And lots of blood.

At the Yeovil District Hospital's A&E department, the fat nurse said "Just need to pop a few stitches in there, shouldn't be more than ten minutes". 45 minutes later I've eaten a KitKat, done the crossword, and written this. I may bleed to death. I hope Mrs MB can live with the guilt.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby hammerdivone on Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:08 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:At the Yeovil District Hospital's A&E department, the fat nurse said "Just need to pop a few stitches in there, shouldn't be more than ten minutes". 45 minutes later I've eaten a KitKat, done the crossword, and written this. I may bleed to death. I hope Mrs MB can live with the guilt.


How's the head?
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby uptonparkhurst on Wed Sep 06, 2017 7:53 pm

Monkeybubbles wrote:The expanse of skin between your ****hole and nutsack is called your gooch, apparently.

I generally like to keep it all tidy downstairs, because you never know, but the ever fragrant Mrs MB recently made me aware that I'd been missing out the gooch of late. Reminded me of the "I've got badgers in my backyard" thread.

We were going to see her parents on Sunday, and so I steeled myself with a Big Drink before having a shower, and another Big Drink when I got out of the shower and was trimming my beard. Because I'd had two Big Drinks, I thought it would be a good idea to use the beard trimmer to Agent Orange the gooch patch. Because I'd had two Big Drinks, the inevitable happened and I managed to nick the outer rim: 8 perfectly parallel tramlines, about 4mm long. It stung like the papercuts from hell, but I like to finish a job properly (ask your mum} so I carried on hacking away and then somehow managed to deeply lacerate my lateral banjo string. There was blood, and lots of blood. All night.

There's more.

So, Tuesday night now. Played in a football tournament yesterday and the gusset on those nylon shorts is very unforgiving. Today, I've just driven all the way to the wrong end of Somerset for work and booked into a nice-ish hotel. 4 hour drive; unrelenting, sweaty, grinding. The gooch is giving me serious gip, can't sit, can't stand, can't walk. I've gotta check this out, could be serious....

So I clamber up onto the chair so that I can get a good look at the gooch in the mirror above the dressing table. *** me. There are some mad colours going on there, and the slash across the gonad string looks like it's puckered up for a goodnight kiss. Because I'm a bloke, I thought the right medical procedure would be to have a prod around with a finger to see how much it hurt. The answer is that it hurt an absolute ****load, it hurt so much that my leg kind of jumped a little and I nosedived off the shitty chair like a giant spastic hawk, pulled the shitty blind off the wall as I went down, and cracked my shitty head on the shitty radiator with a great big KERTHUNK.

There was blood. And lots of blood.

At the Yeovil District Hospital's A&E department, the fat nurse said "Just need to pop a few stitches in there, shouldn't be more than ten minutes". 45 minutes later I've eaten a KitKat, done the crossword, and written this. I may bleed to death. I hope Mrs MB can live with the guilt.


I defy Jennings (or anybody..) to beat that!!
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby somerset-hammer on Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:13 pm

MB welcome to Yeovil mate.

Sorry to hear about your accident.

A trip to A&E is as lively as things can get here mate.

Get them to rub something into your gooch to help pass the time.

Edit just seen that you posted that on Tuesday, did you make it out alive?
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:01 pm

somerset-hammer wrote:Edit just seen that you posted that on Tuesday, did you make it out alive?


Yeah, thanks. Spent a very pleasant day on a job in Crewkerne. Got very bored of explaining the stitches in my bonce, though.

I'm very envious. It's an absolutely lovely part of the world. Not Yeovil, that's a bit of a ****hole obviously, but the area around it is wonderful. I stayed in Babcary, it's very near the top of my list for when my lottery ticket comes in.

Next time I'm over I'd be delighted to stand you a couple of pints.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:04 pm

hammerdivone wrote:How's the head?


Top work, sir.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby somerset-hammer on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:47 am

Monkeybubbles wrote:
Yeah, thanks. Spent a very pleasant day on a job in Crewkerne. Got very bored of explaining the stitches in my bonce, though.

I'm very envious. It's an absolutely lovely part of the world. Not Yeovil, that's a bit of a ****hole obviously, but the area around it is wonderful. I stayed in Babcary, it's very near the top of my list for when my lottery ticket comes in.

Next time I'm over I'd be delighted to stand you a couple of pints.


Your observations of Yeovil are pretty accurate, and quite kind. I live a few minutes away in Montacute.

Babcary is a lovely little village, did you pop in the Red Lion for a couple?

Pint sounds good.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Bend it like Repka on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:58 am

Top work MB. I did say in my opening post that one injury can lead to another, and you have manged to turn trimming arse hair into a serious head injury.

Maybe I should give a monthly award for best injury report. Let's call it The Jennings.

If anyone can beat your effort for the September award, I'll be amazed.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Chicken Run Supreme on Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:01 am

smuts wrote:Doing Jacket spuds....missed the spud and rammed the fork into my thumb.


I've done this before on more than one occasion.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Monkeybubbles on Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:19 am

somerset-hammer wrote:
Babcary is a lovely little village, did you pop in the Red Lion for a couple?



Yeah, I stayed at the Red Lion. Really nice rooms in a converted barn beside the pub, and the food was very very good. According to the bloke behind the bar, Kylie Minogue stayed in the same room last week; I imagine she was straddling the chair inspecting her gooch too.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby somerset-hammer on Thu Sep 07, 2017 8:23 am

Image
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby mumbles87 on Fri Sep 08, 2017 8:12 am

Luckily no-one hurt in our accident except my pride

Baby proofing part of house.. fixing units to the wall so baby can't pull them ontop of herself etc

Last unit, last hole, drilled straight through hot water pipe

20 mins of water flow even though we were 1m from the stop cock it just wouldn't turn

Once I got the boiler off and we had buckets draining the area (soon as we got back from sink from emptying one bucket the next one was full so was really coming out at pace) I laid on the floor and managed to give the stop cock one big turn and then we were fine

All cleaned up by time plumber came

Stayed at parents last night due to no water and the plumbers coming at 09:30 to fix it

Luckily it wasn't a wire Lol
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby FreeWheeling on Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:01 am

One of those stove top coffee maker things
Forgot I had put it on the heat and compounded by the fact i also had not put the top filter in, resulted in an explosion of coffee and ground coffee for a radius of 10 foot
Im a holiday rental with white pained walls not my best form
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby Mega Ron on Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:04 am

Monkeybubbles wrote:
Yeah, thanks. Spent a very pleasant day on a job in Crewkerne. Got very bored of explaining the stitches in my bonce, though.

I'm very envious. It's an absolutely lovely part of the world. Not Yeovil, that's a bit of a ****hole obviously, but the area around it is wonderful. I stayed in Babcary, it's very near the top of my list for when my lottery ticket comes in.

Next time I'm over I'd be delighted to stand you a couple of pints.


I expect you didn't tell the truth.
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Re: The Snug Accident Log

Postby kayahammer on Sun Sep 17, 2017 3:03 am

Our bedroom is blacked out. There are glow stars on the en suite bathroom door. The wardrobe is next to the bathroom door. In a haze I mistook a reflection of an extension cord plug light for a glow star. Result, walked into edge of wardrobe whilst leaning in, smashing the brow bone. White flash of light followed by electric blue stars (no, not semi famous soft pron actresses). The eye is already a dark purple and black colouring, and is spreading by the hour (and hurts quite a bit too)
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