A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Clacton-ammer on Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:04 pm

I concur with everything the very old dude Crossey wrote :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby iLoveLasagne on Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:19 pm

davids cross wrote:iLL....

Small comfort (probably) .....but that you recognise the symptoms so easily is a really good thing. That you know to do something about it is even better.

Yep......it's a never ending battle for some. Some good times, some bad times. But your understanding of that means you will recover again.......because you have done it before. ......you have been here before. Maybe not this time in the exact same way or feelings ........but you've been here !!

That is massively important to remember....... :thup:

I remember when we first started these type of threads........Half the problem was that people didn't know they were depressed at all. They knew something was very wrong but never thought it was depression.

So although these things so often reoccur when we least expect, there is a great confidence to be drawn in spotting it yourself and acting to get yourself better again............TREMENDOUS strength in knowing that.

Good luck with Dr........and to everyone suffering.

Thank you. It is true that I am able to act faster in attempting to nip things in the bud. And it is true that in knowing what it is and acknowledging it and acting with the intention of preventing it deepening is a better state to be in compared to say my sister who refuses to seek help even though she realises she has depression as she is scared to try and fail or be challenged to confront fears and/or simply accepted this way of existing, or those who are in denial or are ignorant of their mental health.

I echo your sentiment and wish others good luck in their own battles.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:34 pm

Clacton-ammer wrote:I concur with everything the very old dude Crossey wrote :thup:


Oi !!!.....I'm sure there's an insult in there somewhere....... :wink:

Very old ?........never.

A dude ?............almost certainly.

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby EastLondonHammer on Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:01 am

Hello everyone, I have briefly read the last few pages since my last post since I cant sleep at all and have been trying to avoid using the internet so I don't keep ordering medication online or researching quick suicidal options so thank you for the all support and kind thoughts, I really don't deserve it but thank you, you are all good people.

I was admitted to hospital from the 24th till last Friday, it was depressing and hard being there and firstly I hated it and was sure I was going to discharge my self back home on boxing day. Christmas day itself I just wanted to stay in my room by myself in bed, but wasn't allowed to by the nursing staff. My fears came true once I was washed and dressed, having to say merry Christmas to about 15 different people throughout the day, presented with a lynx gift set as a present and pulling crackers and putting on party hats, I just wasn't in the mood for any of it and didn't want to be alive at that point and did feel like I might of offended some of the staff or other patients by not taking part, but honestly its nothing to do with anyone just me. It just really puts into perspective previous Christmas days with family which might not of felt special on the day, but you would give absolutely anything for one last time. Really and truthfully the 3 meals a day was one of the main reasons I was there till discharge as the staff had noticed how much weight I had lost since my last admission and further checks showed that my blood sugar and iron intake was quiet low. Slowly, but surely things got a little better there, made a few friends to speak with then attending a few groups on the ward then along came discharge day. Members of my support team were invited but none attended, the occupation therapist from the hospital who was visiting me weekly has left her role this year and my named health care profession is on leave for a few weeks so I felt myself getting lower and lower and lost really till it was time to collect my medication and get the bus back to a dark, lonely and cold house wondering when I will next speak to somebody or where the next meal will come from. Back to all the bills that are over due, debts and on going letters from solicitors now the grant of probate is back from the courts to meet him but have no legal support to do so.

So here we are and once again I'm in a bad way and have started cutting myself with broken pieces of glass after headbutting a mirror. I cant sleep firstly because of the thoughts and my mind never switching off and going round and round day and night, secondly because being given 2 sleeping tablets while on the ward really helped and not being allowed them again while home and lastly just scared of the voices coming back when everything is off so have been leaving the light or TV on. I haven't had any hot food since discharge with most days nothing and just been having some cereal with no milk as I haven't been outside or just biscuits, not washing and just constantly crying to myself. It is lucky I threw my 14 days worth of medication away at the weekend after repeatedly telling people I don't feel safe with that amount that's why I'm always prescribed 7 days as I would of done something with them by now. I don't even have the list of crisis numbers anymore or credit to call anyone since my landline was disconnected, not that it would help anyway.

I gambled and lost all my benefit money this evening after having it cut recently so I have nothing at all now from the little I had in the first place, have missed appointments again as I just cant go to their recovery team office to see a duty doctor ever again as its in Shrewsbury rd in East Ham right next to the care centre where my dad spent his final days where he didn't even want to be for the last few days, but had no choice something I still blame on myself every day thinking there could of been more I could of done to change it and bring him home to say a final goodbye and somewhere I remember the thoughts and feelings walking there from East Ham tube station is just too much and last time they made me go there for a review I just wanted to get hit by a car or jump in front of the tube on the way back. I had a really bad experience with the police a few days before I was admitted to hospital when they broke my door again and I'm still expecting the bill to arrive soon so have been on edge from that and promised my self if they come again after last time how I was treated like a criminal and honestly scared I will just stab myself to death if I know they are coming or knock on the door.

Hearing the phone just keep ringing and ringing always just takes me back to that night in June around 5.15am from the night staff at the care centre telling me to come to the care centre soon as I can a taxi is on the way for me as my dad has had a really bad night and to expect the worse soon after he had his best day yet and was even able to go out.

Just waiting for the voices to come back with more ideas to act on as I missed 3 dates to kill myself over my birthday, Christmas and new year spending the whole day yesterday just thinking of new dates to kill myself thinking I cant wait till the 8th of June, then remembering my mum passed away in February then just for the life of me I couldn't remember the date which I know is terrible and I deserved to get punished for so I had to go upstairs for the first time since I was discharged after wanting to drown and hang myself from the loft last time to find the death certificate then cant really remember if it was the voices or just myself who saw the mirror there and just headbutted it without a seconds thought then just picking up the broken bits of glass to cut my arms and make the cuts deeper honestly just for fun. February 14th was the date if I can manage till that long then was just thinking why not tonight.

I am just a stuck broken person who will never be fixed and its all good my consultant telling me things I cant do anymore and have to stick by these rules or I will be discharged from their care, but I just cant do it however many times I try I just cant do it. I stupidly believed 2018 would be any better sort of a new start for me, but it just never ever will be the same again and that's a world I don't want to live in and begging to know why my previous overdose attempts never worked and why am I still here.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:23 am

Firstly mate,I'm relieved to see your post,even though things have been and still are, as bad as they can get. [ Know well that you can ALWAYS pm me at anytime, and if I sound to be the wrong sort, read back a bit,plenty of others have made the same offer].

This might sound like BS, but I really have been as low as you describe, and though I'm not the life and soul of any party,I'm still here,and still capable of laughing,even if often nobody else can see the joke.
The crap service you (and me,and plenty of others)have had from the authorities is the way it is. They are half the problem.Giving in is just handing them 3 points. One more off their list, a bit more money saved.FIGHT FOR YOURSELF. Would your loved one's have wanted you to give in to the shits?
Times are bad,but they're made a whole lot worse by a system that benefits everyone but the actual people it's meant to help. But there are others that will help.The Samaritans are OK and SANE are too.When you can ,get in touch with Citizens Advice,they'll help with debt issues,and bad as they seem,they're fairly easy together a handle on.
I wish you could find the strength to go back and read the pages of support you got,and still have,on here following your first post.Don't for one minute think no one cares, there's a shitload on here that do.

Stay in touch.Channel your anger.You're not alone,there's some mad sods on here that care about you.Come back and have another post soon, even if it's rant,just do it. Best Wishes.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby somerset-hammer on Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:29 am

Christopher, I'm so glad to see you back, at the same time it's heart breaking to read what you are going through. You really don't have to be alone, there are a quite a few on here more local to you than myself, who I know would love to meet you and have a chat, I implore you to get in touch with one of them, they are good people who understand some of what you are going through, they won't judge you or try to tell you what to do, they will just listen and be there.

All the best, and take care.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby iLoveLasagne on Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:41 am

Like many others on here, we are pleased that you are back and reaching out. I don't know if you are able to have the use of a smartphone as you say you have no credit and your landline is cut off. But my sister recommended an app/website called 7Cups. I cannot vouch for it as I have never tried it, but when I am low I find it difficult to connect with the people around me or anybody who I knew. Instead, I sought strangers to communicate with, those who I felt were more inclined to listen and empathise. If you are awake in the middle of the night or middle of the day when everybody else is at work or you are feeling vulnerable and desperate and need another voice to distract you or keep you company, maybe this is can be helpful as a resource for you.

I have been in similar situations to yourself. I found myself kicked out of the shared flat with my then girlfriend after we split up in Christmas. I was hundreds of miles away away from my family and had to live in a tiny disgusting room. On the following Valentines day the ex slept with one of my friends and everyone knew about it but kept it from me leaving me feeling even more isolated. I didn't attend any university lectures, didn't attempt any coursework. To be honest I could barely manage to eat much like yourself and spent my money on weed as an attempt to self-medicate. I took an overdose that night. I didn't think about the consequences. All that mattered was ending the suffering inside my head.

You have to cling on. You have to want to fight on even if you are feeling weak. Don't leave yourself alone with your own negative thoughts too much. Hopefully you can find some comfort either from here or on the website or app I suggested if nothing else. It is a long difficult road but one that can be overcome. I am fighting a battle myself currently but I have been through worse and survived. I believe you can too.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby We'll be back on Thu Jan 11, 2018 12:56 pm

Hi all.

I was part time poster in the old depression thread but read it all, as I have with this thread. I wish everyone well with their personal battles, especially Christopher. Your story reminds me so much of where I was a few years back I can relate to it all. I like everyone am pleased to hear from you even though you are still in a very bad place. I would like to help you or speak to you as many others do.

The Samaritans number is free 116 123 so you should be able to call from your mobile and the local branches are as follows if you can get to them.
The Samaritans of Redbridge
8 Mildmay Road, Ilford, Essex, IG1 1DT
The Samaritans of Waltham Forest
663 Lea bridge Road, Leyton, London, E10 6AL

There is help out there and any step forward is a step in the right direction. I wish you all the best and please pm me if you wish.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:53 pm

Chris,

I was very happy to see that you've posted again. There are a lot of people here who care and are concerned about you and would like to help if they can (including myself). Please reach out to one of us, maybe Tenbury would be best judging by his posts on here but i'm sure any one of us would be very happy to talk to you.

Please try and stay strong and please keep posting.

All the best,

David
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby iLoveLasagne on Fri Jan 12, 2018 1:33 pm

Me again,

Chris, I hope you are alright. I know you have a ton going on. I do know that you are skint and I am wondering if there is anything you need that I/we can help with. Or maybe you need a lift to go somewhere? Can always PM if you prefer.

Hope to hear from you soon one way or another.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:11 pm

Ok. I mean this with good intentions. I doubt very much (With respect) kindness from anyone on here will help. Christopher should, in my opinion, be in care with professional help.

If anyone knows him (or can identify him to me) send me a pm. I think I can help.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Officer Dibble on Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:45 pm

Christopher, please read what Hugh has written and allow him the chance to help you.

I appreciate that at the moment negatives are all you see, but there are positives in your life that are being swamped by the negative thoughts.

Try to allow people to help you.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby ageing hammer on Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:06 pm

Come on Christopher give Hugh a PM it could help change your life mate.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby rare as rockinghorse shat on Mon Jan 15, 2018 6:09 pm

This thread has amazed me, not only the amount of people who are or have been suffering some form of mental illness, but just how helpful people are when others are in trouble.

I have signed up to do a skydive to raise money for Mind, in light of the experiences I've had with mental illness.
I don't think it's fair to post any link now, with others sharing how they feel, as I think it may be a bit distracting. But if you're happy to read the sponsorship page, then I'll get something posted up soon when I think it's maybe better suited.


I have to hold my hands up and say that I just do not know what advice I can offer Chris. It would be a little dangerous and selfish for me to start throwing out advice willy nilly, but I just hope that you (Chris) can keep in touch on here. Keep in touch and accept others offers of help... just one offer of help might be what you need to make a breakthrough. :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby RichieRiv on Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:09 pm

I think there are somethings that need proper help
. Help that sadly even with the best intentions, none on here are able to provide. I may ask help on how to replace a washer, but I'm not going to ask how to install a new heating system .

I would urge you Chris to take Hugh up on his offer or phone your local crisis team.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby somerset-hammer on Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:16 pm

Good cause RARS, happy to donate as and when.

:thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby DrVenk on Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:01 pm

rare as rockinghorse shat wrote:But if you're happy to read the sponsorship page, then I'll get something posted up soon when I think it's maybe better suited.


Start a new thread mate. And put me down for a score :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby matthewbd on Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:48 am

Hi all.

I just wanted to give a brief update of where I am.

Before Christmas I had a GP appointment booked but pulled out at the last minute. Anxiety and the thought of actually having to try talking to someone was too much. I bottled it.

In the end, I started emailing the Samaritans. I found it much easier to put my thoughts down "on paper". It gave me time to think about what I wanted to say, and time to think about my replies to their follow up emails.

It took a couple of months but I feel in a much better place at the moment.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to respond to my post, and to Officer Dibble for his email.

From the bottom of my heart - thank you.

I've still got a way to go but currently, I'm much more optimistic about everything.I just need to keep working on myself!
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby last.caress on Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:16 pm

That's excellent news matt, sincerely. :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Thu Jan 25, 2018 1:52 pm

last.caress wrote:That's excellent news matt, sincerely. :thup:


What LC said!

Keep on keeping on Matt.
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