A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby simonpaulthomas on Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:28 am

I really hope someone on here does know our friend Christopher in real life, as a quick look over his posting history gives away no details about him (location, surname, job etc). I did a google and had a look on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for East London Hammer to no avail :(
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Wed Dec 27, 2017 9:37 am

It could be that his CMHN, specialist etc, has decided a spell in hospital was best for his recovery.Quite often it comes with no ability to access the internet.
I hope that's the situation anyway.

If you're reading this Chris,and you can, pm me in confidence people here don't want details,just say you're OK.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby rare as rockinghorse shat on Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:30 pm

Mods,

What's the situation in terms of using Christopher's IP address and confidentially notifying someone who may be able to help find a phone number or address?
Surely there must be a procedure with such things? If they are able to find and prosecute those individuals who commit serious trolling and bullying, there must be something that can be done to help someone who may be in need?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Thu Dec 28, 2017 2:46 pm

I think you are on dodgy ground here Rars.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Lt. Discussion on Thu Dec 28, 2017 2:54 pm

I'm not so sure he is mushy. I could be wrong but there was a thread on WHO about a year ago started by a bloke who said he was going to end it all. People thought it was a wind up but some of his 'story' checked out when a mod checked his IP. I don't know the ins and outs but I think authorities in Finland or Iceland or wherever he was based intervened
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Thu Dec 28, 2017 6:45 pm

Safeguarding is a serious issue in modern workplaces. Would be a test case if it encompassed football forum. I would advice the mods to get a bit of legal advice on this one. (Assuming whatever RARS is suggesting is feasible). I don't do IT.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby WestHamByTheSea on Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:49 am

The Old Man of Storr wrote:
Dear Christopher ,
Christopher , if you can reach out to just one of us and we'll take it from there , everyone here is on your side , let just one of us in , you can pm any one of us , me included . I just wish I was nearer , you'd be welcome to stay with us any time you want , I'd pay your train fare and come and get you from the station . Just send one of us a message .


Well said TOMOS...you're a good lad.

Just got back from Christmas in London; strange dichotomy between loving being back with my family and feeling hideously constricted being with them and not being able to tell them how bad i am at the mo. Managed to put on my 'happy face' (overstatement of all time) for the first 5 days, then spent 36 hours in bed, primarily so they didn't have to see me in my 'normal' state. I'm feeling more than a little scared about the fact that being with my brother and auntie (the only 2 remaining members of my close family and people i adore) didn't feel as much of a consolation as i hoped...felt near enough as empty as i do when alone back home...subsequently my world is growing ever smaller. Funny, i can dish out platitudinous-sounding advice and attempts of comfort to others, yet can't follow my own advice. And was it ever thus? Nope.

As all over the place i am at the mo, i still hope others have had as peaceful a 'festive' season as possible. It's a particularly tough time of year for so many of us, so i can only proffer my best wishes to all.

Can't see a long-term for me at the mo. But have said that before. Had a couple of 'mates' calling me fake/crying wolf cos of that before. I suppose i should hope they're right again.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby dave_l on Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:06 pm

Bit of a ramble coming I'm afraid but.

A number of days off at Christmas has really seemed to show me that work is almost the entire cause of my mental health issues. Started a new, more senior job in September. I'd worked there from leaving uni until 3 years ago and left when they hire a load of people who I was training up on 1.5x my salary. Along with a couple of other colleagues we went off to a competitor and then did our own thing for a couple of years. Then one of my business partners' Mrs had some health issues which meant if they wanted kids they needed to act sharpish. He saw running our own business as too much of a risk (even though we were doing well) and wanted to head back into more secure employment. He and I got jobs back at our old place as their team was expanding. Initially I was excited as I liked the thought of working with more people and taking over management of a small team.

3 months in at the new place and I've ended up with a boss who is a nice guy but useless, the same old senior staff from years ago are careering round the place paddling their own canoe in various directions with the middle staff (like me and my colleague) trying to keep the ship floating and not have the younger staff sinking under the volume and unpredictability of the work. The business in its current form seems unmanageable.

I've ended up being placed miles outside my comfort zone as it's either me or let it fall on some younger less experienced guys. It has utterly wrecked my confidence as I feel like I'm not doing any aspect of my job well. As a result I went back into myself, couldn't switch off from work, couldn't sleep properly, lost the desire to do anything particularly outside work. In the middle of this, my Mrs had some problems with medication she was taking and I found out that my 4 month old niece was terminally ill with a rare genetic condition. One of the more sane senior guys there said I could take time out if I wanted to but practically I couldn't do anything to help and stupidly (male pride) I was worried that it'd be seen as me bailing out on a difficult job.

When I left there at 8pm on the 20th after yet another day of random requests out of the blue, I deleted the work e mail app on my phone and said that I intend to be fully uncontactable until I returned on the 2nd. Being away from the place I've enjoyed some great times with friends and family doing things I used to do and catching up with those I hadn't spent any time with. Close family members were worried about how withdrawn from everything I'd become but said I'd seemed happier since I'd been off.

Really, I didn't feel like myself anymore so I've decided that in the new year I'm going to try and take some aptitude tests and work out what other careers I may be suited for. My industry is niche so I feel I need to broaden my horizons a bit but I'm just hoping to work out what actually motivates me in my work a bit more. I kind of fell in to what I've been doing for the last 9 years and done relatively well but I've been massively losing the joy of it over recent years and it has had a real impact of my wellbeing and state of mind. My old man and Father in law suffered from work stress and I really don't want the same to happen to me.

One colleague said I need to try to stop taking everything personally. It seems easy but I find it very difficult to do.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby pablo jaye on Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:53 pm

Dave .... it’s not a ramble at all and respect to you for discussing it. I don’t know you from Adam but by the sounds of things your plans for the new year are steps in the right direction.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Croydon on Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:44 pm

Thanks for this thread, it's been really helpful

Maybe it's worth stickying this thread with some helpful numbers to call, which was the main reason I opened this.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby vietnammer on Tue Jan 02, 2018 6:50 pm

My wife has her sister over from Germany at the moment. She has been suffering for some years from a condition which involves delusions and hallucinations, not visual, but she talks about things and people that either aren't there or she assigns them a role (often members of the Persian Royal Family). This is interspersed with seemingly normal behaviour and conversation. Can't say what the clinical diagnosis is, but that's what it involves. It took her other sister who lives near her in Dusseldorf years to get her in front of a doctor at her home last summer, and she insisted that he was just a 'gentleman visitor' and there is no way to make her take prescribed medication.
Trying to keep this short. The main point is that she is completely alienating herself from the people trying to help her. Yes, she's ill, but she says really nasty, hurtful things to people. This behaviour increases when something agitates her. She's been trying to convince my wife that I am in love with her (the sister) and when I got some flowers & chocolates & wine delivered (I'm abroad) on our wedding anniversary she ended up shouting at my wife saying they were for her. Her sister in Dusseldorf has had enough after years of being treated like a maid - I don't mean in the 'take for granted' sense - this woman literally thinks she's royalty and her sister is her maid who works for her.

She had a quite 'elevated' life for many years, married to a German diplomat. She's very highly educated and cultured, speaks several languages, and she does wonders in our garden and re-arranging the house and cooking really superb dinners when she comes in the summer. The diplomat dumped her for a 'younger model' (can't have helped) some years ago, and has no contact with her. They have a daughter at uni in Germany who doesn't seem to do much for her either.
She is getting to the point where she can't run her everyday life, we had to get her electricity re-connected last summer, and even the tasks she used to do are disappearing now. Her other sister tries to manage her money, but she spends it on crap.

I've had What'sApp messages from my wife tonight that her sister laid into her verbally when she came home from work to the extent that she threatened to call the police. I've replied twice but had no reply back. This woman has no history of violence but I'm worried now. My wife is trained and experienced at dealing with 'autistic' people who pose behavioural challenges but even she's getting worn down by this every day.

Far as I understand, people can only be sectioned when they are a danger to themselves or others, not for being an irrational pain in the arse. I guess it will come to the point where she cannot manage her life in Germany any longer before she goes into care. She's the same age as me (59).

Maybe I've tried to explain too much background, but I did discuss the possibility of taking her in with us in the future (Brexit has probably put the kibosh on that anyway) but I really don't think we'd be able to cope with her.

(Edit) have had a call and everything's fine, but my wife's sister is actually resentful at the intrusion of my wife coming home. She likes the place to herself now.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:02 pm

I understand whyyou were worried,I would be too.It's strange to see things from the other side.
She's massively unwell,and isn't going anywhere but downwards,especially as her support,unsurprisingly,is getting pretty pissed off with her.
I wouldn't normally suggest this,but given her history,presumably sheain't skint.Private shrinks are there on tap,no waiting,seeing as she's a bit grandiose(at least in her head) if the exclusivity,etc.etc of the doc and his 'treatment' is played up, maybe she'd go for it.To be honest, I think any shrink ,NHS or private,on hearing her delusions would defothink about a sanction,I got one for far less.
I appreciate you and your missus must have had a bellyfull, but her sister,between delusions, must be a seriously troubled soul.
Best Wishes mate,hope you're home soon,you must hear the call of the cider......
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby vietnammer on Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:09 pm

Thing is, her sisters (there are SEVEN of them!) love her. She was apparently a leading light in the family when they were young. I can't see them abandoning her, but she makes it very hard work to stay on her side as she acts like she doesn't give a **** about them. Won't detail them here, but some of the things I've been told she's said to her family, at celebrations and dinners etc, are outrageous. Everyone knows she is ill and has been for a long time. The worry is that love can be worn out.

Tenbury wrote:presumably she ain't skint.


I don't think she's got that much, not destitute, but I think she's on benefits in Germany. She used to have a very good job with the Foreign Ministry, but that ended years ago. We pay for her flights to come and stay with us.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Croydon on Tue Jan 02, 2018 9:18 pm

Wrong thread
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Mega Ron on Wed Jan 03, 2018 12:16 pm

Viet. Make sure you and your wife are careful.

Her sister sounds, at best, a loose cannon and a person like that in your life leads you much more likely to be physically hurt.

The mental stress is obviously bad enough but you can't take a chance with some people.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby DrVenk on Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:05 pm

Really sorry to hear that Viet.

Not sure whether this is correct, but I assume the symptoms she has now occurred after the breakdown of her marriage?

I've chatted to soldiers with PTSD and we found that a significant % suffered from psychosis as well. Sometimes the mind constructs alternate realities to deal with traumatic loss and it sounds like she could be going through that.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby vietnammer on Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:25 pm

Dr Venk. I'm not sure of the details of the break up of her marriage, and have been reluctant to pry for information from my wife. I have the feeling that she may have been going off the rails and that the break up must have worsened matters. Sounds like her ex is completely estranged. I really do feel sorry for her, her life was apparently once very successful and her condition has ruined it. The 'alternative construct' perspective could well be true, but it has long proved impossible to get her to co-operate with any specialist help.
What you say about PTSD in soldiers has really become an issue these days and can't get enough attention imo since it must have always been going on.

She's going back to Germany on Friday. She won't be ignored. We will continue to have contact with her.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Thu Jan 04, 2018 1:24 am

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread.
You certainly have helped me just by reading what you have said. That & being on KUMB in general.
When things are at their worst for me, I try to remember one thing,
'There's always hope.'
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby iLoveLasagne on Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:23 pm

I have dipped in and out of this and the previous thread many times. Never did I think I would slip back into it so suddenly and swiftly. I do know the trigger for this however, not that it makes it any easier to overcome. Tomorrow I shall be making a GP appointment and go back on medication after being off them for 2 years following 5 months' of treatment.

It is funny how the familiar signs all come swooping back. The hyper tuning into my own inner voice and everything else is just a blur. The needle sharp focus upon every word in song lyrics whereas before all I noticed was the melody and not the words. The odd taste I have in my mouth, probably from not eating and drinking lots of green tea. The agitation and irritability from human company of any sort. Waking up before my alarm goes off whereas I used to always sleep like a log. Lots of people I know have never suffered from depression or anxiety but those who have seem to battle with it on and off throughout their lives. I have 2 dozen cousins and only me and my sister suffer from it continually. Is this just something we have to accept is part of our lives?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:40 pm

iLL....

Small comfort (probably) .....but that you recognise the symptoms so easily is a really good thing. That you know to do something about it is even better.

Yep......it's a never ending battle for some. Some good times, some bad times. But your understanding of that means you will recover again.......because you have done it before. ......you have been here before. Maybe not this time in the exact same way or feelings ........but you've been here !!

That is massively important to remember....... :thup:

I remember when we first started these type of threads........Half the problem was that people didn't know they were depressed at all. They knew something was very wrong but never thought it was depression.

So although these things so often reoccur when we least expect, there is a great confidence to be drawn in spotting it yourself and acting to get yourself better again............TREMENDOUS strength in knowing that.

Good luck with Dr........and to everyone suffering.
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