The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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mushy
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by mushy »

ageing hammer wrote:I try to post regularly in this thread but unfortunately I have no real advice for anyone as I have no experience in any of this stuff. I always just post support for anyone who is going through a rough time as I know how that feels and can relate to it and try to gee them up a bit.I really really hope none of you mind my posting in here with nothing more than a bit of support as I honestly wish your lives can improve after some of your terrible suffering. I hope this doesn't come across as a bit cheesy but I honestly care about you lot and know how genuine you are about this thread and your troubles. Tell me to butt out and I will :)
Ageing, just do what you have been doing, am sure thats more then enough.
Sometimes we feel an urge to give advice and try and solve other peoples issues for them, its a natural thing to want to do.
The thing is just by being here and reading peoples posts, commenting on them and encouraging them is enough.
People often just want a safe place to be listened to without prejudice or judgement.
I think this forum provides that, and people like yourself (and many others), are doing a fantastic service.
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Adrianisournumber1
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Adrianisournumber1 »

One thing i dont get is why people dont campaign to get mental health treated the same way as physical health, there is no min referral time like there is with physical conditions. My local mental health provider recently took offence to a night club event for Halloween and campaigned to get it changed. I questioned there priorities to which they didnt like :lol:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury »

AiONo1,
There seems to be,in the public mind, a deep set ,yet false, connection between mental illness and a propensity for violence.One of the reasons people are so unwilling to seek help is the realization that ,at least some people,will see them,as potential mad axemen (as I am only too aware). The simple fact is, and I got coated for saying this a while ago, most violence is caused by 'Sane 'people. So any connection between 'horror 'and mental illness doesn't always sit well. Most people wouldn't take the piss out of a cripple, but us loonies, well it's open season.
I'm not taking a pop at you here mate, far from it.And FWIW, I fully agree with your point in campaigning, but to be honest it's a big shout to get involved when your self confidence is not so great.
Best Wishes mate, hope things are going your way.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Adrianisournumber1 »

I get what your saying Tenbury but they are not depicting mental health they are depicting Hollywood, do we stop people dressing up as Michael Myers, or Psycho etc.... I think we need to make a clear difference between Hollywood and depicting that and actually belittling mental health.

I mean i have mental health issues, have been sectioned, but some of my favourite films are based on mental health. I have the same diagnosis Michael does for example.

Where as tackling the way mental health is looked at by government and the NHS its self is vital to good care, 6month waiting list for psych assessment, any physical condition and the NHS would be slammed over it. Yet we have campaigning about posters, and fancy dress costumes instead. The priorities of people baffle me.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Lt. Discussion »

I know a girl who really needed help and was told of this 6 month wait for assessment. She decided the only way to get help was attempt suicide. So she took an overdose of pills, luckily she was rumbled and whisked off to hospital. She was voluntarily sectioned and got the help she needed. That can't be right can it? I bet she's not the only one that has resorted to doing that. Something has to be done. Probably not the right comparison but when you break your leg you get it treated the same day.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by PrawnSandwich »

RayleighHammer23 wrote:No I'm far too ashamed to speak to anyone professional or otherwise. I know its illogical and the people who matter will only ever want to help and won't think any less of me but its a feeling I just can't shift.

I live with it day to day, sometimes its barely noticeable, other days I feel like the air I breath is heavy. I'm smart enough to know that its a disease and that it is what it is but I'm wired in a way that I can't admit it to anyone. Easier for me to say that here of course as a faceless internet bloke.
Rayleigh, your posts are very familiar particularly the description, when I was at my absolute worst it felt like being buried under a dark wave.
I've had depression and anxiety since I was about 15/16 and in the heights of it I have felt like someone was standing on my chest.

I tried for a long time to dismiss it and 'be strong' and when I finally went to the doctors after my divorce I was all alone, hours from family with just my job to cling onto as a purpose for dragging myself out of bed in the morning. The doctor offered me pills and I expressed my concern about the effects it would have on me and he replied 'If you are not here for the pills what are you here for?'.
The ****.

I managed to get CBT and it has been a long hard road to try and level myself out and sometimes I fail totally.
My mum died suddenly 2 years ago and I had to be strong for my Dad and behind the scenes I fell to pieces and to be honest I am still not where I was three years ago.
It;s a long hard and thankless road at times doing battle with it but please try and find someone, some way to talk about it.
That's not weak, that's where the real strength lies.
And good luck to everyone suffering.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

I wonder if there is another reason (there are probably more) why people sometimes don't seek help.
All the while that you don't, it's not 'official'. It's not been written down somewhere & can't ever be used 'against you'. Almost as if, it's not real. And hopefully one day, you will find 'the answer' & then no one will ever need to know.
All that is very understandable to me. The idea that it is bad enough to be mentally suffering but it will be even worse if anyone knows. That you might alone, 'think your way' out of mentally suffering.
I really get that thinking.
However, I don't think that it helps, in the end. You don't have to shout it from the rooftops, you don't have to tell anyone that you don't want to. And you just might get some help that you deserve & need.
There is no shame in admitting that you might need help.

That's a powerful post btw, prawn sandwich. What I wrote above was inspired by your post.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by S-H »

I think more than anything, you're just constantly trying to convince yourself, that you're fine, you're strong, you've got this.

For me it wasn't until I opened up to someone that I realised just how much I was in denial.

Everybody is different though, I have immense respect for all of you, those who seek help, those who might be suffering in silence, and those of you that are taking time helping others, it's not easy whichever position you are in.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by last.caress »

Sometimes, people don't seek help because, secretly, they're afraid/convinced that they're that one person about whom even the professionals will say, "Nah mate, you really are beyond help, beyond hope. We can help most cases, but you... you're ****ed. And you're right, you'd probably be better off necking that bottle of pills you've been eyeing up for weeks. Ta-ta." So, the act of not going to get help means that there's perversely still a chance (in their head) that they can be helped; because they haven't yet had their suspicions (that they're beyond help) confirmed. And that contradictory sense of hope-while-I-haven't-yet-faced-up-to-the-hopelessness keeps them alive, even as it's killing them.

Did that make sense? That kept me from seeking help for years and years, and years.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

Absolutely LC & SH. SO true, both of you. Top posting guys :thup:
If you are suffering mentally, you often tell yourself & believe that there is no hope.
There is always hope.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by PrawnSandwich »

Samba wrote: That's a powerful post btw, prawn sandwich. What I wrote above was inspired by your post.
Thanks man, if sharing experiences help it’s all that matters really.
What you say is true about worrying about work, I stressed about it for ages as I needed some time but didn’t want to get signed off as I felt it would be detrimental to my record.
I had the chance to support one of my team last year after her husband left her just before her daughters 2nd birthday and trying to make her feel it was okay to need help and time.

The most important part of CBT is telling yourself to stop endulging negative thoughts.
Making a list of the positives in a situation and telling yourself that what you did in the situation was the best you could do for you at the time given the options.

Chances are things are never as bleak as you tell yourself.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Shanghai Hammer »

Samba wrote:I wonder if there is another reason (there are probably more) why people sometimes don't seek help.
All the while that you don't, it's not 'official'. It's not been written down somewhere & can't ever be used 'against you'.
Spot on. That was the main reason I didn't seek help. It also takes a certain amount of self esteem to realise you need help and to understand that you are important enough that you deserve help. The very act of speaking to someone is the first step to a better life. Unfortunately this was a lesson I learnt the hard way and never sought out help. Consequently it took me 40 years after all the abuse happened to finally be in decent place and I reckon I could have shaved off 20 years off that if I had looked for the correct support.

I'm now struggling with the legacy of the things that happened during the dark days as you can see from earlier in the thread. Other than that my story is a good one as I'm now out the other side.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Westcliffspur »

RayleighHammer23 wrote:I suffer with depression and find it impossible to speak to anybody about it, I never would even when the suicidal thoughts start.

People who are famous and coming out to discuss mens mental health can do a lot of good in trying to remove the stigma that being depressed is a sign of weakness in Men. I don't want to appear weak, or soft and that's why I live with it in secret.

Rayleigh mate. I was very similar in that I saw asking for any help for depression as a sign of weakness but believe you me I am so pleased I overcame this fear earlier this year. I won't go into too much detail again as I have mentioned it previously and a police investigation is still ongoing but I was very seriously sexually and physically abused at school by two teachers and a male and female associates of theirs off the school premises. I carried this around in silence for far too many years and it caused me untold mental and physical health problems. Finally, finally, I plucked up the courage to see a doctor just after Christmas last year and broke down in her office blurting out I desperately need help. I was directed to where I have experienced 10 months of incredibly wonderful counselling. I have said before I thought all those years I was being strong by remaining silent but I see now it takes far more strength to speak out. I wish I had done it years ago as my life has changed so much for the better.

Doctors or counsellors do not see us as weak asking for help. If we had a broken ankle or arm we would ask for health. There is no stigma in saying I cannot currently cope and I need help. They do not see us as a weaker person.

I am only down the road from you if you still live in Rayleigh. If you would ever like to chat confidentially I could pm you my number. If it were a case of not wanting to go to the GP on your own or just needing a lift there or to counselling mate I would willingly help you.

Everyone deserves help mate. I would help you as much as you want.

All the best Rayleigh. (I would wear no Spurs identifying colours although my car is navy blue! )
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by The Old Man of Storr »

last.caress wrote:Sometimes, people don't seek help because, secretly, they're afraid/convinced that they're that one person about whom even the professionals will say, "Nah mate, you really are beyond help, beyond hope. We can help most cases, but you... you're ****ed. And you're right, you'd probably be better off necking that bottle of pills you've been eyeing up for weeks. Ta-ta." So, the act of not going to get help means that there's perversely still a chance (in their head) that they can be helped; because they haven't yet had their suspicions (that they're beyond help) confirmed. And that contradictory sense of hope-while-I-haven't-yet-faced-up-to-the-hopelessness keeps them alive, even as it's killing them.

Did that make sense? That kept me from seeking help for years and years, and years.

I'm truly sorry to hear that , LC - the reality of your situation is that you would be treated with the utmost sympathy / empathy etc by mental health doctors and nurses - you might think you're beyond help but very few people are after the correct treatment .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Officer Dibble »

last.caress wrote:Sometimes, people don't seek help because, secretly, they're afraid/convinced that they're that one person about whom even the professionals will say, "Nah mate, you really are beyond help, beyond hope. We can help most cases, but you... you're ****ed. And you're right, you'd probably be better off necking that bottle of pills you've been eyeing up for weeks. Ta-ta." So, the act of not going to get help means that there's perversely still a chance (in their head) that they can be helped; because they haven't yet had their suspicions (that they're beyond help) confirmed. And that contradictory sense of hope-while-I-haven't-yet-faced-up-to-the-hopelessness keeps them alive, even as it's killing them.

Did that make sense? That kept me from seeking help for years and years, and years.
That is quite an eye opener LC.

Hopefully it is something I will take forward with me and how I interact with people in crisis.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Exiledin cardiff »

LC you smashed it in one. I have Bi Polar and the two ends of the spectrum from euphoria to dark depression is an enormous gap
From having to fight for PIP with out any help from a psych was hard ,going to the appeal and winning. triggered a Euphoric state the inevitable crash was horrid.
All I ask of people is that they treat me the same way as anyone else.
Mental Health care where I live is a lottery , self referral the norm and upto six months waiting list.
I went to A&E when I was having an episode and had a 3 minute meeting with a Dr who sent me away with anti depressants.
The NHS and Government need to do more. Just because you cant see our illness doesn't mean we are not ill.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by WestHamByTheSea »

RayleighHammer23 - I can only add to the posters advice and compassion so far by firstly saying well done. Talking here is the first step - and it's a huge one. I can testify personally to the kindness and empathy of strangers on here who have taken time out to show compassion and advice to me on numerous occasions. I also find it very hard to talk to those closest to me about the depth of the pain I suffer with all this. It doesn't help that so many loved ones live in London and i'm in Dorset, which makes me loathe to confide too much to them as we are so far apart and I hate the idea of them worrying. They know (as do pretty much all my friends locally) that I have 'issues', but I find it impossible to unload the actual depth of it to them as I fear for the impact it'd have on them.


I've hit a massive wall of late and don't see a way out anymore; I've hit this wall so many times over the past 28 years or so and somehow always formulated some strategy to cope or at least lessen the impact, but I feel that I've run out of mental resources to fight with anymore. I feared it'd happen one day (it's like losing a protective layer of skin each time I manage to recover from each battering), and now it really is happening. Haven't worked properly for 3 years yet have stuck my head in the sand and now am skint, frightened and paralysed by it all.


Anyway, the realisation (or at least the feeling of one) that it's all or nothing this time has at last driven me into action, and I went back to my GP today and for the first time in years simply poured my heart and head out. Last week I went and sat in a park and spent an hour writing down everything that is tormenting me - it was tough but it came in really handy today in allowing me to open up properly. I think the majority of us (particularly men), no matter how frank we think we are and try to be, do find it near impossible sometimes to truly tell someone else EXACTLY what the problems are. I've often gone to my doc or therapist in the blackest of black dogs, yet tried to be almost jovial in conversation with them because (I think) it's an inherent trait to try to make a conversation as pleasant as possible! Totally counter-intuitive in the circumstances of course, but I often can't help it! Writing everything down is a massive help because it's there to be said in front of you - so I'd advise it before you intend to speak to whoever about it; be it your doc, therapist, other-half, your mates, loved ones...in fact even if you can't face immediately talking to someone else about it, write all your stuff down anyway, because it can be cathartic in itself.

Fortunately my GP is an absolute angel and is wonderful with mental health; so that's another critical thing to do; make sure (as far as is possible) you have a GP who at the very least is a good listener and referrer. They may not be able to sort everything out for you immediately, but find a GP who gives you hope. If your GP isn't like that, research your surgery's pool of doctors and maybe look for one who specialises in these matters. I know that might sound patently obvious and of course it's no guarantee, but IF you can find a good fit, trust me, it is a HUGE help and a vitally good launching pad for the rest of the journey in front of you.

Cos basically I went into that consulting room today thinking there was no hope for me anymore whatsoever, and I came out with at least a scintilla of renewed hope. I'm still feeling absolutely desolate and desperate about everything but am now embarking on new meds, new CBT, a list of mindfulness stuff, and most of all a realisation that however much I despise myself, there's always someone out there who cares - whether a stranger or a loved one.


I couldn't have written this last night and perhaps won't be able to tomorrow night or ever again, but just that little bit of help, that kindness - I looked for it and it was there. So Rayleigh and all of you in similar boats - all I can say there is always somebody there. Hard to remember that I know but hey.


Day at a time.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

WestHamByTheSea wrote:I couldn't have written this last night and perhaps won't be able to tomorrow night or ever again, but just that little bit of help, that kindness - I looked for it and it was there. So Rayleigh and all of you in similar boats - all I can say there is always somebody there. Hard to remember that I know but hey. Day at a time.
Fantastic post WHBTS.
You're certainly a great writer. You described things so well.
Such good advice about getting stuff out, whether it's notes on your phone, on a computer or just a pen & paper.
I'm sure others will be inspired by your post.
Like I say, there's always hope.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by WestHamByTheSea »

Samba wrote: Fantastic post WHBTS.
You're certainly a great writer. You described things so well.
Such good advice about getting stuff out, whether it's notes on your phone, on a computer or just a pen & paper.
I'm sure others will be inspired by your post.
Like I say, there's always hope.
Cheers Samba - kind words and they genuinely mean a great deal. One of the aspects of my current malaise (certainly the self-loathing) is that I'm not 'there for others' like i used to be, which is one of the only things that i always valued about myself. I've always been something of a 'go to guy' for my friends when they've been up against it and of late I've been so self-consumed that I've hated myself for not being the friend to others that i have previously been. So basically simply reading your response has been a fillip for me - call it an ego boost perhaps! - but it all helps!

One of the problems I have that has been exacerbated by my situation is that I find the world in general to be such an unsympathetic and bewildering place that i find it hard to bother about myself recovering when the world i have to fit into seems so ****. I increasingly feel like i'm trying to sail in one direction while the world is drifting in another direction altogether. To that end, i get so much out of visiting this thread and being reminded of the inherent decency of people, both when they're confronted with their own problems and moreso the problems of others. I sense that so many people on here don't even realise the positive effect they have even just sharing their own issues without analysis or answers; ALL who are posting here are contributing something in terms of a common empathy whether they know it/mean to or not.

A couple of words here and there, a problem shared - it ALL helps. It's so hard I know, sometimes impossible, but communication (indirect as well) between us all, even non-specific stuff (just vent it if that's all you feel you can manage right now!) - it all contributes. Don't feel you have to ask for an answer and then don't cos you won't get one. Say whatever you have to, make it a one-sided outburst if you prefer - it all helps.

I don't post on here often so please forgive me for over-compensating tonight - irregardless, keep posting everyone. I'll try harder IF i can to share and care - to the myriad better posters on here who keep offering support to others in the midst of their own struggles; hat doffed to you squires!

Perhaps this sounds trite and sickly (I think every f***ing thing i say and think sounds like that anyway at the mo), but for me this thread is proper West Ham. Our club has been warped superficially in its values, but i suspect this thread reflects something of the core of the idea of the West Ham 'family'. (FFS I'm gonna cringe at that when I look again tomorrow morning...what the hell).
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury »

WHBTS.
You know you can always pm me. Stick with that GP. Best Wishes.
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