The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[Tenbury]

TTS.

[Samba]

And my daughter is now in hospital in HDU on oxygen and a feeding tube.
2019 is the gift that keeps on giving.
Staying calm and positive though.

Hope she's doing ok, PS.

[Samba]

A very thoughtful post, TtS.

[The Old Man of Storr]

I went to see my old pal , Billy this afternoon - I hadn't seen him since we moved to Elgin for a few months - I phoned up first to see if he was at work or not , his wife answered ' Billy's off work just now he had a major operation ' - so I went over to see him - He looked a lot thinner - turns out he'd had an aneurisn lying somewhere near the stomach area , he'd had a scan and the Surgeon had called him in saying he didn't like the look of it - he operated that same day , apparently he was very lucky that it hadn't gone ' Pop ' beforehand . He told me he'd been having problems with his liver too and was off his food [ might explain the weight loss ] - then when he went to the loo his wife came and spoke to me saying ' Billy's not well at all , I'm not sure there's a treatment for him ' . I stayed with him for two hours then thinking I'd better go he said ' Did you hear about Mariana ' - ' No ' - ' She died ' - ' What , Andre's Mariana ?? ' - ' Yes ' - ' What did she die of ' - ' Pancreatic cancer , from diagnosis to her time of death took less than three months ' .
Mariana was in her early 40s , we'd been workmates and 9 years ago she'd been desperate to have another child but had experienced fertility problems - they'd got a loan of 7k and had fertility treatment - Mariana had twins , two boys , they're now 8 and Motherless . Andre was the carpenter who built the framework for our holiday let - we spent more time talking about his native South Africa than we did building , we'd also been workmates in my time here on Skye - He is such a sweet gentle man . He's had to give up work to look after his children , he's taking at least 6 months off he told me just now .
At 8.30pm Jen phoned her sister , we'd heard Martin hadn't been well but I was hoping he was suffering from malnutrition or something , he hadn't been eating properly just drinking wine instead - this morning at 5am he coughed up blood - it's not a chest infection .

It's been a bit of a day - I was too upset to finish my dinner - the only thing I could think of doing was to come on here . This is our Church .

Hope you've all had a good day .

[WHU Independent]

Really sorry to hear that news TOMOS. That is really sad set of events to take on board all in one day and it must be very upsetting.

I've just been away in Ireland for 4 days to try and blow some of the cobwebs out of my head. I also went for a walk tonight, which something I never really do. The cold wind really woke me up and helped me get rid of some of the cobwebs that were slowly returning.

[Samba]

Yes, that sounds like a bit of a s**t day, TOMoS.
Of course, the older we get, the more news of people being unwell or dying, we get & the more funerals we get invited to. Although the people you speak of don't sound particularly old.
I keep saying it, life is s**t.
Definitely s**ttier for some than others though.

[Tenbury]

TOMOS,
It's when it all comes at once that it seems so overwhelming , you don't need me to tell you though, that's also when the automatic defence systems kick in.
Obviously, venting, as you've already done, comes first.Next, easy for me not so for everyone, rationally rank problems in terms of how you can affect them,their immediacy, etc.Try to rationalise things amidst the bombardment.
Most importantly, and easy for you, draw on the comfort of your loved ones (simple stuff like enjoying meals together, companionship etc) .Effectively, you're drawing down some of the benefits built up from years spent nurturing a loving family relationship.
You reap what you sow. You have a harvest sufficient for the hardest winter.

^^ I 've just read that back, it's straight from the Gradgrind School of Counselling !
What I should have said was: Best Wishes , hope things look up soon, but it took ages to write so I'm not editing it out @ 5.30 am. Feel free,as ever, to pm me should you need a further dollop of mindless drivel!
If you didn't care so much for the people around you, your life would be easier but far less rich.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Thanks , lads - I just didn't know where else to go but here - was feeling really strange , 3 bits of bad news in a space of a few hours seemed too much to take in - anyway back later , been up since 4.30am .

[OFT]

Thanks all

I'm struggling for words a little at the min but am still reading, sorry if it looks like I've ignored the kind and thoughtful replies.

Rough day there TOMoS, you're right about 'our church' here, there's some difficut reading and yet it's 'uplifting' to read genuine interest and concern from everyone.

[mushy]

TOMOS/OFT
Take good care both of you.
These are tough times and sometimes its really hard to know what to do, or which way to turn, the feeling of utter hopelessness can suffocate and overwhelm you.
Am hoping that things will feel a little different and a little better in a few days time.

Keep venting if it helps.

[S-H]

I know he doesn't post on here much any more, but kudos to rockinghorse for starting this thread. Probably the single most important thing on KUMB, in my opinion.

[mushy]

I know he doesn't post on here much any more, but kudos to rockinghorse for starting this thread. Probably the single most important thing on KUMB, in my opinion.

Absolutely.

[PrawnSandwich]

Another rough week for members of this forum.
Much love and strength to you all.

I brought my little girl home from hospital today after five days on the tubes.
Been the hardest time of my life on top of the harder time of my life but the amazing staff of the NHS have looked after us and she has pulled through.
Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for the first time in six nights.

My mental health might be a mess and the woman I love seems determined to push me away but today I’m taking the victory of getting my princess back home.

[S-H]

My mental health might be a mess and the woman I love seems determined to push me away but today I’m taking the victory of getting my princess back home.

Victories don't come much bigger than that, Prawnie, run with it.

Look after yourself dude.

[ageing hammer]

Tomos so sorry to hear about all your sad news, it's been a tough day for you.

OFT don't worry about the replies just keep going mate we are all with you.

Prawnie that is great news mate so delighted for you.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Thanks for the kind words , everyone , appreciate it as per .

Found out today that there's very little hope for Jen's brother in law - we stayed with them only last July and he seemed as fit as a fiddle - thought he'd outlive me for sure - his heart is in a bad way , coughing up blood . Poor lad .

It was Mariana's death that upset me most , she and Andre were so happy when the twins came along 8 years ago now he's left alone to look after 3 kids - I guess he's not the first to face such a thing but he's the first I know personally .

Anyway , life goes on and we can only hope that our own lives will be long and happy , unfortunately it's not always the case .

It's no wonder so many people cash in their pensions .

[bristolhammerfc]

TOMOS,

Sorry to hear your news. I think what is most difficult is that it forces us to face our own mortality and that black dog of depression. I think sometimes, we can feel guilty for being a survivor. It can cause us to reflect back and wonder if we have used our time wisely.

Sometimes the best way to remember someone is to go on living better, bit by bit.

Prawny, I can only add to what others have said. Having had a daughter who was admitted to hospital two years ago with what we now know was epilepsy was draining and traumatic. The relief at getting them home is almost overwhelming. When my then 13 year old was taken in by ambulance after having her first full seizure where she stopped breathing, I drove behind my wife and her in the ambulance, got out of the car and promptly threw up I was so scared. The NHS were brilliant as you have said.

My week has not been so good. The money situation is better but still very tight. The wolves are still at the door but we keep throwing each of them scraps which keeps them at bay for a bit. I have a new manager now and we have not got on well. For the last five years, I have scored outstanding on my appraisal and have fought off multiple safety prosecutions in my workplace avoiding huge fines for the employer. The new manager is someone who likes to be the headline and micromanage to ensure her image is up there in lights. She told our team that when she started, every senior manager without fail told her that we were highly trusted and respected and as a team we were outstanding.

This week she publicly undermined me on something I had been working on for a while and had to take a hard line on to avoid prosecution for the employer. She totally contradicted my advice and this left my plan discredited, whilst making her look like the benevolent saviour.

I couldn't cope. I was working from home alone. I just sat in my living room not wanting to do or say anything. The feeling of helplessness that I felt over the money situation came flooding back. My best mate at work is in Australia at the moment and non contactable and I don't trust the other team members to tell them. It really hit me hard and I am not sure why.

It took me around two days to get back on track. My wife is of the "pull yourself together" mould so any conversation about it has just fallen on deaf ears.

I am hoping that by continuing to exercise and focus on family that this will pass

[The Old Man of Storr]

From the moment you began ' moderating ' I could tell you were one of the good guys , Bris - your style is to treat everyone as grown-ups which mostly we are - I've seen some try to push the boundaries simply because you're a nice guy but most of us respect and respond better to such a style -

No one likes being pulled up in public especially when we haven't done anything wrong as such - , she probably sees you as a threat hence the dressing down , she lacks confidence in her own abilities so she takes it out on someone who is proficient in their job , if she was any good at her job she would have had a quiet word with you in her office , she may have been on her period making her more tetchy than normal or she may be a horrible bullying cow - I'm going to predict this woman won't last long in her job so you tough it out for now .

What you have to remember is you're better than her in every way , go back to work with a smile on your face , go up to her and apologise for anything you might have done wrong and in public ask her how she would have done it differently - I bet she won't have an answer .

Keep a note of everything she does that might be construed as bullying and take it to a higher office if you feel it's necessary . Most bullies are just incompetent at their job .

[ageing hammer]

Bris mate keep your chin up and Tomos has it spot on

[Clacton-ammer]

Hi Bris, I am going to come at this a different way to TOMOS.

Firstly, 99.9% of the time you never pull someone up in public, it's incredibly poor management, I feel for you on that.

Your nut is currently not performing as you would like due to depression/pressures of life etc. I know a few work functioning depressed people where their mental health is not affecting their work, you may well be one of those, you may not - only you know that, but it is worth taking some quiet time and think if you are "at it" at work as normal. If you are, great, if you are not, it may well be worth speaking to someone at work so they can make a few concessions in your job role just to help you out for a little bit. I know talking to work from what you write will be very tough for you, but you have done brilliantly on here bud, perhaps worth considering. Only you again know if your employers will listen & make concessions, most companies now are moving in the right direction with help/understanding/empathy with mental health, I hope yours is.

The new lady manager, she cocked up, no diggity no doubt, personally I would speak to her one to one and ask that if she does have to pull you again, please do it like you are on a one to one basis - keep it nice & professional for everyones sake.

I work in a male dominated industry, women in my industry have had to work hard to get a level playing field, they pretty much have now and about time to. I am not excusing her behaviour, as it was beyond poor, but perhaps look at it from her side as a new manager/lady making a name in the company. It is worth taking the high ground on this one and give her a chance in a one to one meeting.

Just a different perspective Bris, you are a clever guy, you know they way forward as you are making strides forward, you had a bump in the road this week, this happens, but concentrate on the positive steps you have made, you have had some wins, more power to you