A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Westcliffspur on Fri Jun 08, 2018 5:22 pm

rare as rockinghorse shat wrote:Anthony Bourdain (very famous American chef) has died, reported suicide, aged 61

Unclear what the reason(s) were but not too far fetched that it was likely linked to some form of mental troubles.



I confess to not knowing who the fella was before the news broke but it just shows just like with fashion designer Kate Spade who also sadly took her own life earlier in the week, wealth & fame are no insulators to serious mental health difficulties.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocketron on Fri Jun 08, 2018 7:37 pm

Slacking student wrote:This is it I think

https://twitter.com/simonfromharlow/sta ... 4017026048" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Yep just scroll down and you can read the entire thread

Which one is his amazing dancing bear?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Sat Jun 09, 2018 1:40 am

Slacking student wrote:This is it I think

https://twitter.com/simonfromharlow/sta ... 4017026048" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Yep just scroll down and you can read the entire thread

Yes, that's the one slacking.
Thanks for that.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon Jun 11, 2018 11:09 am

Monkeybubbles wrote:This is a bit of a plea for advice, really.....

My lad is 20 and has suffered for the last three or four years with very severe colitis, - Leaving the house is a real mission as he has to plan his journey by the availability of a loo every half an hour. So, he doesn't leave the house.

His girlfriend dumped him a couple of years ago, as she wanted to see more of the world. His mates have all gone away to Uni. His slightly older brother, who he idolises, also went away to Uni and has stayed there. Now it appears that the medication he has to have pumped into him has caused a liver infection, which may turn out to be quite serious.

He's always been intelligent, smart, good natured and whipcrack funny, but he's always been very shy. Now he's becoming increasingly withdrawn and sullen, just sits in his room on the Playstation pretty much all day.

What can I do?


When we encounter problems in our own lives we tend not to worry as we usually end up sorting them out but when it's our children who have the problems we worry and we worry and we worry some more .

He'll be feeling rejected , he'll be feeling envious , he'll be feeling lost and worried about his future and on top of that there's this horrible illness he's having to cope with .

First of all , let's deal with the girlfriend problem - he's had one girlfriend so it's possible for him to get another one , it sounds like he has a great personality so he'll be fine . Maybe he could do a bit of online dating for a while or meet someone on his Playstation .

All his friends , his best mate and older brother have all gone to University so he's bound to be feeling lonely and envious - When all my friends went off to Uni I got a job in a Bank for 4 years - I felt a bit of a failure and was jealous that they were all having fun , but 4 years passed quickly and I decided I'd also go to college [ it's never too late he can go there in his own time ] . There's also the Open University .

The Colitis and liver problems -
This is the top priority for now , it's imperative to get this sorted as soon as possible [ I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this ] . OK , he's facing surgery and may have to wear a colostomy bag - it sounds horrible and devastating to a 20 year old but there are far worse things [ again we all know this ] . the Doctors and Specialists will be able to help him with this far more than anyone on here will so I won't begin to try .

At first glance it's worrying to see your boy on Playstation all the time - there are benefits and disadvantages to sitting in front of a screen shooting at people all day , I'll talk about the benefits though - He's with friends , he's interacting , he's having a good time , it helps kill boredom and he's not likely to get into any harm . Keep an eye on the hours and encourage him to go for a walk with you as much as possible . Also , try to think of a hobby you could both take part in which means going out [ but close to a loo ] - photography needn't mean a trip to the Highlands of Scotland [ though you'd be very welcome ] - bird watching - walks in the countryside - kayaking [ just for half an hour or whatever he can manage ] - other stuff that I can't think of just now . PM me if you want to chat .

I know what it's like worrying about your child as our boy [ now 22 ] has Aspergers and other syndromes - he's very handsome but no one wants to go out with him - he has friends but doesn't see them that regularly - he also spends a lot of time on his Xbox - we got him involved in kayaking and Drama which helped immensely but he still needs a lot of our help .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Monkeybubbles on Mon Jun 11, 2018 11:24 am

Thanks TOMOS, much appreciated. You're a good feller.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon Jun 11, 2018 11:43 am

Monkeybubbles wrote:Thanks TOMOS, much appreciated. You're a good feller.


It's ok , it doesn't take much to help out a mate - I can't speak for your son but what I've found with ours is he responds to other people more than he does to his Mum and Dad , talking to strangers can be of help , I'd be happy to chat to you and your boy if you think it may be of some benefit - I realise he's a bit shy but he's young yet and once he's gained a bit of confidence he may gain the self assurance of his old man .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Mega Ron on Sat Jun 16, 2018 10:11 am

I don't think I face the same struggles that some on here do but I've been struggling this year.

I started the year feeling quite positive. I think I generally am positive and happy with things but at the beginning of the year I finished writing a book I'd been working on for a little while. I was at a stage where I was tidying it up and was arranging artwork for it.

Then life got in the way. I started a new job. My wife was leaving her old role, then going back to it for much more cash but long hours, and it fell to me more than ever to be doing all the school runs and that crap.

While all this has been going on we've had builders in the house for 6 months now. It's about a week from completion but it's tough to live through. Especially as I've lost my office so am working in the corner of my bedroom.

I never realised before how much of a haven my office has been to me and I think that without it I don't have the right setup to relax/unwind/feel comfortable.

As a result of all these things combined I feel that at the back/on the edge of my mind I've got these negative and stressful feelings that aren't nice to cope with. I now can't get anything done in the way I did previously. I can't finish the book, especially as I've decided it's a trilogy rather than one book, and I'm just treading water in my actual day job.

The builders are due to foxtrot Oscar in the next week or so and I'm anxious that even when moving into my office that things won't go back to how they were.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Sat Jun 16, 2018 11:59 am

Mega Ron,

Sounds like you are going through a tough old time, I have absolutely no advice to give you whatsoever apart from keep on talking about it, either on here or to someone that you will know will listen properly.
Its only the first step but a step that is generally well worth while.
Good luck mate.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:03 pm

Mega Ron wrote:While all this has been going on we've had builders in the house for 6 months now. It's about a week from completion but it's tough to live through. Especially as I've lost my office so am working in the corner of my bedroom.

For a start Ron, I bet that working in the same room that you sleep in has been affecting the quality of your sleep, maybe without you even realising it. Poor sleep has the potential of making you (& all of us) feel very mentally unsettled.
So that should change soon, for the better. :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Chinners92 on Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:07 pm

An interesting article on men talking about their feelings.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/ ... SApp_Other
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby MarylandHammer on Wed Jun 20, 2018 4:53 am

The Old Man of Storr wrote:
When we encounter problems in our own lives we tend not to worry as we usually end up sorting them out but when it's our children who have the problems we worry and we worry and we worry some more .

He'll be feeling rejected , he'll be feeling envious , he'll be feeling lost and worried about his future and on top of that there's this horrible illness he's having to cope with .

First of all , let's deal with the girlfriend problem - he's had one girlfriend so it's possible for him to get another one , it sounds like he has a great personality so he'll be fine . Maybe he could do a bit of online dating for a while or meet someone on his Playstation .

All his friends , his best mate and older brother have all gone to University so he's bound to be feeling lonely and envious - When all my friends went off to Uni I got a job in a Bank for 4 years - I felt a bit of a failure and was jealous that they were all having fun , but 4 years passed quickly and I decided I'd also go to college [ it's never too late he can go there in his own time ] . There's also the Open University .

The Colitis and liver problems -
This is the top priority for now , it's imperative to get this sorted as soon as possible [ I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this ] . OK , he's facing surgery and may have to wear a colostomy bag - it sounds horrible and devastating to a 20 year old but there are far worse things [ again we all know this ] . the Doctors and Specialists will be able to help him with this far more than anyone on here will so I won't begin to try .

At first glance it's worrying to see your boy on Playstation all the time - there are benefits and disadvantages to sitting in front of a screen shooting at people all day , I'll talk about the benefits though - He's with friends , he's interacting , he's having a good time , it helps kill boredom and he's not likely to get into any harm . Keep an eye on the hours and encourage him to go for a walk with you as much as possible . Also , try to think of a hobby you could both take part in which means going out [ but close to a loo ] - photography needn't mean a trip to the Highlands of Scotland [ though you'd be very welcome ] - bird watching - walks in the countryside - kayaking [ just for half an hour or whatever he can manage ] - other stuff that I can't think of just now . PM me if you want to chat .

I know what it's like worrying about your child as our boy [ now 22 ] has Aspergers and other syndromes - he's very handsome but no one wants to go out with him - he has friends but doesn't see them that regularly - he also spends a lot of time on his Xbox - we got him involved in kayaking and Drama which helped immensely but he still needs a lot of our help .


A few years ago TOMOS and I (not sure if he remembers) exchanged some PMs regarding Asperger's, autism, medicine and just venting as a whole as we had similar experiences with our kids.
He is a great guy to talk with and I have never forgotten our exchange. Just try to always be there to listen to your kids and show how much you love them. Depression is a bi@#h and such an unknown unless you do talk with the ones you love. You can't always 'fix' what's going on but you can tell and show them how much they mean to you and how great they are. I'm now divorced and have 2 kids with 'issues'. It's tough but I try to focus on the good stuff with them. I am proud of them both and what they have accomplished.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Wed Jun 20, 2018 8:12 pm

MarylandHammer wrote:A few years ago TOMOS and I (not sure if he remembers) exchanged some PMs regarding Asperger's, autism, medicine and just venting as a whole as we had similar experiences with our kids.
He is a great guy to talk with and I have never forgotten our exchange. Just try to always be there to listen to your kids and show how much you love them. Depression is a bi@#h and such an unknown unless you do talk with the ones you love. You can't always 'fix' what's going on but you can tell and show them how much they mean to you and how great they are. I'm now divorced and have 2 kids with 'issues'. It's tough but I try to focus on the good stuff with them. I am proud of them both and what they have accomplished.

:thup: Great post, MlH. And TOMoS, of course.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Snudge on Fri Jun 29, 2018 8:00 pm

OK, I don't really know where to start. But, I need to get this off my chest, because I don't trust anybody enough to tell them and I need to say it aloud, in public or whatever because I cannot keep bottling it up any longer.

For the past year or so, perhaps a bit more, my marriage has not been going well. I have my faults, I admit that, but the spouse and I can never agree on anything. Everything turns in to an argument, or a dig, and it's unhealthy.

To cut what is likely to be a very long story short - we've both been unhappy for a while now. But, splitting up would be difficult. I don't earn enough money to move out and rent a place, she doesn't earn enough for her to go it alone either.

It's literally doing my head in. I can't sleep, I can't focus, and I'm not heading down the road of bad thoughts towards myself, it's making me ill. That I do know.

But there is a twist to this. I did meet someone else, purely by chance, and we kept in touch. We met a couple of times, and one thing led to another. Now I know this won't go down well with some, but what happened happened. And it felt right. We met again, and each time, it felt right.

Like an idiot, or rather a pair of idiots, we've fallen for each other, They are single, by the way.

Tonight guilt finally got the better of me, and I called it off with them, but already I'm regretting it. I feel sick, and it's now eating away at me as to whether I've done the right thing or not. My head says I have, but my heart is telling me a different thing. Instinct is telling me a different thing.

Deep down inside me, I know this other person is actually 'the one', and I'm now at my wits end and don't know what to do.

I'm feeling an absolute mess right now.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Fri Jun 29, 2018 8:12 pm

How long you been together Snudge? Any kids envolved?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Snudge on Fri Jun 29, 2018 8:27 pm

We've been together 8 years, married for just over 7. We have a child together. We did split up for a while after about 8 months. But the bombshell was dropped a few weeks later that there was a baby on the way.

It wasn't planned, and contraception was used, but clearly failed. We got back together and here we are now. We thought we were doing the right thing, but apart from not even a couple of years, it's never been a happy marriage, more a marriage of convenience. My life has never felt complete.

It's not just about the sex with this other person. It's the way they are, the way they make me feel when I'm in their company. It''s also about them, who they are as a person.

it's all so very messy.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby hessa on Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:12 pm

Sounds like you are having a rough time Smudge. No one is judging you, I'm certainly not.
Relationships are tough to sustain and it doesn't always work out however much you might try. Obviously the situation is made even more complicated as you have met someone else. In a ideal world if you were to split from your wife there would be no third parties involved either through you or your wife. It just increases the chances of things becoming even more rancorous than they are likely to be. For what its worth though, as you have met someone and you feel the way you do about them. If I were you, I would want to keep them in my life. Life is short and you may not meet anyone again that you feel that way about. But, if you do keep them in your life, the chances are that it is likely to make any breakup with your wife even harder than it woud be.

Do you think its worth sitting down with your wife and telling her how you feel and that you need to discuss what you are both going to do about it. Do you think she would want to try and mend your relationship? Maybe she would be relieved that you are acknowledging the problem and have brought it up. Either way maybe you could both discuss how you feel and if you thin you have a future together or if not, what actions you can take to bring about some resolution. Maybe marriage counselling? Maybe not, sometimes things just can't be fixed. Could you move back home or in with a friend if you both want to end the relationship?

Money is obviously an issue, and you would want to provide financially for your son if you were to split up. Do you own your house or rent? If you rent and your wife has very limited savings she could go to the Council and see if she could get on the housing register and may be eligible for affordable housing, and or housing benefit. That woudn't address your problem of affordable accommodation, but at least your wife and child would be okay. If you own, then the housing advice she will receive from the council is to remain in the house and not to sell.

Ultimately, I'm sure things will work out for you one way or another, you will manage ito improve your situation somehow. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope that things get better for you.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Fri Jun 29, 2018 10:52 pm

First of all, well done for posting.
Secondly, I don't think you have done anything wrong with this new person. By the sounds of it, your marriage is clearly over. It doesn't sound like it's ever going to get better, either.
Yes, it is very sad when there is a child involved but you're not the first people to get married for the wrong reasons & unfortunately, you won't be the last. It happens even when people don't want it to.
Are you & your wife on the same page re. your marriage? Has she realised that it is probably over? Does she accept that? I realise that she probably doesn't know about the new person yet.
I totally get the financial restraints, that's a real problem.
The only way ahead that I can see really depends on you & the wife totally being on the same page.
Then, & I really know that it is not ideal, could you both continue living in the same house but separately?
As if you were housemates with your own space & her own space, both still looking after your kid but free to see whoever, whilst obviously trying not to rub their nose in it?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby somerset-hammer on Fri Jun 29, 2018 11:05 pm

Samba, I'm probably speaking on behalf of a fair few on here, but credit to you and fair play, you always know what to say and give the best advice.

The site and this thread in particular are lucky to have you.

:thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby bubbles1966 on Fri Jun 29, 2018 11:26 pm

Snudge wrote:We've been together 8 years, married for just over 7. We have a child together. We did split up for a while after about 8 months. But the bombshell was dropped a few weeks later that there was a baby on the way.

It wasn't planned, and contraception was used, but clearly failed. We got back together and here we are now. We thought we were doing the right thing, but apart from not even a couple of years, it's never been a happy marriage, more a marriage of convenience. My life has never felt complete.

It's not just about the sex with this other person. It's the way they are, the way they make me feel when I'm in their company. It''s also about them, who they are as a person.

it's all so very messy.


Mate, you're asking us - but it feels like you know the answer.

If you love your child, you will still provide and still be there.

My kids (and grandson) come west ham with me and have never drifted out of my life - I split up with their mum over 20 years ago.

Getting a divorce is ****. It's aggro - emotionally, financially - but most of all you worry about the impact on your kids - but you get through it, and so will they if they are absolutely sure the pair of you love them.

One word of caution - the new woman.....if you haven't known her that long, the attraction might well wear off. Is the attraction because of who she is, or who she isn't? I'm not saying that to stick with the existing missus, but don't jump from the frying pan to the fire. Give yourself time to work out what you want.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Sat Jun 30, 2018 12:55 am

somerset-hammer wrote:Samba, I'm probably speaking on behalf of a fair few on here, but credit to you and fair play, you always know what to say and give the best advice.
The site and this thread in particular are lucky to have you. :thup:

That's very kind of you somerset & I really appreciate what you said, though I don't always get it right or know what to say.
Everyone is brilliant on this site/thread, including yourself, mate. :thup:
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