A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Thu May 31, 2018 11:22 pm

Hugh Jargon II wrote:Nope. We’ve got Trim also. But I’m on my own now. Ex employee.

Been thinking about your posts Hugh.
Did you have to leave the service or was it your choice?
I must say, 30 years in the same job is getting rare these days, although I suppose it's a bit more common in the emergency services.
Anyway, congratulations on your 'retirement'. I'm sure that you earnt it, many times over.
What do other firefighters normally do on retirement? I know many have second jobs that they can then concentrate on.
The thing is, I can understand your feelings. You've gone from a job where you have quite often been working at 90mph to suddenly stopping dead. Bit of a culture shock, to say the least.
I think it's important to keep/get a bit of routine in your life. I don't think it would be helpful to lay in every day or start boozing or gambling to take the boredom away. That would be a wrong road to go down, imo.
Hobbies are a great thing to take up. It could be anything, reading books you've always wanted to read, or photography, or taking up art, or doing your family tree/history, or learning a musical instrument.
There's a whole new world out there & you deserve to enjoy it!
Good luck, mate.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Thu May 31, 2018 11:24 pm


:thup: Brilliant advice there. Thanks for sharing that, mushy.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Croydon on Fri Jun 01, 2018 11:59 am

mushy wrote:Croydon,
Hope al! Is ok with yourself.
I have no idea what Compass are or what they do apart from the fact that They are an outsourcing company.
Have you been referred to them for a specific reason?
Are you doing ok at the moment?


Thanks for checking in.

Originally saw the GP mid-May and was referred by them to Compass. Finally spoke to Compass today and now referred to Crisis, who apparently will make contact early next week.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Happyhammer52 on Fri Jun 01, 2018 2:34 pm

Samba wrote:I think it's important to keep/get a bit of routine in your life. I don't think it would be helpful to lay in every day or start boozing or gambling to take the boredom away. That would be a wrong road to go down, imo.
Hobbies are a great thing to take up.
Good luck, mate.


I used to work for a building merchant, and we had a couple guys who had retired from the Fire Service, who used to come in and get material and build sheds for the elderly or other bits and pieces similar. After a couple of times, we started giving the material out for free as they were doing such a decent thing. Maybe you could look into something like that if that interested you at all.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Upton Carp on Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:24 pm

I 1st posted about my own experiences in the Aaron Lennon thread but I would like to post again as I feel my own life mirrors that of other posters.

I am 71 now and was first diagnosed at 21. Been on various meds ever since. (Currently Amitriptyline). Social media has a lot to answer for and I have never known a time when the nation was so divided about so many issues due to social media. However, I think that the rise in the number of adults with depression is down to society and modern life. We - the general public - are constantly kept in a state of unease, not trusting government, the banks, politicians and so on.

'They' don't want us to be comfortable, settled, happy with our lot; they want to keep us on our toes, looking over out shoulders all the time.

At my age this is no state of mind to be in, though up until a few years ago I thought I was feeling more relaxed about life. Then came Brexit, Putin, Islamophobia, Trump, ISIS, Gold & Sullivan and other assorted loonies, whereupon the Black Dog pounced one again.

My only consolation is that I am closer to the end of my life than I am to the beginning of it. I would not want to be growing up in this day and age, that's for sure.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby WestHamByTheSea on Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:02 am

Upton Carp wrote:I 1st posted about my own experiences in the Aaron Lennon thread but I would like to post again as I feel my own life mirrors that of other posters.

I am 71 now and was first diagnosed at 21. Been on various meds ever since. (Currently Amitriptyline). Social media has a lot to answer for and I have never known a time when the nation was so divided about so many issues due to social media. However, I think that the rise in the number of adults with depression is down to society and modern life. We - the general public - are constantly kept in a state of unease, not trusting government, the banks, politicians and so on.

'They' don't want us to be comfortable, settled, happy with our lot; they want to keep us on our toes, looking over out shoulders all the time.

At my age this is no state of mind to be in, though up until a few years ago I thought I was feeling more relaxed about life. Then came Brexit, Putin, Islamophobia, Trump, ISIS, Gold & Sullivan and other assorted loonies, whereupon the Black Dog pounced one again.

My only consolation is that I am closer to the end of my life than I am to the beginning of it. I would not want to be growing up in this day and age, that's for sure.


You make a tremendous amount of sense here mate. We are all living in a world that is the superficial antithesis of how it should be - that is to say, we are all put on edge all the time, rather than made to feel however we are is stable. I think that is causing big mental health issues for so many people who, for want of better phrasing, would otherwise be 'normal' (yes that's a crap way of putting it but it is the easiest way of summing it up).

I've noticed a big change in the past decade or so in how people are being ground down by not just seemingly straight-forward increased pressures in their working enviroment but also how the media (both general and social) make everyday life seem like an internal competition; not just about material gain but about how the way we interact with life and each other is in itself a battle. I don't neccesarily subscribe to the idea that my Dad's generation had it 'easier' per se than mine, but i do think it was a bit simpler and more certain. I'm oddly glad he doesn't have to deal with much of the nonsense we have to now.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby WestHamByTheSea on Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:13 am

Tenbury wrote:
(Stick with it Stu, summer's coming).


Spot on as always mate - the last bit there is always salutary in this neck of the woods; I do feel very blessed living in this beautiful part of our fair isle when things get rough.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Sat Jun 02, 2018 8:34 am

Upton,
I think you talk a lot of sense. I'm sure that for every one person that looks back on their life with some degree of contentment, there's dozens more, like me, who just see it as some sort of serious car crash.
Given that all news etc is now so immediate, detachment from the kind of stuff you list is much harder.

There are some enduring qualities that transcend all the BS though ,aren't there? Sometimes they just seem to go missing for a while.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Sat Jun 02, 2018 11:02 pm

Been thinking about your posts Hugh.
Did you have to leave the service or was it your choice?
I must say, 30 years in the same job is getting rare these days, although I suppose it's a bit more common in the emergency services.
Anyway, congratulations on your 'retirement'. I'm sure that you earnt it, many times over.
What do other firefighters normally do on retirement? I know many have second jobs that they can then concentrate on.
The thing is, I can understand your feelings. You've gone from a job where you have quite often been working at 90mph to suddenly stopping dead. Bit of a culture shock, to say the least.
I think it's important to keep/get a bit of routine in your life. I don't think it would be helpful to lay in every day or start boozing or gambling to take the boredom away. That would be a wrong road to go down, imo.
Hobbies are a great thing to take up. It could be anything, reading books you've always wanted to read, or photography, or taking up art, or doing your family tree/history, or learning a musical instrument.
There's a whole new world out there & you deserve to enjoy it!
Good luck, mate.[/quote]


Thanks for this. Unfortunately for me my retirement has coincided with my mother dieing of,leukaemia and my wife and I have an anxious 10 days awaiting a second screening for breast cancer ( she has a 75% chance of being ok). One kid taking a levels over the next few weeks. Just got to keep a grip and ride it through. On a positive...I’m taking up guitar lessons from sept.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Sun Jun 03, 2018 12:02 am

Hugh Jargon II wrote:Thanks for this. Unfortunately for me my retirement has coincided with my mother dieing of,leukaemia and my wife and I have an anxious 10 days awaiting a second screening for breast cancer ( she has a 75% chance of being ok). One kid taking a levels over the next few weeks. Just got to keep a grip and ride it through. On a positive...I’m taking up guitar lessons from sept.

That's terribly sad about your mum. Life can be really ****, sometimes.
I hope it's good news for your Mrs & you.
Yes, at times like this, you've gotta go with the flow.
Guitar sounds good. Get used to cutting your nails short. On one hand, anyway!
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby ageing hammer on Sun Jun 03, 2018 12:15 am

So sorry about your mother Hugh and hope you get good news regarding your wife.

The guitar is a great hobby and if you can stick the sore fingers for the first 6 weeks it will get easier and it will start to sound better. Try soaking your finger tips in vinegar each day.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby iLoveLasagne on Mon Jun 04, 2018 12:16 pm

Hi Samba,

I haven't posted in this thread since my last post as I haven't had the opportunity to speak so things have not progressed. I am getting on with things each day as best as I am able. I have not had any heavy nights since the May bank holiday weekend and think I will try and continue this way. The unresolved thoughts are still in the back of my mind constantly which I will have to sort out with her at some point but I will need to bide my time and wait for the appropriate opportunity. The school summer holidays represents my best chance of this I think.

On Saturday I sat in Trafalgar Square with my friend and we listened to a busker sing in the evening. Yesterday I read a book for 3 hours. I enjoyed both of these things. It is not something I expected myself to enjoy. Normally I would need distractions for my mind and be completely intoxicated. Each day is different but I was glad that I was able to enjoy some normal days.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Mon Jun 04, 2018 7:26 pm

Good man Mr Lasagne, sounds like things are a little better.
keep up the good work (if you can).
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Tue Jun 05, 2018 2:27 am

iLoveLasagne wrote:On Saturday I sat in Trafalgar Square with my friend and we listened to a busker sing in the evening. Yesterday I read a book for 3 hours. I enjoyed both of these things. It is not something I expected myself to enjoy. Normally I would need distractions for my mind and be completely intoxicated. Each day is different but I was glad that I was able to enjoy some normal days.

So pleased for you, mate.
Doing simple things that you really enjoyed. They don't have to cost anything to be some of the best things to do & it sounds like actually, you were distracted (but in a good way) from ruminating, by these things.
Peace of mind; isn't that the only thing that we really need?
And it sounds like recently, you've had some.
Thanks for posting back, mate :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Monkeybubbles on Tue Jun 05, 2018 10:51 am

This is a bit of a plea for advice, really.....

My lad is 20 and has suffered for the last three or four years with very severe colitis, which is like industrial strength irritable bowel stuff. Essentially, he spends most of the day either crapping himself, or feeling like he's just about to crap himself. Leaving the house is a real mission as he has to plan his journey by the availability of a loo every half an hour. So, he doesn't leave the house.

His girlfriend dumped him a couple of years ago, as she wanted to see more of the world. His mates have all gone away to Uni. His slightly older brother, who he idolises, also went away to Uni and has stayed there. We bought him a puppy to bring some joy and focus into his life, and it got sick and had to be put down. On his birthday. You couldn't make it up, it goes on and on like that. Now it appears that the medication he has to have pumped into him has caused a liver infection, which may turn out to be quite serious.

He's always been intelligent, smart, good natured and whipcrack funny, but he's always been very shy. Now he's becoming increasingly withdrawn and sullen, just sits in his room on the Playstation pretty much all day. When we can engage with him, he seems more and more to be thinking "what's the point?". I can see that he's really heading for a fall, and it's heartbreaking.

What can I do?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Clacton-ammer on Tue Jun 05, 2018 11:43 am

Jeepers Monkeybubbles, talk about a rough ride for your boy, you & the Mrs!

What is the long term prognosis of his condition?

Are there support groups for your boy and like minded people suffering the same condition? Just googled https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/support

He needs to get out, but see the problems in doing so. Are there adult nappies just so he can get some sort of confidence of "just in case"?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby somerset-hammer on Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:17 pm

MB - Sorry to hear that your son is suffering so badly, my heart goes out to him and to you for feeling the way you do.

Please correct me If I'm wrong mate, but like most things the lower you feel the worse the symptoms seem to get, is that correct in your son's case? Or is it a constant?

The only thing I can suggest is trying to pick him up a little bit at a time, try to gradually build his morale up, what's his interests? Do you play with him on the PlayStation? Can you take him on holiday or is that well out of his comfort zone? Has he tried support groups or forums to talk with other people in his position? You never know he could get chatting with a girl who knows exactly how he feels (it's always good for morale getting to know a girl) I feel for you mate, as a father it is must be heartbreaking to see your lad going through this, but not knowing how you can help him.

Although I don't know you, you come across as an extremely funny and witty bloke, and if anyone can pick him up and help him turn a corner it's you.

Good luck mate and all the best to your lad.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Tue Jun 05, 2018 12:40 pm

Monkey....

It's possible he (may) be suffering from depression....eg.. "what's the point"

Depression is a natural reaction to any long term stress, illness, anxiety.............it's a sort of exhaustion of mind and spirit. He may not recognise it in himself .... but you probably can see that somethings wrong.

Your boy has obviously been battling for a long time. The fight is extremely hard for him. I know this myself because my nephew has suffered from a similar condition for the last 10 years. He's had bleedings and pain and operations galore.

He's a naturally upbeat kid, a heart of gold. But I've seen him get so low that it becomes heartbreaking.

Just a note too.

You say your son is very shy. Is it so bad that you would call it social anxiety ? Like he would get anxious about meeting new people or new experiences ?......or even stop mixing with family ?.....and deliberately avoiding those situations ?.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Monkeybubbles on Tue Jun 05, 2018 1:40 pm

Thanks chaps, very heart warming and much appreciated

Clacton-ammer wrote:What is the long term prognosis of his condition?

Are there support groups for your boy and like minded people suffering the same condition? Just googled https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/support" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;


It's looking very much like he will need surgery and a colostomy bag within the next six months.

He's quite good at using the support groups and forums to research how he's going to be affected, but he doesn't participate much. Too many well-meaning mums, I think, and not enough peers.

somerset-hammer wrote:Please correct me If I'm wrong mate, but like most things the lower you feel the worse the symptoms seem to get, is that correct in your son's case? Or is it a constant?

Can you take him on holiday or is that well out of his comfort zone?


Yeah, seems like he gets his head just above the parapet and something knocks him down, and then he feels worse. It seems to feed off itself and spiral downwards.

We were planning to go to New York for a few days in September, doing a 'Roots of Hip Hop' tour of our own, and he was really looking forward to it. Spammy the Vee gave us a report on the availability of public lavs, and we had made contingency plans. The latest news about his probable liver infection makes it unlikely that he'll be able to go.

davids cross wrote:Monkey....

It's possible he (may) be suffering from depression....eg.. "what's the point"

You say your son is very shy. Is it so bad that you would call it social anxiety ? Like he would get anxious about meeting new people or new experiences ?......or even stop mixing with family ?.....and deliberately avoiding those situations ?.


Yeah, I think he's a little depressed and is sliding further in, in my uneducated opinion.

Social anxiety....maybe. A few years ago he was just endearingly shy, but since his condition has become worse he'll go out of his way to avoid having to talk to people. Nobody wants to crap their pants in front of Auntie, I suppose.



Thanks again for all the concern. I kinda like this place sometimes.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby CMNinja on Tue Jun 05, 2018 2:13 pm

Monkeybubbles - a woman I know was diagnosed with the same condition at 22. She had always been very shy and it really made her withdrawn. About a year after the diagnosis she was fitted with a colostomy bag. We all thought that was her finished but the bag actually helped a lot as she was no longer so reliant on always being near a loo.

What I mean by all this is that the condition isn't insurmountable and, in her case, the bag - which she was dreading - turned out to be a bit of a blessing as it gave her her freedom back. At one point the illness seemed to define her, now it's just a small fact of life. Unfortunately, all of this took time.

She's now 40 and very happily married with two kids and a huge circle of friends - like your son, many of her friends had buggered off to uni too but, over the years, a lot of them moved back. And she travels. It took a few years but she needed time to learn to live with it. Hopefully, in time, something similar will happen for your lad.

Hope it all works out, mate.
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