The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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yonni
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by yonni »

Thanks Pablo. I’ve been doing the weekly shop on my own for a couple of years now. That’s when I get to listen to podcasts or comedy shows I like. I watch Netflix shows my wife isn’t into when I cook. It’s all very busy though multitasking like that. I’ve warned my wife that I need a weekend away and plan to just go hillwalking in the Lakes on my own in September. I’m also thinking about yoga. I have a bad back so it would help that plus it isn’t as hectic as working out in a gym. Which I find too noisy and distracting. I get enough daily exercise from commuting by bike 4 days a week 9 miles each way. Jesus, I sound like a hermit. I’m not, but the more down I get the more I need to withdraw to recover. As you can tell, I’ve been through this enough to understand what works for me and to know that it won’t always feel like this. But it’s been good to have a moan on here.
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Turns to Stone
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Turns to Stone »

Whilst I haven't got the background of issues that you've been through Yonni (and hat's off for that by the way), I can completely empathise with the rest of your post. I have a young son at home, my wife works hard and has a demanding career (as do I), we're currently trying to sell a house and move into a bigger one, we need to re-mortgage as we're being ripped off but don't want to commit to anything whilst we are in limbo, and to top it all off, my father-in-law is currently in the process of moving to our town (Which will help but right now just involves us doing endlessly things for him).

It's draining and I ended up in tears on Saturday morning after spending 3 hours tidying up the entire house ready for an Open Day and then being informed by my wife that her Dad needed me to go and help with move a fridge freezer!?!?

I feel I really do need a break, but so does she and why should I deserve one more than she does. Then when I read through this thread it makes me feel like I have no right to be down. My life is a dream compared to most but it's just the constancy of balancing money, family and work that I'm struggling with and never seeming to get a time to switch off.

We had a week in Cornwall booked for September but we've cancelled it as we can't afford it. I'm so lucky in so many ways, but I just feel like I'm drowning a little and failing in all areas. Not being able to do enough at work, not being able to be a good Dad when I am at home and not being enough for my wife.

To crown everything off, my wife is at an age where she is keen to have another baby before it's too late. But I can't help but think that if someone chucks another ball at me the whole lot will come down. Just writing all this down makes me feel embarrassed as it's nothing compared to some of the posts I've read on here but I need to figure out a better way of dealing with it all.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

Turns to Stone wrote:Whilst I haven't got the background of issues that you've been through Yonni (and hat's off for that by the way), I can completely empathise with the rest of your post. I need to figure out a better way of dealing with it all.
Come on TtS, the stresses you're feeling are just as tough as any other posters'.
What might be nothing to someone else, could feel like the last straw for us, so please don't feel embarrassed about posting on here. You wrote a great, heartfelt post.
Life is hard & at the moment you are really feeling it but it won't always feel as tough. It will get easier.
I'm sure that you're doing your best.
Wishing you strength, mate.
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Mega Ron
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Mega Ron »

Turns to Stone wrote:
I'm so lucky in so many ways, but I just feel like I'm drowning a little and failing in all areas. Not being able to do enough at work, not being able to be a good Dad when I am at home and not being enough for my wife.

To crown everything off, my wife is at an age where she is keen to have another baby before it's too late. But I can't help but think that if someone chucks another ball at me the whole lot will come down. Just writing all this down makes me feel embarrassed as it's nothing compared to some of the posts I've read on here but I need to figure out a better way of dealing with it all.
Everyone's troubles are real to them TTS. You're probably feeling the way you are because you are used to coping with a lot anyway.

Speak to your wife and let her know what's going on. I've recounted on here similar situations to your own and it made things easier for me just doing that.

As soon as I told her what was going on we started working it out. It didn't change the things that needed doing but it did make a difference to how they were going to get done.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by S-H »

The great thing about this thread is encouraging people to write down their feelings, and the problems they are experiencing, no matter how big or small they might seem to be.

Just sharing your worries on here will not have been easy but it's a step mate, and if by putting your thoughts into words helps lighten the load you are carrying, even a little bit, it's a step in the right direction, I agree with Ron, speak to your wife tell her how you feel, you might might find that she feels the same, so by talking you can help each other.

Life can get on top of all us in different ways we all deal with things differently, and some can tolerate more than others, but no one deserves to suffer in silence, my best friend is going through a tough time at the moment and I openly encourage him to open up and talk, just get it off his chest, it might not solve his issues but at least he isn't carrying them alone, I urge to speak to someone be that your wife or a friend, it really does help, usually they know what to say and have good advice, your mind might seem a little foggy at present, talking to someone might help clear the fog.

And remember there's an army hammers on here who are all very caring, wise and helpful.

All the best mate.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury »

TTS.
Since I've been on here, 3,4 years,whatever, your posts have stood out as thoughtfull, and considered , so you know that everybody can get down , and it's just as stressfull. I don't think your anxieties are any less than anyone else's there ain''t some league table of grief.
Have you thought of talking to your missus about it? She may feel the same.There's only one way to find out.

I know zero about decent relationships , but looking at other peoples', very much from the outside, it seems that it's a good idea to insist, whatever the kids/time/cash/other crap situation may be , that couples have some time to themselves even if it's just a regular set walk, lunch in a 'Spoons, whatever .And once a week, not whenever it fits in with everyone else, helps keep things in perspective , etc. Etc.
I wish you well mate , I really do.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Officer Dibble »

TTS, as others have said, speak to Mrs TTS.

You never know, she may have the same concerns herself that she is possibly too worried to burden you with. Wouldn't the best way to resolve whatever anxieties you have be to share them with the person you trust the most?




Having read this thread over the timescale people have been posting it does seem strange that a lot of people try to downplay what they are going through by comparing their problem with those of others, normally to their own detriment. What one person believes is a small problem others could easily cope with, likewise, what some people find a massive problem others could easily cope with.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Crouching Peeky »

I'm sure I'm not alone in occasionally suffering from hangover blues, that horribly low feeling following a heavy session. Well I was out for several too many on Friday and when I woke up I felt unbelievably down and the self loathing was like nothing I've experienced before. This lasted right through until mid-morning today. As I said I have never gone through anything like as bad as that before as a result of a good drink and I'll be honest it's put me off the idea of having a drink again, although I'm sure that won't last.
I'm not someone who has a problem with drink I don't think, I'm a social drinker and I never drink at home. The only problem I think I have with it is too easily a social 3 turns into 8 or 9. I want to find the discipline or a way to pop out with my mates and have one or two and not be a social bore. I'm of a mind at the moment to just not put myself in the position and avoid pubs altogether for a period to try and detox my mind and body from the associations of alcohol.
I'd be interested to hear if anyone has dealt with similar situations and if/how they overcame it?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by rare as rockinghorse shat »

CP

You're not alone in that regard, it's something a few of us have touched on in the past and I personally have posted one or two posts (that have since been lost off the board) about this very issue - the feeling above and beyond just being 'hungover'.

It's ****ing horrible. It happens to me (not every time) the evening after a heavy night. During the day I just feel smashed to bits and don't really have time to wallow in much, but as it starts to wear off, I'm just left with that feeling of absolute dread. Genuine 100% manic depressive episodes where I genuinely fear facing my future and contemplating my failures and point of being around.
However, I also know that it's very much in my head and I just need to find things to occupy myself such as putting on a film or doing some reading into something I find interesting. Anything that will get me through to the point where I can put my head down and fall asleep asap.
If I'm not asleep in 20mins after hitting the sack, I'm in trouble.

To me there is simply no cure. Sure, you can take measures to assist the hangover and make you feel a bit better - there's a thread on here called hangover cures where top suggestions have been made - but once your head hits that pillow the night before, there's not much else you can do.

For me the absolute best thing is to take preventative measures the night before. I think more than half the problem is dehydration. In fact I have gone out for meals, or had takeaways that have perhaps been a bit salty, maybe had 1, 2 beers tops and woken up feeling genuinely hungover.
In simple terms, your brain needs glucose and your body needs water, a combination of both being deprived is what ****'s you.

I have main stages of being plonkered - 1 is where I get in, brush my teeth, sort myself out and stumble in to bed. The other is when you go beyond that and just crash out, waking up not remembering how you got home and into bed.

If the latter is your issue, then you obviously need to take steps in or before the pub to stop that happening. Maybe, like me, you drink due to a fear of missing out and a desire to want to be on the same level as everyone, which most of us do to be honest.
I've found that If I do reign in my beer just a bit, drink those couple of pints at half speed, by 9pm in the night, people are well on their way anyway that they have no idea what pint you're on, how pissed you are, as they're pickled themselves, so you could get away with drinking a Panda Pop and it will not change how you are within your group. But if you do get to that stage and you've held back, you realise just how ****ed people are and how ****ed you'd be if you'd carried on. At that stage, you actually feel quite pleased with yourself and your leaving time, journey home and rest of the evening is set in something you're fully in control of, not to mention actually having the ability to strike up coherent conversations with women and other people in the bar, rather than slurring your way around the same point 3 times.
I order pints of water at the bar on occasions to give myself a break and a head start, then I'll follow it with a bottle of beer. That respite from smashing back pints is quite nice.

However, we do all get a bit pickled and we do so on the nights that don't really call for it. If you don't take measures and end up drinking yourself past that line of control, then there's not much else you can do after that, as you're likely to just collapse at home.

But if you don't, then it's as many pints of water you can get in. I've done it a couple of times before to the point where I've thrown up in the sink, but that's not been a bad thing at all. I'll just drink more water after and make sure I get as much fluid in me as possible. I will also try to pick up a couple of cans of energy drink such as Monster and will get 1 down me aswell as 2 paracetamols and make sure I give my teeth a good brush. Being on the wobble, it does become a bit of a chore at 1am when you just want to get into bed, but it's all conducive to having a good nights sleeps as possible and starting the next day off as best as possible.

Next morning I have 1 simple rule. Set your alarm for 90mins-2hrs before you're supposed to wake up/get up. When that alarm goes off, make sure you get up. Another pint of water, brush your teeth again, blow your nose, have a piss and take 2 paracetamol. Make sure your room is as cool and airy as possible and get back in to bed to sleep for that hour and half. That is the one thing that sorts me out more than anything.
The reason behind it is that you're waking yourself up from a sleep from the night before where you're not actually resting, but just practically unconscious. By doing so, then getting back into bed to sleep, you're allowing your body to fall back into a proper deep sleep and getting the rest required.
That, along with the hydration, sugar and painkillers will take a huge amount of edge off and allow your body and brain to start functioning fairly normally with pints and pints of water you've given it.

That 2nd energy drink you bought in advance is always refreshing. That stuff is usually the devil, especially if you drink it day to day, but for the purposes of getting pure sugar and energy to your body and brain, it's key. I'll have it either in that period before my snooze, or will have it as soon as I wake up properly.

And generally mate, just take the pressure off. Find things you like doing, eat nice food and don't wallow. As **** as you may feel, being forcefully positive about stuff can and will have a big impact. It's basic level CBT really.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You become what you think, so think positive and think pro-active about stuff.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by DrVenk »

Crouching Peeky wrote: I'd be interested to hear if anyone has dealt with similar situations and if/how they overcame it?
It's glutamine rebound mate (posted this on the 'cure for hangover' thread too) - causes all sorts including very low mood and anxiety. Have seen people shake like a leaf and feel a sense of doom. An hour later, after a decent dose of l-glutamine, they are like 'wtf was that all about'.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/5405 ... e-alcohol/

You can minimise these feelings by taking a couple of l-glutamine tablets before you hit the sack. Holland and Barrett should stock them. They're not that expensive.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by rare as rockinghorse shat »

Venk

I'll order some now from Amazon - do you mind finding the best product on there that you'd recommend?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by S-H »

rare as rockinghorse shat wrote:Venk

I'll order some now from Amazon - do you mind finding the best product on there that you'd recommend?

x2
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Officer Dibble »

Image

Well played Barnsley Football Club.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by S-H »

That is wonderful.

Thanks for sharing, Dibble.

:thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Upminster Hammer »

RARS; great post. It's funny I have just got back from a 4 day stag do and have felt as low as shark ***** for the last 24 hours knowing I have to get through a few days before I will feel normal again.

It is definitely a feeling I am getting more and more as I get older after a big night out. Again the problem when I go out is I tend to get smashed and have large memory loss the day after and worry what I may have said or done to embarrass myself.

A lot of the time what makes me feel better is that on a night out 90% of the people there will also have been drinking and are probably fairly intoxicated so what you think you have done they will have either have forgot or not have noticed, for example if someone walks in drunk in the office everyone would know instantly and talk about it for ages, if someone walks into the pub drunk everyone would just shrug it off.

I will definitely try those l-glutamine as like CP the feeling has made me not want to drink again but unfortunately it helps with the job and with the social life that me and my friends lead.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Mega Ron »

I'll often take a couple of rounds in a row on a night out with mates where I'll have a shandy and then maybe an apple juice or something that looks like a spirit.

I doubt anyone would give a toss about lagging a couple of drinks behind but I find it avoids any embarrassment or awkwardness I might feel about it but having drinks that look like booze.

I've even gone so far as to have shots of water from the bar staff when others are having sambucca and the like.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Rust »

Thank you RARS.

I've had hangovers where I haven't turned my phone on for days out of dread.

I did four months of not drinking at the start of the year, but summer hit and it's really hard not to drink. Have gotten back into my old habits recently and had no energy last week. Hopefully will have another break in the winter but in the meantime that will certainly help :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by rare as rockinghorse shat »

That Barnsley letter is fantastic
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Turns to Stone »

Barnsley is my new second club. Possibly my first depending on how long the clowns in charge stick around.

Superb stuff.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by DrVenk »

Re: l-Glutamine....I always go for Solgar products because i can vouch for their supply chains. I have used the simply solgar website and recommend: https://simplysolgar.co.uk/products/l-g ... e-capsules

Re: Barnsley. BRAVO Barnsley FC. Bravo. Top stuff :thup:
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