The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- WestHamByTheSea
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
DL and Rio - I can't offer any easy answers,obviously, all I can offer is my compassion, my empathy and to remind you I'm a PM away if you want to vent or whatever.
As at least one fellow poster has mentioned DL, your kid has evinced what a good Dad you are - whatever happens hereon in, it'll happen naturally and for the best cos of you being a good Dad. It's natural you'll fret, but the bond between you is the bond, and that's your good right there. I know this might sound a bit patronising perhaps, it ain't meant to, but it perhaps always comes across like that - it can be difficult to word otherwise!
Rio - it's obviously a complex case; again there are no easy answers - all I can say is there is a ****ing vast amount of support from folk on here available. I find that it's sometimes simply reassuring to know that even if I don't call upon it; knowing people are out there is a heck of a thing in itself. You're going through a hell of a lot - just remember there are a lot of folks out here who can identify with different aspects of what you're dealing with and can listen if needed.
To every single one of you on here - I wish you a very happy 2019 although I understand the very concept might seem daunting at the moment to many. Just remember there's always an avenue on this wonderful thread for all of us for whenever we need it... there are some cracking people here, vouched for from my own personal experience.
At a time when many of us (well me anyway!) might be questioning the true meaning of what it means to be 'proper West Ham', I will happily submit that this thread has consistently shown what the 'West Ham family' is truly about. This isn't something trite or superficial, so just remember - we're all here to look after one another.
Look after yourselves folks, big love.
As at least one fellow poster has mentioned DL, your kid has evinced what a good Dad you are - whatever happens hereon in, it'll happen naturally and for the best cos of you being a good Dad. It's natural you'll fret, but the bond between you is the bond, and that's your good right there. I know this might sound a bit patronising perhaps, it ain't meant to, but it perhaps always comes across like that - it can be difficult to word otherwise!
Rio - it's obviously a complex case; again there are no easy answers - all I can say is there is a ****ing vast amount of support from folk on here available. I find that it's sometimes simply reassuring to know that even if I don't call upon it; knowing people are out there is a heck of a thing in itself. You're going through a hell of a lot - just remember there are a lot of folks out here who can identify with different aspects of what you're dealing with and can listen if needed.
To every single one of you on here - I wish you a very happy 2019 although I understand the very concept might seem daunting at the moment to many. Just remember there's always an avenue on this wonderful thread for all of us for whenever we need it... there are some cracking people here, vouched for from my own personal experience.
At a time when many of us (well me anyway!) might be questioning the true meaning of what it means to be 'proper West Ham', I will happily submit that this thread has consistently shown what the 'West Ham family' is truly about. This isn't something trite or superficial, so just remember - we're all here to look after one another.
Look after yourselves folks, big love.
- last.caress
- Star Raid-er
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
I truly wish the best of everything to... well, to everyone on the site, really, but especially to everyone on this thread; those who've contributed, and those who haven't but who may have gleaned some comfort from it, in knowing to at least some degree they're not alone.
Here's hoping 2019 brings something better for every one of you. I love you.
Here's hoping 2019 brings something better for every one of you. I love you.
- ageing hammer
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
DL of course you have been a great dad to your boy, it was never in any doubt mate.
I hope it all goes well for you on the 8th and 2019 will be the year it turns around for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
I hope it all goes well for you on the 8th and 2019 will be the year it turns around for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
- Danny's Dyer Acting
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Having read this thread since its inception and never posted I feel like the last hours of the year are as good as time as any to throw in a stream of conciousness. (EDIT - just seen the time in the UK - I haven't forgotten how clocks work, I'm not in the UK!)
Up until the middle of 2015 I'd had an easy life. Not anything extravagant but, apart from losing my granddads due to old age, I'd never been through anything that you could describe as difficult. At the end of July that year my life got flipped upside down. I got a call at 2am one morning to tell me that my dad had "been in an accident" and the news "wasn't good". I rushed back to my parents house to find out that he'd been hit by a car as he was crossing the main road right at the top of the road where our family home had been for the last 30 years. A couple of days later we went to see him in hospital, I went in on my own and told him we'd lost to a bunch of Romanian pig farmers the night before. The next couple of weeks are a bit of a blur of phone calls, tears, paperwork, laughter, silences, sleepless nights and anything else that helped people to cope.
Eventually the funeral came, there wasn't enough room in the chapel, people had to stand outside and watch on small screens. I gave a eulogy that, as the son, you always know you're going to give but I don't think you're ever ready for. Somehow I got to the last sentence before I started to cry - he always did have to have the last laugh!
I basically coasted through the next year, I don't just say this because this is ostensibly a West Ham forum but the only thing that got me through was that last season at Upton Park. I think Dad spent about ten years saying "You know what we lack? Someone that can put their foot on the ball and open a team up. Like Eyal Berkovic." (an odd frame of reference given he'd been watching us since the 60's and seen some genuine legends!). That team with Payet and Lanzini would have had him on the edge of his seat and putting ridiculous bets on us at the bookies on Green Street every other week! That last game is all quite hazy for me but I remember being terrified of the moment they would play Bubbles at the end of the game. I knew I'd break down. I did, and it felt fantastic.
At the end of 2016 I met a girl. Things moved pretty quickly and within a month or two I knew I loved her and started thinking about where we'd live together and everything we'd do in the future. June 2017, the day before we were due to go on our first proper holiday together with my friends, I got another phone call. Thinking about it, I was sitting on the same bed I was sleeping in when I got the call about Dad, life is odd like that. It was the bank telling me my credit card had hit its limit. It took a little detective work but I pretty quickly realised that she'd stolen it, along with a lot of money. We've not spoken since that day, although her mum and step dad were fantastic and paid me back within a couple of weeks. Looking back I know we couldn't have stayed together, there is part of me that wishes I'd handled it a little differently though. Nobody does that unless they have some issues in their own life, maybe I could have helped. Who knows.
I'm trying to work out why I felt the need to share all of this. I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that these things have changed me in ways that I'm still trying to understand now. I tried to explain this to a girl I was seeing earlier this year but bottled it a bit! I think the crux of the matter is that there is now a very small group of family and friends that I care about. The thought of losing people I care about or getting hurt by someone new terrifies me.
I'll stop there,as I said, not sure where this was supposed to lead. Happy New Year.
Up until the middle of 2015 I'd had an easy life. Not anything extravagant but, apart from losing my granddads due to old age, I'd never been through anything that you could describe as difficult. At the end of July that year my life got flipped upside down. I got a call at 2am one morning to tell me that my dad had "been in an accident" and the news "wasn't good". I rushed back to my parents house to find out that he'd been hit by a car as he was crossing the main road right at the top of the road where our family home had been for the last 30 years. A couple of days later we went to see him in hospital, I went in on my own and told him we'd lost to a bunch of Romanian pig farmers the night before. The next couple of weeks are a bit of a blur of phone calls, tears, paperwork, laughter, silences, sleepless nights and anything else that helped people to cope.
Eventually the funeral came, there wasn't enough room in the chapel, people had to stand outside and watch on small screens. I gave a eulogy that, as the son, you always know you're going to give but I don't think you're ever ready for. Somehow I got to the last sentence before I started to cry - he always did have to have the last laugh!
I basically coasted through the next year, I don't just say this because this is ostensibly a West Ham forum but the only thing that got me through was that last season at Upton Park. I think Dad spent about ten years saying "You know what we lack? Someone that can put their foot on the ball and open a team up. Like Eyal Berkovic." (an odd frame of reference given he'd been watching us since the 60's and seen some genuine legends!). That team with Payet and Lanzini would have had him on the edge of his seat and putting ridiculous bets on us at the bookies on Green Street every other week! That last game is all quite hazy for me but I remember being terrified of the moment they would play Bubbles at the end of the game. I knew I'd break down. I did, and it felt fantastic.
At the end of 2016 I met a girl. Things moved pretty quickly and within a month or two I knew I loved her and started thinking about where we'd live together and everything we'd do in the future. June 2017, the day before we were due to go on our first proper holiday together with my friends, I got another phone call. Thinking about it, I was sitting on the same bed I was sleeping in when I got the call about Dad, life is odd like that. It was the bank telling me my credit card had hit its limit. It took a little detective work but I pretty quickly realised that she'd stolen it, along with a lot of money. We've not spoken since that day, although her mum and step dad were fantastic and paid me back within a couple of weeks. Looking back I know we couldn't have stayed together, there is part of me that wishes I'd handled it a little differently though. Nobody does that unless they have some issues in their own life, maybe I could have helped. Who knows.
I'm trying to work out why I felt the need to share all of this. I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that these things have changed me in ways that I'm still trying to understand now. I tried to explain this to a girl I was seeing earlier this year but bottled it a bit! I think the crux of the matter is that there is now a very small group of family and friends that I care about. The thought of losing people I care about or getting hurt by someone new terrifies me.
I'll stop there,as I said, not sure where this was supposed to lead. Happy New Year.
- Tenbury
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Just another day for me, but a good opportunity (while nearly everyone sleeps) to make a long delayed post.
First and foremost the very best of luck and good wishes to DL, you've got a great family and and you are without doubt a determined old bugger, and that's exactly the attitude you need to overcome this. (Wish I could borrow a bit of that attitude and lend it to my sister).With a fair wind, this time next year things will look much better.
Second, just a huge thank you to all the people that have sent me supportive pms in response to my self pitying drivel over the last couple of years.I've been medicated up to the eyeballs and in and out of various establishments on and off for the best part of 50 years, and the empathy and support of complete strangers has helped me far more.
Things seem very much harder for everyone today, to much comparison and judgement for me, but in the main people are decent, the arseholes are the ones that stand out.
My lad's football coach said to me 'he's pretty good,and he sees a good pass, but he rushes things, so I always say to him,Take a breath, then make the pass'. I reckon that's a pretty good maxim to life in general.
I've exhausted my contributions, probably a good while back, so henceforth I'll just look in occasionally
Congratulations to all of you on this excellent thread.
First and foremost the very best of luck and good wishes to DL, you've got a great family and and you are without doubt a determined old bugger, and that's exactly the attitude you need to overcome this. (Wish I could borrow a bit of that attitude and lend it to my sister).With a fair wind, this time next year things will look much better.
Second, just a huge thank you to all the people that have sent me supportive pms in response to my self pitying drivel over the last couple of years.I've been medicated up to the eyeballs and in and out of various establishments on and off for the best part of 50 years, and the empathy and support of complete strangers has helped me far more.
Things seem very much harder for everyone today, to much comparison and judgement for me, but in the main people are decent, the arseholes are the ones that stand out.
My lad's football coach said to me 'he's pretty good,and he sees a good pass, but he rushes things, so I always say to him,Take a breath, then make the pass'. I reckon that's a pretty good maxim to life in general.
I've exhausted my contributions, probably a good while back, so henceforth I'll just look in occasionally
Congratulations to all of you on this excellent thread.
- davids cross
- Uncle David
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Seriously...
I wish I could give everyone a hug. Not a manly one............but a genuine hug to express my support to everyone who contributes whilst suffering. You are marvellous people.
Special wishes at the moment to Leggy and Rio.
DL.......I thought about you over Christmas. We've never met but it doesn't seem to matter really. I still thought of you. Not of fear for you but because people worry and carry fear and that's nearly always worse than reality.
Please, please...........when you feel well enough after the operation please let us know. We care very much.
xx
I wish I could give everyone a hug. Not a manly one............but a genuine hug to express my support to everyone who contributes whilst suffering. You are marvellous people.
Special wishes at the moment to Leggy and Rio.
DL.......I thought about you over Christmas. We've never met but it doesn't seem to matter really. I still thought of you. Not of fear for you but because people worry and carry fear and that's nearly always worse than reality.
Please, please...........when you feel well enough after the operation please let us know. We care very much.
xx
- smuts
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Can only echo what DC said....Best wishes to all of you.davids cross wrote:Seriously...
I wish I could give everyone a hug. Not a manly one............but a genuine hug to express my support to everyone who contributes whilst suffering. You are marvellous people.
Special wishes at the moment to Leggy and Rio.
DL.......I thought about you over Christmas. We've never met but it doesn't seem to matter really. I still thought of you. Not of fear for you but because people worry and carry fear and that's nearly always worse than reality.
Please, please...........when you feel well enough after the operation please let us know. We care very much.
xx
- Samba
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Awesome first post, DDA. Thanks for sharing that, mate.Danny's Dyer Acting wrote:Having read this thread since its inception and never posted I feel like the last hours of the year are as good as time as any to throw in a stream of conciousness. (EDIT - just seen the time in the UK - I haven't forgotten how clocks work, I'm not in the UK!)
I'll stop there,as I said, not sure where this was supposed to lead. Happy New Year.
- Samba
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
And that's also a brilliant post, Tenbury.Tenbury wrote:Just another day for me, but a good opportunity (while nearly everyone sleeps) to make a long delayed post.
I've exhausted my contributions, probably a good while back, so henceforth I'll just look in occasionally
Congratulations to all of you on this excellent thread.
You know what? YOU give me hope, mate.
- SoulCircus
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Finally plucked up the courage to post in this thread. This may all come out in a blur as I'm struggling quite badly at the moment.
Basically I think I've got a problem with the booze. Massively hungover today after going out drinking on my own and having a pretty substantial blackout. No idea how I got home. Had that horrible hungover fear all day that I said or did something stupid and have no way of remembering. Back at work in the morning and know I will still feel rotten then. Not a great way to start the year.
Becoming more of an issue, the drinking. Had another blackout a month or so ago after a long session. I don't have the ability to stop once I start. I do virtually all my drinking in the pub and a lot of it solo, most of my friends are married with kids and I'm single, so I tend to be free more often to go out. Getting to the stage where it's affecting me physically and mentally, and I struggle with my mental health at the best of times.
I drink for all the wrong reasons, because I'm bored, and sadly, because I'm lonely. I moved back to the UK from Melbourne after splitting up with my ex and it impacted me hugely. I lost the love of my life but also my home, and I can't seem to get over either.
Days like today I think I don't want to drink anymore, but I can't imagine a life without it. I'm pretty worried about my life and where I'm going, I'm 40 this year and don't have a partner, my own home or a job that I enjoy. Drinking takes me away from my problems if only for a while, but I know deep down it's making my life worse. I want my Australian life back but know I can't have it, and I feel desperately trapped, more than a little guilty about my behaviour and a bit pathetic. I'm going to try Dry January and have a break from alcohol, but it's the next step that worries me. I don't feel like I have the strength to take it.
Basically I think I've got a problem with the booze. Massively hungover today after going out drinking on my own and having a pretty substantial blackout. No idea how I got home. Had that horrible hungover fear all day that I said or did something stupid and have no way of remembering. Back at work in the morning and know I will still feel rotten then. Not a great way to start the year.
Becoming more of an issue, the drinking. Had another blackout a month or so ago after a long session. I don't have the ability to stop once I start. I do virtually all my drinking in the pub and a lot of it solo, most of my friends are married with kids and I'm single, so I tend to be free more often to go out. Getting to the stage where it's affecting me physically and mentally, and I struggle with my mental health at the best of times.
I drink for all the wrong reasons, because I'm bored, and sadly, because I'm lonely. I moved back to the UK from Melbourne after splitting up with my ex and it impacted me hugely. I lost the love of my life but also my home, and I can't seem to get over either.
Days like today I think I don't want to drink anymore, but I can't imagine a life without it. I'm pretty worried about my life and where I'm going, I'm 40 this year and don't have a partner, my own home or a job that I enjoy. Drinking takes me away from my problems if only for a while, but I know deep down it's making my life worse. I want my Australian life back but know I can't have it, and I feel desperately trapped, more than a little guilty about my behaviour and a bit pathetic. I'm going to try Dry January and have a break from alcohol, but it's the next step that worries me. I don't feel like I have the strength to take it.
- Samba
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Sorry for keep saying it, but what a f**king brilliant post!SoulCircus wrote:Finally plucked up the courage to post in this thread. This may all come out in a blur as I'm struggling quite badly at the moment. I'm going to try Dry January and have a break from alcohol, but it's the next step that worries me. I don't feel like I have the strength to take it.
To have the ability to be that honest & type such an insightful post, well, I take my hat off to you mate.
I know it feels like it's not going to be easy but it's clear that you really know what you've got to do.
If you can, you've got to seriously think about giving it up - drink.
I think that any addiction (not just drink) that we use to cope, even just with everyday life, actually makes things for us, ironically, much harder. It keeps us trapped; the more we use, the more we need because ultimately, it doesn't work; it then becomes one of our problems, in itself & no help to us.
Perhaps you can use turning 40 to give up; it's never too late. You'll have more money, if nothing else.
Look, it's easy for me to say as I've never really been a drinker but there's others on here that have spoken about their issues with drink. And it's CERTAINLY, nothing to be ashamed of.
Another thing. Don't forget that this now, can feel like a f**king bleak time of year. But it passes & the sun will shine on us again.
- Bend it like Repka
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
This is important. No one likes January, it's cold, dull and generally everyone is spent out after Xmas. Everyone finds it miserable, so if you are already down it's certainly not a great month to be going into.Samba wrote: Another thing. Don't forget that this now, can feel like a f**king bleak time of year. But it passes & the sun will shine on us again.
March is less than 60 days away. It's going to get light and warm and there will be tons of stuff going on.
Online
- The Old Man of Storr
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
DL -
I know at this moment in time that nothing I or anyone else on this forum can say will give you the comfort you so desperately need today , only your cancer specialist wll be able to do that , but if it helps you just a tiny bit I want you to know that you've been in my [ and others' ] thoughts since the day you broke the news of your health problem . You may feel alone and scared just now but remember this , there are many on here who are with you in spirit and you'll be in many people's thoughts and prayers during these coming days .
You're a lovely man , DL - never afraid to say things as you see them and more often than not most people will agree with your every word , I know I have , - to be one of Kumb's top posters takes some doing as we've a plethora of excellent writers and people on here but you're up there with the best , mate , - you're one of life's fighters , you've beaten so many problems in the past , beaten them all , this will be the biggest problem you'll have to face but along with the Doctors , the Nurses and the Auxiliaries you'll have all of Kumb wishing you well .
I know at this moment in time that nothing I or anyone else on this forum can say will give you the comfort you so desperately need today , only your cancer specialist wll be able to do that , but if it helps you just a tiny bit I want you to know that you've been in my [ and others' ] thoughts since the day you broke the news of your health problem . You may feel alone and scared just now but remember this , there are many on here who are with you in spirit and you'll be in many people's thoughts and prayers during these coming days .
You're a lovely man , DL - never afraid to say things as you see them and more often than not most people will agree with your every word , I know I have , - to be one of Kumb's top posters takes some doing as we've a plethora of excellent writers and people on here but you're up there with the best , mate , - you're one of life's fighters , you've beaten so many problems in the past , beaten them all , this will be the biggest problem you'll have to face but along with the Doctors , the Nurses and the Auxiliaries you'll have all of Kumb wishing you well .
Online
This is a problem I can empathise with and of course be sympathetic towards .
I drank for years now I've been drink-free for somewhere near 10 years - I could never see myself stopping , I'd been drinking since I was 18 , it was part of me and I could never trust a non-drinker - My family will drink occasionally , most people do don't they - but NOT me and now NOT you . You will be so much happier without it believe me .
First of all , I'll start with the good news , the good news is you're only 40 years of age , you may think 40 is old but believe me it ain't still young and all is not lost , you can still begin to re-live and re-build your life .
Second bit of good news is..you're still able to hold down a job , albeit a job you don't particularly enjoy .
If there's no chance of getting back together with your ex then now would be a good time to come to terms with the fact that it's over and it's time to look for someone else . If you still think there's a chance however small of getting back together with her then write to her promising her to stop drinking and to never do anything that would upset her ever again . If there's no chance of that continue reading..
You're not going to find someone else at the bottom of a bottle , no one but women with the same problem as yours is going to want you , so......unless you want some sorry drunk as your partner , it's time to think again .
First of all you HAVE to stop drinking - use whatever means possible , if you can't stop on your own , go and see your Doctor , it's what they're there for , join an AA group if it's for you [ I could never join one ] .
What hobbies other than drinking do you have - walking , photography , films ? Join a group with the same interests as you and be sure it's not drinking related [ i.e. football ] - save the money you spend on drink and go on a walking holiday , one of those ' Singles Walking Holidays ' . You need a goal - life is always better with someone to share it so No 1 priority is to STOP drinking and find a nice partner . Someone to talk to , someone to share your problems with . NOT someone to go drinking with .
So , STOP drinking and JOIN a group of people whose interests you share . Hopefully you'll meet someone there .
YOUR life is in YOUR hands , ONLY you can help you - if I could do it , so can you .
pm me if you want to chat .
- The Old Man of Storr
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
My Dear Soul Circus -SoulCircus wrote:Finally plucked up the courage to post in this thread. This may all come out in a blur as I'm struggling quite badly at the moment.
Basically I think I've got a problem with the booze. Massively hungover today after going out drinking on my own and having a pretty substantial blackout. No idea how I got home. Had that horrible hungover fear all day that I said or did something stupid and have no way of remembering. Back at work in the morning and know I will still feel rotten then. Not a great way to start the year.
Becoming more of an issue, the drinking. Had another blackout a month or so ago after a long session. I don't have the ability to stop once I start. I do virtually all my drinking in the pub and a lot of it solo, most of my friends are married with kids and I'm single, so I tend to be free more often to go out. Getting to the stage where it's affecting me physically and mentally, and I struggle with my mental health at the best of times.
I drink for all the wrong reasons, because I'm bored, and sadly, because I'm lonely. I moved back to the UK from Melbourne after splitting up with my ex and it impacted me hugely. I lost the love of my life but also my home, and I can't seem to get over either.
Days like today I think I don't want to drink anymore, but I can't imagine a life without it. I'm pretty worried about my life and where I'm going, I'm 40 this year and don't have a partner, my own home or a job that I enjoy. Drinking takes me away from my problems if only for a while, but I know deep down it's making my life worse. I want my Australian life back but know I can't have it, and I feel desperately trapped, more than a little guilty about my behaviour and a bit pathetic. I'm going to try Dry January and have a break from alcohol, but it's the next step that worries me. I don't feel like I have the strength to take it.
This is a problem I can empathise with and of course be sympathetic towards .
I drank for years now I've been drink-free for somewhere near 10 years - I could never see myself stopping , I'd been drinking since I was 18 , it was part of me and I could never trust a non-drinker - My family will drink occasionally , most people do don't they - but NOT me and now NOT you . You will be so much happier without it believe me .
First of all , I'll start with the good news , the good news is you're only 40 years of age , you may think 40 is old but believe me it ain't still young and all is not lost , you can still begin to re-live and re-build your life .
Second bit of good news is..you're still able to hold down a job , albeit a job you don't particularly enjoy .
If there's no chance of getting back together with your ex then now would be a good time to come to terms with the fact that it's over and it's time to look for someone else . If you still think there's a chance however small of getting back together with her then write to her promising her to stop drinking and to never do anything that would upset her ever again . If there's no chance of that continue reading..
You're not going to find someone else at the bottom of a bottle , no one but women with the same problem as yours is going to want you , so......unless you want some sorry drunk as your partner , it's time to think again .
First of all you HAVE to stop drinking - use whatever means possible , if you can't stop on your own , go and see your Doctor , it's what they're there for , join an AA group if it's for you [ I could never join one ] .
What hobbies other than drinking do you have - walking , photography , films ? Join a group with the same interests as you and be sure it's not drinking related [ i.e. football ] - save the money you spend on drink and go on a walking holiday , one of those ' Singles Walking Holidays ' . You need a goal - life is always better with someone to share it so No 1 priority is to STOP drinking and find a nice partner . Someone to talk to , someone to share your problems with . NOT someone to go drinking with .
So , STOP drinking and JOIN a group of people whose interests you share . Hopefully you'll meet someone there .
YOUR life is in YOUR hands , ONLY you can help you - if I could do it , so can you .
pm me if you want to chat .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Tomos great post
DL; soul circus; rio; tenbury and many others I haven’t mentioned not I hasten to add on purpose but from lack of memory
please remember that many of us particularly those that don’t post very often are thinking of you all and praying that all will be well
For those of you who have financial worries in addition to your medical or mental issues please feel free to pm me and I will happily and freely use my professional knowledge to assist
Be well and be safe remember there are a lot of people rooting for you all
DL; soul circus; rio; tenbury and many others I haven’t mentioned not I hasten to add on purpose but from lack of memory
please remember that many of us particularly those that don’t post very often are thinking of you all and praying that all will be well
For those of you who have financial worries in addition to your medical or mental issues please feel free to pm me and I will happily and freely use my professional knowledge to assist
Be well and be safe remember there are a lot of people rooting for you all
- DaveWHU1964
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
I just wanted to echo this really.westhamshares wrote:Be well and be safe remember there are a lot of people rooting for you all
This is an amazing and important thread that I look at often despite not posting in it until now. Currently I feel a bit of an interloper here. I feel lucky in my life but although I was fortunate to only have it the once I do know what depression is like, or at least what it was like for me anyway, and it ****ing sucked.
I'd brought the circumstances that led t it on myself. Walked away from a fantastic woman I'd been with for twenty plus years to be with someone I'd known for years and who just blew me away. I moved to be with her and at first it was nothing but full on frazzlement. It didn't help that her then husband lived in the next street, that a lovely work unit I was in was wound up with me ending up in a place I simply wasn't suited for. Basically all the constants in may life - woman, work, where I lived were changed inside a matter of weeks.
People have always considered me 'strong' - someone to go to if they needed help/ advice but for the first time in my life I found I couldn't cope with life myself. What was happening was all too much. Self inflicted though and I think that added to my belief that what I had was deserved. I have never felt anything so awful as the guilt of leaving a good woman, something I'd never expected to do. At the very least it exacerbated my depression but in truth was probably the biggest factor in it developing.
Anyway I had it. I just couldn't think straight. Was paranoid about my new girl - she gave me no cause to be - but for some reason I doubted her. I was constantly frazzled (doesn't begin to describe it), tired and felt like I had this lump the size of a grapefruit but ten times as heavy bang centre in my chest. I was not functioning at home or at work.
I saw a doctor. He prescribed me Seroxaat (spelling?) and whilst I know medication doesn't work for everyone for me I think it did. It just gave me a bit of leeway, a bit of respite. Instead of spending 100% of the time in paranoia I only spent 85% in it. The other 15% of the time I could think more clearly, or maybe just less desperately. Even that little breather meant that I wasn't quite as exhausted with the constant unnecessary worry. Slowly, slowly, slowly, that 15% of free time became 20%, 25%, 40% .... Slowly, slowly, slowly I started to function at work (I'm seeing the girls I work with in a couple of weeks - ten years ago not one of us would have imagined that would ever be the case). I also reverted to being the bloke my (now) lovely wife left her husband to be with.
I just wanted to say that things can turn around and I hope and pray that they will for all of you who need and want that. DL, Rio, Tenners, all of you on here, you're good people all of you from what I can see. I wish you all well, health and peace. And can I just say Westhamshares - you are a top, top man.
- DrVenk
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Thank you so much for your post Soul Circus.... and Samba, Tomos, and Dave... as always
I have been surprised that addiction hasn't come up more on this thread. I know this might seem counter intuitive, but maybe it's harder to admit to than other issues like depression? Don't know, but when I have spoken to fellow addicts, the usual line is "urgh, it's just so pathetic" or "it's just me; I'm so weak. If I really want to sort it, I will".
Four things I've noticed...
(1) Habits are a killer. It's not so much about focusing on the drink, but the circumstances that lead to drinking. Unpicking that takes a lot of time and effort, but for a sustained and long term way to stop for good, wholesale changes are required. As your post suggests Soul Circus, it is not so much the presence of drink that's the problem, it's the absence of other things that provide meaning and happiness. Filling that gap of meaning and happiness takes years. Despite what our young brothers and sisters say, you don't or can't "get a life"...you can only build one.
(2) Fear of change. There is an aspect to addiction not commonly understood...it can be really comforting when you're in the midst of a binge. Like REALLY comforting. The point hear I think is that others might not always fully appreciate how painful it is to be lucid and sober when you HAVE to deal with memories and current reality. And memories and current reality can be painful. Your brain's response is a perfectly natural one - to climb inside a den of binge to numb all that cr*p. Not succumbing to this requires shaking up the daily routine.
(3) Believe that you deserve to be happy. Even if there is no-one currently in your life that fulfils you the way others did back on Oz for you, there is another life for you to create. You can create this. There is a better version of your life to lead and you have to want it. But to want it, you need to feel you deserve it. This is something that I always underestimate about others - the intense feeling that they don't matter. Well, everyone deserves a shot at happiness. I think this comes through finding meaning and placing yourself into relationships and activities that are 'other regarding' - could be a team sport, some charity work, learning an instrument and joining a band, taking up astronomy, going on random dates...whatever. Taking yourself outside of yourself to stop the navel gazing is so important. Allowing yourself to do random things and have a sense of wonder about the world, to become acutely aware that there is an eternity of new stuff to learn and experience, can provide an impetus to shake up old habits, to stop dwelling on the self, to find meaning, and to ultimately experience happiness.
(4) Keep talking (which is, I think, the unwritten ethos of this thread). On this, I think you need to follow TOMOS' advice...go to AA. You will be asked to hand yourself over to a higher power/higher goal/higher meaning. Think Nike. Just do it, and trust the process. The minute you stop talking about this, then the old habits creep back in. Addiction is a disease and it's f*cking insidious, especially if you are a functioning user. The minute you take your eye off the ball and think it's under control, it'll gradually get hold of you again. Shout it to the roof tops..."I'm an addict, and it won't beat me". Remaining vigilant is crucial, and building into your weekly routine a place where you can talk about this is vital.
On a related note, about a year ago I started a thread on New Year's resolutions. Mine were to move to London and quit dope. I'm still in Hampshire, but I've removed the habits that had me on the smokes most nights. I don't worry about spending nights away now, thinking I need to take my pipe to have a quick burn before bed. It's still there, the addiction, but it's more manageable. By then end of this year, I want it gone. Have started Jiu Jitsu, been doing piano lessons and seeing a lovely lady, so I'm chipping away at the factors that allow me to succumb to nights of binging.
I have been surprised that addiction hasn't come up more on this thread. I know this might seem counter intuitive, but maybe it's harder to admit to than other issues like depression? Don't know, but when I have spoken to fellow addicts, the usual line is "urgh, it's just so pathetic" or "it's just me; I'm so weak. If I really want to sort it, I will".
Four things I've noticed...
(1) Habits are a killer. It's not so much about focusing on the drink, but the circumstances that lead to drinking. Unpicking that takes a lot of time and effort, but for a sustained and long term way to stop for good, wholesale changes are required. As your post suggests Soul Circus, it is not so much the presence of drink that's the problem, it's the absence of other things that provide meaning and happiness. Filling that gap of meaning and happiness takes years. Despite what our young brothers and sisters say, you don't or can't "get a life"...you can only build one.
(2) Fear of change. There is an aspect to addiction not commonly understood...it can be really comforting when you're in the midst of a binge. Like REALLY comforting. The point hear I think is that others might not always fully appreciate how painful it is to be lucid and sober when you HAVE to deal with memories and current reality. And memories and current reality can be painful. Your brain's response is a perfectly natural one - to climb inside a den of binge to numb all that cr*p. Not succumbing to this requires shaking up the daily routine.
(3) Believe that you deserve to be happy. Even if there is no-one currently in your life that fulfils you the way others did back on Oz for you, there is another life for you to create. You can create this. There is a better version of your life to lead and you have to want it. But to want it, you need to feel you deserve it. This is something that I always underestimate about others - the intense feeling that they don't matter. Well, everyone deserves a shot at happiness. I think this comes through finding meaning and placing yourself into relationships and activities that are 'other regarding' - could be a team sport, some charity work, learning an instrument and joining a band, taking up astronomy, going on random dates...whatever. Taking yourself outside of yourself to stop the navel gazing is so important. Allowing yourself to do random things and have a sense of wonder about the world, to become acutely aware that there is an eternity of new stuff to learn and experience, can provide an impetus to shake up old habits, to stop dwelling on the self, to find meaning, and to ultimately experience happiness.
(4) Keep talking (which is, I think, the unwritten ethos of this thread). On this, I think you need to follow TOMOS' advice...go to AA. You will be asked to hand yourself over to a higher power/higher goal/higher meaning. Think Nike. Just do it, and trust the process. The minute you stop talking about this, then the old habits creep back in. Addiction is a disease and it's f*cking insidious, especially if you are a functioning user. The minute you take your eye off the ball and think it's under control, it'll gradually get hold of you again. Shout it to the roof tops..."I'm an addict, and it won't beat me". Remaining vigilant is crucial, and building into your weekly routine a place where you can talk about this is vital.
On a related note, about a year ago I started a thread on New Year's resolutions. Mine were to move to London and quit dope. I'm still in Hampshire, but I've removed the habits that had me on the smokes most nights. I don't worry about spending nights away now, thinking I need to take my pipe to have a quick burn before bed. It's still there, the addiction, but it's more manageable. By then end of this year, I want it gone. Have started Jiu Jitsu, been doing piano lessons and seeing a lovely lady, so I'm chipping away at the factors that allow me to succumb to nights of binging.
- Officer Dibble
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Just listened, again, to an interview on 6Music with Matt Haig, it was originally on during World Mental Health Day. Excellent interview about Mental Health, I should imagine it is on iPlayer somewhere.
He also has a book, Notes on a Nervous Planet, for those that could benefit.
He also has a book, Notes on a Nervous Planet, for those that could benefit.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
I have no knowledge at all about AA.
Someone once told me they can be quite spiritual, am not sure if this is still the case.
I do know people that have been involved with Drinkwise and recommend it.
Whatever path you chose, I wish you nothing but good luck and good health.
Someone once told me they can be quite spiritual, am not sure if this is still the case.
I do know people that have been involved with Drinkwise and recommend it.
Whatever path you chose, I wish you nothing but good luck and good health.
- SoulCircus
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...
Thanks for all the kind words, means a lot. Have been to a meeting tonight, still feeling very weak and very tired but I haven't had a drink so I'll call that progress.