The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Samba
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

ageing hammer wrote:Sorry if I cannot explain what I am trying to say below it's not easy to put in words for me sometimes.
Not knowing if something has happened to a KUMB member is a thing that has always irked me a little.
Unless someone else on here actually knows a poster in person and can check there doesn't seem to be any way of knowing whether a poster has just stopped logging on / posting or that something else has happened.
Good point, ageing.
How about if there was a provision for us all to provide (if we wanted to) someone we know's, email address?
The protocol could be, if no posting for a set length of time, a mod could email the alternative address to politely check on the welfare of said kumber.
On a related theme, I notice Kialos hasn't posted for a while.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Mega Ron »

She was involved with WHUISA (perhaps still is) so they will have her contact details.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by mushy »

Guys,
I feel a little uncomfortable with some of this.
In my opinion we need to tread very carefully here, I understand peoples concerns but the very fact that the Internet and Kumb are largely anonymous and therefore confidential is probably the reason why people feel confident of posting on here in the first place.
And that can only be a really good thing. The fact that quite a few members of this forum (including Christopher) have plucked up tremendous courage to put down in words what is going on in their lives is a positive, and in a lot of cases the start of a journey that leads them down a path to a better place.
I can almost guarantee that without those first steps they would be in a much darker place then they are today.
There is therefore a bit of a danger that if we lose some of that confidentiality it may put others off from coming forward, something we would probably all agree we dont want.
The truth is we dont know what has happened to the likes of Christopher, but we should be positive about this, the fact that he came on here and told us all has to be good -even if the words and language he used seemed very dark at the time..
He could well be on a program that encourages him NOT to interact with social media, in which case he is doing pretty well.
There could be many reasons he doesnt wish to logon here anymore, and those reasons do not have to be bad reasons and whilst I agree that hearing something positive from him would be brilliant, not hearing anything doesnt necessarily follow as a negative. .

I realise that I have come over all 'lecturing' now, and for that I apologise , it wasnt meant to be like that when I started out.
My opinion (and I stress it is only my opinion) is that we need to respect anonymity and confidentiality at all times. If people feel they might be traceable it maybe enough to put them off coming on here in the first place.
Also if I am by chance talking complete and utter cobblers, please feel free to tell me, I wont be offended.
Thankyou and I am really sorry if this comes across as telling anyone off, I am not I promise.

This forum/thread is full of really kind people and long may it continue.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by DrVenk »

Knowing that we can only do so much is hard to accept when someone has taken the brave step to confide in us. But you're a seasoned pro, so to speak, on such matters Mushy, and I didn't think of the situation in the terms that you outlined, but what you wrote makes complete sense to me :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by S-H »

I'd like to second DrVenks post for Mushy, it's easy to get carried away with trying to want to help or be there for people that are brave enough to open up on here, but we also need to respect their privacy.

We should see this as an opportunity to support those that seek help or advice, and although everyone on here has the best intentions, we need to draw a line somewhere as hard as that may be.

I'm not very good at writing what I want to say but I think we need to take a step back and just be there when required, sorry if that sounds harsh like I said I'm not very good with words.

The most important thing about this thread is to encourage people to talk, I'd hate to think that by being keen to help that we might be pushing people away.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by ageing hammer »

Mushy no need to apologize at all you make perfect sense and what you have said does make it easier for me to understand why it's probably best as it is now. :)
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by last.caress »

mushy wrote:In my opinion we need to tread very carefully here, I understand peoples concerns but the very fact that the Internet and Kumb are largely anonymous and therefore confidential is probably the reason why people feel confident of posting on here in the first place. There is therefore a bit of a danger that if we lose some of that confidentiality it may put others off from coming forward, something we would probably all agree we dont want.
100% agreement here, mushy.

At least some of the people posting to this thread hate themselves. This is a fact. They are possessed of a certainty, however misplaced, that If you gentlemen knew them, you'd hate them too. The only thing keeping them in any meaningful dialogue is the relative anonymity provided by the platform. I appreciate where ageing hammer is coming from entirely when it comes to well-loved, much-missed members, particularly those known to have been very unwell as has been the case with ELH and Iron Spine, but lots of fantastic former regulars drop away for all sorts of reasons, not all of them tragic thank God, and I truly believe that the benefits of not knowing one another outweigh the benefits of us all having one another within immediate reach. For the purposes of threads such as these, at least.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury »

I've put stuff on here that I can't tell the shrink due to the anonymity. Thing is there's good people here that feel like friends, but in terms of this thread,I agree with Mushy, though it is regretable.
I'd like to write more but I'm not great,think I'm rapid cycling, keep the thread going.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by White Goodman »

last.caress wrote:
well-loved, much-missed members, particularly those known to have been very unwell as has been the case with ELH and Iron Spine, .
Do miss Spiney, his posts always used to make me laugh.

Never sounded too good for him, some of the procedures he described but hope that things are ok for him and for ELH of course.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

Tenbury wrote:I'd like to write more but I'm not great,think I'm rapid cycling, keep the thread going.
We're all with you on here, Tenbury.
These difficult feelings will pass & you WILL feel calmer again.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Westcliffspur »

Tenbury wrote:I've put stuff on here that I can't tell the shrink due to the anonymity. Thing is there's good people here that feel like friends, but in terms of this thread,I agree with Mushy, though it is regretable.
I'd like to write more but I'm not great,think I'm rapid cycling, keep the thread going.

Everyone is in your corner, Tenbury.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Tenbury »

Yeah,I know,and it helps.Thanks to you all.
They've given me the licence for a year,but then I have to go through all this again ,another 4-5 hundred quid.
They are ignorant,bigoted s--ts, and I'm not going to be treated any different from anyone else with a physical illness, it seems they're breaking disability discrimination legislation.Next step the magistrates for appeal.
In all honesty,if I was the mad axe killer they're making me out to be, they'd all be brown bread by now.
I just shouldn't have decided to dump all my meds at the new year. At least it's some distraction.
Best wishes everyone.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Samba »

Well, it's a positive that they gave you the licence but I totally agree, then expecting you to shell out another wedge in a years time for simply having a medical issue, imo, is very questionable of them.
It's also understandable of you dumping the meds. You did it for the best intentions even though it has impacted on you, these months. You're trying to do your best, we can all see that.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by HalfTimePie »

Takes a lot for me to even write this on here but I have wanted to post on here for a while now. I can't bring myself to openly write about things in my crap life or talk to someone on the phone.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by ageing hammer »

HTF you have taken the first step, why not post what is on your mind, no one here will judge you and it may help you to let it out mate.There are people on here who might be able to help you. Even if you cannot bring yourself to post what is troubling you, just write it on a piece of paper even if you tear it up afterwards at least you got it out from your mind :)
Last edited by ageing hammer on Mon May 21, 2018 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by rare as rockinghorse shat »

mushy is absolutely right.

I think, ultimately, what drives it is the very unsettling 'what if something did happen and what if we found out that something could have been done... but wasn't' feeling.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Mega Ron »

HTP. Nice to see you back.

I think this is a great place for advice and to get things off your chest. Personally I don't think I have anyone, other than my wife and I don't want to stress her out too much, that I can talk to about the things that really concern me.

Just writing something down in here and then taking in some of the replies has helped me.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by Officer Dibble »

HTP, whenever you are ready write down how much or how little you want.

Small steps can lead anywhere.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by mushy »

rare as rockinghorse shat wrote:
I think, ultimately, what drives it is the very unsettling 'what if something did happen and what if we found out that something could have been done... but wasn't' feeling.
Yes, and thats exactly right I think, a very well put way of looking at it.

There are I am afraid times when we are just going to have to accept that we are never going to find out certain outcomes, which is hard because we are by nature curious.
The consolation (if one were needed) is knowing that individuals were confident enough to come here in the first place.
As for being able to do something, again thats an incredibly tough one.
We can only try to do our best and accept that what we might think of as help and doing something might not be the same as what the individual actually wants or needs (I havent explained that very well, probably because I cant).
The replies from the likes of yourself, Ron and ageing (above), and many others are what drives this thread.
Please dont feel bad about any of it.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Post by HalfTimePie »

Thanks for the advice guys, and this is way way out of my comfort zone now so if I ramble or don't make much sense then I do apologise in advance. I know that my brother looks on this site from work and not sure if he knows my username so that has definitely put me off a bit to be honest. Where to begin!

I got married in March 2017 to an American woman in Arizona and spent my entire savings getting flights to see her out there and getting her visa sorted to bring her here. She struggled to adapt to moving here and the last few months spent every day telling me how much she wanted to go home so our relationship has been awful this year, and last week when I left for work she went and got on a plane and flew back without a goodbye or anything at all. So she has now left me (although it felt like she left me a while ago). I have been in contact but she told me she wont be coming back and is starting again out there. I took on so much when she got here and increased all my bills to make sure I could look after her while she was here, got her a nice ring which im now stuck with paying off for 3 years (my fault I know). but I thought she was worth it. Bought her a bunch of gym equipment and a dog too. Now because she was at home all day (wanted to be a housewife) my dog was used to being with her and now has separation anxiety because he is by himself all day while I'm at work. I'm very attached to him like a child (probably because I know he can only depend on me) and hate the idea of him worrying all day if he has been abandoned so I bought a camera to keep an eye on him which helps a bit to be fair as I struggle with anxiety.

I earn decent money but I stupidly increased my bills to get her the things that would make her happy here and now I'm working on decreasing them because they are dangerously high to my net income so I cant afford to do much on weekends which is depressing in itself. Of course my washing machine decided to pack up on me recently just to add to everything and had to wash my clothes in the bloody bath thinking to myself how the hell did I end up here! My house is full of mould downstairs thanks to some botch job the previous owners must have done and I know it will cost thousands to fix, growing on all the cabinets in the kitchen that I just got replaced so I have no idea what to do about that.

I was thinking of selling the house to pay off some bills but the properties that I would be able to afford look even worse, and I know that if I play the long game my house can be really nice.

All I have ever wanted is to find someone, settle down and have a family and now that feels like it wont happen for a while as I have to go through a divorce and start again. I never thought in my life that my wife would walk out on me like this. I just feel worthless and so unwanted because I feel like I tried my best to give her what she needed here.

I wont even get started on my car. I know that people on here are dealing with a lot worse situations but I'm not very good at dealing with much stress and worry. It did feel good to get that all out to be fair so thank you! And even if nobody replies just know you have made me feel better just by listening!
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