The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[pablo jaye]

HTP - Well done, that doesn’t sound rambling at all and hopefully you feel a bit better having got it down in black and white. Also, There are people here listening to you mate. It sounds like you have had a rough ride and understandably it is all building up. I haven’t got any personal experience in any of these issues but would it be worth separating each of the issues - e.g realationship, bills, house maintenance, car and working out individual plans to sort each of these. Breaking them down into separate issues might make things more manageable.

I’d also defer to the suggestions of others.

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

HTP

Glad you took the time to write mate.
If ever you want some independent advice on money, bills, repayments, debt consolidation etc, feel free to message me as little or as much as you want.

One thing I would say and it's not very nice to deal with, but looking at it purely from an economical point of view, you could probably start by having a chat with your missus about trying to get that ring back and maybe sooner rather than later before she gets ideas of being attached to it and/or flogging it herself

[Mega Ron]

You sure it's over mate?

Would you go over there to make a go of things?

[davids cross]

HTP.....

I was ok until you mentioned the dog.

Then I started to blubb...

Mate, having shared some PMs recently, I know you are a great bloke. Caring and kind and thoughtful.

Can I marry you instead....? ..

The dogs anxiety ? Lots of help . I've had to do things myself.

I have made tapes (the old days) of my voice, reassuring tapes that I left to to play when I'm not home. Let them play in a room that the dog can't get into but can still hear your voice coming from the room. They think you are in there.... .....Lots of anxiety toys out there ( most related to food) And some medication too.

I'm not really up with the technology, but is it possible to be able to talk to the dog through any sort of camera or speaker gizmo, audio thing......From experience this would help a lot. ?

Maybe if you get the finances sorted you can get a dog sitter or just someone to check on the dog or take for a walk during the day.

Her loss all this......

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

HTP

Look up 'borrow my doggie'.
People out there who want to spend time with dogs and will house sit or take them for a few hours. Different people will have different levels of how much time they want to commit.

[westham,eggyandchips]

HTP

You come across as an absolute gent. A man that cares and goes out of his way to please others.

Ok, so it hasnt worked out. Dont let that get you down too much. Its a bump in the road. Keep the faith and keep your head up.

[Samba]

That's a tough break, HTP.
I can only admire the lengths that you went to, for her to be happy. So don't ever think that you failed because I can't see how you could have done any more, than you clearly did.
It's perhaps time now, for you to consolidate. After all that effort putting her first, now it's time to put you first, for a change. You are worth much more than how you have been treated.
Keep in touch on here, mate. You are not alone.

[Tenbury]

Hope the support you've had here, HTP, helps you as much as it's helped me.
FWIW, seems to me you're a very decent bloke that's had a really bad break. As Samba says,time to put yourself first.At least these days there's loads of dog walking people who will see to your mutt while you're at work, and TBH the dog's I've had have always been my go-to friends...they listen, and don't argue.
I 'm sure , with time,you can get through this. Best wishes.

[Clacton-ammer]

Keep fighting the good fight HTP, you come across as a really decent dude

So mental health, I honestly believe we are there, or close to an epidemic. So many people suffering, it's all very sad, the amount of people & my friends on anti-depressants now! I think under funding is a real issue today.

My sister, 30 years of mental illness, tried to commit suicide 4 times, now again ringing everyone to say sorry for things she may, may not have said in her world, 5th time is coming, signs are all there. So, me, has to get involved again (that sounded harsh, but after 30 years I'm tired of fighting the under funded services, and tired of my sister not fighting more when she has had the opportunities). I have had meetings with the mental health crisis team, yet again, they don't believe she is going to try, they are the experts, but after 30 years I know the signs, mum is falling ill rapidly as she cannot handle the situation, crisis team say no need to get her sectioned for her own safety. Not enough places, and only the really really mentally ill will get sectioned.

Now 4 times in, we all know it's a cry for help, 2 things, she doesn't help herself, and the waiting lists to get help are loooong. I have paid for her privately (4/5 times now I guess), turns up twice and then knocks it.

30 years of her being unwell, most of those years she has been really unwell and in a dark place, and yet no light at the end of the tunnel for her, or us. She has tried stabbing me, got a nice scar on my gut from one incident, looking back I should have gone to the old bill, may have been a way forward, missed that opportunity. She has attacked me many times, and a couple of times my mum, which I have had to step in and physically restrain her.

In truth, I have nothing else I can do for her, more worried about my mum, sounds harsh I know, but 30 years of trying wears you down.

5th time is close, I know it, mum knows it, just waiting for the call.

I guess sharing my sisters story is this: if you are struggling, as many people are, go get help, talk to people, stick at it, you have to fight for you, there will be ups and downs, I guarantee it, but never stop fighting please.

[davids cross]

So mental health, I honestly believe we are there, or close to an epidemic. So many people suffering.

Clackers.......So many stories behind so many posters on here. Hats off my friend.


Sitting alone, I started to think whether the caveman would have suffered from mental issues like depression and anxiety....?

Is all this a cause of us developing as a people. Everybody seems to have so much pressure, expectation, ...etc

The caveman ?......Finding food, staying alive.....fear of wild animals. I suppose that was their own anxiety/ pressure.

Like you.......I see this as an explosion. Maybe it was hidden before and has always been there. But now people are not afraid to talk and come forward and say....."D'you know what, I'm really not well and I haven't been for ages, I've been hiding so much of my problem""

Sadly, the encouragement to open up about mental illness has not been matched with the adequate funds to meet all this sadness.

And I'm not making a political point here.

God bless all who are suffering.

[HalfTimePie]

Thank you so much for all the replies guys, sorry I wish I could reply to them all individually but being in the office I kind of have to do this out of hours. But know I have read every word and appreciate everything you have all said.

Luckily she has been in contact and although its definitely over she did leave her ring in the house so at least that's something! I know that all the financial stuff will be better in time and I realised yesterday that after lowering my council tax, and cancelling her memberships to places here that I will be saving around £60 a month plus I found out yesterday that I got a small pay rise at my job which will be around £50 a month. Not much at all but actually significant to me right now.

I bought myself a book on DIY so I can try to fix the house myself, all involves getting down to the floorboards and replacing the chipboard flooring and getting air bricks installed which I apparently don't have causing a lot of moisture to gather under my house. Was very depressing because every bit of money spent on the house was being ruined because of it.

MegaRon to answer your question yes its definitely over, I tried to convince her every day for a few months to stop this thinking and try to fix things but she was having none of it. I think it was her mum drilling into her head that its just easier to give up and start again. She has been married five times so I should have seen it coming really!

DC, if I ever turn gay I'll give you a call :lol: and thank you for all your help again with my dog recently! I can talk to him via the camera I have set up, and I have an app on my phone so at least I can see him all day while sitting at my desk. Although I would like to find someone who can look into him during the day. Will have to figure that out soon for sure. I have videos of how crazy he goes when I get home, its like he hasn't seen me in years! Nice in a way but awful in some too!

Pablo, Rars, Eggy, Samba, Tenbury, Clacton, thank you all too! I tried to cover all points you guys made above. Today is a much better day thanks to all of you

[davids cross]

I can talk to him via the camera I have set up

Tremendous scenes......

[Clacton-ammer]

I need me one of those cameras for my dog :lol:

Crossey, cheers bud, my message is about my sister and the fact if you are suffering, you must talk, fight, open up, only way to find some peace in your life, as if you do not, it will not go away. I consider myself very lucky as a person, always brushed things off and have a mantra "tomorrow is another day", not everyone can do that, sadly see it all too often nowadays.

There are some incredibly brave people on this thread fighting, I am in awe of you all, you will beat your demons, just keep fighting the good fight.

[Officer Dibble]

Today is a much better day thanks to all of you

Good to hear HTP.

Just remember a version of this, change today for tomorrow, if you feel low again.

I have experienced divorce which wasn't exactly my choice, so know how low people can get. I recall thinking "thats it, i'll never meet anyone again" - years later I honestly could be happier with where my life is now.

[S-H]

. Today is a much better day thanks to all of you

That's great to read HTP.

Sounds like you know what you have to do and are doing it, fair play to you for hitting this head on.

There's a few tradesmen and DIYers on here who will all be keen to offer advice on anything in that regard.

Good luck moving forward mate, and all the best for the future.

[davids cross]

I need me one of those cameras for my dog

Was my first thought too......I don't need one but just think there is much joy to be had...

"Do Argos do them.......I still have some Christmas vouchers".....went straight through my head.

Crossey, cheers bud, my message is about my sister

Yeah I got that Clackers.....

Sorry didn't mean to imply it was you. Sort of meant the stories behind the posters are family ones too.

I know I do get confused sometimes...

[Clacton-ammer]

It's your age...

I also want to be able to speak to her through said device, can see the numerous head tilts and then the attack of said device now... :lol:

[davids cross]

head tilts :

The head tilt !!!...

They look really confused and really cute at the same time. I feel massive guilt about the former and massive happiness about the latter.

Sorry for off topicing a bit...

[mushy]

I need me one of those cameras for my dog :lol:

Crossey, cheers bud, my message is about my sister and the fact if you are suffering, you must talk, fight, open up, only way to find some peace in your life, as if you do not, it will not go away. I consider myself very lucky as a person, always brushed things off and have a mantra "tomorrow is another day", not everyone can do that, sadly see it all too often nowadays.
Clacton, what you are facing with your sister sounds a typical case and I really feel for you mate, it must be bloody tough., you are trying your damndest to help someone, who it would appear doesnt actually want your help.
It happens all the time.
I would say that the most important person right now is yourself, its you that may need a little looking after.
Keep fighting but please do NOT neglect yourself.
Remember, none of this is your fault, and sometimes no matter what we do or try, it just doesn't work, we cannot feel guilty about that.

There are some incredibly brave people on this thread fighting, I am in awe of you all, you will beat your demons, just keep fighting the good fight.

I couldn't agree more, incredibly brave. And you are included in that list.

[mushy]

HTP

Do you need an occasional dog walker in the afternoons?
I cannot commit to a regular day or time at the moment, but I am off most afternoons these days.
It would actually be doing me a favour to be honest as am into long walks, and find them quite relaxing.