Monkeybubbles wrote:This is a bit of a plea for advice, really.....
My lad is 20 and has suffered for the last three or four years with very severe colitis, - Leaving the house is a real mission as he has to plan his journey by the availability of a loo every half an hour. So, he doesn't leave the house.
His girlfriend dumped him a couple of years ago, as she wanted to see more of the world. His mates have all gone away to Uni. His slightly older brother, who he idolises, also went away to Uni and has stayed there. Now it appears that the medication he has to have pumped into him has caused a liver infection, which may turn out to be quite serious.
He's always been intelligent, smart, good natured and whipcrack funny, but he's always been very shy. Now he's becoming increasingly withdrawn and sullen, just sits in his room on the Playstation pretty much all day.
What can I do?
When we encounter problems in our own lives we tend not to worry as we usually end up sorting them out but when it's our children who have the problems we worry and we worry and we worry some more .
He'll be feeling rejected , he'll be feeling envious , he'll be feeling lost and worried about his future and on top of that there's this horrible illness he's having to cope with .
First of all , let's deal with the girlfriend problem - he's had one girlfriend so it's possible for him to get another one , it sounds like he has a great personality so he'll be fine . Maybe he could do a bit of online dating for a while or meet someone on his Playstation .
All his friends , his best mate and older brother have all gone to University so he's bound to be feeling lonely and envious - When all my friends went off to Uni I got a job in a Bank for 4 years - I felt a bit of a failure and was jealous that they were all having fun , but 4 years passed quickly and I decided I'd also go to college [ it's never too late he can go there in his own time ] . There's also the Open University .
The Colitis and liver problems -
This is the top priority for now , it's imperative to get this sorted as soon as possible [ I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this ] . OK , he's facing surgery and may have to wear a colostomy bag - it sounds horrible and devastating to a 20 year old but there are far worse things [ again we all know this ] . the Doctors and Specialists will be able to help him with this far more than anyone on here will so I won't begin to try .
At first glance it's worrying to see your boy on Playstation all the time - there are benefits and disadvantages to sitting in front of a screen shooting at people all day , I'll talk about the benefits though - He's with friends , he's interacting , he's having a good time , it helps kill boredom and he's not likely to get into any harm . Keep an eye on the hours and encourage him to go for a walk with you as much as possible . Also , try to think of a hobby you could both take part in which means going out [ but close to a loo ] - photography needn't mean a trip to the Highlands of Scotland [ though you'd be very welcome ] - bird watching - walks in the countryside - kayaking [ just for half an hour or whatever he can manage ] - other stuff that I can't think of just now . PM me if you want to chat .
I know what it's like worrying about your child as our boy [ now 22 ] has Aspergers and other syndromes - he's very handsome but no one wants to go out with him - he has friends but doesn't see them that regularly - he also spends a lot of time on his Xbox - we got him involved in kayaking and Drama which helped immensely but he still needs a lot of our help .