A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:50 pm

I see this thread has lapsed onto page two, I am hoping that's good news.
However I am going to ask anyway, how are we all doing?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:53 pm

mushy wrote:I see this thread has lapsed onto page two, I am hoping that's good news.
However I am going to ask anyway, how are we all doing?

Was just thinking exactly the same mushy!
Hope all is not too bad for all.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocket on Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:11 pm

Been having some issues since the summer, revolving around a bird and generally feeling quite lonely, I don't think I'm really in a bad way but I don't want to end up that way so best to nip it in the bud, here's hoping.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:27 pm

Rocket,
What do you mean by nipping it in the bud?
Good luck anyway.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:42 pm

mushy wrote:I see this thread has lapsed onto page two, I am hoping that's good news.
However I am going to ask anyway, how are we all doing?


After sorting out a couple of problems we have settled down very well here in the Elgin area , the eczema that was bothering me has cleared up mostly , there'll always be a level of stress with what we've taken on , but we're going to make the best of things while we're here , dicover new places , try to attain a better level of fitness etc .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:52 pm

The Old Man of Storr wrote:After sorting out a couple of problems we have settled down very well here in the Elgin area , the eczema that was bothering me has cleared up mostly , there'll always be a level of stress with what we've taken on , but we're going to make the best of things while we're here , dicover new places , try to attain a better level of fitness etc .

:thup: Sounding good, TOMoS.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:05 am

Samba wrote: :thup: Sounding good, TOMoS.


Thought I'd miss Skye loads but for the first few weeks we were here it was pouring with rain on the island , it's colder here but sunnier , we went to the Cairngorms yesterday , Dan wanted to see some snow , so we drove to Aviemore then up to where the Funicular Railway goes up the mountain [ currently out of action due to works ] and had home-made mince pies and cocoa on a snow covered picnic bench - I forgot to take my coat and only had my fleece on , I was bloody freezing ! :lol:
We bought an annual parking permit for these Forestry Commission Woodlands which are scattered round Morayshire so we're visiting as many as we can possibly fir in to get our money back ! :lol:
Went to Roseisle on Saturday just as it was getting dark [ absolutely stunning place ] , drove to Culbin Forest today on the way back from Nairn where we'd bought a second hand dishwasher for our daughter .
We're making the most of our time here .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocket on Tue Nov 27, 2018 4:49 am

mushy wrote:Rocket,
What do you mean by nipping it in the bud?
Good luck anyway.

I think my mental health isn't perfect but I'm basically ok but if I don't get some help it could get worse.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:50 am

Sounds a good idea Rocket, is your GP pretty good with mental health issues?
I understand it can be pretty hit and miss.

Good luck Tomos, sounds like you are having a nice old time!
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby ageing hammer on Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:26 pm

Hope you get the help Rocket, :thup:

Looking good Tomos, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but do you by any chance keep a diary.

I say this because you could write a really cracking book about all your stories that you tell us on here.

There is something so nice, warm, honest about your tales that make me glow a little inside. ( hope that doesn't sound bloody stupid ) :oops:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocket on Tue Nov 27, 2018 10:54 pm

mushy wrote:Sounds a good idea Rocket, is your GP pretty good with mental health issues?
I understand it can be pretty hit and miss.

Good luck Tomos, sounds like you are having a nice old time!

Dunno mate, I filled out a form online on Saturday morning and need to have an initial conversation on the phone, which is proving a bit difficult to arrange due to work.

Thanks for the support, people. :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Thu Nov 29, 2018 12:16 am

ageing hammer wrote:Hope you get the help Rocket, :thup:

Looking good Tomos, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but do you by any chance keep a diary.

I say this because you could write a really cracking book about all your stories that you tell us on here.

There is something so nice, warm, honest about your tales that make me glow a little inside. ( hope that doesn't sound bloody stupid ) :oops:


I think that's one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me , Eamonn , thanks , mate , that made my day . :thup:

I did keep a diary - usually for a few weeks at a time , mostly when I was going through my many non-drinking times . Funnily enough I picked one up not that long ago , I only looked at it as it was written just prior to the time I fell ill and I was interested in seeing whether I'd written anything close to that date [ 13th December 2012 ] - I had - I thought it might be gibberish due to the sepsis but it wasn't , it was just ordinary stuff .

We've all got a story to tell , stuff that happened to us when we were young or something that happened just last week , thankfully I can still remember a few of them ! I did think of writing down the story of my life for my children to read , I think everyone should do that - when your parents die , that's it , you're an orphan and you can't ask them any more questions . My Dad served in Africa and Italy during WW2 , I wish I'd aked him more questions about his time there , we asked questions as children but I didn't ask any a an adult , if he'd written down his memoirs I could read all about his adventures but it's too late now .

Anyway , here I go rambling again , there must be some Irish blood in me somewhere !

Slainte Mhaith !
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby pablo jaye on Thu Nov 29, 2018 9:28 am

Asking for some advice here - I have a member of my family (male) who suffers from depression and various things have happened to him recently which would test most people - wife lost here job and in his line of work, he comes across suicides/attempted suicides, all of which I understand are taking him to a darker place.

However, he is an un-reconstructed bloke and steadfastly refuses to talk about anything, let alone seeking help - because ‘that’s not manly’. Any attempt at conversations about it are rebuffed or swerved.

Has anyone had any similar experience of dealing with such people. Or got any advice as to how to help them open up and help make th realise that it is not ‘girly’ or any sleight on his manliness.

Cheers - pablo
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby S-H on Thu Nov 29, 2018 9:41 am

Pab, I had this with my old man, very old-fashioned suffered in silence for years, sadly. I'm in a fortunate position though, where I see him every day as we run our family business together.

It was a case of keeping on at him, keep talking to him, keep reassuring him that he's not alone, that it's nothing to be ashamed of, it took a while but eventually I talked him into going to the docs, he hasn't really looked back and is in a much better place now, I'm constantly checking in on him though, he's probably had enough of me to be honest, but I don't care as he is visibly happier nowadays, thanks to the medication he takes.

So my advice would be keep pecking away at him if you can, every person is different though so what works for one person might not work for someone else, ultimately just be there for him if you can.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Clacton-ammer on Thu Nov 29, 2018 12:08 pm

Wise words SH :thup:

Pablo, take him for a beer, golf, football, anything to get him one on one, as SH rightly says, just keep asking and tell him he is not alone, good luck :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocket on Thu Nov 29, 2018 6:49 pm

pablo jaye wrote:However, he is an un-reconstructed bloke and steadfastly refuses to talk about anything, let alone seeking help - because ‘that’s not manly’. Any attempt at conversations about it are rebuffed or swerved.

I am a bit like this. I would say that it's easier to open up when you are a bit detached from the situation, so you should try:

1. Text message
2. Over the phone
3. An activity together where it's harder for you to make eye contact, such as driving or watching the game

In that order.

He won't open up over night but the gradual approach might help.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:59 pm

pablo jaye wrote:Asking for some advice here - I have a member of my family (male) who suffers from depression and various things have happened to him recently which would test most people - wife lost here job and in his line of work, he comes across suicides/attempted suicides, all of which I understand are taking him to a darker place.

However, he is an un-reconstructed bloke and steadfastly refuses to talk about anything, let alone seeking help -

Has anyone had any similar experience of dealing with such people. Or got any advice as to how to help them open up and help make th realise that it is not ‘girly’ or any sleight on his manliness.

Cheers - pablo


I take it your friend either works in mental health , is a policeman or has a job with the Samaritans or some such job ? Without making it a medical matter is there someone within work he can talk to , someone whose job it is to deal with people suffering from work related stress? My daughter is a Mental Health Nurse and has to deal with suicide attempts , people threatening to commit suicide and other acute mental health conditions , you would have to be pretty unfeeling not to be affected by some people's problems , the genuine ones anyway . She has learnt to tell the difference between someone who is ill from depression and someone who fakes a ' suicide ' attempt as a means of avoiding a court hearing - yes , it does happen .
If your friend is being affected by work related stress and refuses to seek professional help perhaps you could say to him that he's not doing himself or his wife any favours by ignoring these symptom and it'll only get worse not better - I'd point him in the direction of this thread , there are plenty of real men on here who have admitted to not coping on occasion , it's nothing to be ahamed of , it's far better to talk to someone than turn to drink or drugs or bottle things up , the pressure eventually gets too much and by then ' something silly ' can happen and he needs to avoid that at all costs . Tell him you'll go with him if it help .
As for his wife losing her job , well it's happened to me 3 times and each time I found another job and this on Skye , hopefully she can put all that extra time into catching up on stuff she always meant to get round to doing but didn't have the time , turn her bad fortune into something positive . I realise Christmas is coming but it's only another day and it can be as expensive as you make it .

Tell him nothing is that important that his health should suffer for it , if people have committed suicide , it's very sad but there's nothing he can actually do about it once it's done . If the job he's doing is causing him that much stress then tell him to take time off sick , take a holiday or look for some other line of work , we only get one life , we should look after it like we look after other things we own . A car will not work if its not looked after , it's the same with us .
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Sat Dec 01, 2018 9:32 am

pablo jaye wrote:Asking for some advice here - I have a member of my family (male) who suffers from depression and various things have happened to him recently which would test most people - wife lost here job and in his line of work, he comes across suicides/attempted suicides, all of which I understand are taking him to a darker place.

However, he is an un-reconstructed bloke and steadfastly refuses to talk about anything, let alone seeking help - because ‘that’s not manly’. Any attempt at conversations about it are rebuffed or swerved.

Has anyone had any similar experience of dealing with such people. Or got any advice as to how to help them open up and help make th realise that it is not ‘girly’ or any sleight on his manliness.

Cheers - pablo

It is true that if you know someone or have witnessed a suicide, then you yourself become more susceptible to suicidal thoughts and depression. Especially if it involves a family member.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby pablo jaye on Sat Dec 01, 2018 9:52 am

Somerset, Clacky, Rocket, TOMoS* and Mushy .... thank you all for taking time to respond and share your thoughts, there is some great advice there.

The family member does work in an area where there should be some support for mental health, and I am presuming that he is aware of it, however, I shouldn’t assume and will raise it in the conversation. Rocket - I really like your idea about the non-eye contact, as eye contact can really make people clam up, and including mental health into conversation more frequently will make it become less of a taboo. We do a lot of stuff at work about it, so I can talk about it as part of a general discussion about work.

In time, I think I will point him in the direction of this thread, but given that he is really closed about his depression, that would definitely be stage two of the process.

Again, this thread shows how wonderfully supportive a group of people can be, and is a real positive, not just in relation to my question but all of those raised. Personally, your inputs have given me some real food for thought and the different perspectives have given me a few new angles.

*TOMoS .... I typed your name without thinking of capitalising the initial letters, but my iPad autocorrected it to what you see - I hadn’t realised that I must have typed your name rather frequently, any idea how many times you have to type something on an iPad before it stores it in your ‘frequently used words’ folder??
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Rocket on Sat Dec 01, 2018 6:29 pm

Thank you to two legends of this forum for being absolute diamonds to me this weekend. You don't know how much it means to me. I'm looking forward to having a mad night in Newcastle celebrating today's amazing result.
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