A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby White Goodman on Thu May 10, 2018 2:11 pm

Mega Ron wrote:it's hard to say "I'm a **** to my kids".


DasNutNock wrote:Hard, maybe - but you shouldn't feel like a failure if you do. I've blown up a few times at my eldest daughter, then felt horribly guilty afterwards. The only thing that part alleviated that was to apologise and to try to explain why I lost my temper and became so aggressive.

A bit of parental fear isn't a bad thing in kids - lots of my daughter's friends have no respect or fear of their parents, and they're growing up to be utter sh*ts. Getting the balance right is tough, especially when it can be as frustrating as it is when they won't listen.

It's difficult not to replicate some parental behaviour, they're your main point of reference for parenthood, for better or worse.


Have done the same but no doubt like you it's rare.

Ron, I think it's easy to feel that we should all be these paragons of virtue where our children are concerned but fact is you are human and so are they. As such they are capable of some truly ****ing annoying behaviour.

I told my eldest to stop acting like an idiot the other day . I shouldn't have done that (and I think hand on heart it's the first time I've ever used that term towards her), felt awful afterwards and apologised pretty quickly.

I think a momentary snap followed by an apology doesn't do much harm and I was describing her behaviour, not suggesting she was an idiot full stop. Worth mentioning that what she was doing was completely idiotic though.

I think I can say that on balance I'm a loving and caring dad who wants the best for his children. I'd imagine you are much the same from seeing your posts on here.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Tenbury on Thu May 10, 2018 2:16 pm

DC. I found that as hard to read As I guess it was to write.
The involvement of innocent bystanders and those left behind ,trust me,is never ever far from your mind.I've often seen written how 'selfish people are to take the easy way out', don't ever think that most of them are so unthinking,in truth many are hopeless over thinkers.
That said,you've undergone a hideous trauma,in all seriousness, you may well want to talk it through with someone.

This thread shows that random people really are OK,and they care.
Why the hell can't things improve?
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Thu May 10, 2018 5:08 pm

Tenbury wrote:in truth many are hopeless over thinkers.


Yeah....

I made a point a year or two back. I had no evidence to prove it.

But it struck me how many people with depression or any kind of mental illness are often highly intelligent, clever and very deep thinking.

Often, the posts from people suffering the most are beautifully articulate.

It's just always struck me that these type of people may be particularly vulnerable. Just a thought ...and observation over the years.... :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby rare as rockinghorse shat on Thu May 10, 2018 8:01 pm

davids cross wrote:I could never look or read anything about it. I felt traumatised. I think I still am a bit.


Steve, I would think there's no harm to speak to someone about this.

One thing I have seen a lot of, is how a traumatic incident can become so buried, that it affects someone in years to come, even if they are not always consciously aware of it.
It could be a trigger for many other things.

It's almost like a PTSD which isn't always abundantly apparent.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Thu May 10, 2018 10:37 pm

Tenbury wrote:Why the hell can't things improve?

Good question, Tenbury.
I think the problem is that we are all, far more complex & complicated than humankind thinks we are.
The human mind IS the most complex & complicated thing, in the known Universe.
Even by 2018, we've only just started to scratch the surface of trying to understand its workings.
I just hope for a better future for everyone, one day.
Like I said, in many ways in regarding the mind, we are still in the dark ages.
We must always live in hope!
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby DrVenk on Thu May 10, 2018 11:56 pm

davids cross wrote:But it struck me how many people with depression or any kind of mental illness are often highly intelligent, clever and very deep thinking.


I've come across 'robo-tripping' with some smart people. A choice between deconstructing everything and zonking out on DXM to make normal conversation bearable. There's a House MD episode on it I think.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Fri May 11, 2018 10:01 am

rare as rockinghorse shat wrote:Steve, I would think there's no harm to speak to someone about this.

One thing I have seen a lot of, is how a traumatic incident can become so buried, that it affects someone in years to come, even if they are not always consciously aware of it.
It could be a trigger for many other things.

It's almost like a PTSD which isn't always abundantly apparent.


Thing is Steve....

I was really surprised that no one contacted me at all after the incident. Not a phone call from the police or anything.

Just to say how are you doing ?

I wasn't a paramedic (not that they do not suffer too). I had never seen a dead body before and certainly not in such horrific circumstances.

The ambulance crew that arrived looked very shocked too. So it wasn't something that was routine for them. They asked me if I wanted to go and sit in the ambulance.......but I said no.

Naturally I spoke to family and friends of my ordeal but you don't want to go on about it as you feel like you're being really boring.

It's been so long now. But I do admit I sometimes would like to talk about it.

My main thought is always around his preparation for jumping off the bridge .......and then I imagine his head rolling along the ground when it fell from his body. A head without a body is really strange to see.

I see a rolling head a lot in my thoughts.... :(

:thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Officer Dibble on Fri May 11, 2018 10:12 am

davids cross wrote:Thing is Steve....

I was really surprised that no one contacted me at all after the incident. Not a phone call from the police or anything.

Just to say how are you doing ?


To be honest there wouldn't have been any form of aftercare for any of the emergency services that attended this if it was about 10 years ago, so I'm not surprised no-one called you.

Any traumatic incident I attend now I am given the chance to speak to people if I want, I think it is the same for other services too.

The person that finds the deceased should be cared for more nowadays.

davids cross wrote:I wasn't a paramedic (not that they do not suffer too). I had never seen a dead body before and certainly not in such horrific circumstances.

The ambulance crew that arrived looked very shocked too. So it wasn't something that was routine for them. They asked me if I wanted to go and sit in the ambulance.......but I said no.

Naturally I spoke to family and friends of my ordeal but you don't want to go on about it as you feel like you're being really boring.

It's been so long now. But I do admit I sometimes would like to talk about it.

My main thought is always around his preparation for jumping off the bridge .......and then I imagine his head rolling along the ground when it fell from his body. A head without a body is really strange to see.

I see a rolling head a lot in my thoughts.... :(

:thup:


As RARS said, there is no harm in talking to someone about it now.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Fri May 11, 2018 10:22 am

Officer Dibble wrote:The person that finds the deceased should be cared for more nowadays.


Whenever I hear or read about similar incidents, my initial thoughts (because of my experience) are always with the person that finds the body.

I'm glad to hear that Dibbs... :thup:
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Fri May 11, 2018 11:03 am

davids

I have no personal dealings with the below support groups so cannot vouch for them, but others have said they are very good.
https://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/i-di ... he-person/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

There is also a group called - 'Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS)'. They have a branch in Brentwood.

it might be worth chatting to some of the people there.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Fri May 11, 2018 1:39 pm

Thank you mush...

I have an appointment with my doctor coming up about my shoulder.........It is about as manoeuvrable as Jan Molby after a Sunday roast.... :)

I think I will mention it there...
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby mushy on Fri May 11, 2018 1:57 pm

Good man, and sincere best of luck to you.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby ageing hammer on Fri May 11, 2018 3:40 pm

DC it was horrific just reading your story never mind actually experiencing it.

I hope you get to talk to someone soon and I am certain it will help you, I wish you well :)
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Cuenca 'ammer on Fri May 11, 2018 3:42 pm

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-44079462" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Body confirmed as missing Frightened Rabbit singer

Mr Hutchison had spoken openly about his battle with depression over the years, with elder brother Neil saying he had done so "in an attempt to help other people with similar conditions".
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Fri May 11, 2018 3:53 pm

ageing hammer wrote:DC it was horrific just reading your story


And that's just the grammar...... :D

Oust......yeah sad that. Been following it myself.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Cuenca 'ammer on Fri May 11, 2018 4:04 pm

Shame it will take a death like this for people to say "We MUST do more about it......"

Until it falls out of the news unfortunately...

I reckon loads more people suffer from depression than come to light..you know that "Oh I am just having a bad day (again)..it's not depression..."

Thing is it doesn't have to be deep dark despair to be some form of depression.....
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby davids cross on Fri May 11, 2018 4:37 pm

Cuenca 'ammer wrote:
I reckon loads more people suffer from depression than come to light..you know that "Oh I am just having a bad day (again)..it's not depression..."

Thing is it doesn't have to be deep dark despair to be some form of depression.....


I think from memory RARS asked a question many moons ago..........and it was the forerunner of all these mental health threads.

He simply asked ( memory) "Can you be depressed without knowing it"

Yes !.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby Samba on Fri May 11, 2018 5:49 pm

davids cross wrote:I have an appointment with my doctor coming up about my shoulder.........It is about as manoeuvrable as Jan Molby after a Sunday roast.... :)
I think I will mention it there...

Sounds like a frozen shoulder, dc. Good luck with it.
Your earlier story was simply awful for all concerned & especially you.
I wish you all the best with dealing with it now.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues..

Postby pablo jaye on Fri May 11, 2018 6:06 pm

Mega Ron wrote:
it's hard to say "I'm a **** to my kids".


Ron, we are all human and there are times when our nearest and dearest do really push us to our limits. From reading your posts I'd guess your littl'uns are quite young and I can remember when mine were that age, there would be times where I'd come home from a tough day at work, and would be extremely tired and consequently a bit fractious with the kids, who were sometimes tired and hungry themselves. A perfect storm that sometimes I'd take it out on them - getting angry with raised voices.

Now, I have the benefit of hindsight, as they are 18 and 20, and that time when they were young was by far the most difficult.

As Dan says, an apology is essential - not only is it the chance to make up, it teaches the kids that apologies are sometimes necessary. Most importantly, it gave me time to reflect and think about how to avoid the situation happening in the future. Finally, you have recognised that you have a problem which you aren't happy with - which is a key part of finding a solution.
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Re: A thread to discuss depression and other mental issues...

Postby OFT on Fri May 11, 2018 8:52 pm

davids cross wrote:
I think from memory RARS asked a question many moons ago..........and it was the forerunner of all these mental health threads.

He simply asked ( memory) "Can you be depressed without knowing it"

Yes !.


And a very good thread it was too.
I've just re-read his opening post and RARS started this thread when he discovered that one had sadly dropped off the forum.
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