The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

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The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:40 am

As a manager of an office based team, I have to speak to those who pull a sickie and naturally judge them on their choice of excuse. Below are some of the worst I have had to listen to and remain diplomatic about for HR purposes, what are the worst you had heard or even had the audacity to try yourself?

We had someone manage two weeks off sick as their brother kicked a football in their face and light was hurting their eye. Wear an eye patch was my response.

The same person said they couldn't make it in as their walk to work involved going through a park which the pond had burst it's banks so he couldn't get passed it. A quick check on google maps and I was able to provide an alternative....and shorter route!.

Several bouncy castle/trampoline accidents.

One guy was signed off for weeks with a bad back but was able to drive an hour and walk 10 minutes to the office to hand deliver his sick note. Didn't even try exaggerating the impact on him and had a smile on his face and spring in his step a smile he walked back out in the sunshine, eventually seen in a beer garden on Facebook.

And the best of the lot...

Someone called in sick as they nearly ran over a pheasant on the way to work and they were too traumatised to come in that day! There were two of them in the car and both used this excuse.

What happened to just saying you've got a bug/diarrhoea so no further questions are asked?.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby mushy on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:37 am

Has it occurred to you yet that people dont like working for you?
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby djclipz on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:38 am

chelmsfordhammer91 wrote:Someone called in sick as they nearly ran over a pheasant on the way to work and they were too traumatised to come in that day! There were two of them in the car and both used this excuse.


I once heard someone in my office ask to go home from work because their hamster had died and his girlfriend, who was already at home, wasn't taking it too well.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Hammer1972 on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:40 am

djclipz wrote:I once heard someone in my office ask to go home from work because their hamster had died and his girlfriend, who was already at home, wasn't taking it too well.


Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby DasNutNock on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:52 am

djclipz wrote:I once heard someone in my office ask to go home from work because their hamster had died and his girlfriend, who was already at home, wasn't taking it too well.


Hammer1972 wrote:Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....


God Bless this website.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby only1post on Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:57 am

Hammer1972 wrote:
Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....


Ask Coops he has badgers in his backyard.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Dover KUMB fan on Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:14 am

Not a sickie, but a request for an afternoon off.
We have an older lady work with one of the other teams in my department. She wanted a last minute afternoon off due to a 'family emergency'. This meant someone had to cover her late & work extra hours.

The emergency?
Her son was going on holiday the next day, & she wanted to make sure he packed everything.
I suppose you are imagining a child, but he is a 41 year old rock ape!!! :fsake:
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby djclipz on Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:20 am

Hammer1972 wrote:Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....

:lol:
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby ageing hammer on Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:51 am

djclipz wrote:I once heard someone in my office ask to go home from work because their hamster had died and his girlfriend, who was already at home, wasn't taking it too well.
Hammer1972 wrote:

Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....



At least the boyfriend was taking it well :D
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby EugeneSpeed on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:04 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:I suppose you are imagining a child, but he is a 41 year old rock ape!!! :fsake:


That is f**king brilliant.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby EugeneSpeed on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:10 pm

When I first moved in with my Mrs, I took a sickie one Monday to play Resident Evil 4 all day. Was feeling a bit hungover, so make up some rubbish and texted my boss.

Like all women, she can't bear the thought of her other half daring to take a day off without her, so started giving it all the...
"Oh, I'm feeling a bit ill too actually. I might call in sick too"
"Really? What's up?"
"Well, you know those roast potatoes we had yesterday?"
"Yeah..."
"Well I think I burned the roof of my mouth on them"

I just laughed, and she left the room to ring her office.

"Well, what did you tell then?"
"What I told you"
"That you burned the roof of my mouth on a roast potato?"
"Yeah"

She then got the hump when I sat and played Resident Evil all day and actually said "FFS, I should have just gone to work"

:|
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:26 pm

A while back a contractor who really hated here and made no bones about telling everyone he did rang in sick. The excuse? “My goldfish has died”. No ****'s given whatsoever.

He was sacked shortly after much to his delight.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby AnthraxDave on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:41 pm

I once chucked a sickie, so I could recover from a mad hangover, by saying I'd come down with the Norovirus that had been going around in the local news.
2 days later, I did actually come down with said ailment but, as I had already used that excuse, felt I had to go into work. I proceeded to spend half the day pebble dashing the bowl and I also managed to infect the rest of the 30-strong office :scarfer:
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby sendô on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:46 pm

Hammer1972 wrote:Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....

Cap doffed sir.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Dave Hedgehog on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:55 pm

A friend of mine once told his boss he couldn't come in as the pump on his dad's tropical fishtank had broken and he needed to keep filling it up with water from the hot tap all day or the fish would die.

This is the same guy who managed to convince a former colleague his dad was a professional clown and had gone to clown school with the rapper Ice Cube, who was researching a role for his new film.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby White Goodman on Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:58 pm

My granddad died yesterday so can't come.in.

This would be fine had they not already used the same excuse twice previously
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:13 pm

mushy wrote:Has it occurred to you yet that people dont like working for you?


I think it's more they don't like doing an actual days work.

The thing that amazed me was that our 'sickness/absence' level was in line with the rest of the sector, so this must be rife up and down the country!

I've only ever used the sick bug/squits excuse which if only used once or twice a year is a guaranteed way of not getting agro when you get back to work.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby sendô on Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:21 pm

One guy cried off an afternoons work once as he was having a hot tub delivered.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby ageing hammer on Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:42 pm

Hammer1972 wrote:


Well how would you feel if you had to pull a dead rodent from your boyfriends arse....[/quote]





Rat arsed?
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:15 pm

I had a chat with our HR today about this and I asked them what the worst excuse they have ever heard was...

Not really sickness but they had someone in another building repeatedly turning up late for work. It went to a disciplinary (so imagine a note taker having to write this down as part of a formal document...), where the employee's excuse was that they had set their alarm at the correct time each evening, but their house had a ghost which kept turning the alarm off during the night.

I would say you can't even make this stuff up, but someone obviously had!
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