The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Happyhammer52 on Sat Sep 09, 2017 9:12 am

vietnammer wrote:Memorable e-mails from foreign students:

"I have just got off the toilet and due to the abominable chicken wings of Tesco I have very bad ****"

"I have dysmenorrhea and I bleed so much I cannot attend today"


I mean they're acceptable reasons but why so graphic?



Reminds me of a bloke I used to work with called Chris, an absolute horrible smelly bloke. In the summer he used to honk.

Fortunately, he used to take a lot of sick days, so didn't have to deal with him too much.

Anyway, one day we were particularly snowed under, and he went to the manager to say he needed to go home as he had piles. The manager basically said to him he needed evidence from a doctor if he wanted to return to work without a disciplinary going being activated.

So Chris trotted off, everyone thought he had left. Came back about 20 minutes later, with a used piece of toilet paper covered in **** and blood.

Without doubt, the most horrific thing I have ever smelt/seen.

Chris was relieved of his duties shortly after this.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:51 am

Reminds me of a bloke I used to work with called Chris, an absolute horrible smelly bloke. In the summer he used to honk.

Fortunately, he used to take a lot of sick days, so didn't have to deal with him too much.

Anyway, one day we were particularly snowed under, and he went to the manager to say he needed to go home as he had piles. The manager basically said to him he needed evidence from a doctor if he wanted to return to work without a disciplinary going being activated.

So Chris trotted off, everyone thought he had left. Came back about 20 minutes later, with a used piece of toilet paper covered in **** and blood.

Without doubt, the most horrific thing I have ever smelt/seen.

Chris was relieved of his duties shortly after this.


:lol: Wrong but funny
Last edited by Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby AnthraxDave on Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:08 pm

Jesus H Christ that is insane :thdn:
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Shy Ted on Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:16 pm

Bloke at work once phoned in 10 minutes before a shift and said "my dad has been taken into hospital".
Three months before he phoned in just before shift started and said "my dad has died".
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby webby the iron on Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:52 pm

I had one where a colleague rang in to say that he was going to have a migraine in one hour, so couldn't come in to work.

Whilst I kind of understand, it did sound both strange and funny.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby vietnammer on Sun Sep 10, 2017 7:49 pm

Shy Ted wrote:Bloke at work once phoned in 10 minutes before a shift and said "my dad has been taken into hospital".
Three months before he phoned in just before shift started and said "my dad has died".


Lost count of the number of 'resurrections' I heard of in Saudi. "My Grandad died" ..."Oh, but didn't he...oh never mind I'm sorry"

They do have large extended families though.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Estuary on Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:36 am

White Goodman wrote:Seems harsh on my part but some of the staff in my office after the 7/7 attack absolutely milked the **** out of it.

I could almost understand if you were on one of the trains but if you don't even get the ****ing train or bus in because you cycle the 8 miles from your flat then you are a bit of a helmet.


I know someone who was on the train at Aldgate. Got out, and walked to his appointment, on route via Southampton Row was blown off his feet when the bus went up. Still went to the meeting. And this was not the first time he had been blown up by terrorists!

Worst excuse for a sickie was from a girl who was late everyday, her funniest was " Found crow that had been injured when ran over and had to take it to the vets!". She was a large girl, my colleagues and I put her lateness down to big breakfasts and slow walking.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby LincolnshireHammer on Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:50 am

RichieRiv wrote:Far from cheeky and certainly not cretinous. There's a valuable lesson to be learnt here. He's your superior, he can do what he wants, when he wants. You as a subordinate have not earned the right to question his actions. This should act as an inspiration to earn your stripes.

Hardly inspiring though! Work hard so you can **** on those beneath you.

Thankfully the guy in question went on leave for 6 months and eventually relieved of his duties..
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby somerset-hammer on Mon Sep 11, 2017 11:54 am

Funny how the mojoriy of "sickies" occur on a Monday!

One of the blokes who works for me has at least one Monday off every month, today is one of them.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby screech on Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:36 pm

had a guy who worked under me that was a real sicknote and as such ended up on a final written warning for the amount of time he had off for sickness.
his favourite excuse was he sufferred from severe IBS and if he ate breakfast before work then he couldn't make it into work as he would be on the toilet, if he came to work and then ate he would basically lock himself in the toilet for up to 2 hours, it got to a point that HR said that if had taken anymore sick days without a doctors note then he would be fired.
the next day at lunchtime half a bottle of eye drops went into his drink! (if you dont know then have a google :lol: ) a very short time after he drank his drink he said he needed the toilet and off he went, a minute later he called me and i went in his direction and very quietly he whispered that he needed to go home so i reminded him that if he leaves for sickness he would be fired, his reply was "but i never made it to the toilet in time and have shat myself!) safe to say he never returned to his role through sheer embarrasment
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Turns to Stone on Mon Sep 11, 2017 1:10 pm

We had a guy in our office who was an excercise freak and was constantly telling us all about what Ironman or Marathon he was doing every weekend. One morning he rang up about an hour after he shoudl have started saying that he'd gone for a morning run and had accidentally run too far, and was now 2 hours away from his house and car, and that he wouldn't be in until lunchtime!


That one always made be chuckle.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby fjthegrey on Mon Sep 11, 2017 1:58 pm

screech wrote:half a bottle of eye drops went into his drink!


You poisoned a bloke so he'd be sacked?
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby screech on Mon Sep 11, 2017 2:07 pm

By order of management!!! Seriously I worked for one of the biggest companies in their industry and everything had to be done by the book but the amount of underhand "shenanigans" that went on from orders from above was crazy. If management never like you then you never stood a chance, I was forced from my position a couple of years later from underhand tactics as well, when you were aware of the tactics at the company you were fully aware when your time was up
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby fjthegrey on Mon Sep 11, 2017 2:12 pm

By order of management isn't much of an excuse is it?

You could have killed that guy.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby screech on Mon Sep 11, 2017 2:47 pm

Believe me I'm not trying to make excuses I'm just saying how it is!
I've been a chunt my whole life and probably will be forever more
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Crouching Peeky on Mon Sep 11, 2017 4:17 pm

Only following orders.....now where have I heard that before?
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Harry Hound on Mon Sep 11, 2017 5:11 pm

Estuary wrote:
Worst excuse for a sickie was from a girl who was late everyday, her funniest was " Found crow that had been injured when ran over and had to take it to the vets!". She was a large girl, my colleagues and I put her lateness down to big breakfasts and slow walking.


Actually mate I was late for work once after taking a cat to the vet when it was injured by a car that just drove on. Good thing is as I often had external meetings etc. no one even noticed that I wasn't there.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby ageing hammer on Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:19 pm

Shy Ted wrote:Bloke at work once phoned in 10 minutes before a shift and said "my dad has been taken into hospital".
Three months before he phoned in just before shift started and said "my dad has died".



Our ambulance service is like that :D
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby Mega Ron on Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:31 pm

fjthegrey wrote:By order of management isn't much of an excuse is it?

You could have killed that guy.


But he didn't so it's funny.
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Re: The worst excuse you have heard for someone pulling a sickie

Postby hudds town hammer on Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:21 pm

me, i cant come in today im sick

work, how sick are you ?

me, iv just f****d my sister
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