Over 50's funeral plans

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Over 50's funeral plans

Postby jevs on Wed Nov 08, 2017 6:34 pm

I'm now 51 and starting to think i should get some cover for my funeral etc.

Any suggestions or advice on which company to use etc?
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby cockney farmer on Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:25 pm

My brothers is 19 months older than me and had paid for is all up front had appointment picked coffin , the lot , used co-op and says it's a wise move ad he's beaten the effects of inflation and price rises , he is a Spurs fan though (yes I know how can someone in same family etc etc)

Would piss myself if they went bust .
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby warp on Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:32 pm

yep, make it clear you want to be cremated and get one of these.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby WHU Independent on Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:28 pm

Stargazer Sillies = Vomit!
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby FreeWheeling on Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:15 pm

Cremated in a cardboard box and chucked down the kharsi for all I care , spend the cash on a piss up
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby mushy on Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:01 am

cockney farmer wrote:My brothers is 19 months older than me and had paid for is all up front had appointment picked coffin , the lot , used co-op and says it's a wise move ad he's beaten the effects of inflation and price rises , he is a Spurs fan though (yes I know how can someone in same family etc etc)

Would piss myself if they went bust .

Am pretty sure its insurance you are buying which is underwritten by someone else, so even if the co-op did go tits up you (or your body) should be ok.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby Clucking Bell on Thu Nov 09, 2017 4:30 am

jevs wrote:I'm now 51 and starting to think i should get some cover for my funeral etc.


I thought you were in the gardening game? Can't you just get your mates to bury you under a flower bed while nobody's looking?

Now I can't have my ashes scattered at Upton Park, as I guess it's now somebody's living room, I need to change my will to ensure the kids build a full-scale Viking longship so I can have an Up Helly Aa send off :)
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby southbrishammer on Thu Nov 09, 2017 6:44 am

I want to be cremated and put in a firework.

My mate wants to be stuffed. We worked out a plan one night in the pub that he should get a bad taxidermist to do it, then he'd make it a condition of his will that the beneficiary must have him sat in the corner of their living room for a year before inheriting. The icing on the cake would be that only then would they find out he'd spent it all on the taxidermy.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby Greatest Cockney Rip Off on Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:48 am

Why not just blow yourself up in a supermarket car park, next to some twat who can't park. Kill two birds with one stone that way 8-)
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby OFT on Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:59 am

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote:Why not just blow yourself up in a supermarket car park, next to some twat who can't park. Kill two birds with one stone that way


If ISIS did funerals :P
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby RichieRiv on Sat Nov 11, 2017 3:50 pm

FreeWheeling wrote:Cremated in a cardboard box and chucked down the kharsi for all I care , spend the cash on a piss up


Cardboard coffins are more expensive than wooden ones believe it or not.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby WHU Independent on Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:11 am

Wicker is the way to go. Two people I know have been cremated with them; cheap, customisable and cheerful.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby the pink palermo on Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:11 am

The profit margins in the death game are huge .

94% of people only ever get one quote from a funeral Director . Consequently Funeral Director businesses trade for many times the multiple of their earnings .

Crematorium are quite stretched in terms of capacity with around 120 to cover the UK. I tried to buy one a few years ago .

The co-op are the big players in sorting out funerals and in my experience they do a good practical job .

Early planning is sensible . Most people retire with less than £5k in the bank so if you don't want to leave the bill to others , a funeral plan is a good move .
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby Hugh Jargon II on Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:41 am

Not sure cremation would be a fitting end for me. Pardon?
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Sun Nov 12, 2017 3:49 pm

It's something we haven't even discussed , well we sort of did but then dismissed it as some sort of a con - having come within a heartbeat of popping my clogs in 2013 perhaps it's something I should be considering now - or I could just stick £100 on a 33/1 horse and hope it comes in .
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby Clucking Bell on Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:00 pm

the pink palermo wrote:Crematorium are quite stretched in terms of capacity with around 120 to cover the UK. I tried to buy one a few years ago .


You could always build one! It's just a bigger pizza oven. A conveyor belt, pair of black curtains and a ready supply of natural gas and you're away at the races :D
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby hammerdivone on Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:58 pm

In all honesty it's more important to get your will/s sorted.

I would also recommend sorting out Power of Attorney (financial and Health & Care) documents as well.
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby the pink palermo on Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:55 am

Clucking Bell wrote:
You could always build one! It's just a bigger pizza oven. A conveyor belt, pair of black curtains and a ready supply of natural gas and you're away at the races :D

Very specialist gas burners required believe it or not !

Their challenge is to persuade people to fry in the evening . Generally they are only really used 7 hours a day .

Basic capacity management issue .

The other aspect if building one would be to locate it next to a business needing low cost heating energy , something like an industrial laundry . Energy cost was the main cost driver when I looked at it .

Growing market though and despite the already generous margins, plenty of upside ( sell peak time slots at a premium and discount late night burns for those needing just a basic burn ) .
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby hemelite on Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:30 am

Perhaps it would be better to build a Soylent Green processor rather than a crematorium?
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Re: Over 50's funeral plans

Postby the pink palermo on Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:47 am

Charlton Heston Blumentahl ?
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