Your first

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Re: Your first

Postby orbital on Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:18 am

1. First Fight, 1st year of senior school against a boy in the year above, ended up smashing his head against a window and smashing the window (and his head), escaped expulsion but not corporal punishment, set me up as a hard man for the rest of my school life, which I constantly had to defend!

2. First Shag, Late developer in that area 19 years old with a girl who was from a Private School, think I was the proverbial 'bit of rough', she went on to study at St Martins and became an artist, needless to say she was filth and wanted me to do do all sorts, half of which I had to decline!

3. First serious injury, Cracked base of spine at the age of 12, only one way for doctors to discover that, which did not involve X-Ray, very painful and put me off certain things which said lady above wanted me to do!

4. First Car accident, I dont drive which at the age of 45 is a frustration to my Wife who has to ferry the kids everywhere.

5. First Memory of sporting glory, I was pony at football and played for a team a year above for whom I was always Sub and winner of Sportsman of the year award, however we reached a final against best team in league, and we were 4-0 down early on , I came on in the first half due to injury and marked the other teams best player out of the match, still lost 4-1, but got MOTM.
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Re: Your first

Postby vietnammer on Sat Mar 31, 2018 10:18 am

1) Fight: No recollection. Must have been a right beating.

2) In a side alley on the bridge near the Railway Arms (Tavern?) at Stratford. It wasn't romantic. It was over quickly.

3) Injury: possibly the only interesting bit. I burned my feet while attempting to build a causeway of broken paving stones across what must have been a council tip near Jenkins Lane. Rubbish was being burned and they'd tipped soil on it. Panicking, I ran through more of it to escape the area. Plimsolls and nylon socks melted. It didn't half ****ing hurt and my mates carried me home and I went from there to hospital. Whilst in The Memorial, they were debating whether I was too young to have morphine (I was 12). I must have got off lightly cos I think I was only bandaged up for a couple of weeks and don't recall any long recovery and the scars, while there for some years, have long since vanished. Could have been pretty nasty though and in this day and age my folks could have been quids in suing the Council.

4) Burges Rd. Someone pulled out on me. Went to court and won. (thanks Dad!)

5) Sporting: The parade for the '64 FA Cup. On my Dad's shoulders. I caught a plastic hammer thrown, I was told, by John Bond. (oh, and I came 3rd in the Newham Borough Junior freestyle swimming circa 1969)
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Re: Your first

Postby lewisham-mer on Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:25 am

1) Your first physical fight

Didn’t really get into many fights as I was a big lad (I was 5ft 9 at age 11- only grew a couple of more inches).
First one was aged 15 at school when a kid called me a poof. One punch to his face, split his lip and he landed on his arse. Never had any problems after that (even though he was right)

2) Your first shag

Aged 14 in the public toilets in Danson Park during a school cross country run. No idea who he was.

3) Your first serious injury

Having to have knee and foot surgery at the same time thanks to a triple jump injury aged17. Went on to have 5 more knee surgeries, and will have to have both replaced at some point. Which isn’t great given the amount of time I spend on my knees.

4) Your first car accident

Hit by a car outside Harlow College in the mid 90s who shunted me into the car in front. As I had a Sierra at the time, it virtually concertina’d and was written off and pushed my knee out of place.

5) Your first memory of sporting glory

Being Kent athletics champion at 100m, 200m and long jump, and being unbeaten all season. It helped being so tall (see question 1). Then everyone else caught up and I started getting knee problems (see question 3 and 4)
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Re: Your first

Postby Chicken Run Supreme on Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:09 am

1. First fight

I was in the 3rd Year of Junior School ( Year 5 in Today's Education) and got into fisticuffs with a boy in the 4th Year over a game of football in the playground. I put the older boy on his back with a real haymaker and when I returned to the classroom after being slippered by the Year Head, all my mates cheered me back into class. I have to admit I felt 6 feet tall that day!

2. First shag.

Awful drunken fumble with an older bird I have no recollection of her name - we were both pissed - but so ashamed of my inability to seal the deal first time that night, when we woke up the next morning I more than made up for it and that was my cherry popped.

3. First serious injury.

Playing football in the park and roasting one of the older lads - I was pretty nippy back then - who took umbridge and came after me like Ron Harris and hacked me down breaking my collar bone when I fell. I can still remember the pain now over 40 years later.

4. First car accident.

Thankfully there was no other car involve an no one was hurt - only my pride. I had borrowed my Dad's Cortina to do some holiday clothes shopping as I was off to Ibiza in the summer of 1984 on my first lads holiday as an 18 year old. Went shopping in Maidstone where there used to be a multi storey car park above Bejams. It was a very tight car park and as I drove up the car park I could see various different colours of car paint on the walls of the tight turns and was relieved to park up unscathed. However, coming down I wasn't so careful and managed to graze the passenger side on one of the turns. At least I thought it was a graze. When I got to the bottom of the multi storey I got out and was gobsmacked to see the extent of the damage - both doors were so dented you'd have thought a bus had driven into me. The worse thing was I had to go and pick my Dad up from work as I had his car and we were a 1 car family back then. I carefully parked the car with the undamaged side of the car facing my Dad as he came out of work only to have one of his workmates spot it from the otherside shouting WTF!!! It was the last time I borrowed that car.

5. First sporting glory

That would have to be my debut for my Junior school football team in a Cup game against our closest rivals. As mentioned in Q3, I was pretty fast when I was younger and played as an attacking RW and managed to score a late equaliser to make it 2-2. We won the replay 1-0 but unfortunately got knocked out in the Quarter Finals in a 7 goal thriller - we lost 6-1!
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Re: Your first

Postby hemelite on Tue Apr 03, 2018 12:51 pm

1) Your first physical fight
Primary School, with a boy called Peter Bryant (Sadly no longer with us) over a girl called Lisa. We were both 8 years old and she was 7 but gorgeous. It got broken up before anyone won or lost. Saw her the other day too, Jesus, close shave or what.

2) Your first shag
With a girl called Fiona Smith. Both 16 and well up for it. Not my best shag to be sure, but i didn't care one bit.

3) Your first serious injury
Got thrown off a footbridge by Sheffield Wednesday fans when i was 14. Broke my leg.

4) Your first car accident
M1 near M6 junction, 5 car shunt with us in the middle. Two of the drivers who were talking on their mobiles got hammered by the old bill, and my driver (who it turned out was still pissed from the night before) lost his job. Needless to say the w*anker who caused it all got away scot free.

5) Your first memory of sporting glory
Martindale School (with me in goal) beat local rivals Micklam School, away 3-2 and i saved a penalty.
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Re: Your first

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Tue Apr 03, 2018 1:28 pm

Dover KUMB fan wrote:1) Your first physical fight
Scrapping with your Dad when he caught me doing your mum

2) Your first shag
Your mum

3) Your first serious injury
Sprained ankle jumping out of your mum's bedroom window

4) Your first car accident
Hitting a lampost whilst getting a BJ off your mum

5) Your first memory of sporting glory
No trophies, but playing bedroom snooker with your mum. I chose the difficult brown over the easy pink


You are Warp and i claim your Mum.
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Re: Your first

Postby Toulouse_Iron on Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:59 pm

1) Never had a fight, which is a miracle considering I was at school known for violence in the late 70s /early 80s. Everyone got beaten up at some point except me. I learned 5 years later that everybody thought I was a psychopath so nobody tried it on. I have never been so flummoxed at people's perception of me.
In adult life, I can feel the atmosphere change in a public place, long before most people and consequently leave before it goes off...
2) Shag: 19 years old (late bloomer/painfully shy/ugly git), second year at Portsmouth Poly, with Helen G. Ended up going out with her for a year. Her post-shag comment of "That was your first time, wasn't it?" dented the old ego but did nothing to diminish the sense of relief.
3) Injury: Broken arm doing the long jump at sports day about 11 years old: sand on the take off board, rotation in mid air, full force of landing on right arm, snapped radius and ulna in the middle, giving me a second elbow in the middle of my forearm. Not nice
4) Car accident: Alsatian ran across the Toulouse ring road, Slammed the brakes on in the fast lane at about 70mph in an old mini, patch of oil, span, hit the central reservation and came to a halt in the fast lane, facing the wrong way and oncoming traffic doing 70 also. Surprising control of sphincter and bladder: no poo or wee came out.
5) Sporting glory: Bronze medal at the GB national rowing championships 1984 . We were in gold medal position with 250m to go but suffered a mechanical problem (derailed seat), effectively taking one person out of the crew. in 1985 I won my home regatta (Staines) and the pride from that win was chest-bursting.
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Re: Your first

Postby monkeyhanger on Wed Apr 04, 2018 5:04 pm

orbital wrote:2. First Shag, Late developer in that area 19 years old with a girl who was from a Private School, think I was the proverbial 'bit of rough', she went on to study at St Martins and became an artist, needless to say she was filth and wanted me to do do all sorts, half of which I had to decline!


You are Jarvis Cocker and I claim my £5.

Did she come from Greece and have a thirst for knowledge ?
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Re: Your first

Postby last.caress on Thu Apr 05, 2018 8:09 am

orbital wrote:a girl who was from a Private School, think I was the proverbial 'bit of rough', she went on to study at St Martins and became an artist


monkeyhanger wrote:Did she come from Greece and have a thirst for knowledge ?


:lol:

Did you take her to a supermarket? Did you not know why, but you had to start it somewhere? So you started, there?
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Re: Your first

Postby Clacton-ammer on Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:14 am

1) Your first physical fight - Last year of Junior, must have been 10 or 11, mate was being picked on, so I thought I would help him out, bad call on my part, he was huge, but my ego/pride/stupidity wouldn't let me back down, I had the **** kicked out of me, nose broken (first of 3 times, or could be four). On a plus side I started boxing the following week as I didn't want the **** kicked out of me again. I still had the **** kicked out of me a few times over the years, the plus side, I looked better at getting the **** kicked out of me.

2) Your first shag - just turned 16, so fairly late starter, house party, was pretty pissed and the local helpful girl was up for it, so I did, I believe I was very rubbish but told my mates I was awesome.

3) Your first serious injury - 7 or 8, was a latch door kid, got home from school, thought I would go into my dads shed and make something, was either a Stanley or chisel that I put down the palm of my hand, needed a lot of stitches. Always remember going to my neighbours with blood dripping down my hand and the shock of their face.

4) Your first car accident - 19 I think, was working for a company and they told me to go out and pick someone up that couldn't get into work. I had a 1.3L Escort at the time, so I got into a company car, at least 2L, think it was a Sierra, so I hammered it as I had the opportunity to drive a big fast car. I put it in a ditch, the motor had one of the first huge mobile phones, so I called my boss from 45deg in the ditch to let him know my issue. They were remarkably good about it and just took the piss!

5) Your first memory of sporting glory - 13/14, Essex cup I think, our year at school was quality, many of us had had scouts look at us, 1/3 of the team played for Essex schoolboys etc. We played some magic stuff, keeping the ball etc. Same year I took my first ever hat trick in cricket for Essex colts.
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Re: Your first

Postby orbital on Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:23 am

monkeyhanger wrote:
You are Jarvis Cocker and I claim my £5.

Did she come from Greece and have a thirst for knowledge ?


Yes that song always resonates with me, sums our relationship up word for word, was written a few years after she disappeared from my life.
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Re: Your first

Postby WHU Independent on Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:45 pm

First Fight: Can't talk about it really, as some people on here probably know him and any details I write would allow them to work out who he was. The story has a tragic/horrific ending (not through anything done by me or mine) but ultimately he got what he deserved. I'm not religious, but if I was I'd hope he would rot in hell for ever.

First Shag: Again some people on here know me so not too much detail. Both young and virgins, we had to plan it because I was living round my parents, and thus had to wait for them to go away for a few hours and her mums house wasn't an option. She was beautiful, sexy and fit. The actual planning made it really exciting as we had to talk about it a lot, from getting the condoms to getting her back home, to what we were going to do to each other when we were alone. I remember, there was a real frisson of excitement on the day.

I was well impressed, as she was dressed for the part and we went at it like rabbits for the time we had available. It was really fun. I've seen pictures of her on FB as she is now, and I would in a heartbeat. She's gorgeous.

First Serious Injury: Easy. I was 9 years old and was on my new Rayleigh Bike - which was claret and blue incidentally. My dad had taken me out so I could ride it and I was getting on fine. Then we came to the Blackwall Tunnel underpass. I whizzed down the slope at breakneck speed, and saw some family friends. I looked up and the next thing was bamm, I drove straight into the very sharp and not very safe edge of the underpass where people walked under. My head smashed straight into it, with my right eyebrow taking the brunt. Blood spurted everywhere and my bike was totally claret and not blue any more. Amazingly I was still concious. I think the director of Carrie must have been there, because I looked liked her after she had killed 20 people.

My dad strode into action. Picking me up in his arms, he pinched my eyebrow together with one hand and carried me in the other, while the friends took care of the bike. Luckily I only lived 100 meters away, but when we got home my mum nearly fainted, after seeing the two of us covered in blood. She rang an ambulance and the next thing I knew I was in St Andrews hospital having my wound dressed and then stitched without any anaesthetic. I still have the scar today.

First Accident: In a Datsun 120y, I was coming out of a street near Abbotts rd, when at the time you could turn right. Turning right, I nipped across the road right in the back of a White Van. The driver couldn't do a private job as it was a company van, but he was very reasonable about it. My insurance went up for a few years but nothing like it would have done today. I think I got off lightly.

First Sporting Glory. In my first job we spent a lot of time playing darts. I was a fairly decent player but nothing special. We had one bloke there who thought he was the bolloxs because he was very good - and he had these hand made darts that were tiny in comparison to standard darts and made of some kind of light alloy. I think they might have been illegal but nobody mentioned it. So we had an inter office darts knock-out tournament for about 50 people and I managed, somehow, to get to the final - against the bloke with the hand made darts.

He was really confident and he kept on at me to play the final game. I kept putting him off and off, so eventually I was told that if I didn't play him by the end of the week, he would win by default. So we played one lunch hour, best of 5 games of 501, 3 legs a game. I met him at 12 noon and by 12:30pm I was back in the office.Then the goading started: " That was quick!", "Thrash you did he?" and "You should have let him win by default to avoid the embarrassment" etc etc.

When asked the score I said it was "3-0 and all the legs we 2-0." "Ha ha ha -it was a whitewash!" came the reply.

"Yeah to me" I beamed. I played the best I every played that day and when I went 1 set up with a 2-0 win, my opponent went to pieces. I knew I had him. He collapsed mentally.

I got awarded a trophy in front of the whole office of about of 100 people. It was amazing.
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Re: Your first

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Fri Apr 06, 2018 1:43 pm

WHU Independent wrote:
First Sporting Glory. In my first job we spent a lot of time playing darts. I was a fairly decent player but nothing special. We had one bloke there who thought he was the bolloxs because he was very good - and he had these hand made darts that were tiny in comparison to standard darts and made of some kind of light alloy. I think they might have been illegal but nobody mentioned it. So we had an inter office darts knock-out tournament for about 50 people and I managed, somehow, to get to the final - against the bloke with the hand made darts.

He was really confident and he kept on at me to play the final game. I kept putting him off and off, so eventually I was told that if I didn't play him by the end of the week, he would win by default. So we played one lunch hour, best of 5 games of 501, 3 legs a game. I met him at 12 noon and by 12:30pm I was back in the office.Then the goading started: " That was quick!", "Thrash you did he?" and "You should have let him win by default to avoid the embarrassment" etc etc.

When asked the score I said it was "3-0 and all the legs we 2-0." "Ha ha ha -it was a whitewash!" came the reply.

"Yeah to me" I beamed. I played the best I every played that day and when I went 1 set up with a 2-0 win, my opponent went to pieces. I knew I had him. He collapsed mentally.

I got awarded a trophy in front of the whole office of about of 100 people. It was amazing.



What you really wanted was the Speedboat though wasn't it?
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Re: Your first

Postby essexguy on Thu Apr 12, 2018 3:40 pm

1) Your first physical fight - I sound like a complete pussy but I have never been in a fight. Been slapped round the face by an ex though. That really hurt!

2) Your first shag - But of a late starter at 18. Was at a night club at uni and started kissing a bird. She asked if she could come back to mine. I remember shouting to my best mate on the night "I am actually going to get laid!"

3) Your first serious injury - Put my hand through a window needing 32 stitches on my hand a wrist, Was an inch from the major artery with a big chunk of glass sticking right out of my wrist. I was 15 at the time. My parents at the time has a dodgy back door with glass panes in one half of it. It used o stick in the cold weather and you had to slam it really hard, well numpty over here decided to slam it really hard using one of the glass panes as a surface.

4) Your first car accident - First day of driving although not really a bad accident, just embarrassing. I drove a Escort xr3i lookalike. I had my best mate and two girls in the back and we drove to McDonalds. Well while driving round the drivethrough I managed to scrape the entire side of the car (white) by hitting some random pole.

5) Your first memory of sporting glory - Winning gold at infants sports day in the 50m sprint.
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Re: Your first

Postby Hampshire Hammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:59 pm

1) Your first physical fight
Can't remember, I can remember a couple of kids fights at Junior school - nothing serious

2) Your first shag
A couple of weeks before my sixteenth birthday, I had been invited to a "private party" at a girl's house. She specifically told me not to tell anyone as not many people were invited, when I turned up it was just me. Her parents were out for the night and she had planned the whole thing. We had been friendly at school and youth club but had done nothing more than a fairly unadventurous kiss before. It just goes to show that women are by far more devious than men in planning these things, she had planned it all. The first time was a bit quick but we got better. :D

3) Your first serious injury
I was 3 or 4, tried to jump over a grass verge and landed on some broken glass. Cut a huge chunk out of my ankle and ended up at hospital having stitches, I still have the scar over 50 years later.

4) Your first car accident
A few weeks after passing my test I was driving down a dual carriageway in the outside lane when the car in front suddenly pulled in, leaving me facing traffic cones where the lane was blocked off. I pulled in, clipping the cones, spun and ended up facing the wrong way. Luckily no collisions and no one hurt. When the cops turned up they were going to do me, until they checked and found some lowlife had nicked the roadworks signs. the copper pointed out how lucky I had been

5) Your first memory of sporting glory
Winning swimming races whilst at junior school.
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Re: Your first

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:02 pm

First Fight

Never been involved in a serious fight , either talked my way out of them or they backed down .

First Shag -

A girlfriend from school , Lynne - we went out with each other for a year or two so I managed to perfect the act after a few goes . :)

First serious injury -

I fell out of a tree in our garden and something sharp went into my right leg which needed stitches , still got the scar .

First car accident -

I had accepted a lift from a school dance with a lad who had brought his Dad's Rover to the event - he got involved in a silly race but being a crap driver he hit a wall and the car ended up on its roof with 5 kids upside down - I broke my front tooth , Peter O'Hare [ now no longer with us ] banged his head on the windscreen and that was that , no further injuries , none of were wearing seatbelts [ it was 1973 or '74 ] , we all crawled out safely , the car was a wreck .

First Sporting Glory -

When in school my mates and I entered our team in a 5 Aside Football Competition and knowing that the Headmaster would have to call out the winners in front of the whole school at Assembly we called ourselves the ' Pen Y Cefn Fairies ' [ it was a long time ago and we all thought it was hilarious ] -- Anyway as it turned out I scored the winning goal and on Monday morning our Headmaster , Henry Richards announced ' And the winners of the School Five Aside Competition are the Pen Y Cefn Fairies ' - the whole school burst out laughing and we had achieved our aim .
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Re: Your first

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:09 pm

WCpete wrote:


Believe it or not, I rear ended a car full of nuns. They forgave me.



Should that not have been under ' Your First Shag ' ? :)
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Re: Your first

Postby kayahammer on Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:40 am

1) Your first physical fight:

Too many to remember at school, but first out of school was at a party. Bloody nose for me, but I put the t#$t down twice.

2) Your first shag:

Boys weekend away in Brighton the weekend after we all left school. Pulled a girl on the peer. Caught f'in crabs.

3) Your first serious injury:

Broken ankle - going for a header, ankle snapped under me and two defenders.

4) Your first car accident:

Backed into a wall of a pub.

5) Your first memory of sporting glory:

Scoring an equalizer in a 4 - 4 draw in my first proper game of football for the school.
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Re: Your first

Postby Hampshire Hammer on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:59 am

4) Your first car accident
Not my first, that is above, but the most memorable was one when I wasn't driving. My mate and I had both been drinking, racing round a roundabout he lost it and rolled the car. We probably rolled a couple of times, before ending up part way down a bank resting against some trees upside down. I remember smelling petrol and realising that we had both been smoking so there were probably lighted fags somewhere in the car. Next thing I'm haring down Farnham by-pass on my tod, before realising that I'm on my own and turning back - worried what I'll find and whether the car will catch fire. Luckily I met my mate, who had also run away, coming back to check if I was ok. So we then did the obvious thing, walked to a mates house for a drink to calm our nerves. :D We had a couple of bruises but no serious injuries, so bloody lucky. As I recall he spun some line about a puncture when going too fast, so there was no action against him.
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Re: Your first

Postby Tenbury on Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:37 am

First fight: Never fought as a youth, got left alone as people thought I was insane.Serious altercation with a senior police officer at Grunwick in the mid 70s, it didn't end well for either party.
First shag: She was a bit older than me ,and could borrow her mum's Morris 1100 to drive us to the pub.( Late one night in a layby she broke my banjo string on the back seat,there was blood everywhere, I had to smash my nose on a tree to explain the news to her old man).Anyway she was screwing a train driver on my days off and he had a Ford Capri, and so it finished.
First smash: Ignoring all the two wheel smashes, T-boned a Rover in an old Polo in Cornwall, woke up as the firemen were cutting the roof off.Helicopter to Truro, concussion and broken ribs, released 10 days later,immediately nicked for careless driving.

First sporting:I'm crap at sport, finest moment was when my Dad took me to Ron Flowers testimonial in the early sixties,my first live game with the best guy I ever knew.
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