Neighbour's noisy basketball

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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby mushy on Sun Apr 15, 2018 6:40 pm

If you can't beat them join them.
Am sure you will make a fine basketball player, and if it reduces the fat burden on the NHS then that can only be a good thing.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby Clucking Bell on Sun Apr 15, 2018 7:46 pm

I'd tough it out for another year until the kid is 13. At that point, he'll disappear into his room for five years and he'll only be interested in computer games and masturbation ...... and, not necessarily in that order.

Might even be worth buying him a cheap laptop .... start him off a bit earlier as it were.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby aboooooooooo on Sun Apr 15, 2018 11:52 pm

You could arrange a march?
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby kayahammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:59 am

somerset-hammer wrote:Just go over and watch him play, occasionally rubbing your thighs...




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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby kayahammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 4:04 am

Ask the lad if you can try and make a basket, then throw his ball as far as you can, and say I was never any good at this.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby DasNutNock on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:19 am

Trick the kid into agree playing a few games, then pay a local basketball team to send some of their tallest, biggest players round.

Then get them to kick the **** out of the kid - he won't stand a chance against them.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby Denzil on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:20 am

These bloody kids today should be out mugging people instead of taking up a sport and enjoying the outdoors, the inconsiderate little terrors.

No in all seriousness I think your best option is just give them a knock, explain the situation and ask if they'd mind sticking empty egg boxes to the wall of their house and their neighbours which will act as a noise cancellation system.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby somerset-hammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:26 am

Give him a spliff..

He'll never do any form of physical activity again.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby HalfTimePie on Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:31 am

How long can he be out there playing basketball? Surely no more than an hour or so and are you always in when he is? It will wear off and he will get bored of it soon enough.

If he doesn't then I would suggest going over to say hi to the family.....shake their hands and when you shake his make sure you break it so he cant bounce a ball??
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby DasNutNock on Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:34 am

Saw his feet off.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby somerset-hammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:44 am

You. Are. Welcome!

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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby Denzil on Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:54 am

Shag his mum so that the same thud sound his basketball makes goes through his bedroom walls.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby PF. on Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:38 am

Hello mate, I've had similar, so more than happy to help. Follow in the order outlined below.

• Pop down your local smut shop and buy a full-on leather gimp kit.
• On the way home, go into your local toy shop and buy a glittered pink inflatable ball. (It's probably best to leave your gimp kit in the car for this bit.)
• Go home, dress up, and put on your wife's high heels. Using your wife's red lipstick, write a big "S" on the chest of your new clothing (remember to write the "S" correctly as you'll be looking in the mirror!).
• Take a selfie and change your LinkedIn profile picture accordingly.
• When the young lad inevitably starts playing, go over the street fully kitted up whilst bouncing your pink glitter ball (be sure to keep the ball under control, as you'll look ****ing stupid chasing it down the road).
• As you'll be unable to speak (due to the red ball in your mouth), start belly-laughing whilst still bouncing your pink glitter ball. Make sure that you maintain eye contact with the youngster throughout.
• I'm convinced that the boy will then run inside (he might be crying, but don't allow for any guilt). I also doubt he'll ever play basketball again.
• After he has run inside, strip off until you're completely naked.
• Using one of your wife's heels; burst the ball and peel it open (so it looks like a big plastic bowl).
• Neatly fold your gimp kit on the burst ball, and leave under the hoop. Put your wife's shoes back on.
• Walk back across the road nonchalantly swivelling your exposed manhood in large circles. You will by now have many neighbours viewing your actions through the window mightily impressed at your actions.
• Once you reach your front door; turn around and face your neighbours driveway. Cross Your Arms and Make Your Piss.
• Tomorrow, head off down to the local authorities and officially change your name to Mr Boom Kid Neighbourhood Hero.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby somerset-hammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:49 am

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Lock the thread!!
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby sendô on Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:57 pm

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PF wins.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby EastBrisHammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 1:48 pm

How long is the kid playing for?

We used to live in a street where 2 kids were football mad and they played on a small patch of green next to our house. The area of grass was like a very small garden (they had bigger gardens they could have played in). They played for about 5 hours a day, 8-10 at weekends, all year long, including Christmas Day. The noise I could just about tolerate but the smashing of footballs against the kitchen door, windows, the house and even onto our lit barbecue one evening was what did me. It was even better when they invited their friends around as one of the visiting kids was a complete ****. Tbh the kid didn't stand a chance as his dad was the biggest **** on the planet. Once this kid slammed his dad's car door and his dad said "you ****ing do that again and I'll smash your ****ing face in you ****."

Anyway, we tried being reasonable and to be fair dealing with the kids was not the problem. They often apologised and tried aiming the football away from the house. Unfortunately, they had all the football skills of Samassi Abou with an open goal beckoning. They once managed to put 8 footballs over in one hour. I could hear them moaning to each other about how **** the other one was. Anyway, the parents were ****ing useless even after we tried chatting to them. It led to arguments in the street and almost a fight. One of the parents even called the police on me as I stopped throwing footballs back as I was so sick of it.

Eventually, we moved and in the end they did us a favour. We much prefer the house, street and town where we live now. When we did move we found out the other neighbours were sick of it but were too scared to stand up for themselves. We ain't talking about a rough neighbourhood just a standard cul-de-sac on a 1980's estate.

So your options are: get a group of neighbours together and chat to the kid's parents, work out if you are being intolerant or not, move, or try PF's suggestion.

And ignore the posts about being a grumpy old man. I have always lived in streets where kids play outside but there is a big difference with a bit noise and something being completely intrusive. No one really understands when kids are involved, but happily agree if it is loud music 5 hours every evening.

That's about as sensible an answer you are going to get on this thread. :wink:
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby Cockneyboy311 on Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:23 pm

Buy a **** tonne of bubble wrap, and cellotape it all along the floor and walls by the basketball hoop. Any left over wrap tightly around your head (making sure you cover your ears). Problem solved.

Edit - If you don't like the sound of the bubble wrap popping instead then try something else.
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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby Hampshire Hammer on Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:37 pm

PF, the voice of experience

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Re: Neighbour's noisy basketball

Postby mushy on Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:58 pm

PF. Seems to know an awful lot of detail there.
Should we be a little worried?
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