If you were king for a day

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If you were king for a day

Postby Bend it like Repka on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:31 pm

So my boss has gone on holiday for 5 weeks on the other side of the world, and left me in complete charge.

About 40 staff, nearly all women.

Should power go to my head, what temporary rules should I bring in?

Rule 1 would have been any discussion of Love Island is a disciplinary offence, but luckily for them it finished on Monday.

Certainly ****ing Heart FM is getting the axe.

I have suggested a fancy dress day which is getting a decent reception.

Non crude thoughts and suggestions appreciated.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Mega Ron on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:36 pm

Line then all up and judge who has the best boobs and clopper when fully dressed.

Then have them strip and see if the assumptions were correct.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby James P on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:40 pm

I’d ban job shares.

If you’ve chosen to go and pro-create and now can only work half a week, go and find a job that is appropriate to that sort of arrangement. I’m so sick of trying to speak with someone so I can get my work done and being unable to because “my job share was dealing with that and she’s not back in til Monday”.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby the celestial insect on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:44 pm

I would take the opportunity to speak to each person one-to-one and tell them how much they're valued.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby somerset-hammer on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:48 pm

Go on holiday for five weeks and leave someone else in charge.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Bend it like Repka on Wed Aug 01, 2018 4:51 pm

somerset-hammer wrote:Go on holiday for five weeks and leave someone else in charge.


I think we have a winner. I am actually on holiday myself this week, but did pop in for an hour today to check they had actually bothered coming in. :lol:
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Monkeybubbles on Wed Aug 01, 2018 5:17 pm

"Oi, Mary Berry, bring me in some ****ing cake tomorrow".
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby sendô on Wed Aug 01, 2018 5:33 pm

No pairs or groups of women sitting around nattering about nothing at all, or sitting there doing each others bloody hair like we're back in school.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby last.caress on Wed Aug 01, 2018 5:36 pm

Bend it like Repka wrote:So my boss has gone... and left me in complete charge.

He's obviously trying to scupper the business for some reason. Or he's insane.

Bend it like Repka wrote:About 40 staff, nearly all women.

40 women, plus you. So, 41 women then.

Bend it like Repka wrote:Should power go to my head

"Should" :lol:

Image
Bendy, at work, this morning

Bend it like Repka wrote:Certainly ****ing Heart FM is getting the axe.

I agree with this - Heart FM is truly the death of music - but knowing your musical tastes I would've thought you'd love a bit of Heart? Or Magic FM? In any event, if it's winding you up I think it should stay.

Bend it like Repka wrote:I have suggested a fancy dress day which is getting a decent reception.

Top idea! If you went as a "Ken" doll (stiff, plastic, no penis) you wouldn't have to really dress up at all, would you? Minimal outlay!

Bend it like Repka wrote:Non crude thoughts and suggestions appreciated.

If I was King for a day I'd have you arrested and placed in the stocks. Mobile stocks, on the back of a flatbed, so we could take you on tour and everybody could get a go at lobbing soft fruits at you. I'd charge a pound per fruit and I'd have all Britain's economic problems solved by that afternoon.

xxx
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Bend it like Repka on Wed Aug 01, 2018 5:58 pm

last.caress wrote:He's obviously trying to scupper the business for some reason. Or he's insane.


Good point, maybe creating tax losses or covering money laundering maybe.

last.caress wrote:40 women, plus you. So, 41 women then.


I prefer to think of myself as gender neutral thank you. I wouldn't possibly want to be identified as the same type of human as you.

last.caress wrote:"Should" :lol:

Never once did power or totalitarianism enter my mind on the fight club thread. I was utterly balanced at all times, apart from dealing with your posts obviously but then I can hardly be blamed for that.

last.caress wrote:I agree with this - Heart FM is truly the death of music - but knowing your musical tastes I would've thought you'd love a bit of Heart? Or Magic FM? In any event, if it's winding you up I think it should stay.


You haven't played my 100 great Soul classics that I gave you for Christmas then?

last.caress wrote:Top idea! If you went as a "Ken" doll (stiff, plastic, no penis) you wouldn't have to really dress up at all, would you? Minimal outlay!


Say's the man who walks around indoors with his batman outfit on.....

last.caress wrote:If I was King for a day I'd have you arrested and placed in the stocks. Mobile stocks, on the back of a flatbed, so we could take you on tour and everybody could get a go at lobbing soft fruits at you. I'd charge a pound per fruit and I'd have all Britain's economic problems solved by that afternoon.

xxx


1) No one would ever be foolish enough to give you any sort of power, your still struggling even to wipe your bottom without supervision.
2) You said soft fruits, I knew you cared really. If you didn't care they would have been pineapples.
3) Thanks for the overall input, now you can go back to watching Tipping Point while you eat your fish fingers and smiley faces off that Thomas The Tank Engine tray you like to use.

XXX
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby pablo jaye on Wed Aug 01, 2018 7:47 pm

Wonderful - a Bendy and Elsie ‘love in’ ..... I’ve missed those types of threads!! :wink:
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Rocketron on Wed Aug 01, 2018 8:07 pm

James P wrote:I’d ban job shares.

If you’ve chosen to go and pro-create and now can only work half a week, go and find a job that is appropriate to that sort of arrangement. I’m so sick of trying to speak with someone so I can get my work done and being unable to because “my job share was dealing with that and she’s not back in til Monday”.

Why are you job sharing if that's your attitude?
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby James P on Wed Aug 01, 2018 8:22 pm

I’m not. The quotation marks were meant to imply someone else was saying that to me.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Bend it like Repka on Wed Aug 01, 2018 9:01 pm

pablo jaye wrote:Wonderful - a Bendy and Elsie ‘love in’ ..... I’ve missed those types of threads!! :wink:


Well he gets bored in the Summer Holidays bless him. Probably ran out of colouring books....
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby DasNutNock on Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:09 pm

Give yourself a large raise.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Bend it like Repka on Thu Aug 02, 2018 8:01 am

DasNutNock wrote:Give yourself a large raise.


Feck me, I didn't think of that.

Plus I'm off down the local Mercedes dealership to source myself a new company car.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby rare as rockinghorse shat on Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:29 am

last.caress wrote:I agree with this - Heart FM is truly the death of music - but knowing your musical tastes I would've thought you'd love a bit of Heart? Or Magic FM? In any event, if it's winding you up I think it should stay.


You need to look at Global altogether, really.

Bendy, I'd send a few of them an email just saying 'hi' and leave it at that.
Spend most of the day looking at each of the women for just long enough for it not to be staring, but certainly enough to make them feel uncomfortable, preferably with a zoned out expression and scratching your beard.

Then I'd gently sniff the back of their head as you unnecessarily walked past their desks and have some them find you in the kitchen licking the rims of their mugs, purring and whispering "just as I thought".
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby somerset-hammer on Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:35 am

Image

Tell them you need to carry out a safety check on their office chairs, ask them to stand up, and then proceed to sniff their seat, let out a little "Mmm" as you exhale, then put a sticker marked 'Safe' on the back.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby sendô on Thu Aug 02, 2018 9:57 am

Replace the radio with an ipod playing the greatest hits of a n a l ****.
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Re: If you were king for a day

Postby Hammer.CA on Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:51 am

somerset-hammer wrote:Go on holiday for five weeks and leave someone else in charge.


:lol:
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