You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

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You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby DM on Tue Dec 04, 2018 4:54 pm

Never done any prison time myself, except a night or two in the drunk tank. Anyone done the crime and done the time?
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby DasNutNock on Tue Dec 04, 2018 5:08 pm

A night in South Melbourne police station. My memories of how I got there are vague at best.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Denzil on Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:30 pm

I've done two stretches.

Two x 1 day in the cell stretches but they all count!

Once at 16, was young and impressionable, got in a motor with a lad I was knocking round with at the time who was always in trouble, turns out it was nicked which I knew at the time anyway.

Another time at 19 after being caught with a wrap in Opium Lounge in Romford by the bouncer, where I thought anything went. They had apparently been raided the week before and had to turn over anyone caught.

Idiotic on both counts, luckily I have grown up since.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby fmgod on Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:55 pm

Denzil wrote:Another time at 19 after being caught with a wrap in Opium Lounge in Romford by the bouncer, where I thought anything went. They had apparently been raided the week before and had to turn over anyone caught.


Maybe the wrong attitude but that's bleeding harsh as long as it's not large dealer type quantities
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby S-H on Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:53 am

Don't wanna talk about it.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby sendô on Wed Dec 05, 2018 3:29 pm

I once spent about 10 minutes in a holding cell at Brentwood nick when I was 18 whilst the low-on-his-nicking-quota officer who had brought me in for having about a spliffs worth of weed on me found the right paperwork.

On the plus side I've never been asked to do jury duty. :thup:
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:13 pm

10 year stint for me..

Saw it all in there, blokes that have been hanging anything from a few seconds to 9hrs.. Nonces with their faces carved open by a blade melted into a broom handle.. young South london gangster that had just had boiling bleach and sugar poured over his face while sleeping (dissolved sugar makes the boiled bleach stick to the skin, so when you try to rub it off it takes the skin with it)... blokes freshly stabbed with cell made shanks ranging from sharpened tooth brushes to snapped broom handles to snapped table football handles... blokes eating their own **** in panic that the screws would find the gear they'd swallowed on a visit... blokes slicing their own necks through a delay in getting their methadone... a bloke cutting his dick and balls off to speed up his trans op (it didn't work).. a bloke that had just been held down by 4 blokes while another shoves a spoon up his arse to dig out the gear he had hidden up there... a bloke pull 7 razor blades from behind his foreskin... a bloke pull two mobile phones and a charger out from his ****hole.. plus a thousand more stories if anyone's interested.. you name it, I've seen it..
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Johnny Byrne's Boots on Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:50 pm

Gruesome stuff.

How much of this is tolerated by the prison staff, letting cons establish their own form of society, behavioural code and enforcement?
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:54 pm

Johnny Byrne's Boots wrote:Gruesome stuff.

How much of this is tolerated by the prison staff, letting cons establish their own form of society, behavioural code and enforcement?


My post was done slightly tongue in cheek as my time in prison was as a screw but all that I mentioned is true.

Here comes a Hambrosia Stu length post, strap in...

But in answer to your question, as with a lot of government jobs the staffing levels are what has crippled the service and one of the reasons I got out. When I first started in the mid 2000s as a fresh faced 20yr old, there were a lot of experienced staff that had been in the job since the 70s/80s/early 90s and could pass their invaluable wisdom down to me and other newbies.. everyone had your back and even though your ****hole went on occasions, your face didnt show it and you got stuck in..

per wing you'd have just over 180 cons and you wouldn't unlock one con unless you had 12 officers and 1 manager, meaning you had 15 cons per officer to keep an eye on.. easily done and easy enough to break up any fights, patterned behaviour, gambling, drug deals etc. But in 2011 the government decided to allow voluntary redundancy meaning all of the experienced ex army screws left the job.. they then realised they let way too many go across the whole country so started some mass recruitment but on a majorly reduced wage (over 12k less than the old contract), you were actually on more money stacking shelves in asda than you were with a knife to your throat by a convicted murderer, sickening.. the staffing levels then dropped to unlocking all 180 cons, not with the 12 officers previous, but now with 3 officers so you now had 60 cons to keep an eye on.. impossible task.. plus the only people that would join on those wages were fresh faced 18yr olds just out of nappies that were way too scared (who could blame them really?) to be out on the landings with their cons, so stayed in the office with the door locked. This left the older screws like myself on the landings on our own with 180 cons, trying to keep order.. the amount of times I went into a cell to break up a gambling ring or fight and realised I was then on my own in a cell with up to 12 cons between me and the door with no staff knowing where I was.. luckily, as I was always out with the cons, I had a good rapport and was looked after by the vast majority of cons if someone went to give me a kicking..

but as there were no staff present, cons did what they want and ran the wings themselves.. just before I left, I stopped a con and found a homemade machete down his trousers on his way to attack an officer.. he told me that the cons run this jail now and they know the staff are scared.. once that happens, it takes a long time to bring it back around.. it was having my first child and being an inch or 2 from being stabbed in the neck that made my mind up about leaving.. no longer was it just a roll around on the floor with scars as story time, someone relied on me and I wanted to make sure I came home every night.. I had way too many friends get injured in an assault that meant they could no longer work and then struggled to make ends meet.. I still hear horror stories now, within the last week in 1 jail, 12 staff were rushed to hospital after being assaulted, one was stabbed 3 times in the chest, 7 times in the back and twice in the neck.. you don't hear about these in the news though, you just hear about plucky crims that get treated bad in jail.. it really is the forgotten service..
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Johnny Byrne's Boots on Sat Dec 08, 2018 11:25 pm

Wow, thanks for such a heartfelt answer. It's a depressingly bleak picture you paint, one I can't see changing under a government of any hue. It's an inescapable fact that prisons are consumers of revenue, they generate hardly anything towards the economy. Couple that with the popular belief that spending taxpayers' money on prisoners is somehow undeserved and we are where we are.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Sun Dec 09, 2018 12:40 am

Johnny Byrne's Boots wrote:Wow, thanks for such a heartfelt answer. It's a depressingly bleak picture you paint, one I can't see changing under a government of any hue. It's an inescapable fact that prisons are consumers of revenue, they generate hardly anything towards the economy. Couple that with the popular belief that spending taxpayers' money on prisoners is somehow undeserved and we are where we are.


No probs mate, was one of those that meant to be fairly short but ended up a rant lol.. but you're right, it is a bleak picture and it won't change anytime soon.. for the prisoner that truly wants to change, it is so worth it and gives back to the tax payer by giving them the tools they need to change be it by learning a trade, becoming a barber, a chef, a cleaner etc, we had cons walk out the door and working in Jamie Oliver's restaurant up London as a chef the next day (earning more than the officers that released them) ..so it can work but unfortunately trying to convince a 20yr old to go straight and earn 100 quid a day on a building site when he's earning 3k a week on the out dealing drugs, they just don't give a ****.. one thing I can gladly say is the tax payers money ain't goin on their bedding/clothes/food/toiletries/furniture as they are all as **** as you'd like.. wouldn't use any of it for my dog..
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Tenbury on Sun Dec 09, 2018 11:47 am

I've read this, it sounds horrendous. I've done quite a bit with the homeless, and it all sounds very familiar.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Sun Dec 09, 2018 12:37 pm

Tenbury wrote:I've read this, it sounds horrendous. I've done quite a bit with the homeless, and it all sounds very familiar.


Yeah? The prison do work with the homeless, as in no-one gets released to a no fixed abode.. everyone gets released to an address be it their own property or a hostel or where ever but I didn't get involved in that side of things so I dont know how it all works.. I do know a lot of the homeless I dealt with would commit low level crimes in autumn to spend winter in prison and be released in time for spring/summer.. fair play in mg eyes, sod being homeless in this weather!
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby NT Hammer on Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:17 pm

Like you Paul I’m an ex screw . I did 7 years from 2007 .
You must of been in a Cat A to have that amount of officers for unlock . I was in a Cat B local we had 6 officers plus the SO for 130 prisoners on a 3 landings wing. On a more modern wing with Spur’s we had 2 officers to 50-60 cons on each spur
VEDS destroyed the service as you say the experience left leaving inexperienced youngsters out of there depth. I saw it going down the pan & left in 2014 . I got out at the right time all I heard from friends after leaving was how bad it was & such a shambles,

I read an article that said over the last approx 7 years the service had lost 71,000 years worth of experienced staff . Incredible but true staff left in droves people working where I used to work say it’s unrecognisable with about 75% off staff less than 2 years in . Where as when I joined I’d say 75% had over about 6-8 years in and about 30% probably 15 years plus

If it had stayed the same I’d have probably still be there as like you I saw horrendous **** stuff you have to see to be believed but it was also the best job I ever done I loved it & had such a laugh . A world impossible to explain to those who’ve never experienced it
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby CMNinja on Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:58 am

Closest I ever got was standing in a line up at the police station - may have got a tenner for it, can't remember.

I've never felt any urge to go to prison. Having read the experiences of those who have worked in them (thanks for sharing - really insightful and depressing), I never want to set foot in one in any capacity. Did a tour of Shepton Mallet prison which was very interesting - during WW2 the Krays, the crown jewels, and US military criminals were all kept there.
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:06 pm

NT Hammer wrote:Like you Paul I’m an ex screw . I did 7 years from 2007 .
You must of been in a Cat A to have that amount of officers for unlock . I was in a Cat B local we had 6 officers plus the SO for 130 prisoners on a 3 landings wing. On a more modern wing with Spur’s we had 2 officers to 50-60 cons on each spur


Nice to meet you NT, we started similar times mate, I was 2006-2016, did one year female and then 9 male.. We were a Cat B local like yourselves mate but based in South london, we used to be Cat A but lost it in 2001 so well before my time. We had initially 4 Houseblocks split into 3 spurs of 3 landings with a lock off on each spur, so just over 60 a spur. Initially we had 1 officer per landing per spur, 1 in the bubble, 1 GD and then a spare for exercise/visits etc, after VEDS this dwindled down to 1 officer per spur with all off HB duties being detailed to Sec and Recep. Not good and not safe as you can imagine.. In 2008 we had 2 more HBs added to give us a 1203 max lock up..


NT Hammer wrote:VEDS destroyed the service as you say the experience left leaving inexperienced youngsters out of there depth. I saw it going down the pan & left in 2014 . I got out at the right time all I heard from friends after leaving was how bad it was & such a shambles,

I read an article that said over the last approx 7 years the service had lost 71,000 years worth of experienced staff . Incredible but true staff left in droves people working where I used to work say it’s unrecognisable with about 75% off staff less than 2 years in . Where as when I joined I’d say 75% had over about 6-8 years in and about 30% probably 15 years plus


Really? I never heard that yearly figure but it really wouldn't surprise me if that amount of experience left, people were walking out with 60 odd grand in their pocket, they were laughing! I know a few SOs and CMs who spunked it all and came back pretty sheepishly.. I constantly hear about how the staff are completely different and how it's not the same anymore, officers getting SO at 20yrs of age and 8months on the landings.. it really ain't good enough..

NT Hammer wrote:If it had stayed the same I’d have probably still be there as like you I saw horrendous **** stuff you have to see to be believed but it was also the best job I ever done I loved it & had such a laugh . A world impossible to explain to those who’ve never experienced it


If it stayed the same I would definitely be back, I really do miss it.. like you said, you explain everything you see and go through from a suicide to wrapping someone up in a white suit in a dirty protest and people think your mad but there really is an appeal you just can't explain.. especially as I'm an Airport Security Officer now with no adrenaline rush and no excitement, I crave an argument now, something i never thought I'd do! I agree, it's the best job I've ever done and I just bore current colleagues with stories of time gone by.. I still say when I get closer to retirement I'll go back as a moany old OSG.. take care mate, Lock on, Bravo 7 out
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby mixture on Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:44 pm

NT Hammer wrote:Like you Paul I’m an ex screw...


So you left our prison system and moved to the NT. Jesus mate you must love a tough gig! Not sure where I'd feel safer!
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Dead Paul on Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:53 pm

CMNinja wrote:Closest I ever got was standing in a line up at the police station - may have got a tenner for it, can't remember.

I've never felt any urge to go to prison. Having read the experiences of those who have worked in them (thanks for sharing - really insightful and depressing), I never want to set foot in one in any capacity. Did a tour of Shepton Mallet prison which was very interesting - during WW2 the Krays, the crown jewels, and US military criminals were all kept there.


Hi mate, I've never had any urge to go to prison either but I have some solace in knowing that I'd know how to play the system :wink: if it isn't obvious, I love talking about it admit reminds me of the good/bad times so I'm always good to chat.. any ex cons here that are willing to chat about their experiences? Would be interesting to hear it from the other side..

Yeah, there are some really historic prisons around.. I worked a shift in Lewes which the last female was hanged in the UK or something? I worked a few shifts at Chelmsford where as im 6ft 7in, the old small victorian cell doorways took my head off! Some good shifts at Brixton and Wandsworth too.. The old victorian jails have a real aura, it's strange but bloody freaky on a night shift!
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Johnny Byrne's Boots on Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:17 pm

Isn't there a special circle of Hell reserved for police and prison officers who end up on the wrong side of the bars?

Or is that just in the films?
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Re: You Wanna Know How I Got These Bars

Postby Rocketron on Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:21 pm

CMNinja wrote:Closest I ever got was standing in a line up at the police station - may have got a tenner for it, can't remember.

I've never felt any urge to go to prison. Having read the experiences of those who have worked in them (thanks for sharing - really insightful and depressing), I never want to set foot in one in any capacity. Did a tour of Shepton Mallet prison which was very interesting - during WW2 the Krays, the crown jewels, and US military criminals were all kept there.

The Krays during WW2?
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