Valentines Day

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Valentines Day

Postby Monkeybubbles on Sun Feb 10, 2019 9:38 am

Any ideas?
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby DasNutNock on Sun Feb 10, 2019 9:48 am

£2 for a dozen roses at Aldi. That ought to get you a backstage pass :thup:
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby -DL- on Sun Feb 10, 2019 9:49 am

Don't do anything. Zilch.

Then when she says 'I was expecting you to surprise me' you can genuinely say, 'Well I've done absolutely **** all. That's surprised you hasn't it?'.

Then go to the fridge, farting whilst on the walk, grab a beer and flop on the sofa, fart again, scratch your balls and put man stuff on the telly.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby vietnammer on Sun Feb 10, 2019 10:00 am

Pile of b*llocks. Other half is a hard-headed woman but she does expect 'anniversary' type stuff with fluffy kitten cards and flowers. Dad gave me a right talking-to when I was about 16 and I bought a fuzzy card for my then girlfriend don't waste yer bleedin money on this crap and it stuck.

Money-making exercise. I get her flowers spontaneously throughout the year cos I know she likes them. You've either got a loving relationship or you haven't.

However, there will be flowers...
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby S-H on Sun Feb 10, 2019 10:19 am

I might shave my balls.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby Puff Daddy on Sun Feb 10, 2019 11:29 am

About the least romantic day of the year
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby vietnammer on Sun Feb 10, 2019 11:53 am

Puff Daddy wrote:About the least romantic day of the year


Cos it's such a ****ing charade. Yes.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:11 pm

Romance should be spontaneous - you shouldn't need to be romantic on certain days of the year , you should be good to your wife / partner every day .
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby ageing hammer on Sun Feb 10, 2019 3:45 pm

-DL- wrote:Don't do anything. Zilch.

Then when she says 'I was expecting you to surprise me' you can genuinely say, 'Well I've done absolutely **** all. That's surprised you hasn't it?'.

Then go to the fridge, farting whilst on the walk, grab a beer and flop on the sofa, fart again, scratch your balls and put man stuff on the telly.


They will be hanging on a nail in the shed at that stage :D
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby jevs on Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:02 pm

Poundland doing engagement rings for a quid. They've sold over 20,000 :lol:
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby -DL- on Sun Feb 10, 2019 7:03 pm

jevs wrote:Poundland doing engagement rings for a quid. They've sold over 20,000 :lol:


I proposed to my wife with a jelly ring out of a packet of Haribo.

She still has it.

(This is a true story and not one of my joke posts!)
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby Samba on Sun Feb 10, 2019 10:33 pm

S-H wrote:I might shave my balls.

It's not her birthday as well, is it?
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby claretandblue82 on Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:26 am

There's no such thing as love only tolerance.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby Whitters on Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:50 am

I'll be going to a 'Brexit Impact for Expats' Roadshow organised by the British Embassy in Lausanne, Switzerland.

Personally I'd be hard-pressed to think of a bigger passion-killer than that, but it's still preferable to paying over the odds for a forced-romance meal in a very average restaurant.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby Rio on Mon Feb 11, 2019 2:26 pm

I'm pushing the boat out.

Putting the missus in it first then pushing it as far out into the channel as possible
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby warp on Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:09 pm

bunch of desperate single ladies with low self esteem. better than christmas!
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby fjthegrey on Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:22 pm

warp wrote:bunch of desperate single ladies with low self esteem. better than christmas!

Correct.

Easiest day of the year to hook up on.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby Mega Ron on Mon Feb 11, 2019 6:11 pm

I'm out on the pull on Valentines. I have everything I need in the boot of the car. Duct tape, cable ties, a shovel, and some lye.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby bondsbootlaces on Mon Feb 11, 2019 6:15 pm

Mega Ron wrote:I'm out on the pull on Valentines. I have everything I need in the boot of the car. Duct tape, cable ties, a shovel, and some lye.

They do all seem to be frothing at the thought of Ted Bundy since the documentary came out, I reckon job's a gooden for you.
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Re: Valentines Day

Postby S-H on Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:02 pm

Mega Ron wrote:I'm out on the pull on Valentines. I have everything I need in the boot of the car. Duct tape, cable ties, a shovel, and some lye.


Are you taking requests?
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