My name is .... and I'm ....

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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Samba on Thu May 09, 2019 2:05 am

V-M wrote:I dunno mate, like I said in an earlier post we still have our friendship, if we reconcile and it all goes pear shaped again then there's a good chance that could go bad as well. Not really sure I want to risk that with a young un mixed up in all this.
Its tough, I just watched her drive off taking the two dogs with her as well as a car full of other crap. The lad is staying here tonight (and tomorrow) with me, he'll have his first night at her new gaff on Friday.
One good thing is Im finally free of the beast, not my wife but that werewolf hound of hers that I spoke about in a different post a few weeks ago.
Got to take some positive out of this...

It's great to hear the concern for your lad, V-M :thup:
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby S-H on Thu May 09, 2019 6:59 am

V-M wrote:
One good thing is Im finally free of the beast, not my wife but that werewolf hound of hers that I spoke about in a different post a few weeks ago.

Got to take some positive out of this...


Every cloud n all that.

Stay strong, and enjoy reclaiming the alpha male status of you're own home again.

:wink:
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby V-M on Thu May 09, 2019 9:57 pm

S-H wrote:
Every cloud n all that.

Stay strong, and enjoy reclaiming the alpha male status of you're own home again.

:wink:


I took my lad out for McDonalds last night whilst she was packing her stuff. I came home and saw no car, so thought it was safe to go inside.

Little did I know that she was planning 2 trips last night and had merely set of for the first run (without the beast). So when I opened the door I was met by this rabid werehound barking its b*llocks off at me, clearly in a foul mood thinking the missus had moved out without him.
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Joyeux Marteau on Thu May 09, 2019 11:04 pm

All the best to you V-M and just for you (from a previous comment) Bon chance mon ami!
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Samba on Fri May 10, 2019 2:37 am

V-M wrote:Little did I know that she was planning 2 trips last night and had merely set of for the first run (without the beast). So when I opened the door I was met by this rabid werehound barking its b*llocks off at me, clearly in a foul mood thinking the missus had moved out without him.

Attacked by her growler..
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby V-M on Fri May 10, 2019 5:38 am

Samba wrote:Attacked by her growler..


Image
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby V-M on Sun May 12, 2019 6:24 am

12 days dry. I am definitely starting to get to the point that Dan mentioned previously as in "one beer wont hurt".

I found myself in the Co-op yesterday browsing the alcohol free beers, but then it kind of hit me that it could be a slippery slope from there...I'm proud of what I've achieved so far but **** scared of slipping back into the same old habits, especially now I live alone and don't have anyone to kick me up the arse but myself!

The hardest part is dealing with the boredom (see GCRO's great post on page 2), especially in the evening. I don't watch a great deal of TV apart from sport so when there's nothing on it does get a bit tedious especially if I've been home all day. I am starting a new job in the next week or so which will help massively, any change at the moment is good as its breaking the link to the past and rebooting my life. I'm also going to redecorate the house which will keep me busy for a few months even though its not the most exciting thing to do!

I have no idea why Im telling you this Image , just woke up early with a head full of noise and needed to spit it out. Apologies.
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby S-H on Sun May 12, 2019 7:37 am

Keep going dude, you're doing great, fighting the battles in your head and winning!

:thup:
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby DasNutNock on Sun May 12, 2019 8:42 am

If you're struggling with boredom in the evenings, consider some local clubs (if you can). Martial Arts, running, footy etc. ought to keep you occupied.
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby White Goodman on Sun May 12, 2019 9:55 am

VM , firstly, well done on your 12 days dry. No mean feat.

If I can offer any advice (16 years sober and counting) then it is to heeds Dan's advice around complacency.

Even now I occasionally think, maybe just the one glass of cold wine on a hot Summer's day won't hurt.

Fortunately, I am in a position of having fallen off the wagon so many times with this strategy in the past that I know it's 100% untrue.

It will hurt and that one or two drinks in the pub on a Sunday, will end up in a pub in the City the following week most likely, having 9 or 10 more drinks "that won't hurt".

Then whilst I'll be hungover the next day, feeling like a ****, I"ll think, yeah but it's not too bad. I can deal with this.

After that, I'll probably be back on 2 or 3 bottles of wine in the evening at home in fairly short order, generally being an odious cock. Not aggressive but no pleasure to be around but I"ll have the thought "I'm managing this well"

After that and it truly is like clockwork for me, the massive depression and anxiety arrive at 2 weeks. I struggle with these two things anyway, so I used to just end up suicidal at this point, thinking that this would be the cycle forever.

Positively, it wasn't.

Things aren't brilliant right now but none of those issues are caused by alcohol and I think the key for you is that you've spotted alcohol for what it is.

You mention about feeling like a fraud. Alcohol is the fraud, a massive massive lie. Just look at the way it is marketed. Look at how cool it is to drink Haig Club Whisky (I bet this tastes like utter ****) , you can hang out with David Beckham in a Monaco nightclub drinking it . The reality is polishing off half a bottle of in your pants at home watching Netflix.

You're right to avoid the no alcohol stuff at this point. They've improved it over the years and some of them actually are quite close to the mark taste wise and I think that is likely to point you back in the wrong direction.

Might seem laughable to think of it as a gateway drug but 4 cans of 0.05% Heineken on a Sunday, can easily turn into Infinite Session IPA 0.5% the following week.

You'll think, yeah this is fine and physically you'll be right. Before you know it, you'll be on some of those 2% craft beers, thinking what a nice compromise they are and before you know it, you're back on the stronger stuff, with it in your head, for a while anyway, that you never had a problem in the first place (which is where your thinking around you being a fraud is dangerous)

I'm not an overly sentimental person mate but you are one of the first people I actually spoke to on this site back in 2007 and I'd hate to see this get the better of you :thup:

I don't think it will. Keep going and if you need a chat about it ever drop me a line, it's one thing I'm probably quite qualified to talk about, if nothing else.

If you are one of those people that like to see things grow over time, get yourself one of those Sober Counter apps. This wasn't an option when I stopped but mine has 5810 days on it now.

I used to write it down each morning at the time and found this method helped me until I broke the back of it. I can go for 6 months without even looking at it now and only ever look out of curiosity and to show my wife, who just laughs as my stopping drinking preceded us being together. She doesn't understand despite my stories of having fallen in front of a bus on Gracechurch St and smashing my face to pieces one time. One of many instances of dumbfuckery.

Don't bother with the pledging not to have a drink crap each day. Apologies to anyone that finds this AA approach useful.

Only my opinion but this type of " I will not drink today" promise to oneself makes being sober an utterly miserable experience from which you will never escape as you will never develop the right mindset to go forward and will see yourself as being deprived every single day.

Oh..... and if it helps , I am happy to kick you up the arse (as per your last post)
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby V-M on Sun May 12, 2019 7:01 pm

Thanks Whitey, its posts like these that make me realise I'm not alone in this battle and that with enough willpower it can be beaten. A lot of what you said rings very true, I realise that just a tiny slip is enough to undo all the hard work Ive put in over the last 12 days.

I had a game of golf today and it was the sort of weather that made the '19th' hole something to look forward too, finishing up the round and then sitting out on the club patio with a couple of cold ones sharing stories of how bad the golf was! Two of the lads I played with did have a beer but I managed to abstain and have a fruit oasis instead. It didnt stop me from wanting a beer but if I had then I would have come home and carried on drinking, thats the problem I have, I cant just have one and leave it.

I have a list of all the positives that not drinking has brought me so far and I tend to try and read it every day to give myself a mental boost. Its going to take some time and I dont know if I will ever be in a position where I can drink in moderation again.

Thanks again to everyone for the support, it means a lot.
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby White Goodman on Sun May 12, 2019 9:53 pm

V-M wrote:Thanks Whitey, its posts like these that make me realise I'm not alone in this battle and that with enough willpower it can be beaten. A lot of what you said rings very true, I realise that just a tiny slip is enough to undo all the hard work Ive put in over the last 12 days.

I had a game of golf today and it was the sort of weather that made the '19th' hole something to look forward too, finishing up the round and then sitting out on the club patio with a couple of cold ones sharing stories of how bad the golf was! Two of the lads I played with did have a beer but I managed to abstain and have a fruit oasis instead. It didnt stop me from wanting a beer but if I had then I would have come home and carried on drinking, thats the problem I have, I cant just have one and leave it.

I have a list of all the positives that not drinking has brought me so far and I tend to try and read it every day to give myself a mental boost. Its going to take some time and I dont know if I will ever be in a position where I can drink in moderation again.

Thanks again to everyone for the support, it means a lot.


:thup:
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Samba on Sun May 12, 2019 11:11 pm

White Goodman wrote:VM , firstly, well done on your 12 days dry. No mean feat.
Oh..... and if it helps , I am happy to kick you up the arse (as per your last post)

That was an outstanding post, WG.
In fact, all the advice on this thread has been excellent. So spot on.

I totally agree btw about 'the idea of drinking' being better than actually drinking.
I have never 'been a drinker' or had 'a drink problem' (perhaps I knew where it might go) but I like looking at alcohol (as well as sheds) for sale.
I have got bottles of beer & wine in the house that I will probably never drink but that I enjoyed buying!
How f*cking crazy is that?
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon May 13, 2019 1:49 pm

The thing with me is I always thought I ' deserved ' a drink after going to work - there was always that ' Reward Element ' there for me - but when you analyze it , it's just another excuse .

I liked drinking , I liked the way it made me feel , I was invincible - if only I could have stuck at 3 drinks I'd have been ok .
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby wivenhoetim on Mon May 13, 2019 2:12 pm

V-M, congrats on progress so far ! What I would say though, is don`t completely discount the 0% beer approach. I`m 30 months dry and couldnt have done it without them. Probably have half a dozen a week, and always a couple if out. Morreti and Peroni do really good brews these days, and whilst I can only speak from personal experience, I have never felt like going back to alcohol. To me its a no brainer, win win. Just worth noting there are different ways to skin a cat so to speak ! Anyway, as I said at the off, keep it up fella, the benefits and pleasures of not drinkinhg will become more and more apparent with every passing day . Enjoy your new life, cos thats what it will be. Cheers Tim...
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby The Old Man of Storr on Mon May 13, 2019 6:52 pm

White - Goodman - that was a pleasure to read , full of excellent advice especially that bit at the end about the AA Corporate Motto [ no , not Happy Motoring , the other AA ] - as you say , why remind yourself about the drink every day or every weekend , it's not part of your life any more so forget it .

A chap who worked for the same company as I did during my gardening days attends AA every Friday night , he's been doing that for as long as I've known him , 30 years - I asked him once what they got up to - ' Oh , we just stand up and tell each other what we've been up to ' - Hmmm , ok , whatever makes you happy - It wasn't for me .
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Samba on Mon May 13, 2019 10:00 pm

The Old Man of Storr wrote:A chap who worked for the same company as I did during my gardening days attends AA every Friday night , he's been doing that for as long as I've known him , 30 years - I asked him once what they got up to - ' Oh , we just stand up and tell each other what we've been up to ' ..

..and then go up the pub afterwards..
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby Clacton-ammer on Tue May 14, 2019 9:02 am

Well done VM, taking control :thup:

Whitey, superb :thup:
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby ironilunga on Tue May 14, 2019 9:56 am

V-M wrote:The hardest part is dealing with the boredom.


I am on a mission for the next 6 months. I wouldn't say my alcohol consumption is out of control but I do overindulge a couple of times a week and my diet is awful. As such I am totally out of shape and rather portly.

Now in my forties I have decided I am not going down without a fight. I could easily continue putting on the pounds as I head through my forties towards the abyss - But no, I am aiming to get a level of fitness and a body back that has alluded me for many many years!!

The next 6 months are going to be alcohol free and full of exercise as I reach my goal. I have a very specific reason for doing this that is an easy motivator for me. There is of course the added bonus that by the end of it all I will look the best I have looked in two decades! (I would put up before and after pictures but dont want to scare the locals :D )

Sorry if I have gone off topic a bit but I totally get the notion of needing to add something to your life once you subtract stuff like junk food or booze.

Continued best wishes!
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Re: My name is .... and I'm ....

Postby chelmsfordhammer91 on Tue May 14, 2019 10:11 am

Well done V-M, everyday is an achievement so keep going.

I used to drink most days, easily squeeze 3 pints in at lunch at work once or twice a week. Since having my daughter, my wife is more on top of me not drinking as much so in August last year I managed 6 weeks without a drink. I could have lasted longer but I just wanted to test if I was truly addicted and if I could cut it out if I wanted.

Although I drink now, it's much more in moderation. The usual 8-9+ cans on a Friday and Saturday night is now two or three on one of the two days.

I wouldn't bother with alcohol free wines/beers. For me,it would cause temptation as I know it isn't the real thing. An ice cold diet coke in the sun was a good substitute for me though.

It's my birthday on Thursday so I am planning on a few beers at lunch and a few more in the evening. Having a meal/drinks on Saturday but even now I am much more mindful of moderation.
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