What would our opening ceremony be like?

[Eric]

I think we should sacrifice Mark Lawrenson on a giant claret and blue alter..

Hung, drawn and quartered like the old days (Final scenes from Braveheart). I would like to wield the knife for that one.

[poplargeezer]

The olympic opening ceremony showed what it would be like if west ham were there - all those nhs beds being wheeled around the ground were past, present and future west ham players.

Maybe we could have some of our 'great crocks of all time' in the beds - such as Kieron Dyer, Alan Devonshire with Devonshire flu...

[Doc H Ball]

5 giant dildos will rise from under the pitch.

It will then feature a speech by Her Indoors and it will be one of the most nauseous ever given.

[Pulls up Trees]

A huge inflatable Eggert Magnusson waving a cheque book menacingly, with a squadron of flying Daves floating down with Claret & Blue umbrellas to fight him.

[vietnammer]

A huge inflatable Eggert Magnusson waving a cheque book menacingly

What a horrible image. People would run screaming from the stadium

[baritalia]

I know this thread is full of jokes but still - maybe preseason evening game versus one of European giants? Barcelona, Real, Milan, PSG, Bayern, you get the point. Affordable tickets (£5-10) so sell-out is guaranteed and maybe unveiling brand new, big signing.

I'm modest.

[bobbymooresbracelet]

giant blow up dolls dressed as Hammers heroes past and present
scantily clad birds waving huge dildos and other sexual paraphanalia
Gold a nd Sullivan parading round in chariots being drawn by twitchy and pardew
huge skeletal puppets of Greenwood and Lyall tut tutting about the style of football
an icf pitch invasion
an explosion of peanuts and toilet rolls
choruses of long lost terrace chants
oh and bubbles sang properly by east end folk

Roll on 2014.

[Willtelll]

Or just before the ceremony we find that Wigan have moved to East London because Martinez spoke sense to the Olympic Committee....

[sendô]

Whatever the visual representation is of thousands of fans going berserk at one fleeting moment of moderate success after years and years of abject mediocrity.

[LeeWHU88]

Blow it up and head single file back to the Boleyn Ground.

Muddy has my vote to be the organiser.

[warp]

losing 3 - 0 to bolton

[ageing hammer]

meh

[DoubleDave]

A f**k off Maiden concert

[1860OnceMoore]

Iron Maiden and the Cockney Rejects to play thats for sure

As long as that fat faggot George Michael stays away it will be ok

[eastsider]

No opening ceremony needed will just be fantastic to be in there!!!!!

[Napoleon Solo]

No opening ceremony needed will just be fantastic to be in there!!!!!

I couldn't agree more

[Iron-worx]

No opening ceremony needed will just be fantastic to be in there!!!!!

I reckon it will be a preseason friendly against big name opposition and the place will be packed to the rafters. I can't get my head around the fact that I've actually got a choice of ways to get there all of them easier than getting to the Boleyn.