Joke
Moderator: Gnome
- X-Hammer-X
- Posts: 230
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:51 pm
- Location: Essex http://www.youtube.com/group/whu
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Re: Joke
I went up to a tramp the other day, i said
Knock knock?
he said:
whos there?
I said;
I thought you was homeless
:lol:
Knock knock?
he said:
whos there?
I said;
I thought you was homeless
:lol:
- X-Hammer-X
- Posts: 230
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:51 pm
- Location: Essex http://www.youtube.com/group/whu
- Contact:
- X-Hammer-X
- Posts: 230
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:51 pm
- Location: Essex http://www.youtube.com/group/whu
- Contact:
Re: Joke
There's an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.
The Englishman says: " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!
The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank!"
With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"
The Englishman says: " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes!
The Scotsman says: "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank!"
With that the Irishman says: "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy!"
Re: Joke
A couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows , but he is so amazed that such an elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and
says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays
the doctor, then leaves.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,
but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married
and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and
I get £43 back from Bupa!
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows , but he is so amazed that such an elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse.'
He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and
says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays
the doctor, then leaves.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,
but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married
and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and
I get £43 back from Bupa!
Re: Joke
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting flies.”
“Oh. Killing any,” she asked.
“Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting flies.”
“Oh. Killing any,” she asked.
“Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”
- hammerfromtheeast
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:59 am
Re: Joke
http://album.apropo.ro/index.php?tree=1 ... 047&page=2" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
:lol: nothing much happens afterwards
:lol: nothing much happens afterwards
- JLCABA
- Posts: 2913
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- Location: Ooop Norf
- Has liked: 197 likes
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Re: Joke
A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, as he reaches for them, he hears, "Jesus is watching you." Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he sees a parrot.
"Who are you?" the burglar asks.
"Moses," the bird replied.
"Who the heck would name a bird Moses?" the man laughed.
"I dunno," Moses answered," I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
"Who are you?" the burglar asks.
"Moses," the bird replied.
"Who the heck would name a bird Moses?" the man laughed.
"I dunno," Moses answered," I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
- Welling
- Posts: 5446
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- Location: Living in the past, dying in the future.
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Re: Joke
Police in Scotland have arrested to two tramps, one for drinking battery acid and the other for eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off!
Old I know, but I like it :lol:
They charged one and let the other one off!
Old I know, but I like it :lol:
- paul.nicholas1990
- Posts: 1238
- Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 2:07 pm
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
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- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
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Re: Joke
[quote="paul.nicholas1990"]A man walks into a bar
OUCH!! :lol:[/quote
A bean pole walks into a bar in Liverpool.
Cr...ouch !
OUCH!! :lol:[/quote
A bean pole walks into a bar in Liverpool.
Cr...ouch !
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25477
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
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Re: Joke
A bean pole walks into a bar in Liverpool.
Cr...ouch ! [/quote][/quote]
hahahahahahaha quality mate[/quote]
Cheers Screech, remember where you heard it first
Cr...ouch ! [/quote][/quote]
hahahahahahaha quality mate[/quote]
Cheers Screech, remember where you heard it first
- BillUp
- Posts: 1230
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- Location: If God wanted us to play football in the clouds, he would have put grass there. Brian Clough.
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Re: Joke
A little old man totters into a chemist to buy Viagra, "can I have 6 tablets and can I have them cut into quarters". "I can cut them for you" said the chemist "but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection". "I am 96" said the old man. "I do not have much use for an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I dont keep pissing on my slippers".
- BillUp
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:35 pm
- Location: If God wanted us to play football in the clouds, he would have put grass there. Brian Clough.
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Re: Joke
English clubs have gone on red alert as US based Becks announces “I’m ready to up sticks”. Though it turns out he’s just talking about a planned night out with wife Victoria.
- BillUp
- Posts: 1230
- Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:35 pm
- Location: If God wanted us to play football in the clouds, he would have put grass there. Brian Clough.
- Has liked: 1 like
Re: Joke
Paddy pulls along side a lorry 'oi driver yer loosing yer load!' Driver shouts 'f*** off!' 5 miles further 'oi yer loosing yer load!' 'Iv'e told you f*** off!' Says driver. 5 miles further Paddy yells 'Im not joking yer loosing yer load!' Driver says 'will you go away you thick f*cker I'm gritting!'
- Up the Junction
- Thinks he owns the place
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Re: Joke
And on that note, we hereby consign the longest thread in KUMB history to the Hall Of Fame.