Joke

[Hammer Laffers]

[davids cross]

I'm going ice skating tonight, it is being filmed. I can't ice skate for sh*t. I am going to fall over many times. Said video of me on you tube will be placed on you tube.......


I am dreading it.

First of all your grammer is shocking JD, secondly wheres the video?

[Hammer Laffers]

I'm going ice skating tonight, it is being filmed. I can't ice skate for sh*t. I am going to fall over many times. Said video of me on you tube will be placed on you tube.......


I am dreading it.

First of all your grammer is shocking JD, secondly wheres the video?

No video, but there is a shocking picture of me clinging onto the side for dear life:

[img][img]http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q64/laffertyj1/n763705386_1799862_6168.jpg[/img][/img]

[Toulouse_Iron]

I'm going ice skating tonight, it is being filmed. I can't ice skate for sh*t. I am going to fall over many times. Said video of me on you tube will be placed on you tube.......


I am dreading it.

First of all your grammer is shocking JD, secondly wheres the video?

Pedantry from somebody who can't spell "Grammar".

[davids cross]

You big girl

my grammar

[Hammer Laffers]

[Houdini]

A woman goes to visit her Doctor, obviously embarassed and panicking.

"Now, now Mrs. Smith what seems to be the problem?" he asks.

"Well Doctor, I think I have 3 fannies"

The doctor is taken aback and says "I really don't think so Mrs. Smith, but if you strip from the waist down and get on the couch I will try to reassure you".

She does as instructed and lays patiently there wile the Doc examines her. After a short time the Doctor stands up, clearly in shock and walks to his medicine cabinet.

He returns with two bandaids and pronounces "Amazingly you're right, you do indeed have three vaginas but I can certainly help". He reaches down and places one bandaid on the left vagina and one on the right. "There that should do it Mrs. Smith".

She looks at the Doctor in bewilderment and says "Is that it, am I cured?"

The Doctor looks at her and says "No, but it will stop you getting f*cked left, right & centre".

[myladswill]

Uh? Need this explained (sorry!)

[hammerfromtheeast]

its a video

[myladswill]

Oh

cheers - will watch it when I get home (work pc doesn't play vids).

[hammer]

another one

[If only....]

James Collins standing still with his arm up in the air claiming yet another offside when the attacker is clearly onside and running through on goal.

What is his problem????

[Iron Mark]

James Collins standing still with his arm up in the air claiming yet another offside when the attacker is clearly onside and running through on goal.

What is his problem????

He's been watching Barthez

[Heysel76]

[/img]

There, did it for ya!

[hammer]

another one

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious.

However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.

He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."

[westhamnil]

Rafa Benitez has defended his squad rotation policy, explaining that it keeps the thieving scouse bastards guessing about who'll be home on matchdays.

[Bobby Orangeboom]

I wonder what part of Cuckoo Land NRC is actually from ???

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sp ... 591993.ece

NIGEL REO-COKER wants to break into the England squad under Fabio Capello.

The Italian takes charge in the New Year and has told everyone they have a fresh chance to impress.

And Aston Villa star Reo-Coker, who cost ฃ7.5million from West Ham in the summer, is desperate to gain full honours after captaining the Under-21 side.

He said: "My Christmas wish would have to be an England call-up.

"I would love to make my England debut and I would be very happy if I got that opportunity.

"I still do want to play for my country and I hope I don't get overlooked and people don't forget about me."

[Monkey Mike]

another one

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down.

After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.

He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."

Sid James, Carry on Abroad

[NXA]

:D

I wonder what part of Cuckoo Land NRC is actually from ???

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sp ... 591993.ece

NIGEL REO-COKER wants to break into the England squad under Fabio Capello.

The Italian takes charge in the New Year and has told everyone they have a fresh chance to impress.

And Aston Villa star Reo-Coker, who cost ฃ7.5million from West Ham in the summer, is desperate to gain full honours after captaining the Under-21 side.

He said: "My Christmas wish would have to be an England call-up.

"I would love to make my England debut and I would be very happy if I got that opportunity.

"I still do want to play for my country and I hope I don't get overlooked and people don't forget about me."

If he still believes in Santa why do you have to ruin it for him.

[fish]

NEWS JUST IN

Rafa Benitez has just defended his squad rotation policy, explaining that it keeps the burglars guessing who'll be at home on match days.