|An archive of Cockney Hammer's West Ham-related daily news digests.
do not know who it is mate
lol the cheque is in the post
Alex Ferguson has blasted Arsenal over his attempts to sign Robin van Persie.
Joe Allen will be a Kop idol after Liverpool triggered his release clause at Swansea.
Brendan Rodgers has told Manchester City: It will take silly money to land Daniel Agger.
Real Madrid are trying to offload Kaka to AC Milan before making a final attempt to land Luka Modric.
Blackburn have signed Colin Kazim-Richards for the season.
Swansea have agreed to take Israel striker Itay Shecter on a season-long loan from Kaiserslautern.
Aston Villa have offered a three-year deal to Simone Farina.
Steven Fletcher has handed in a transfer request at Wolves.
Manchester City claim they are being asked to pay a staggering £27million for Liverpool's Daniel Agger.
Newcastle owner Mike Ashley is in advanced talks to buy a 10 per cent stake of Scottish Third Division side Rangers.
Tal Ben Haim is close to reaching a deal with Portsmouth and signing for Hapoel Tel Aviv on a season-long loan.
Wigan were last night on the brink of accepting an £8.5million Chelsea offer for striker Victor Moses.
Napoli are in discussions to sign Chelsea's £8million-rated midfielder Raul Meireles, while Josh McEachran is a target for Bolton and Blackburn.
Manchester City have checked on Brazil striker and Spurs target Leandro Damiao, 23.
Werder Bremen are interested in City striker Roque Santa Cruz, while Wolfsburg are keen to re-sign Edin Dzeko and may offer Simon Kjaer, 23 as part of the deal.
Wolves have rejected Liverpool's bid of £500,000 for goalkeeper Dorus de Vries.
Trabzonspor have made an offer to Stoke target Michael Owen.
Tottenham want Partizan Belgrade midfielder Mohamed 'Medo' Kamara as Luka Modric's replacement.
Blackburn boss Steve Kean is set to seal a £6million deal for Huddersfield striker Jordan Rhodes.
Huddersfield are making a £3million double deal for Dundee United's Gary Mackay-Steven and Johnny Russell.
Paul Scharner has ended his spell in England by leaving West Brom for German giants Hamburg.
Liverpool want a staggering £25million plus Adam Johnson in exchange for Daniel Agger.
Wolves have refused to accept a transfer request from striker Steven Fletcher and will want at least £15million if he is to leave.
Rangers boss Ally McCoist is on the verge of making a long-term commitment to the Ibrox club.
Remember the start of 2005? Everything was better at the start of 2005. There was no such thing as Twitter. The Olympics hadn't been invented yet. My Family was still on television and the Greatest Britishest man in all of Great Britain, Piers 'Britain' Morgan, wasn't. And Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsène Wenger were openly at war, regularly engaging in verbal fisticuffs to the amusement of everyone but Daily Mail feature writers. See? Better.
Yet for much of the last seven years, an uneasy truce has existed between the pair. Boo! But now, with Manchester United and Robin van Persie all but having tied the knot, no more. Yay! Ferguson is furious over the lack of movement on Arsenal's part and has blasted the Gunners apparently. "It's difficult to know why they are operating in this way," he roared. "We've been trying our best but there's been no progress. You know we've made a bid but Arsenal have been trying to negotiate with other clubs. They are not giving anything away. I've not got a gut feeling about this one. We have not had any breakthrough."
It's almost as if Van Persie is still Arsenal's player and they can do whatever the hell they want.
Rumour has it that Wenger is reluctant to sell Van Persie to United and would rather he jetted off to Juventus. Which would not appear to be the most sensible destination at the moment. United have already made a whopping bid of 3p for Van Persie but Arsenal are looking for £20m and may add on an extra £5m charge if he heads to Old Trafford, just for yuks and giggles.
Manchester City are resigned to missing out on Van Persie and will console themselves by hijacking Tottenham's bid for Leandro Damião. Tottenham's sole striker remains Jermain Defoe, who they sold in 2008. Oh André! Tottenham manager Hank Scorpio's plans for world domination will take a further hit when Real Madrid – who want to offload Kaká to Milan – sign Luka Modric and James Bond disarms his giant laser. But it's not all bad news for Spurs: they've made an approach for Inter's goalkeeper, Julío César, it says here in Big Paper and will fill the Modric-sized hole with Partizan Belgrade's Mohamed Kamara. Because the Premier League can never have enough Kamaras. Or Camaras.
City are also after Roma's Daniele De Rossi. The Mill's got nothing funny to say about that. Or anything else, really. But especially not that. That would just be a really good signing. Well done, Manchester City. Well done. A tip of the hat to you. And a pat on the back, too, if you manage to sign Daniel Agger and give Adam Johnson to Liverpool in return, which would mean Liverpool have 3/11s of the Middlesbrough side that went down in 2009. If this isn't going to be their year, when is? Brendan Rodgers hopes to replace Agger with Atlético Madrid's Uruguayan defender Diego Godín. Meanwhile Liverpool still want Joe Allen. But Swansea want to keep him. So no change there, the teases.
Chelsea will sell Raul Merrellesh to Napoli for £8m and loan Josh McEachran to Blackburn or Bolton, before throwing £18m at Bayer Leverkusen for André Schürrle and battling City for Athletic Bilbao's Fernando Llorente. All these attackers, though. Couldn't Chelsea do with a couple of midfielders?
Michael Owen was recently caught complaining about having to pay 30p to use a toilet, so it's probably about time he found himself a new club. Luckily a big foreign club will come to the rescue. Barcelona? Real Madrid? Newco Rangers? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Trabzonspor.
Barcelona's new manager Tito Vilanova has refused to comment on the club's interest in Arsenal's Alex Song. "I prefer to not talk about players that are not part of the Barça team," he guffawed. "I think it is disrespectful." You hear, Xavi?
Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger will not sell Robin van Persie for less than £20m - and will demand a premium fee of more than £25m from Premier League rivals Manchester United.
Joe Allen is set to join Liverpool within the next 24 hours after the Reds triggered the £15million release clause in his Swansea contract.
Tottenham are keen on Partizan Belgrade midfielder Mohamed Kamara as they prepare to lose Luka Modric.
Manchester City have been asked to come up with a staggering £27million package to get their hands on Liverpool's Daniel Agger.
Paris Saint-Germain have confirmed the capture of Manchester United target Lucas Moura.
Sunderland's long-running attempts to sign Wolves striker Steven Fletcher were given a boost today when the player revealed he had handed in a transfer request.
Blackburn are set to seal a £6million deal for Huddersfield goal machine Jordan Rhodes – and clinch the signing with the size of his contract.
Swansea are closing in on Kaiserslautern striker Itay Shechter.
Liverpool did receive approaches from unnamed clubs about buying Luis Suarez this summer, boss Brendan Rodgers has confirmed.
Wait, there's Moura! Meet the NEXT batch of young South American stars currently getting Prem scouts in a lather
Transfer stories from other papers and websites
Manchester City are ready to hijack Tottenham's move for Brazil striker Leandro Damiao. (Daily Mail)
Chelsea are preparing an improved £20 million bid for Bayer Leverkusen forward Andre Schurrle as Roman Abramovich continues his recruitment drive for young talent. (Daily Mail)
Chelsea target: Germany's Andre Schurrle is on Roberto Di matteo's radar
Turkish club Trabzonspor have made an offer to sign free-agent Michael Owen. (Daily Mail)
Real Madrid are trying to offload flop Kaka to AC Milan before making a final attempt to capture Tottenham's Luka Modric. (The Sun)
Roma have given encouragement to Manchester City in their bid to sign long-term target Daniele De Rossi, after revealing they will listen to offers for the midfielder. (Daily Star)
Aston Villa have offered a three-year deal to Italian defender Simone Farina. The Serieb B Gubbio player exposed a match-fixing scandal when he reported a bent former team-mate to cops. (The Sun)
Napoli are in discussions to sign Chelsea's £8million-rated midfielder Raul Meireles, 29. And Midfielder Josh McEachran, 19, is a loan target for Blackburn and Bolton. (Daily Mail)
Tottenham have made an approach for Internazionale goalkeeper Julio Cesar, as they fear top taget Hugo Lloris will be too expensive. (Guardian)
Wolves have rejected Liverpool's bid of £500,000 for goalkeeper Dorus de Vries, 31. Wolves want £1million. (Daily Mail)
Liverpool are lining up a move for Atletico Madrid defender Diego Godin as a replacement for Manchester City target Daniel Agger. (Goal.com)
Michael Kightly has revealed his delight at securing an instant return to the Barclays Premier League with Stoke. (Daily Mail)
Athletic Bilbao striker Fernando Llorente has alerted both Manchester City and Chelsea after turning down a new contact at the club, and expressing his desire to leave. (Metro)
Barcelona coach Tito Vilanova has refused to comment on the Catalans' alleged interest in midfielder Alex Song, as he feels it would show a lack of respect towards Arsenal. "I prefer to not talk about players that are not part of the Barca team. I think it is disrespectful," he said. (Goal.co
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