The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My missus says I'm childish but I don't care.
She smells of poo and wee.
She smells of poo and wee.
Online
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Ma's out Pa's out let's talk rude
Pee po belly bum drawers
Out in the garden in the nude
Pee po belly bum drawers
Pee po belly bum drawers
Out in the garden in the nude
Pee po belly bum drawers
- Suffolk Iron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Ran out of Rizlas in the pub earlier.
Asked the Eastern European bloke standing next to me if he'd got any papers.
He was out the door in seconds.
Asked the Eastern European bloke standing next to me if he'd got any papers.
He was out the door in seconds.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
It's very hard to say what my Mrs does for a living. She sells sea shells on the sea shore.
- Chicken Run Supreme
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A man is out on the lash with his mate and gets into such a state he pukes up all over his suit.
" I can't go home like this, the missus will kill me, it's a brand new suit" he says to his mate.
"I've an idea" says his mate as he puts a £20 note in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. "When you get home, tell your wife a stranger threw up over you in the pub and gave you a score for the dry cleaning."
"Good idea" said the man.
So when he gets home and his wife sees the state of his suit, before she gets stuck into him he fronts up about the stranger who puked over him and gave him £20 for dry cleaning.
"So how comes there's £40 in your pocket?" the wife said.
"Oh yeah, that's another £20 from the man who shat in my pants"
" I can't go home like this, the missus will kill me, it's a brand new suit" he says to his mate.
"I've an idea" says his mate as he puts a £20 note in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. "When you get home, tell your wife a stranger threw up over you in the pub and gave you a score for the dry cleaning."
"Good idea" said the man.
So when he gets home and his wife sees the state of his suit, before she gets stuck into him he fronts up about the stranger who puked over him and gave him £20 for dry cleaning.
"So how comes there's £40 in your pocket?" the wife said.
"Oh yeah, that's another £20 from the man who shat in my pants"
- York Ham(mer)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Made the pancakes too thin..... shouldn't have to put up with this crepe.
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Tried to buy that new book about teaching yourself how to levitate today.
It was sold out, bloke said it was just flying off the shelf.
It was sold out, bloke said it was just flying off the shelf.
Last edited by ageing hammer on Fri Mar 03, 2017 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Saw a sign on the back of a suicide bombers van today, it read:
"Be aware people alighting"
"Be aware people alighting"
- -DL-
- Bag Man
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with only one leg.
It was a flop
It was a flop
- -DL-
- Bag Man
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My Doctor says that I'm really sick.
Well, that's the last time I'm lending him a porno.
Well, that's the last time I'm lending him a porno.
- rare as rockinghorse shat
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
AmazingBurningaham wrote:I just got a fright from a Chinese travel agent
ak-47 wrote:Shopping in town with my girlfriend we saw a group of sexy teenagers in miniskirts. "Cor!!" I chuckled. "I bet you wish you had legs like those!"
She didn't reply, but I could tell she was upset...... I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Debenhams.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Because it was a polar bear.
Because it was a polar bear.
- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A skeketon walks into a bar and says...
"Can I have a pint of lager and a mop?"
"Can I have a pint of lager and a mop?"
- jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Paddy...."i've been shagging these two twins"
Mick...."Really, how can you tell them apart?"
Paddy...."It's easy, Julie's got blonde hair and Derek has a moustache"
Mick...."Really, how can you tell them apart?"
Paddy...."It's easy, Julie's got blonde hair and Derek has a moustache"
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
i saw 6 men continually walking around a cemetery carrying a coffin and thought to myself ' theyve lost the plot '
- psychoscoredthelot
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- Sauce!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The wife came out of the bathroom this morning and walked into our bedroom without putting any clothes on. She said "Close the curtains, I dont want the neighbours seeing me naked".
I said "Don't worry, if they see you naked they'll close their own f*cking curtains"
I said "Don't worry, if they see you naked they'll close their own f*cking curtains"
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," my boss told me.
"Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
"Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I replied.
- psychoscoredthelot
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.
After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, somberly. "It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"
After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, somberly. "It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"